Tag Archives: Relationships

Dear Bossip: He Won’t Spend $5 On Me Because He Smokes Every Day & Can’t Maintain A Job & I’m Pregnant

Posted on February 22, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and I am pregnant. We connected instantly and love each other a lot. We are both happy about the baby and spending our lives together just sounds amazing. My issue is that he smokes weed every day. He has done so for about 4 years and says he “wants to quit.” Let me inform you that this “man” cannot hold a job due to failing drug tests. We have yet to go on a first date because he “never has money.” He has anger issues and is rarely positive. He had a job for about a week then got fired because his drug test came back tampered with. He says he wants a job but can’t quit the weed. It is so bad that one day me, him, his friend, and his friend’s girl went riding around. His friend saw a guy selling roses on the street and got his girlfriend one. I said, “awww,” hoping he would do the same. Nope, he instead says, “Man, why would you do that? You make me look bad. You know this is my re-up money for weed.” So, apparently $5 is too much to spend on me. He never has money for me, but always has money for weed. I want to go to movies and out to eat, just basic romance. Romance doesn’t exist here! I fear the weed is making his anger worse. Our arguments don’t seem like arguments they seem like him telling me what I am doing “wrong” and his harsh words make me cry. I am starting to think that I decided to have a child with the wrong guy and I don’t know what to do. He is incredibly selfish and I think I am figuring this out when it’s too late. We’re about to have a child and I don’t want him to pick weed over my child because that is just ridiculous and I hope he has more sense. I need some advice please. – In Love With A Weed Head Dear Ms. In Love With A Weed Head , You’ve been dating a man for 9 months, and you’re already pregnant!?! Sigh! Here we go with this backwards asinine bull-ish, yet, again! Ladies and gentlemen, and all you tax payers out there this is where and what your money benefits. This is the support that you contribute to each year to help pay for. Ms. Honey, you barely know this man, and you’re up here talking about y’all are so in love. In the beginning of your letter you’re saying how you both are excited about the baby, and how spending your lives together sounds amazing. Bwahahahahahahaha! Uhm, sweetie, notice that by  the end of your letter you’re expressing regret that you’ve decided to have a child with the wrong guy, and you don’t know what to do. He’s selfish and your arguments are of him telling you what you did wrong and his harsh words make you cry. Now, I may not be a rocket scientist, but, err, uhm, I do know this — if in one letter, you go from being in love and excited about having a baby to regret over your decision and the uncertainty of your future together, then by my math and calculations you’re not as happy as you say you are, and you’re hoping things will turn around, but you know they won’t, therefore, you’re considering if going through with this entire relationship will end up with you being another statistic as a BABY MOMMA TO A NO-GOOD TRIFLING ABSENTEE FATHER. And, my answer is, yes, you’re correct in your assumption. Now, let me see if I can get this short yellow bus to pick you up and bring you to my school, The Women’s Academy For Transformation From Donkey To Lady . I’m holding a spot especially for you! Ma’am, by reading your letter, and from what you shared about him and his weed habit, as well as his behaviors, I’m surmising that he may have a mental health problem. Now, I’m not a specialist, psychiatrist, or expert, but from what you’ve described about his erratic behavior, mood swings, anger issues, inability to hold a job, and his need for weed every day all day is a typical sign of someone who is self-medicating themselves who suffers from a mental health issue that he may not have been diagnosed. But, again, I’m speculating based on the information you provided. Also, he has an addiction. That is certain. He is addicted to drugs, and if you can’t see that, and refuse to believe that he is, then you are just as in denial as he is. And, you are an enabler, along with his family and friends. Yes, all of you are playing a part of his drug addiction by allowing him to continue to use drugs, yet, no one is stepping in to help him see this, or even offer treatment. You all sit by and say, “Well, it’s just weed. So, what he smokes every day. He’s not hurting anyone.” Despite what you think or heard, marijuana is a drug. And, if your man is using every day, and he is using his money, the very little he has, to buy it, and he is unable to maintain a job, and his behavior is affected when he is not using, then HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! If he will prefer to buy drugs over food, or even to take you out and do nice things with you, HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! If he refuses to stop using in the efforts of maintaining and holding a job longer than a week, HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! And, if you think that he will choose weed over his child, then you are absolutely correct. HE WILL CHOOSE WEED OVER HIS OWN CHILD BECAUSE HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! No, he is not a winner. No, you did not choose wisely with this man as a mate. No, you are not a priority to him, nor will your child. He will choose weed over you and his child every time. He is not fit to be a father. He is not suitable as a mate. He is not worthy to waste your time investing in this relationship because for the short 9 months you’ve been together, he has been consistent in one thing, and one thing only – buying and smoking weed every day. This is what you’ve known about him the entire time you’ve been with him, yet, YOU decided to overlook this and procreate with him. Why? I don’t know. The –ish people do for love, for a man, and for a relationship baffles me every day when I open my inbox and read the letters. So, what woman in her right mind would continue to lay with a man, and have unprotected sex with a man who has no job, cannot maintain a job, and who smokes weed every day? Oh, yeah, that woman is you, and I’m certain that you are not in your right mind. Something is clearly wrong with you. At some point you have to take responsibility for your actions. You have to take responsibility for your part in all of this. You allow him to talk down to you, berate you, and make you feel bad. You allow him to buy weed every day, yet, he has no job, and the little money he gets, which is probably from you, helps him to get high and not take responsibility for his life, or the life he has helped to create with you. Therefore, he is not, will not, and cannot be accountable. He has no respect for you, nor are you are priority to him. If he will not buy a $5 rose for you now, he will not spend $5 in the future on you, or his child. If he won’t take you out to dinner, movie, or do simple things, he will not do it later. And, he won’t even spend time with his child once the child is here. If he won’t stop smoking weed to maintain and keep a job now, then he will not stop smoking weed when the child is born to help take care of his responsibility. He has shown you who he is. Believe him. And, I believe that his only responsibility is to make sure he gets his weed every day to drown out whatever misery, pain, or mental/emotional challenge he has. You will be another statistic of a baby momma dealing with a no-good trifling man who won’t pay child support, or help care for his child. And, you will become bitter and angry because you will feel that he is doing you wrong. The cycle continues, and will repeat, yet again. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: He Won’t Spend $5 On Me Because He Smokes Every Day & Can’t Maintain A Job & I’m Pregnant

