Tag Archives: Relationships

Race Matters: Columnist Says Black Churches And The Black Community Are Too Busy Criticizing African-American Men To Help Them…Do You Agree?

Posted on June 10, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Columnist Says Black Churches Criticize Black Men Too Much Is the African-American community contributing largely to the increasingly negative perception that society has of black men? Marcia Dixon of The Voice Online says yes……and she also says it needs to stop. via The Voice Online We live in a society where it seems to be OK to poke fun at and publicly deride men. Whether it’s because they are unfaithful in their relationships, commit domestic violence, don’t look after their children, aren’t able to multi-task, aren’t emotional, are aggressive, OR more prone to commit acts of crime. The list could go on. But surely the criticisms levelled at men, even within the church, is only half the story. Shouldn’t we stop and think about the impact all this negativity is having on the young boys in our midst? Not all men are badly behaved. Too many of the discussions we have in the black community about gender issues focus on the inadequacy of men. Isn’t it time for the negative rhetoric to stop and look at new ways to move forward – together? Marcia goes on to point out that there are both positive and negative examples of black men in the African-American community, those that aren’t handling their responsibilities tend to get much of the focus, which sets a poor example for young black men to follow. She also alludes to the fact that those who are doing what they are supposed to often go unnoticed by the very institution that should be uplifting them: the church. Some of our communities have imploded on themselves and become no-go areas when men have absconded on their duties. Women are left to fend for themselves and their children. Communities where men are absent become breeding grounds for gang leaders and criminals to train up the next generation in negative behaviour. And many young men themselves are bemoaning the absence of their father, or a father figure in their life, with some attributing the lack of a strong male presence in their life as the reason why they descended into crime and anti-social behaviour. Seeing as churches are perceived as the key institutions within the black community, they should be at the forefront (which some are) of bigging up men, and using the platform they have to promote the many good men that we have in our community. Not every man is absconding on his marital and parental duties. The black community is filled with lots of men who have integrity, are responsible, successful in their careers and utilising their talents in a God-honouring way. Plus there are the guys, who were, as described by the Bible, ‘on the path that leads to destruction’, but with either the help of God, the church, role models or their own personal discipline, have turned their lives around and are now exemplary role models. These are the guys are community needs to be focus on. So, what say you Bossip fam? Are we as black people getting in our own way when it comes to the downfall of our men? Or is the rest of society just as much to blame for the increasingly negative depiction of black men?

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Race Matters: Columnist Says Black Churches And The Black Community Are Too Busy Criticizing African-American Men To Help Them…Do You Agree?

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Play Time: 9 Celebrity Couples In Open Relationships

Posted on May 29, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Celebrities In Open Relationships The say that sharing is caring. But you have to draw the line somewhere, right? Apparently these couples don’t have any line drawn. They’ll share each other with other people! That’s clearly a rich people thing because we don’t understand that at all. But whatever floats their boats. Take a look at these couples who are in open relationships. Would you do it? Continue reading →

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Beyonce Apologizes for Canceled Concert, Is "Feeling Much Better"

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Is  Beyonce pregnant  with baby number-two? That question and rumor grew in pertinence this week after the singer canceled a show in Belgium due to exhaustion. But the superstar took to Facebook this morning and made no mention of a sibling for Blue Ivy, simply apologizing instead to fans and assuring them the Mrs. Carter Show was still very much on going forward. “To my dearest fans in Antwerp. I’ve never postponed a show in my life. It was very hard for me. I promise I will make it up very son. I’m sorry if I disappointed you,” Beyonce wrote, adding: “Thank you for your concern. I’m feeling much better now, and I’m ready to give you a great show. See you tonight. All my love, Beyonce.”   Insiders close to Beyonce continue to insist she is NOT expecting. But we’ll believe it when we don’t see it.

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Taylor Swift on New Girl: Take Me Away, Schivrang!

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

So this is why her relationships never work out. Taylor Swift has been pining for Schivrang all these years! The singer popped up (literally!) on last night’s New Girl Season 2 finale, portraying a young woman named Elaine who is the one true love of CeCe’s near-husband, telling him during a hilarious cameo: “I’m so lonely that I just lie awake at night and write about you in my journal and I paint pictures of you on my easel.” Safe to assume this tiny role was written with Swift in mind, huh? Watch and laugh now: Taylor Swift New Girl Clip

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Taylor Swift on New Girl: Take Me Away, Schivrang!

