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Dear Bossip: He Doesn’t Want Kids & He Proposed To Me, Yet I Want Children

Posted on June 8, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am 26 years old and I have been in a serious relationship with my now fiancé for almost 3 years. He is 40 years old, and has two kids (11 & 16) from a previous marriage. When we first met he was very upfront about not wanting anymore kids or to even be married again. I was fresh out of a long-term relationship so marriage and kids were the last things on my mind, and I wasn’t even sure at that point if I ever wanted kids. Well, fast forward a few years and we have since moved in together and he has done something he once said he’d never do – he proposed to me! He has proven to be a great man to me; he is faithful, God-fearing, hard-working and smart. The problem is that I have realized in the past few years that having at least one child is very important to me and that I can’t see living life without becoming a mom. Terrance, this has become a VERY touchy subject. He does not talk about it unless I initiate the conversation and he changes his mind like he changes underwear! One day he will say, “Yes,” when I ask him if we could possibly try for a baby. Then, the next day it’s “Hell, no!” This is the ONLY thing we fight about. We have had some really bad arguments where he’s cursed me out and told me to “Leave him the f**k alone!” about it. It has left me feeling hurt, upset, unwanted, and as if my wants/feelings don’t matter. He says that he wants us to “enjoy each other, travel, and spend money,” and he feels that living a financially comfortable life with him should be enough to make me happy. I was recently more upfront with him about my feelings and the fact that I want a child (with or without him). He made me feel stupid by saying, “What? Are you going to leave me and have a baby by the first man you meet?” Obviously this isn’t the case, but it had me second guessing myself, like, is what I want really possible? So, long story short, I can’t see myself marrying him if he is firm on not having any more children. I’m at the point where I am willing to walk away from this relationship so I can find a man who is willing to raise a family with me, but I am also terrified of the idea of leaving him. I know I will resent him in the future if I give up having a baby for him and he will probably resent me if he agrees to have one with me just to make me stay. So, it’s lose-lose. How do I initiate this breakup and do you think I’m crazy for wanting to leave? I’m so torn and it’s starting to take a toll. Any advice is appreciated. – Want To Have Children Dear Ms. Want To Have Children , Well, it appears you have already made up your mind and you want me to co-sign it for you. You stated in your letter “I can’t see myself marrying him if he is firm on not having any more children. I’m at the point where I am willing to walk away from this relationship so I can find a man who is willing to raise a family with me.” And, if he’s told you from the beginning that he doesn’t want to have children, and you keep asking him and he tells you no, and to leave him alone, then I’m sure he’s certain about not having any children. Therefore, you know what you should do, but as you stated you are afraid of leaving him because of the comforts he provides for you. Also, you’re uncertain because though he said he would never get married again, surprise, surprise, he proposed. Now, you’re confused because he proposed to you, so, you figure that if you wait then he will eventually change his mind about having a child. It’s obvious that you two are not on the same page. You want children. He wants to be financially secure to travel and do things. He wants money. He already has children, and is presently dealing with a pre-teen and a teenager. And, I’m sure he is paying child support. Thus, it leads me to believe that he is fearful of two things – 1.) Getting married again and what if it doesn’t work out. He’s been married before, and now he’s in 40s. He can be scared about the prospects that if this doesn’t work, and you have children, and he gets another divorce, then, he will be stuck paying alimony and child support for the rest of his life. So, he will never get the chance to save money, travel, and spend like he wants. Which also, and probably, explains why you two live together. It cuts down on the costs of living separately, and he is paying child support. Your combined incomes help tremendously. Besides, him being in his 40s, he is thinking of his future and retirement, which I’m sure he hasn’t been able to really save as he’d like. Thinking of his future, his children will be old enough where he doesn’t have to pay child support, and he can finally travel and spend like he wants. Having another child will severely affect his retirement, and he may not want to take that gamble. 