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Top 10 Break-Up Scenes In Movies [VIDEO]

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

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Studies have shown that Valentine’s Day is not only known for pushing diamond ads and boosting already overpriced restaurant sales; it’s also known to be…

Top 10 Break-Up Scenes In Movies [VIDEO]

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Sean Lowe Premarital Sex Views to Be Addressed on The Bachelor

Posted on February 1, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Sean Lowe is not your typical Bachelor star, and his views on sex before marriage will be addressed on the show this season, according to host Chris Harrison. “Obviously it’s way too early now,” Harrison said , but it will “absolutely” be an issue. “He doesn’t mind kissing and that’s where the relationships are, but as we get closer to fantasy suites and overnights, it comes up, and he’s very open about it.” Chris says Sean Lowe “wears his religion and his heart on his sleeve” and therefore did not have a problem with Selma’s decision not to kiss him on screen this week. “I would think for maybe another Bachelor it would matter, but with Sean it only helps and it only adds to the attraction,” he said. “Sean is a slow mover. He’s not one to go jump into bed with just anybody, and the fact that a girl wants to take it very slow is totally fine.” “That will never be a deterrent for him.” “I also think it raised her stock and made her more intriguing, but how long will that work? At some point he’s going to want to say, ‘Okay, I want to kiss you’.” Check out The Bachelor spoilers , if you dare, to learn when that might be, and tell us: Does Sean wanting to take things slow only make him more attractive?

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Dear Bossip: I Gave Him My Skype & Cell Number & He Hasn’t Reached Out & He Deleted His Facebook

Posted on January 31, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I recently reconnected with someone I grew up with and dated as a adolescent again via Facebook. It’s been 12 years since I seen him, but I spoke with him a few months ago, but never stayed in contact as I was going through a lot around that time and I wasn’t together to reach out to anybody. I reactivated my page again and befriended him. He asked me why he got deleted. I told him it was nothing personal as my whole page was erased. We talked here and there. Nothing major. More like talking about the old days growing up. He asked for my Skype info, which I gave. He has never Skyped me when he said he would. His response via Facebook chat when I made a joke about being stood up on Skype for the first time was that he went to the store and ran into his friend, and from there he and his friend went to the bar to watch the football game, but made it clear that it would never happen again. No biggie for me. I jokingly said you get a pass being that it is football season. Nothing to make an argument over. A week after that we spoke again via Facebook. We talked in-depth about the past and creating a future if it is meant to be. He said that he always liked me and wanted me to be that one for him. I expressed the same feeling–as I have always like him, thought about him and made efforts periodically to find him on any social network. I saw him as a great father, husband and just overall qualities and characteristics in a man for any women if not me. I did not think much of it before so I did not give him my number prior to the conversation, however he did not give me his! After the conversation I gave him my number and he said he would call me after he finishes up some projects he is working on. It has been 3 days now and he has not reached out to me of any sort. I am assuming he himself deactivated his page as it is no longer on Facebook at this time. I had to re-log in another old account to make sure if It was deactivated or if he blocked me or if he made his information invisible. I asked about his last relationship. I usually do not as I could care less. I figured whatever they did within that relationship, I too will find out, which is a red flag for me and which is not. His response was to make a long story short, he messed up. She had everything but his trust. He ran down the list of all her qualities, and I said is there any more you would like to make a list on..got damn!?!? To me that was a red flag that maybe he is not over his ex like he say he is and two, he said he does not trust people so if he does not trust people, then how could he possibly trust me? His response was be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Just be a good girl. I believe the ones that do not trust people are actually the ones that cannot be trusted as he said he started seeing other women who wanted him. I guess she was doing things too and that is when he started doing his dirt. He also said the sex was boring and basically there was nothing there anymore and no, she did not leave any foot prints on his heart. My question to you is, number 1) why would he take his page off Facebook without at least saying something to me to say hey, I am taking my page off but I will call you or text. 2) Is he still with his “ex” and she found out he and I were chatting and that is why he took his page down? 3) Why hasn’t he reached out to me if he is in fact single, and especially after the conversation we had? 4) Is he regretting what he expressed or maybe is nervous or embarrassed? 