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Works Nights, Sleeps All Day & I’ve Been In Contact With An Ex & Think I Want An Open Relationship

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , I am almost 26-years old and have been married to my husband for 5 years. He works night shifts and we hardly do anything together because he’s sleeping during the day because of his work schedule. We have a 3-year old together. Lately, I was having dreams of an ex from years ago. He was my first real boyfriend at age 18. I felt like I really missed him so I contacted him, and we text and talk daily. I miss what we had. I was thinking of an open relationship, but don’t know how to tell my husband. I am so confused. Can you guide me the right way and what do you think I should do? – Confused Woman Dear Ms. Confused Woman , So, let me make sure I’m hearing you correctly: You want to approach your husband and tell him that you want an open relationship because you miss what you had with an ex-boyfriend from when you were 18 years old. Yeah, you do that. I’ll wait on the next letter from you, that’s if you’ll be able to write from your coma. SMDH! Chile, here we go! I swear you folks will displace your emotions and feelings and blame the other person for what they are not doing, and you are a huge contributing factor of what’s the problem in your marriage. You won’t express yourselves, be honest, or truthful with your mates, and you don’t know how to express what you want, need, and desire. You don’t know how to use your words properly. You only create arguments, and when you’re not being heard, you do what you’re doing and that is seek out the attention of another because, “They understand me. They get me.” GROW THE DAMN HELL UP! In reality what is really going on is that you’re missing your husband’s affection and attention. You’re missing the intimacy with your husband because he works nights and is tired when he comes home and sleeps during the day. Therefore, because you won’t express to your husband what you’re feeling, and how it makes you feel undesirable, unwanted, and unloved, you’ve reached out to an ex-boyfriend to fulfill these desires. Instead of going to your husband to fulfill your desires and needs, you want to ask him for an open relationship so you can get what you want. Does that make any logical sense to you? Really? Does it? You’re trying to reenact a relationship from when you were 18-years old. Ma’am, you’re 26-years old, and you’re still thinking about a relationship you had when you were 18-years old. Therein lies the problem. You’re trying to recapture the past to make it your present. Eight years have gone by, yet, you’re still living in the past attempting to make it your present day reality. Sweetie, you’re married with a 3-year old child. Is it worth it to bring in another man into your marriage? Is it worth it to destroy your marriage, unravel what you’re building, and dismantle your family because you want an affair? All because you want intimacy, desire, and to feel loved, wanted, and needed. Wouldn’t it make more sense to go to your husband and say, “Honey, I know you work nights. I appreciate all that you do for our family. You work hard. You go above and beyond to make sure that we won’t go without. You care for us. You take good care of your child. You’re a real man and that is why I married you. However, I want to share with you that lately I’ve been feeling unwanted. I’ve been feeling unneeded, and undesirable. I need some intimate time with you. I want to spend some quality time with you as a family, and feel your presence. I know you’re tired when you get home, but is it possible that you can make an effort to consider my needs, my wants, and my desires. I want to make you feel like a man, and you want you to make me feel like a woman. Can we work on that as a team?” Now, I’m sure your husband would respond positively and would make an effort. But, you’ve got to work together. Hell, the man works nights. He’s tired when he comes home and you’re up and going a hundred miles an hour because you’ve slept and rested your body. He hasn’t had the time to rest and heal his body from an 8 or 12 hour shift. So, work together. Instead of being so dramatic and selfish, and wanting to ask for an open relationship, don’t be surprised if he responds negatively, and splits your damn wig! How about you stop communicating with your ex. You’re a married woman. You have a family. Focus on your family, and building what you’ve signed on for. End the communication and contact before it goes too far and you there is no coming back. You’ll find yourself losing everything – your child, and your husband. So, don’t fall back into your trifling, nasty, and hoe-ish ways. I’m not saying you are, but what you’re describing sounds like it. Communicate openly and honestly with your husband about your needs, desires, and wants.  I’m sure you can resolve what you really want and get what you both need. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!          Continue reading →

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Dear Bossip: My Man Had A Baby On Me With A Woman Who Is 40 & He’s 25!