2.) He has children. As I stated previously, one is a pre-teen, 11, and another is a teenager, 16. They are growing. They have medical expenses, school costs, clothes, activities, and other expenses including child support which are probably eating up his costs/money. So, for him, having another baby is expensive, and he will have to go through those early baby years again. And, he may be freaked out about having another child. Also, he knows that if you want one, there is the possibility you will want another. Now, since you two are not on the same page, it is important that you discuss this together, and get to the real root of what is freaking him out about his definitive resistance on not having any more children. Otherwise, this will always be the underlying issue of your relationship, arguments, and eventually you will leave. But, I am concerned that you stated he makes you feel hurt, upset, unwanted, stupid, and as if your needs and feelings doesn’t matter when it comes to the issue of discussing having a child. If you’ve expressed this to him, and he continues to make you feel like this, then, why do you remain in this relationship? No one should hurt you, make you feel unwanted, and or to feel stupid and as if your needs and feelings do not matter. You’re human. You’re his fiancé. He should make sure you have and get what you want. Why berate you and curse at you because you are interested in having a child, and want to discuss it with him? Now, if he’s tired of discussing it, and, if he feels he’s made himself adamantly clear about it, but you keep bringing it up, then, perhaps it’s time to drop it, and start deciding on what you want to do, if even leaving the relationship. Also, the fact that he doesn’t want to have any more children, and he’s been married previously, yet, you’ve never been married and don’t have any children, but he proposed to you, however, he expects you to be a stepmother to his children. That is a double-edge sword and it’s unfair. He wants you to inherit his baggage, and take all that comes with him, including his children, but he is not willing to accommodate you. Notice that you’re a woman with no children, so, he is not inheriting any children, or extra mouths to feed and clothe, only your extended family. So, is and was that intentional by design? Did he purposely seek you out and date you because of this, and was that the first thing he asked you in the beginning of your relationship? Also, what would have happened if you did have children? Would he still be with you, or have asked you to marry him? Who knows! But, what if he meets another woman who has children, then, is he willing to take on her children? I strongly recommend pre-marital counseling. It will help you resolve this issue. I’m sure a counselor will tell you that you two are not on the same page, and if he continues and persists about not having any more children, and, he discloses his real reasons for not wanting any more, then, you have to do what is best for you. Money cannot buy happiness. Money cannot replace the feeling of motherhood. Money cannot compensate for having a child. If that is his goal, and it’s not a goal of yours, and a child is what you desire, and it is not what he wants, a marriage will not fix it, but only make it worse. You will be miserable, and unhappy, and eventually you will resent him, and ultimately end up in divorce. Think this through thoroughly. I know it’s scary to leave and start over, but it will not be the end of the world. You will meet a man who is single, never been married, nor has any children and he will want a family with you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: He Doesn’t Want Kids & He Proposed To Me, Yet I Want Children

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Dear Bossip: I’m Trying To Get A Divorce, But He’s On The Run From The Law

Posted on June 1, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , The past two years have been life changing. I’ve never been in drama until I met my husband. So, my soon-to-be ex-husband came home from jail and right off the back it was drama. He was cheating and lying and I found out every time. I searched his phone, and I know that is wrong, but when a man constantly accuses me of cheating I wonder what are you doing that you keeping pointing fingers at me. Now, we broke up got back together each time. He would beg for me to come back and I was stupid of course because I felt because we were married. It’s not so easy to just walk away. So, the real drama happens when I actually catch him cheating. She asks who am I and I respond that I’m his pregnant wife. He then says she’s not my wife and she’s not pregnant, and if she is pregnant it’s not mines. Then they both tried to jump me. Thank God I can fight because I held my own and made sure I protected my son. Now, I wasn’t shocked he denied me. I could care less. I had already asked him for a divorce. My issue is how can you deny your son for a woman you don’t know? Fast forward, my dumb ass took him back because he kept talking about raising our son together because that’s something neither one of us had growing up. So, I took him back. Two weeks pass and I wasn’t really feeling it so we split on a mutual terms. I asked him to move out my house and he was taking his sweet time. I didn’t care, but once I saw the photo up on Valentine’s Day with the same woman he tried to jump me while I was pregnant, I cut up all his clothes and put it down stairs. He called the police and had me locked me up. Which I felt was a sucker move because I paid for all those clothes anyways. He admitted to using me so I destroyed everything I brought him. Hell, let that chick you’re with buy you clothes. It was very childish I know, but