5) Being that I do not have his number yet, which I could get from his sister, but I am not because he personally did not give it to me, I do have his Skype info. Should I address it through whatever contact information he gave me, or should I leave it be like I have been because actions speak louder than words? And, it is a bit odd that someone does not want to reach out to somebody they want to reconnect with again and verbally pick back up on that conversation before he and I were schedules to see each other next weekend. Side note: I am seeing his sister for that weekend and he and I were going to meet up in between then. I am confused with a lot of scenarios going through my head as to why. Not so much as I want to make it work, but more so as to why men do what they do and react how they do — Researcher Dear Ms. Researcher, Ma’am, you’ve made two concerted efforts in making yourself available to this little boy who told you that he was interested in you, and that he wanted you to be that one for him. First, he stood you up for a Skype conversation, with some bull-ish story about going to the store and running into a friend, and then going to the bar to watch the football game. Plausible? Perhaps. Did it really occur? Hell naw. Honey, in my Maury voice, “That was a lie.” Second, after lengthy conversations via Facbook, he never once made an effort to give you his number. You made the first move and provided him with your number. Yes, that is a red flag. Then, three days pass and he still has not called. This same little boy who told you that he wanted you to be that one for him. This same little boy who told you how much he really liked you, and to the extent of being in a relationship with you. However, he hasn’t called, texted, or Skyped to inform you what’s going on, why he deactivated his page, or why he is being so elusive about making simple contact. (Sips tea and clears throat) Boo boo, he is still involved with this ex, or he is married, or he has another woman. Yes, he is lying about his relationship status, and he’s lying to you. Let bygones be bygones and be glad that he deleted himself out of your life. For the record, any man who spends the majority of his time communicating via social media without so much as giving you his number, or being available to Skype, is hiding something. In this day and age of cell phones, Skype, and other forms of communicating with a voice and having actual face time, there is no excuse why a man would be so evasive about his pursuits or interest, unless he is involved with someone else. Therefore, nothing can be traced back because he can always delete his social media information, and create a new account. With no cell phone records of incoming and outgoing calls, his woman, wife, girlfriend, or bed partner cannot find any evidence of him cheating. He’s a master of the game, and therefore, the fact that he disappeared out of your life, let him remain disappeared out of your life. But, let’s look at this statement you wrote, “He said he does not trust people so if he does not trust people, then how could he possibly trust me? His response was be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Just be a good girl.” You are absolutely right, he cannot and will not trust you if he doesn’t trust people. And, if he doesn’t trust people, then he is not to be trusted himself. Yes, when he revealed to you that he and his ex messed up, then he is not to be trusted. He’s revealed to you what he is capable of. He will cheat. He will lie. He will manipulate. He will deceive. Therefore, believe him. Second, he said be good to him and he’ll be good to you. Uhm, why not just be good regardless. These supposedly grown a** people playing tit for tat talkin’ ‘bout be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Well, this let’s me know that you are not a good person. If you’re involved with someone who is not good to you, hopefully you will get out of the relationship, and not feel the need to enact revenge because someone did something toward you. Chile, ain’t nobody got time for that. Third, he said, “Just be a good girl.” WOW! Really! Did you say to him, “Well, you just be a good boy.” The hell! You are not a girl. You are a grown a** woman. You’re not a little girl who needs to be scolded and told to behave and be good. Chile, miss me! Girl, let me answer your questions and be done: 1) Why would he take his page off Facebook without at least saying something to me to say hey, “I am taking my page off but I will call you or text.” – He is involved, or reconnected with his ex. He lied to you and led you to believe that he wanted a relationship. On the real, you were something to do while he was trying to get back with his ex, or he is communicating with other women and found someone to bide his time until he’s ready to bed you. 2) Is he still with his “ex” and she found out he and I were chatting and that is why he took his page down?  – Yes. Yes. Yes. He got busted and she made him delete his page. And, it wasn’t just because of you, he was caught chatting with several other women online. 3) Why hasn’t he reached out to me if he is in fact single, and especially after the conversation we had?  – He isn’t single. He lied. 4) Is he regretting what he expressed or maybe is nervous or embarrassed? – No. He got caught cheating and now he is trying to reconcile with his woman. 5) Being that I do not have his number yet, which I could get from his sister, but I am not because he personally did not give it to me, I do have his Skype info. Should I address it through whatever contact information he gave me, or should I leave it be like I have been because actions speak louder than words?  – No. Leave it and him alone. If he really wanted to connect with you, he would have made the first move and reached out to you. You’ve given him your Skype info and phone number. Don’t be thirsty to run after a man if he hasn’t reached out to you. He’s lying and hiding something. Move on. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!     