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , So, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We both work and go to school, and try our best to take care of our children. But, the man I thought he was has completely took a turn. Last year, June 3, 2012, I found out he had a baby on me. I am 24-years old and he is 25-years old. The other woman is 40-years old, and after getting the complete details of their relationship it was all fun and games. And, it’s a shame because neither one had enough respect for themselves to use protection, but now they have a child that has to go through loops and holes because of their dumb behinds. I also found out that he has had several affairs with other woman. I was 6 month pregnant when I found out and it put me through a lot of stress, and actually so much stress that I delivered a month earlier. I love him and my girls love him, but I am still not over the whole situation and don’t know what to do. I still cry. I still hurt. I try talking to him but it gets nowhere. He says that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but in my head three kids and then no relationship, all my children are with him, and we love him dearly. He has this other side that is sneaky and he doesn’t care many times it seems. I’m tired and have drained myself a lot with all that he has put me through. I just want to let go because it’s like he is not trying to change or work anything out. I told him that he and his other baby mom do not have to be friends to take care of that child, and I don’t want him in her house or riding around with her. They are not allowed to do anything together because they are not a family, but it drives me crazy because I know he has to converse with her because of the little girl. But, I’m just used to it being me and mine not some whore behind ole lady looking for a young check. Let’s make it clear that she has 9 children with 9 different men. She collects child support checks for a few of them $400-$500 for each, and now she gets $400 from him. She says she doesn’t care for him, but still causes us problems. I just can’t keep tabs on him. I don’t have the energy and time to waste especially if he already knows. I asked myself a thousand times what did I do for him to go out and cheat multiple times with multiple women. I cook. I clean. I take care of the kids. I work. I’m in college. I make sure home is taking care of. We have sex on the regular, and it is great on both parts. You don’t find many young women like me and I feel like he has walked over me. I don’t trust him with her, but I know nothing that goes on with him because he keeps everything in his phone which I’m not even allowed to touch. And, the baby mom is so desperate she will lie for him. I just don’t know, but I’m lost in love and hurt. It’s caused me so much pain. What do I do? I see that you are a very honest person and straight forward and that’s what’s best for me. – Where Do I Go Dear Ms. Where Do I Go , Ma’am, you can cook, clean, take care of the kids, work, go to school, own your own business, run the world, and make love to him every day. But, you cannot make a boy into a man! I’m sorry, but you women taking on the roles of surrogate mothers to these little a** boys, only keeps them in the role of little a** boys. They have not been taught how to be men, or how to act as men and be responsible. So, all you’re doing is becoming a second mother to them, weaning them on your tit, babying them, running after them, scolding them, chastising them, and hoping they will get it together. Sounds familiar? He’s a dog. He’s a cheater. He’s a whore. He’s a liar. He’s a deceiver. These are things you must tell yourself the truth about him. When you see the truth, speak the truth, then you can handle the truth accordingly. It’s important to not be in denial, or tell yourself something that isn’t the reality. Yes, he may have been good to you at one point, and a great father to his children, but how he is treating you and his children with what he is doing, and how he’s going about it only sets you up for doom. And, his children only see their father as a cheater, and a man who stepped out on their mother. So, what lessons will they learn? I swear you folks don’t think about the children in these instances, and the selflessness of your ignorance. And, I get it, you’ve been with your man for six years and have children together. I get it. You’ve invested in him, believed him, and hoped you would build a life with him. Chile, you only get one pity party with me, and then I’m turning on the lights and putting folks out! I’m not going to sit around and boo hoo and weep. No ma’am. Not over a man! Especially a man who’s told you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Uhm, sweetie, as hard as that is to hear, and as hard it is to walk away from someone you’ve given your time, energy, body, and soul to, you’re going to have to muster the strength to walk away and let him go! Stop holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be held! Stop trying to make someone be with you who doesn’t want to be with you! And, if someone wants to walk out of your life, please, please, please give them their luggage, and let them walk out! You say you’re tired. You say that you’re drained. You say that you don’t have the energy to run after him, make him do right, or be the man you want him to be. Then stop. Stop trying to make him the man YOU want. Stop running behind him. Stop giving him your energy, time, or body, and you will replenish yourself. Focus all that energy on yourself and your children. Focus on bringing you and your kid’s joy and happiness. If you keep waiting on him you will wear yourself out, and you will become bitter, angry, and depressed. And, you’re already on the brink because your letter is wreaking of the symptoms. You’re writing bashing him and the other woman. Well, the other woman has nothing to do with this. You don’t know what your man told her. He probably lied to her and didn’t tell her he was in a relationship. They both chose not to use condoms. But, your man knew better. He stepped out his relationship with you. He is the culprit. So, going after her is not going to solve your problems. Get over it, and her! And, as a matter of fact, she is going to be involved in his life for the next 18 years, and collecting a check. So, she is the smart one. You’re the one trying to turn a hoe into a husband! SMDH! Girl, you better get a grip and start collecting the other remaining half of his checks before he gets another woman pregnant and she takes the other half. So, baby girl, you’re going to have devise an exit plan, and it starts today. Today you let him go, and you tell yourself that it’s not worth it to have a boy who is not a man. Why would you want to be in a relationship with a little boy who is still playing games and looking for his momma? You’re not a surrogate, and you didn’t sign up to play one. Since he won’t let you touch his phone, and  he doesn’t want you to know what he’s doing, where’s he been, and, he’s sleeping with other women, yet, he is still living with you, then you take his a** to court and apply for child support. Handle your business accordingly, as he is apparently handling his. Then, put him out. Let him go live with his momma, or his other baby momma. But, you cannot take care of him while he is running the streets. Put an end to that –ish today! You are not responsible for raising someone else’s child. And, if you keep running after him, trying to get him to commit to you, and make him do what you want him to do, then you are trying to raise another child. STOP IT! Work on you. Love you enough to walk away. Love your children enough to walk away. Find a spiritual family, or a church to join, and replenish your soul. It’s time to let yourself be nourished in goodness, joy, happiness, and peace. Give to yourself, and you will eventually move on from him. It will take time, but once you do you will look back and wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place.  TRUST ME! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            Continue reading →