I was 5 months pregnant and done with him. Two weeks after he locks me up he begs me to come back home. Things got really ugly. I was furious. This man used to beat on me and I never did even act like I was going to call the police. But, you locked me up while I’m 5 months pregnant with your son. Okay cool. My whole pregnancy he threatened to kill me. Him and that woman would try to terrorize me, but the truth is they not built like me. They are all bark, but me I bite. But, I kept my cool because that’s not what I want my son to see. So, I let them talk. I gave birth and now he is trying to get back with me again. Yet, again, I’m a sucker so I take him back. But, now I find out he is doing credit card fraud and he’s on the run for a domestic violence charge from another woman, not the same woman we have been beefing about. I tired to convince him to turn himself in and he cursed me out. The way I see it is if he is on the run he can’t help me with my son and I’m not willing to risk my child’s safety and have him around a fugitive. He calls and gets angry with me because I refuse to let him take my son. I explained to him that if you get stopped by the cops with my son they taking my son and I’m not putting him through that. And, another issue is you’re stealing people credit information and that’s wrong. I don’t want to raise my son around a criminal. I told him if you turn yourself in and get back on the right path you can be in your son’s life, but me and you are done. I played the fool for too long and I won’t have my son thinking this is how women should be treated. I will never take him back. The last straw was when the same woman that we beef about started sending threatening emails to me. She was threatening my son. Now, I know this punk is not built like that she is just trying to get me upset so I can come see her. She is trying to get me locked up because the first time I bust that ass. She told me that I’m lucky my husband calmed her down because she was going to call the cops. Whatever! The point is she shouldn’t be sending me those things. I forward him the emails showing him this is what she is doing. He admitted that he could never be with her because she would try to hurt our son to get back at him. He even witnessed her throw her dog by the neck across the room because she was mad at him. So, despite all this, once he realized I wouldn’t take him back and do a second bid with him and I refuse to go check on him in jail and pay his lawyer fees, he decides to go back with this woman. I don’t care what woman he decides to be with, but why would you want to be with a woman who threatens to harm your son? So, after that I washed my hands. It’s been 7 months and he doesn’t see my son and we have no communication. We spoke last week for the first time and he called me a bad mother. I provide for my child. I work hard and I keep a roof over my son’s head, and food on the table. And, most important, I’m the one spending quality time with him and educating him. My son is 10 months and he has a six word vocabulary already because I take the time and I make sure education is first in my household. Meanwhile, my husband is running around with two warrants out for his arrest, stealing people’s credit information to get fly, and running around with some woman who’s doing it with him. And, I’m supposed to be okay with it and trusting my son’s future in his hands. Am I wrong for keeping my son away from his dad? My worst fear is my son becoming like his father. I want more for him. I’m already in court working on full custody and also working on getting a divorce, but it’s difficult when you can’t locate the other spouse. Please give me advice. – So Over Him Dear Ms. So Over Him , This hot ghetto mess is truly a hot ghetto mess! You were pregnant and fighting with some random woman that your husband is having an affair with. You were going through all this drama with him including many other women he’s been stepping out with. You and he were fighting and separating and getting back together, despite you knowing what he was doing. Then, you and he were fighting and you cut up his clothes. And, now he’s doing credit card fraud and has warrants out for his arrest, but won’t turn himself in and he is a fugitive of the law. And, on top of it all he had you locked up while you were five months pregnant. SMDH! I’m surprised you didn’t have a hard pregnancy. I find it shocking and saddening that you are able to have a moral and ethical reasoning regarding him doing credit card fraud and you don’t want him around your son because of his fraudulent behavior and the risks he puts your son in by wanting to spend time with him. And, you want him to turn himself in and to turn his life around. Also, you don’t want your child around him and his behavior. Which I completely understand why you don’t want him around your son. But, let me get this straight. You were fighting with another woman while you were pregnant. You constantly fought with your husband. He’s treated you like crap. How he treats you and the things he continues to do you, yet, you allow him to come back into your life every time. Uhm, ma’am, your behavior, and your actions are just as complicit in this drama. So, where is your moral and ethical reasoning regarding yourself? Why do you allow him to treat you the way