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Dear Bossip: I Think My Girl’s Male Friend Is More Than A Friend

Posted on January 18, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , The question I have is how can I tell when my girlfriend is in denial? She has this guy that’s a friend, so she says. They have been friends for like 7 months. She says they have never done anything, but she tells me she goes to his house and sits in his room and waits on him to come out the shower and she says she watches him get dressed. I didn’t believe what I heard. And, she says nothing is going on. Just yesterday I found a condom wrapper on her bathroom floor. So, when I asked her about it she started laughing, talking about I put it there from the last time I was there. I know that wasn’t true. I don’t even use Trojan’s. So, the other morning she gets a bunch of clothes in the mail from UPS from her friend. I feel like I’m in competition with this guy. – Is She In Denial Dear Mr. Is She In Denial , (*   *) Blank stare at you and this email. Uhm, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but homie, you’re the one in denial. She clearly has game and is running it on you and her “friend.” Now, come on, bruh, what woman is claiming a man as a friend that she’s only known for 7 months? (Come, let me help you off that yellow bus. You’re holding up traffic.) And, for real, for real, she is sitting in his house, in his room, and waits for him to come out of the shower and watches him get dressed. But, they haven’t done anything? LMBAO! You’re just as gullible as you want to be, aren’t you? Naw, they are not having sex, he is banging her, and they may not be doing it at his house, but they sure as hell are doing it at her house. You found a condom wrapper on the bathroom floor and it’s a brand you don’t use, and she starts laughing claiming you put it there. (In my Fred Sanford voice – “You big dummy!”) If you don’t use Trojan condoms and it’s on your girlfriend’s bathroom floor, then how do you think it got there? I’ll wait for your response. Now, if you found a condom wrapper (no condom inside) on your girlfriend’s bathroom floor, where do you think it came from if you don’t use Trojan’s, and where is the condom? Again, I’ll wait for your response. Okay, I’m back. Sorry it’s taking me some time to answer your letter but there was this yellow bus sitting in the middle of the road and this boy was refusing to get off. He kept banging his head on the seat mumbling something about his girlfriend and her “friend.” Now your woman has received a UPS package filled with clothes from her “friend.” I don’t know what she is lacing her vagina walls with, but whatever it is it obviously has you delusional, deranged, and diluted. Look, Mr. Is She In Denial , let me wrap this up. It’s obvious your girl got another man and is playing the both of you. Her game is so tight that she got you believing imaginary tales of her being friends with another man, and watching him get dressed as he gets out of the shower.  (*    *) Blank stare. Chile, miss me and that train ride. If she is friends with him, then ask her to have all three of you go hang out. Tell her to introduce you to her friend. As a matter of fact, confront them when you do go out about the clothes he sent her and why he sent them, if he is her friend. Maybe he works at Macy’s and got a great discount. LMBAO! And, if you got the condom wrapper put it on the table and ask him if he forgot it the last time he was at her house. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t with you people. Boy, you really are silly and whipped on that girl’s coochie. She must have put it on you something awful. I suggest you get out of the relationship, move on, and stop being in denial about her situation with her “friend.” He’s not her friend. Well, maybe a friend with benefits. She is getting something from the both of you, and you’re stupid enough to continue giving it to her. Homie, you’re being played! Get your underwear from out your a** and man up. Stop being hooked on coochie and get hooked on reality! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: He Led Me To Believe He Was Interested & When I Told Him My 3-Month Rule He Changed