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Dear Bossip: After Three Years Of Marriage I Think I Married Mr. Wrong

Posted on April 22, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have been married for three years. We are both in our late 20’s and are having the worst problems. When we first married I lost my father, and my husband was semi there for me. But, there were warning signs of him not being the one. He would drink every weekend so much that he wouldn’t come home the next day and never could tell me where he was. Women showed up at our door saying they slept with him, but I was so grief stricken I believed him and not them. I felt if we got married things would change between us. NOT! Things got worst. He would party every weekend, not come home, and I would find text messages and phone calls in the early mornings to other women. I left him for about two weeks during our year and half of marriage. He changed a little. But, it was also going into wintertime so of course he wanted to stay home. For these past three years of our marriage he has been in and out of jobs. So, I have had the only income. Yes, he cooked and worked around the house, but all that stopped this past year. His father passed away unexpectedly. It was like my husband’s life was turned upside down. He was raised by his father from ages 11-18. They were extremely close. Now, my husband has been left with all this money from insurance and acts like he could care less about me or this marriage. He says he has other things to worry about. I have been finding him texting other women, confirmed he has met up with a few of them. But, I have no confirmation he has slept with any of them. He says it’s due to my mouth, and if I would stop talking so much he would be around more. Yes, I have a mouth sharper than a razor. My tongue can cut through knives. But, I only lash out because I am hurt. I am hurt from the physical abuse, the cheating, the lying, and the emotional abuse. I know he has a lot of issues. And, I have always been known to want to save the world. I know he can be the man I need him to be. He has potential and I can see it in him. But, he said he will never change. This is who he was when I married him. I want to help him, I love him. I think I just don’t want to give up on the marriage since I am so young. And, maybe if he seeks counseling maybe he can change for the better. What do I do? – In love with Mr. Wrong Dear Ms. In Love With Mr. Wrong , Chile, I truly don’t get you people. Why are you all so against marriage counseling prior to getting married, and even after? Don’t they still offer those classes and sessions for couples who are considering walking down the aisle? Isn’t it still possible for folks to meet with their pastors and get some spiritual and marriage counseling so couples can see if they are the right match, and any issues or concerns can be resolved before marrying? Honey, y’all will meet someone one week, and by next week you’re planning the marriage. You don’t know anything about each other except that the sex is off the chain. And, all of a sudden you’re in love and can see yourself spending the rest of your life with them. Get the freak out here with that bull-ish!!! And, some of you women around here with this “savior complex,” and want to save the damn world need a damn reality check. The hell! You’re not superwoman. You’re not even supergirl. You want to save someone else’s life, but your life is a horrid mess. The hell you look like trying to help someone else when you need some damn help yourself? If you’re spiritually, mentally, and emotionally broken then how the hell can you be of some assistance and help to someone else? How about saving your own damn selves, and working on you and your low self-esteem. Peep the video, “Worry About Yourself!” Please take heed and follow the instructions of this little girl. She’s got more sense than some of you grown a** women! Here’s the sad part: You’re trying to build him into the man you want him to be. Well, what about the man he already is, and the man HE wants to be? Have you thought about what he wants and who he wants to become? And, then you sit your simple self up here and say, “He has potential and I can see it in him.” Uhm, sweetie, I’ve said this a thousand times, STOP DATING THE POTENTIAL IN PEOPLE. You women get so caught up in the potential of a man, and who you see him becoming, but if that is not his vision, or idea, or dream, or desire, then he will never be your potential, or the man you want him to be. STOP IT! Who he is today, he will be tomorrow. It’s as simple as that. And, if you have proof that your husband is cheating on you with other women, either texting, staying out late, and random women showing up at your door claiming they slept with him, then why are you sitting your dumba** over there waiting for some actual physical proof? Leave his a**!!! In the three years you’ve been together your husband has consistently been seeking out other women, texting and having relations, and he has been physically, mentally, and verbally abusive, then in what year do you think he will change, ma’am? If his behavior has been consistent for three years then I want you to take a look at your marriage and your husband and you tell me what is consistent about him? Because I see it. Chile, you better change your mantra from “Change we can believe in,” to “Change made me leave!” I’m a firm believer that some folks don’t belong together. Yes, you can love someone, but you don’t have to be with them to love them. You can love someone from a distance and maintain your sanity and health. Some people do more harm when they are with you, than apart. Look, your marriage is poisonous. You both are hurting one another and going on these vicious attacks to get one over on the other person. Hurt people hurt people. And, it’s clear that you’re both hurting. And, you don’t know how to resolve the issues and problems other than attack one another because you don’t see one another as your partner, or spouse, but as some random person who is out to personally attack and destroy you. You are his wife, and he is your husband. If you and he are serious about saving your marriage, then explore a professional licensed marriage counselor. You both have some unresolved issues and a counselor, or therapist, can help you address them. If he is unwilling, and he continues with his behavior, which to me shows his lack of respect, and love for you, then you should explore divorcing him. He clearly is, and does not take into consideration your feelings, and emotions. And, if he’s particularly physically and verbally abusive, then definitely leave his a**! No one should put up with a spouse who calls them out of their name and puts their hands on them. Be the change you want and deserve. Stop waiting on him to change. You teach people how to treat you, and if someone continues to berate and demean you, then you taught them how to treat you. And, both you and I know that you don’t deserve to be treated any ole’ kind of way. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!         