that you do? He’s philandering and sleeping around, and you know about it! The other woman is contacting you, and you’re fighting with her instead of putting your husband in check. But, this whole ghetto bird drama of him and his mistress wanting to jump you is just too much! Why didn’t you call the police? Why didn’t you get restraining orders against your husband and his mistress? Since they were terrorizing you, and making threats toward you, then you could have gone to the police. But, instead, you wanted to take matters in your own hands. What the hell? I don’t understand this. Look, you’re doing right by going to court and working toward gaining full custody of your child. Also, the fact that you are working on getting a divorce. But, why are you stressing over when and how to find him? If he has warrants out for his arrest, and they are looking for him, trust and believe that he will eventually be caught. All his crimes will catch up with him, and the police will find him. So, sit back and let him run his course. Stop stressing over it. Stop worrying about it. He is going to slip up and he will be back behind bars. Once he is locked up, then he will be sitting in jail for a while, and you can proceed with family court, and divorce court. In the meantime, you should gather all your documents to present in court against him. The letter that his mistress/girlfriend sent you, you should present it in court. Also, I recommend going to the police and getting a restraining order against her. You have proof that she made threats against you and your son. Once you’re divorced, let him be out of your life for good. Don’t visit him. Don’t write him. Don’t help with any legal fees. Don’t take his calls. Let him go! He will try everything to get back with you, and plead, even cry. Don’t fall for it. Re-read this letter and think of everything he has put you through. All the drama. All the stress. All the aggravation. He is not worth it, or you. In regards to your child, he will be in jail for a while, so spending time and being part of your child’s life won’t happen. He didn’t think about his behavior and how this would impact him being a part of his son’s life. He wasn’t thinking of his child while he was running the streets, and now caught up in credit card fraud. Now, he wants to be a father and be part of his child’s life. Obviously, he doesn’t have a lot of intelligence and smarts. How the hell can he call you up and ask to spend time with his child, but he has warrants out for his arrest? He is truly not the brightest. And, to think you married him. (Sips tea) Take this time to focus on you. Worry about you and your son. Continue to provide for him, care for him, and keep him in a positive learning environment. Work on learning how to love yourself, and be good to yourself. Take the time to heal from this relationship so that you don’t choose another man like the one you’re leaving. Learn from this relationship in order that you can grow and become a better woman, and a better person. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: I’m Trying To Get A Divorce, But He’s On The Run From The Law

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Dear Bossip: He Blames Me For His Drug Use, Depression & Violent Outbursts

Posted on April 6, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’ve been with my boyfriend for 13 years. We were 15 when we met. We have three kids together. Our problems started 8 years ago when I first cheated on him after the birth of our first child. Ever since then we’ve been constantly fighting. But, things seem to have gotten worse when he started smoking weed about 4 years ago. It seems that ever since he started smoking our fights have gotten physical and he just went downhill. He lost his job two years ago because he began to show up to work late and he would always argue with his manager. Ever since then I’ve been the main provider for my family. He blames me for him smoking weed. He says because I cheated on him that’s why he’s depressed. I feel so bad and I have so much guilt, but I don’t feel that what I did justifies the way he continues to treat me. Our fights have gotten very physical. When he’s sober he gets violent with me, and then he’ll get high and he’ll be so much calmer. He’ll act like nothing happened, but I’ll still have a grudge and things just don’t get better. We also argue because of sex. He wants sex everyday and I don’t. He makes sex feel more like a job for me because I know if I don’t want it he’ll get mad. So, most of the time we have sex just so that I won’t piss him off. We just recently got into a fight because he says I don’t pay enough attention to him. But, he’s so aggressive and violent, and it’s not just with me he’s that way with everyone in his family. I left to stay with my mom and I’ve been ignoring his calls, but I love him and I do want to be with him. But, I’m so tired of feeling scared and tired of taking care of someone who has the capability of taking care of themselves. I feel so bad and guilty because I left him and he doesn’t make much money and he doesn’t have a car to get to work. I need advice. I don’t know what to do. – Tired Of Being Tired Dear Ms. Tired Of Being Tired , Don’t stay. Don’t go back. Don’t feel sorry or bad for your decision to leave. You have to save yourself and your