Posted on January 4, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , One of my good friends’ mutual friend befriended me on Facebook about two years ago. He thought I was beautiful and wanted to carry a conversation with me. I thought he was cute but didn’t really care to entertain him; plus I was in an on and off relationship. Still, we exchanged numbers and texted. It wasn’t deep but it helped pass the time. During the time his college was 4 hours from mine. I had no intentions on ever seeing him and just wanted to keep him at a distance. Later, something happened that made me lose interest so I left it alone. He would hit me up once in a blue, but for the most part I left it alone. Last summer his father died so he moved back in with his mom to help her out. I hit him up to give my condolences and to let him know that I was here. People always say I’m here when someone dies, but I really meant it because I lost my father a few years ago. Anyways our conversations picked up again. I had just gotten out of my 4 year on and off again relationship and wasn’t looking for anything. I expressed that very firmly. The more we talked the deeper it got and of course I caught feelings. I fought it and gave my all not to give in but his words got me. I’d like to think I’m a very strong woman, but I put my guard down. He said he was willing to be just my friend until I was ready. I never felt like I would be ready. The timing wasn’t good. In 6 months I’m leaving to spend 2 ½ years teaching sick kids in Africa. But, again, I was just passing time. Soon our text messages turned into 4-5 hour phone calls almost every night. He made me laugh harder than anyone and we had so much in common. He told his family and friends about me and he was always on my mind. I even took a 2 ½ hour drive to see him one day. The chemistry was too real. I couldn’t deny it. I never slept with him, but it did get hot and heavy. (I told him I had a three month rule). Any way, he was supposed to come spend the weekend with me later on that month. I went out and bought all of this food because I love to cook. I was so excited to see him. He told me he would be at my house at 9 that night, only 9 came and went. Around 10:30 I got a text message saying that he couldn’t make it because of the drive and not having gas money. WTF!? I was pissed. I didn’t even get a phone call! He ended up calling me later, but I was too upset to pick up. We talked about it two days later and I let him know why I was disappointed. I wanted to believe in him. We all make mistakes so I let it go. At a later time I had some errands to run in his home town so I took that 2 ½ hour drive again and we had planned to meet up. To make a long story short he ended up flaking again. First time shame on you, the second time shame on me. And, with me there is no third time. It’s been two months and since then I’ve deleted his number and he’s called once and texted once. No apology or voicemail. I didn’t fall in love with him, but I liked him enough to put my guard down. Who spends 5 hours on the phone everyday with someone if they don’t care about you!? Why waste your time and introduce me to your sister and tell your family about me if you had intentions on being an a**? Am I crazy? Did I do something wrong? I’m a 2-year old college graduate with 3 jobs (the epitome of Miss Independent). I’m strong, beautiful, and very intelligent, but how could I be so dumb? How did the perfect guy end up being a wolf in sheep’s clothing? – Confused About His Behavior Dear Ms. Confused About His Behavior , Welp! Lesson learned. Don’t fret over it. Don’t get your panties into a bunch. And, definitely don’t let it consume you. He showed you his a** and thank the lord you didn’t bend over to kiss it. Who knows why he did what he did. There are lots of reasons. And, only he knows why. But, I wouldn’t let it bother me because you didn’t lose out on anything. You didn’t have sex with him. Thank goodness. And, the only thing you invested in was hours of conversation of your time. Please thank your lucky stars that you did not invest any large amount of money, resources, or sexual liaisons with him. Then you would be even angrier. But, let’s look at a few clues that lead to his silly and immature behaviors. 1.) You are not the first, nor will be the last girl he finds cute or beautiful on Facebook and want to have conversation with. Girl, most men peruse Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram stalking women’s profiles. All of these online sites make it easy for men (especially sexual predators) to have free access to your life. All the photos of that you post, and what you’re doing, and who you’re hanging with provides many men with insights into your psyche. And, the games begin. They are hunting for p***y. They make these elaborate schemes of playing on women’s emotions and feelings hoping one of them will be easy enough to get into his bed, and he can lay claim he blew your back out. And, you ladies make it easy for them because you put all your business out there. All a man has to do is read your status updates, read your timelines, and voila, you’ve given him insights to your life and world. SMDH! Y’all gon’ learn tuhday! 2.) Notice that in the beginning that he was keeping it light and easy. Just as you were. Any man who is really and genuinely interested in a woman will make every attempt in getting to know her. He will not only text, but call, SKYPE, and make attempts on visiting you. His conversation is not primarily on sex, and when you’re going to let him hit. He’s really interested in you, and getting to know you. But, men are good at deception. They will play your game, however, once you laid the 3-month rule on him, he hit the ground running. He thought you would be an easy lay. And, when you didn’t put out, he lost interest. You should be so lucky, and glad you stuck to your guns. Don’t every compromise yourself for a one-night stand. 3.) Don’t ever. EVER! EVER! Make the first move by driving to a man’s house and he’s made no attempts to come see you. The thirst is heavy and strong if you drive to a man’s house first. If you go to his home first, and you drive long distances, or fly across country, uhm, he feels and thinks that he’s going to get some. He thinks you’re going to spread your legs for him because only a woman who is vulnerable, weak, and d**k hungry will drive or fly to go see a man first. Ladies, if he’s interested in you, and getting to know you, then he has to be the one who makes the first move, and in coming to see you. He has to make the effort in coming to you. And, meet in a mutual public place. Do not go to his house. Do not invite him to yours. I don’t care how long you’ve been texting, or talking on the phone. I don’t care how comfortable you may feel. You don’t know him as well as you think you do. You’re playing with your life inviting strangers into your home. 4.) When his dad died, you became his shoulder to lean on. You became a voice and person to confide in. When people lose a loved one, especially a parent, they become vulnerable. They want someone they can talk to and someone they feel they connect with. And, what comes next with someone who is vulnerable, SEX! Their guard is down. They want to feel wanted. They want to be comforted. And, sex is an easy and accessible way inside their lives. He wanted sex. He wanted you to really show you cared for him by laying with him. And, you were like, “Oh, no ma’am. I’m not an easy chick. And, that you weren’t cheap.” Once you didn’t give up the goods, he became disinterested. You were not worth the investment in getting to know further. Again, be glad he walked out of your life. Be thankful that he showed you who he really was. 5.) The first time he flaked when he was supposed to come see you, and by 9pm when he didn’t arrive, and you didn’t get a text from him until 10:30pm with him saying he wasn’t coming because he didn’t have any gas money, that let’s me know that he had no intention on coming at all. Why wait an 1 ½ later to text. He didn’t even call. He texted you. Girl, puhlease. He doesn’t deserve any more conversation after that. Yeah, he may have really wanted to come, but he had the entire day to come up on some gas money for the drive to your house. But, I don’t buy it. A man who is interested in any woman will find the means and ways to get to the woman he wants to be with. Trust me! Then, you give him another opportunity when you had to go to his city and he flaked again. Girl, no! NO! NO! NO! NO! (In my Destiny’s Child voice). Lastly, when you revealed to him that you were going to South Africa for 2 ½ years, and on top of that, you have a 3-month rule before having sex, and you leave in six months, chile, ain’t nobody got time for that! He wanted to hit it before you left, and keep it moving. He isn’t nor wasn’t invested in anything longer with you. And, you shouldn’t be thinking of anything long-term either. You’re not going to be here. So, why invest in something with someone and you’re going to be gone for 2 ½ years? That doesn’t make any sense. Look, this is a lesson learned. He’s not worth your time, presence, or friendship. Delete him as you’ve already done from all your social media sites, and keep his number deleted. As a matter of fact, put DNA (Do Not Answer) next to his number so that way when he calls or texts again, you’ll know better than to answer. Also, you’re young. You’re leaving to go to South Africa for 2 ½ years to make a difference in other’s lives. That should be your focus. You don’t have time for a relationship with some lowlife bum with childish games. Girl, go be your greatness, and commit yourself to the power and inspiration that you are. You’re going to do great things in this world, and you need a great man beside you. Hell, you may find a prince or king while in South Africa. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: He Led Me To Believe He Was Interested & When I Told Him My 3-Month Rule He Changed