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Dear Bossip: After Three Years Of Marriage I Think I Married Mr. Wrong

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We Got This: An Inside Look At Barry-O And Chelly-O Handling Business, Serving The People, And Loving Each Other [Photos]

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Sweet Black Love & Politics, now THAT would be a helluva reality show. A Look At The Daily Lives Of Barack And Michelle Obama Sure the Camel and Lord Beysus Christ are a major power couple, but there is only one husband and wife that runs the world, President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama . The POTUS and the FLOTUS have a lot on their plate from day-to-day. Meetings, appearances, interviews, raising family, and oh yeah, protecting the interests and growth of the United States of America. It’s not an easy gig, but these too make it look like a lot of fun! Hit the flip to see the Barry and Chelly work the crowd. Image via The White House

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We Got This: An Inside Look At Barry-O And Chelly-O Handling Business, Serving The People, And Loving Each Other [Photos]

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How To Get Your Woman In The Smashing Mood – Gentlemen Uncensored (1.02) [Video]

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

The ‘Gentlemen Uncensored’ crew gives you tips on how to power up your woman in the bedroom. Take notes, fellas.

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How To Get Your Woman In The Smashing Mood – Gentlemen Uncensored (1.02) [Video]

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Dear Bossip: He Tells Me I Have Nothing To Worry About, But I Constantly See Him Contacting Women New And Old