children and begin the work on healing yourself. If not, you will go back to the situation, things will continue to go worse, and you will grow miserable, and depressed yourself. You didn’t say why you cheated after your first child, but you do play a huge role in this situation. And, I find it convenient that you left that crucial piece of the puzzle out of your story. Why? You’re going on this rant about him, and all of these things he’s doing, but you owed up to the cheating and infidelity which seems to snowballed this entire situation. Why leave that out of your story? Why not share what was going on with you, and him? What was it that drove you to cheat? Whatever your reasons for cheating, you should have worked that out after you cheated, and got into therapy, or you should have left the relationship. If you’re cheating, then it’s obvious you’re not getting something at home, or your partner is not providing you with something that you feel the need to go out and get it from someone else. Regardless, you cheated, you stepped out on your relationship, and you broke the trust. Your actions were contributors to his reactions. Does it justify his behavior and treatment toward you? – Hell NO! Do you deserve to pounced on, mistreated, and physically abused? – Hell NO! Are you responsible for him losing his job and not taking care of his business? – Hell NO! Are you obliged to have sex with him every day even when you don’t want to? –Hell NO! I also find it interesting that the violence seems to be an “our fights have become physical.” You didn’t state that he was the physically violent one, but that you and he are both physically violent. Thus, you are complicit in this physical violence. Don’t throw rocks then hide your hand. If you’re both putting hands on one another, it’s time to go! Point blank simple. Violence in any form should be the end of the relationship. But, here are some things I want to address: One – You are not married. After 13 years you are still playing house. You are still giving him everything with no commitment. Why? Why are you not married? This is a problem. You folks want to be in these long-term relationships, producing children, and co-habitating with one another, yet, you want the privileges and expectations of a marriage. HUH? I’m confused. Why be together 13 years, and all you have is this sob story, pitiful relationship, and you’re seeking a way out. You don’t have to seek a way out because you can just get up and leave. You don’t have to file for a divorce. Just leave. Go to court and get full custody of the children and put him on child support. Two – He smokes weed and wants to blame you for him smoking weed. I’m sorry, but how did you force him to go to the weed man, purchase the weed, roll it up, and smoke it? He claims to be depressed and his resolve to handle it is to smoke weed? Girl, stop and tell him to have several seats. He’s listening to his homeboys and getting advice from them, and one of them probably mentioned he should start smoking to take the edge off. Now, he has a created a habit, but wants to blame his habit on you and what you did to him. Don’t take the blame for that. Don’t feel guilty for it, and don’t allow him to put it all on you. He is a grown ass man and he chooses to smoke weed. Instead of being an adult and doing what most responsible and mature adults would do and seek therapy, he resorts to smoking weed. Therefore, please know you are dealing with someone who is emotionally, and mentally unstable. Three – As a result of him smoking weed, he used to fight with his manager on his job, and lost his job. Again, he’s emotionally and mentally unstable. He didn’t work for two years, and you became the caretaker and provider of the family. He’s not emotionally or mentally able to handle taking care of his family. He is not a provider or supporter. He is another child in your home. Then, he fights with you, and it’s become physical. His emotional and mental well-being has become unmanageable and now he’s physical. TIME TO GO! LEAVE HIM AND STAY GONE! Four – He’s demanding you have sex every day even when you don’t want to. Uhm, I’m sorry, but why do you have to engage in having sex with him every day? It’s your body, and he can’t impose upon you something that you don’t want to do. Having sex daily is taxing, and if you’re not in the mood, or you don’t want to do it, then it became painful and not pleasurable. Besides, it seems the only reason he wants to do it is because he feels you’re ignoring him, or you don’t pay him any attention. Again, how old is he? He’s acting like a child, and that you owe him something. What he’s basically saying it that you owe him for making him smoke weed. You owe him for making him depressed. You owe him for making him lose his job. You owe him for making him treat you the way that he does. And, you owe him because you don’t pay him enough attention, so you owe him sex. You don’t owe him a damn thing! He’s throwing a tantrum and pouting and pointing the finger at you for his miserable and pathetic life. Girl, please leave this relationship, and recognize it’s a dead relationship. I don’t want to hear how much you say, “But, I love him and want to be with him.” Why? What does he have to offer you? He’s mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Once a relationship resorts to violence, it is time to go! Find the strength, power, and encouragement to leave him. If you don’t he will drain you emotionally and spiritually. You will become mentally tired, and the physical abuse will grow more intense. Save yourself and your children. You have to choose your life and your children’s lives over his. – Terrance Dean Photo courtesy: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: He Blames Me For His Drug Use, Depression & Violent Outbursts