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Dear Bossip: He Is New In Town, No Job, No Home & We Slept Together But I Haven’t Heard From Him

Posted on January 2, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I live in Nashville TN and I have a question for you. The answer may be what I already know but I need some help. I met a man on a dating website. He pursued me pretty hard and then eventually we started texting off the site, DAY and NIGHT. He was very receptive to me, asking me what I was looking for (we agreed we wanted to find a companion not necessarily marriage overnight or anything, but a commitment) and he was very talkative and sweet and funny. He even said he thought he was having some feelings for me even though we hadn’t yet met. We had exchanged pictures over the course of the 2 weeks. Well, after 2 weeks of this texting and calling each other we met. He revealed to me that he has only been in town for 5 months and he is working on securing a good job and a secure living situation. None of which I care about. I am not a gold digger at all. I care more that he is a good person. During the date he was GREAT, talkative, affectionate, polite, but after a good night we went back to my place, grabbed some beer and made a night of it (probably my 1st mistake). Well, we ended up being intimate and I feel like that was mistake # 2. We went to sleep around 4 am and woke up around 11 am, and I took him home. Now my question is:  Are my chances of making this serious, DOOMED?  I made it clear that I wasn’t going to be intimate, but I gave in after his very tempting advances. We have a lot in common and the conversation is great, but now that we met he isn’t sending any texts messages like he did up until we met. We had such a good time! This was Saturday and now its Monday, no word yet from him. Should I chuck it up as a loss and move on or am I judging it and him too soon?  Will he call me on day 3?  If not, what do I do: send him a text asking if he is done?  I am lost. I need some help on what I need to do now. – Confused in Nashville Dear Ms. Confused in Nashville , Chile, I can’t believe we are starting the New Year off with this mess. SMDH! The hell! You folks and this online dating will learn one way or the other. Meeting folks online, then texting, calling, and sexting, which leads to sexing on the first night. Then, he disappears and you’re upset and wondering what happened and why he disappeared. Why is he not texting and calling like he used to. What happened to all the promises he made, and all the gooshy talk we did about being in a relationship and finding that special someone. It’s all a damn lie! Here’s the problem: You take a huge risk and chance when you meet an unknown person online. The chances are 1.) They are liar. 2.) They are not who they say they are. 3.) They lack social graces and are not good in public spaces. 4.) They are just out for a quick “hit it and quit it.” Ma’am, it’s only been two days since you haven’t heard from him. Slow your damn roll and pump your brakes. But, I get it. You’re having buyer’s remorse. You regret sleeping with him, and now that he hasn’t hit you up in two days you’re getting the suspicion that he is not going to call. LMBAO! Well, you’ll learn the next time won’t you. If you say you’re not going to be intimate, then don’t be intimate. If you want a man to call you the next day, then don’t sleep with him on the first night. When he revealed to you on your first date that he had just moved to your city within the past 5 months and had no job, and was trying to secure a living situation, then your red flags should have gone up. I don’t care if you’re not a gold digger. But, a man with no job and no permanent resident does not deserve any permanent p***y. The hell you giving up the goods to a bum for? That’s what he is. Would you go out in the streets and pick up a homeless man and take him home? Would you go on a date with a man you met on the street and he had no job or residence? Hell no! You would walk right past him. So, I don’t understand why you would lay down with a man you met on the internet, revealed to you that he has no job or permanent residence, then bought you a beer and you took him to your house and had sex with him, and then had to drop him off the next morning! You tricks have got the game all the way f****d up! Yes, you do deserve a no return call. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship with any real man who has his own –ish, and is about his business. You belong with the bums and tricks who ain’t about nothing because you ain’t about nothing. If your minimum requirement is that a man is good to you, yet, he doesn’t have a job or residence, then find yourself a trailer and park your car and live your life, boo! Next, you said to him that you would not be intimate on your first date, yet, you spread your legs wide and let him climb on top of you. And, you over there talkin’ ‘bout, “I gave in to his very tempting advances.” Girl, what advances? A can of beer and him saying, “You look pretty gal! Come over here and give me some sugar!” LMBAO! Then, you say that you have a lot in common and great conversation. What do you have in common? He doesn’t have a permanent home. He doesn’t have a job. Do you have a permanent residence? Do you have a job? He’s broke. You have money. You have car. He doesn’t. Again, what do you have in common? And, what great conversation? What did he say to blow your mind? Was he talking about politics, spirituality, philosophy, the state of world, bringing world peace, discussing poverty and hunger? Chile, that man was telling you what you wanted to hear. He knew you are weak, vulnerable, and desperate. He knew he could play on your low self-esteem, and that you hadn’t had any good d**k in a while, and he knew the right words to say to get what he wanted from you in two weeks. So, let’s wrap this up so others can get 2013 right and proper. He is not going to call or text, expect when he wants to hook up again. It will be in a few weeks. He’s going to have an excuse that he was busy looking for a job, or he was in the process of moving. Some lame excuse, but he will get horny again and hit you. Trust me. By the way, he is not into you. He is not feeling you, or being in a relationship. Especially not with a chick he met online, and he smashed on the first night. He thinks that’s how you get down. Even if you don’t, the fact that he smashed on the first night, he thinks you’re easy. He doesn’t want you for long-term relationship. You’re a jump-off. With that, I want you to stop meeting men off dating websites, chat lines, Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media outlet. It will not end well. If you do, then SKYPE with these men. It’s free. It’s doesn’t cost a thing. SKYPE with someone and you get to see them in real time before you meet. And, have some real and serious conversations. Ask about his employment. Ask for pay stubs from a job. Ask about his residence. Ask for a copy of his lease. Ask if he has a car. Ask to see the registration for the car in his name. Ask if he’s married. Does he have any children. How many. Is in presently in a relationship. Does he have many girlfriends. What is his take on monogamy. Hell, when was the last time he was checked for STDs, or had an HIV test. And, you want to see the results. In 2013 it’s time to do this right and do it your way. Don’t let anyone dictate to you how the relationship is going to go. You have a say in it. You’re just as much a part of what is going to happen as the other person. Have some standards and dignity about yourself. Have some respect. Have some integrity. And, please up your standards beyond those basic minimums. You looking real cheap and easy right about now. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!     

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Dear Bossip: He Is New In Town, No Job, No Home & We Slept Together But I Haven’t Heard From Him

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Tamar Braxton Releases “Love & War” Short Fashion Film [Video]

Posted on December 28, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

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Dear Bossip: Before We Got Married He Agreed To Leave The Streets & Women Alone, And He Hasn’t