Posted on February 25, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 8 months. We have been knowing one another for 3 years and just made it official 8 months ago. In the beginning I was aware that he had female friends but did not know the extent of their relationships because we were just friends. I live with him along with my 6 year old son. Just last year, he asked me to take a break from my job to finish school and to just relax until I found a better job. I did so and he pays all the bills and told me to manage all the money that he was bringing home. He showers me with the best of everything from clothes, our house and our cars. He’s always telling me he loves me and all the things I want to hear. From time to time before our relationship I would notice different women he would keep in contact with. I disregarded since we were not a couple. Now that we are in a relationship, there are still women, perhaps more. I’ve seen text messages asking other women for sex and when he goes to the club, a new number appears. He texts all through the night and day. I recently saw a text to a woman that he was planning to have lunch with. He took her out for lunch and at the same time he is calling me telling me that he is out running errands (How I know this? I checked the bank account and the times). I have confronted him about all these situations and he tells me that I am paranoid and not trusting him. He keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about. I constantly see him contacting women new and old all the time. I have come from broken relationships from my past, but I’m afraid that I am overreacting again. I want to trust him but I know that he is being dishonest with me. Please help with whatever advice!!! – Confused About His Actions Dear Ms. Confused About His Actions , There are angry birds, wretched birds, dumb birds, silly birds, tricking birds, and stupid birds. You’ve created a new breed of what I’ll like to call retarded bird. UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! (Looks up to the sky with hands stretched upward). I don’t get it. I truly don’t understand some of you women. –Ish will be staring you right in the face, and you’ll still be in denial like, “That’s not bull-ish on my face. I don’t smell –ish.” You’ve seen the text messages of him asking other women for sex. When he goes to the club a new number appears in his phone. He texts all through the night and day. And, you recently saw a text to a woman that he was planning to have lunch with. And, while he’s at lunch with her he calls and tells you that he is running errands. But, you know it’s a lie because you’ve checked the bank account and the times. I’m sorry, but for the love of sweet baby Jesus, what more do you need? What more proof do you need that he is cheating, lying, and deceiving you? Chile, I bet you’re one of those women that will actually catch him in the bed with another woman and he will tell you that she means nothing to him. He doesn’t love her. He loves you. And, he wasn’t making love to her like he does to you, but that he was f***ing her, and that it was his first and last time. You take him back and move on as if nothing ever happened because you believe the lies. You believe his bull-ish because it’s not on your face and it doesn’t smell like bull-ish. SMDH! There is a stadium that I want you take several seats up in the nose bleed section and just sit there by your damn self! I want to know why are you all of a sudden confused? Why are you acting brand new about his behavior? You’ve put up with it even before you started dating. You knew about the other women, but you said nothing. You didn’t bother to question him about the extent of his relationships with other women, and yet, you still opted to get into a relationship with him with this lingering important detail hanging in the balance. Why? Why be with a man whom is doing the same with you that he does with every woman, “showering them with affection, attention, and telling them what they want to hear.” Oh, sweetie, I peeped his game, and unfortunately you missed all the clues. You’re so dumb d**k crazy that you failed to put the obvious clues together. Pay attention to this statement that you wrote, “He’s always telling me he loves me and all the things I want to hear.” The operative statement is, “all the things I want to hear.” He’s telling you what you want to hear because he’s good at what he does. He’s good at being a player. He’s good at making women feel good and special. He’s good at playing games, and this ultimately what it is to him, a game. His ego and his manhood are attached to how many women he can approach with his smooth lines, and player skills. His ego and manhood are attached to how many women will fall to his seductive ways, and finally bed them. He’s keeping a game tally going of how long can I keep these women open, and how many of them can I manage at the same time. You’ve been duped. Well, you haven’t been duped, you’ve just been played. And, you fell for it because you wanted a man. And, a man is what you got. You didn’t require much from the relationship because if you did then you I don’t know any woman who would not have asked about the other women he’s been keeping in contact with. I don’t know any woman who would have overlooked the important details of the extent of his relationships with other woman without questioning, getting to the bottom of those relationships, and ultimately having him end all of those relationships. But, you didn’t do that because you were more content on just having a man, and living with a man, instead of having a relationship. So, until you decide you want and need a relationship, then all you will ever get is a man who will not consider you his woman, or his girlfriend. While you’re thinking you’re in a monogamous relationship, he’s single and dating you and every other woman. And, though you may try to change the dynamics of this relationship, keep in mind that it’s not going to happen. He’s a player. He’s a hoe. He is interested in being a one woman man. You’ve allowed him to play and dabble all over town with all these various women, and you have kept quiet so long as he kept you happy and told you what you wanted to hear. So, your choice is either to leave, or you can stay and let him do him, and you do you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!     

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Dear Bossip: He Tells Me I Have Nothing To Worry About, But I Constantly See Him Contacting Women New And Old

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