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Dear Bossip: He Went Out Of Town, But I See Pics Of Him & His Baby Momma

Posted on March 27, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , Last week my boyfriend went out of town to go work with his uncle, which is all fine and dandy. He gave me a call on Saturday and he hasn’t called since. Before he left, and when he called on Saturday, he said he was coming back on Tuesday. Well, this is why I’m upset. So, on Monday, I was doing a little snooping, but something was just telling me that something wasn’t right. I admit that when you go looking for stuff where you don’t have no business you might get your feelings hurt. So, any who, I went on his mother’s Facebook page through my friends page because I don’t have an account. His mother writes a status on Monday saying, “Yay! My baby is here, my baby is here.” He told me he was going to visit his mom while he was down there doing work for his uncle. So, something just told me to look at her comments and it read, “My son and his girlfriend and my granddaughter are here.” I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, so who the heck is she talking about? I already knew he was there with his 1 st baby mama and their daughter. Now I’m pissed. Then, here comes Wednesday morning and she posts a pic of his daughter, then she posts another pic of him and his baby mama together without the child. So, all the signs are saying they are together and have a relationship, and they are more than just co-parenting. I confront him because I had a feeling he was at her house. I went there, and he’s trying to tell me I’m tripping and that she only gave him a ride from him mom’s house because his uncle went to jail and couldn’t give him a ride. I was like, “Why you posing in a picture with just you two like you are a couple.” He says, “Well, my mom asked for a picture of us. So, I just took it. I didn’t think nothing of it.” I told him that he obviously gave the impression to his mom that he and his baby mother were still together and I’m not even in the picture. He said the reason he couldn’t call me is because he didn’t have any more minutes and his family doesn’t have phones to call out to my number. Mind you, his baby mother tried to call the police on me because me and him were arguing outside the apartment. She says she’s going to get evicted all because she wanted to call the police. I told him that didn’t have anything to do with he and I, and she is the one who called the police. I didn’t do anything to her. So, now they’re trying to put the blame on me. If you ask me it all sounds like a bunch of bull-ish. I don’t know whether to think if the mom is being messy or if he’s just lying. He said he called his mom and yelled at her and asked her why did she put that pic of him and his baby mother on Facebook because it makes it seem like they are together. So, she later put another status up talking crap and saying I’m not about to take the picture of my son and his family off. I was like how is she calling you a family if you’re not together? Mind you he has two kids, but he doesn’t spend time with his second baby mother like he does with the first one. Both of his daughters are 5 months apart and I’m not one of his baby mothers. I want to know what do you think I should do. – Something Isn’t Right Dear Ms. Something Isn’t Right , Who has time for all this foolish? Girl, stop. Stop and grow up. Listen to what he’s telling you. Pay attention to all the clues staring at you in your face. First things first – Why are you dating a man who has two baby momma’s? Why are you dating a man who has two children by two different women and the children are 5 months apart? This means he was cheating on his first baby momma with the second baby momma. Thus, we can deduce he is not faithful, not to be trusted, and is a liar. Second, let’s take at face value that he went out of town to help his uncle. And, let’s take at face value that while he was out of town his uncle got arrested. So, he’s stuck out of town and has no way of getting home. But, he was able to call his baby mother, and she drove all the way out of town to go get him and to bring him back home. My question is why didn’t he call you, his current girlfriend, to come and get him if he was stuck out of town? Third, he comes back into town, and you still haven’t heard from him. Yet, he’s posted up at his baby mother’s house. HUH?!?! See, you’re so misguided and focused on one thing that you clearly haven’t thought any of this through properly. Your energy is directed toward his baby mother, and it’s because you don’t like her, you’re jealous of her, and you want to find a way to confront her. Your boyfriend is the problem. Your boyfriend is the liar. Your boyfriend is the one who is unfaithful. Your boyfriend is the one telling you lies, telling