Posted on December 28, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am a 31-year old woman married with two kids. My husband is 37-years old, and we’ve been married for three and a half years, but we’ve been together for fifteen years. He is absolutely the love of my life. I’ve dated several men, but he is the only man whom I’ve ever given a title. He is a good provider, a loving and over protective dad. When we first met I was young and dumb and had no clue as to what I wanted or needed in a man. Now, that I’m 31, I want to take my life in a more spiritual direction, however he’s still stuck in the streets. Before we got married we agreed that he would leave the streets alone. He did a six year sentence and I was there for him the whole time. He didn’t fully appreciate this because I had a fling or two while he was locked up, but I kept it real with him.  I clearly spelled out what I did and didn’t want in our lives before we married and he agreed. We’ve been through a whole lot. My kids and I want for nothing. But this does come at a price. Infidelity has always been a problem in our relationship. It’s never been in my face. I’m noisy, so I’ve always been a snooper. I have never actually caught him in the act. He’s never burnt me. I mainly find suspect texts or calls from women. He’ll do good for a few months, or so, but just when I give him the benefit of the doubt something suspicious always pops up. All of the women go along with whatever story he comes up with or they say nothing at all. He does have female clients in his legal profession so it’s hard to differentiate the clients from the hoes. He makes me feel like I’m crazy and insecure. He straightens up for a while after I do something crazy or drastic. I can never get the truth out of him regarding these women (except when he was in jail). It drives me crazy and makes me act out of my character. His motto is “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” He’s a heavy weed smoker and drinks a lil too much at times. He spends way too much time “working,” then tries to make me feel bad because he’s out providing for the family. I have a good job. I work full-time and I am a good mom. Recently, we had a domestic dispute (over a woman) initiated by me in a public place. He ended up getting arrested when a witness called the police. The crazy part is he didn’t get arrested for the dispute, but for something far more serious and now blames me. I feel emotionally drained and empty from this relationship. He’s not willing to go to counseling, and randomly goes to church. I’ve invested so much in this relationship and in my heart I don’t want to give it up. I’m torn to say the least. – Mrs. Emotional Roller Coaster Dear Mrs. Emotional Roller Coaster , Let’s see here, pulls out bull-ish calculator. Now, let’s add and get the square root that he’s a hustler (Who the hell is still doing this in 2012 going into 2013?) and it equals he’s a dumba** with no ambition. Let’s divide him getting locked up constantly, and then subtract that he’s a heavy weed smoker and drinks a lil too much (He probably getting high on his own supply! LOL!), and this equals a no street-smarts donkey. And, let’s multiply that he’s cheating and letting these hoes think they wifey, and this equals he’s a broke-a** wanna-be pimp. He needs to take several seats. What the hell are you doing with this damn fool? SMDH! Girl, the problem is that you went back on your word. You agreed that before you got married he would leave the streets alone. That didn’t happen. So now what? You spelled everything out what you did and did not want in your lives before marriage, and he agreed. That didn’t happen. So now what? He is not a man of his word. And, you are not a woman of your word. Neither of you have any integrity. Therefore you get what you got. Why would you expect anything to be different if neither of you were able to keep your word? Why would you expect for him to be a new man if he is not able to maintain his word? And, why would you expect for your life and world to be any different if you did not commit to your own word? I’ll wait while you ponder that. (Files nails and hums a cute little tune). Now pay attention to this important announcement. I don’t want you to get lost. I know I may go a little fast, so I’ll take this slow for you. You wrote, “He makes me feel like I’m crazy and insecure. He straightens up for a while after I do something crazy or drastic. I can never get the truth out of him regarding these women (except when he was in jail). It drives me crazy and makes me act out of my character.” And, then you wrote, “The crazy part is he didn’t get arrested for the dispute, but for something far more serious and now blames me.” You use the word “crazy” four times. You reference it when you say that he makes you crazy, he makes you feel like you’re crazy, and your situation is crazy. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Therefore, I pull out my bull-ish calculator and I deduce that YOU ARE CRAZY!  Ain’t nobody got time for all this madness. Get the hell out!!! Why are you putting up with all his BS!?! It’s not worth your sanity or well-being. He’s not impacting your children with any valuable lessons, other than it’s okay to cheat, lie, manipulate, and deceive others, and the ones you love. Oh yeah, he’s in and out of jail, he doesn’t attend church, therefore there’s no spiritual foundation, and he’s not a man of his word, so, therefore he has no integrity. And, I’m curious to know what his legal profession is if he is getting locked up? What professional job will let him keep coming back after he gets out of jail? Girl, he doesn’t and can’t have a real legal professional if he is drinking and smoking all the damn time. Where he work, McDonalds? Wal-Mart? Maintenance at the school? Mechanic at Jiffy Lube? Look, he’s still a little boy in a grown man’s body. I bet he’s running around with corn-rolls in his head, rocking throwback jerseys, and Timbs. He probably got rims on his car, and got his stereo turned up blasting Meek Mills, Jeezy, and Lil Boosie. SMDH! Ma’am, he’s trapped in a time warp trying to hold on to his youth, and you’re trying to get him to grow up and be a man. It ain’t going to happen. Men who run the streets are not husband material. They live and belong in the streets. He hasn’t and won’t mature. He’s trapped and mentally and emotionally thwarted, and he cannot let go of what should of, could of, would have been. It’s time to wake your a** up, and remember the commitment you gave to yourself, and the commitment you decided on when chose to get married. Those commitments are not what you have. I want you to be committed to empowering yourself. Be committed to being a great mom to your children. Be committed to leaving the streets and that environment. Be committed to a life filled with joy, happiness, peace, and love. Your life does not resemble any of what you were hoping you would get. You’re miserable, unhappy, stressed, and dealing with drama. Now, according to my math, if a+b+c does not equal a+b+c, and you’re getting x-y/x, then it’s time to redo your math.  Well, unless you went to Up The Street Public School. Ma’am, you cannot keep putting your children’s lives in danger because of the lifestyle your husband is committed to. Chile, you don’t know these streets like you think you do. One of his own boys can be plotting on him and may want to take him and you out. Hell, one of his customers or one of them ‘hoes’ may get the bright idea to get revenge and eliminate all of you. STOP PUTTING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHILDREN’S LIVES ON THE LINE BECAUSE OF HIM. It’s not worth it! And, you cannot keep sacrificing your sanity, and happiness for a man who is not committed to his marriage, or being a real man or father. He can’t commit to himself, therefore how in the hell can he commit to you and his children? His only commitment is to the streets, jail, and other women. Those are the only consistent things in his life. You are not a part of that equation. It’s time to leave! Save your coins, get you a house in the suburbs some place, get your kids settled into a new environment, and do it without him. Remain in church, keep getting spiritually fed, and nourish your soul. Trust and believe, after a year or two, and when you look back on your life with him, and you see how you’ve grown and he’s still doing the same thing from the time you met him, you’ll say to yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?” – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: Before We Got Married He Agreed To Leave The Streets & Women Alone, And He Hasn’t

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Dear Bossip: I Found Out My Husband Was Talking With An Ex, But He Stopped It & I Still Don’t Trust Him