his baby momma lies, and telling his own momma lies. When you went to his baby momma house to confront him and he tells you that his uncle got arrested and he had no way to get home, the only thing you were concerned with was why his mother was posting pics of him, his baby momma, and their child on Facebook. You didn’t even ask him why didn’t he call you to come pick him up. You didn’t even confront him about the so-called lie that he had no minutes on his phone and that is why you haven’t heard from his since Saturday. But, he was able to somehow get in touch with his baby momma and tell her to come get him. You didn’t even confront him about the other lie that his mother and no one in his family had a phone that dials out to call you. HUH? Girl, bye! You should have stopped, tilted your head, looked him dead in his eyes, and reached all the way back and slapped the dog –ish out of him for that one right there. (I kid!!) LOL! You didn’t even confront him about his uncle who was arrested. Really, arrested? For what? Is he still in jail? You haven’t heard from your boyfriend since Saturday. He comes back home on Wednesday, and he is at his baby momma house. He didn’t come straight to you. He didn’t even call you. Therefore, yes, his mother is correct. They are a family. They are still together. They are in a relationship. You are the side chick. When you and he were arguing outside of her apartment and she called the police, he took sides with her because you rolled up to her residence causing a ruckus. You rolled up like you were his woman. Well, sweetie, did he leave with you, or did he stay with her? BOOM! BAM! POW! Look, the moment he told you that he was going out of town with his uncle for work, and for whatever reason his baby momma ended up with him at his momma’s house, and he knew you would find out, so, he’s had time to come up with a lie to tell you. What he didn’t anticipate was you going on Facebook and going to his momma’s page and seeing the pictures. Now, he’s back peddling. He still hasn’t explained why you haven’t heard from him since Saturday. No minutes or not, he was able to call his baby momma. And, he got back home without his uncle. Why weren’t you the first place he came when he returned home? And, the real reason he didn’t call you to come to pick him up is because he wasn’t ready for you to meet his mother. He’s not that serious about you, and he had, has, nor have any intentions on introducing you to his mother. So, you can stew and be mad at her, but your boyfriend is the liar. He’s been playing you, still playing, and will keep playing you because you will believe anything that comes out of his mouth. You have all the proof you need. You can ask him to come forward with the truth, and what really happened. You can ask him why he didn’t call you to come get him instead of his baby momma. You can ask him if he ever had any intentions on introducing you to his mother. You can ask all kinds of questions, but the reality is, he is not your man. He is not boyfriend material, for you. He is not someone you should be spending your time or energy with. You are rolling up at his baby momma house to confront him. That’s pathetic and sad. You shouldn’t be arguing with a man outside his baby momma’s house. Have some damn dignity, and be a lady. Have some respect for yourself. The hell you look like being a bird for some man who isn’t worth your time. – Terrance Dean Photo courtesy: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: He Went Out Of Town, But I See Pics Of Him & His Baby Momma

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Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend’s Teenage Daughter Is Rude & I’m Tired Of It

Posted on February 23, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My boyfriend’s 17 year old daughter has been attempting to sabotage my relationship ever since we’ve been together. Her mother is a convicted felon and is currently in jail. He is taking care of her and I do my part as his woman. I have always been encouraging toward her. I give her a lot of positive thoughts and opinions. Yet, she has continued to be rude and disrespectful towards me. I have brought it to his attention and he has spoken to her in my presence, but she continues to be disrespectful. When she comes in the room she refuses to speak. I leave items at his house and she disturbs them, and then blatantly lies about it. She has even gone as far as tried to stop her dad from coming to my house by saying she was scared or didn’t want to be in the house alone. She has attempted to slander my name throughout her family by telling family, members who would listen, how much she dislikes me. All in an attempt to have them jump on the band wagon, but she was unsuccessful at it. The issue stems from her saying negative things about her father, and in his defense I said, “He’s doing the best he can do as a single father. If your mother had your best interest at heart she would not be in jail.” Personally he’s a great father to his children and she refuses to give him any credit because she looks up to her mother, who’s been in and out of jail since 1997. Most recently she lied about bothering my items, so I politely told her if there is anything she would like to use of mine to ask, just don’t take it upon herself to bother my things. Of