Posted on December 27, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am 33-years old. I married my boyfriend of two and half years in January. We’re in love, but I went through our phone records and noticed he had been texting and calling his ex-girlfriend. I called her and she stated she thought I knew and that I didn’t mind. Suddenly, after six months, he decided to tell her I did mind and their so-called friendship ended. My husband now works at a distribution center were if they don’t have work he is released early. I feel uneasy about his work schedule so we started arguing. I started dropping him off at work and just still felt uneasy. We argue more and I just feel this fool is doing something, but I can’t prove it. I want to call his job or follow him to work. I just don’t want to because really I don’t know what I would do. You might see me in the news, but at this point I check his phone records and there is nothing. No one calls, or emails and texts. I just feel he has a slicker way to go about things. Some women will take 10 minutes just to see a man. I know because I was there once, and plus, he used to talk to a lot of women. He says I’m a drama queen, bull-ish starter, but I feel it’s something he is doing and I just can’t prove it. So what should I do? The old me would move around, but this time I’m married and can’t just do it. If I don’t do something I’m going to hurt him. Plus, he is a full-blown liar. He can never tell the truth. If I’m right he starts to argue. I’ve become violent, but I’m trying. What should I do? Plus there is more. He has a (loser) baby mama and two kids that are in elementary school. She is actually in jail right now and we just found out his son can’t read and no one ever told us. I’m ready to pack up and bounce out on him. What’s holding me back is I relocated from another state without him, and my kids are getting a good education. Also, both my kids love him. He also comes home every day, but he told me he stays at work in the parking lot doing nothing because he is not sure how I would feel today. I believe this is just some more bull-ish he just says!! Should I just leave him?? I want to fight for us but lately it’s been physical! – Tired Of Lies Dear Ms. Tired Of Lies , Girl, please stop! Just stop all this drama and madness that you are creating. Ugh! I agree with him. You seem like a drama queen. All this drama going on and you are making it bigger than what it is. Chile, either you trust him or you don’t. Either you leave or you stay. Don’t go back and forth making this a bigger issue than it is. If he told his ex that it bothers you that you two are communicating, and you can’t find any evidence that they are still in contact with one another, then perhaps the situation is dead! And, if you are still snooping through the phone records, and the other measures you are going through, and yet, there is no evidence of him doing anything, then perhaps he isn’t! Yes, he could have gotten smarter, but from what you said about him I don’t think he’s that bright. I’m just saying. Therefore, stop creating the stress and drama in your life. Your relationship is going down the tubes, and you are at the root of it. You’re going to wake up one morning and find yourself alone, but it won’t matter because you’re going to justify your behavior, and pushing him away because that’s just the type of person you are. Now, moving along. There are a few things I’ve noticed between you two, in which I’ve also noticed with lots of married couples who rush down the aisle. Have you two discussed what monogamy is? Did you two sit with one another and talk about commitment and what it is? Did you go to marriage counseling before getting married? Have you two discussed that once you were dating and got married that he would have to delete all his numbers and contact with the women he was involved with? Yes, common sense would tell a man to delete and get rid of all his other women he was intimate with at one time, but sometimes you have to go the extra mile for pure measure and remind him. “Uhm, sweetie, this is how this dating and married thing works. You will delete all your exes, and any other woman you’ve been intimate with, talked with, or was trying to get to know. You are married now. You have no need for those other women. There is no need for you to keep in touch with any ex. I am your present, and your future. Your past is your past. So, in order for this to work, and if you want a happy wife, then be a man and act like a husband.” Next, you mention he is a liar. Ma’am, that’s not breaking news. You knew he was a liar before you married him. So, what made you think things would change after you walked down the aisle? He is a liar. He will always lie to you. He may want to be honest, and he may want to tell you the truth, but he doesn’t know how. Teach him. Train him. Instead of arguing with him over his lying, create other repercussions for his behavior. He knows how you’re going to respond when he lies. Hell, I even know what you are going to do when he lies. You start an argument, you fight, and then you make up. However, it doesn’t rectify his lying. He knows you, and he knows what to do next time, and how it will end. So, therefore, create other repercussions for his behavior. Next, he mentioned that he stays in the parking lot at work because he doesn’t know how you’re going to be on those days. You think it’s bull-ish, but in reality it’s some real –ish! That is the sign of an unhappy man. He is tired of you. Tired of you berating him. Tired of you chastising him. Tired of you making him feel like he never does anything right. Uhm, sweetie, you keep it up and one day he is going to leave and never return. No man wants to come home to an angry, bitter, and upset woman on a daily basis. How would you feel if every day you walked into your house and your man was berating you, talking down to you as soon as you walked through the door? Chile, you would start plotting and planning your exit. Ain’t nobody got time for all that! LOL! The home is his castle. The place where he should feel like a king, and not a pauper. The place where he can be at peace, and find love. Create that environment, and you will get the man you want coming home every day. Create that space, and your man will shape up, instead of shipping out. Finally, you have discovered that one of his children can’t read. Uhm, instead of complaining, help the damn child! Find some resources for the child so he can learn how to read. Why are you complaining, and getting your panties in a bunch? You inherited his children, as well as he has inherited yours. Therefore, treat that child like family and get the child some help. Why don’t you sit with the child and read with them? Instead of making the child wrong, or those who didn’t tell you that the child couldn’t read, then how about working together to get the child some help? Jeezus! You grown folks are truly special. This poor child is struggling through school and you are demeaning the child? You see the pattern and behavior that you have? Who wants to come home to that every day? Girl, work on yourself before you start trying to work on others. Look, your man seems like he is trying. He seems like he’s made some adjustments, however, it’s you who has not made any adjustments. So, readjust your attitude. Stop walking around with the screw face, and your lips turned up. You’re going to mess up your face, and no one is attracted to a woman with a scowl on her face. And, you have you stank attitude. No ma’am. Sit with your man, and talk. Don’t argue. Talk. Listen to what he is says, and then come up with a way to make your marriage a happy and loving one. Please talk with one another as adults instead of suspicious spouses. He is a grown a** man, just like you are a grown a** woman. Stop going through his phone, and you’re married. If you don’t trust him, then get out of the marriage. Otherwise, at some point, you’re going to have to stop holding the reigns, and his nuts. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Found Out My Husband Was Talking With An Ex, But He Stopped It & I Still Don’t Trust Him

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