course she attempted to deny it, but it is rather obvious since the item was brand new. I’m at the point where I rarely want to be around him if she’s there. – Fed Up Dear Ms. Fed Up , I get it. I truly get it. You want him to choose between you or his daughter. Two people who are vying for his attention and fighting for their man. Yes, their man. She’s a teenage girl who doesn’t want the new woman around. She’s territorial, and is doing what any normal teenage girl would do when a new woman comes into the picture and she is close with both her parents. As you said she looks up to her mother. That is the only woman she knows, and the only woman she feels her dad should be with. They have history together, regardless of her felonious lifestyle, she is still her mother. And, in her eyes, her mother is still her father’s girlfriend/woman. You are an outsider intruding on her territory, her mother’s terrain. Therefore, she is acting out and trying to get you out of the picture. It’s normal. Young women who are raised by their father’s become “daddy’s girl,” and they have a special bond with their father’s. They are quite protective of their dads. Their dads are the first man they know and love. Therefore, you should be thankful and grateful her dad is in her life, and she sees her dad as a man she wants to protect. I don’t think you should have retorted with your comment about her mother, and if her mother cared about her or had her best interest at heart then she would not be in jail. That was a low blow. She is a child and you are a grown woman. You don’t stoop to the level of a teenager to get one up on them, or to make them feel beneath you. Why are you going tit for tat with a young girl? You’re an adult in this situation. You have to maintain your authority as an adult, and not resort to being a nasty and mean teenage girl who’s jealous of another girl. And, that is exactly what is going on. As I stated before, you two are fighting over his attention, time, and position in his life. You are his girlfriend and not his child. You’re not a surrogate mother, and neither are you his wife. So, you have no say, and should not be engaging his children as if you’re part of the family, or acting like his wife. Anything related to his children he should handle. Not you. At the same time, she is his daughter and not his woman or girlfriend. He has to remind her of that. Not you. He has to talk with his daughter and explain things to her about your relationship. He has to set the boundaries, and create the environment for everyone to know their role and position. He needs to explain to his daughter how things will not work out with her mother, and that you are not trying to replace her mother. No, she should not be touching your things. No, she should not be talking to you like you’re one of her peers. No, she should not be discussing you with other family members, or disrespecting you and being rude. She is the child. And, again, he has to put her in check. Not you. That is not your role, and I find it appalling that you write, “I do my part as his woman.” You are not his wife, and you have no say when it comes to his children. That is probably why there is tension between you and his daughter. You’re coming in trying to act like you’re running things, or you’re saving her, and feel you’re doing a good thing by giving her positive thoughts and encouragement. Uhm, sweetie, she may not want to be saved, and who made you Superwoman of the save the little girls who’s momma is in jail campaign? Pump your brakes. Slow your roll, and stay in your lane. If you have a problem with her touching your things, then don’t leave them over at his home. But, the other matter in regards to her being disrespectful, and rude, he needs to step in and remind her that she is a child. You don’t argue with a child. Let him handle his children. You have to build a support system with him, and let him know he’s in charge of this. Remember, you’re the girlfriend. – Terrance Dean Photo courtesy: Shutterstock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend’s Teenage Daughter Is Rude & I’m Tired Of It

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Dear Bossip: I’m In Asia, He’s In Africa – Can A Relationship Work?

Posted on January 30, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , So, I met this guy when I was on a short weekend gateway. We both happened to stay in the same hostel and clicked really quickly. He’s from Africa and was travelling around Asia countries, expecting to return home some time four months later. For sake of completion I will just mention that I’m Asian myself and live in Asia too. To cut long stories short, neither of us is denying that we have feelings for each other. We can spend hours talking in the hostel common area til the receptionist thinks we have dated for some time; that’s how good the chemistry was. But, of course, at that time, he was on his tour with two other guy friends, but even before he returns home, he has made some effort to visit me where I live, three times within four months. During that period, we were consistently in touch with each other. We exchanged so much about each other – jobs, careers, past relationships, travel experiences, life goals, etc. I find him very inspiring to me and it’s because I learned so much from the way he lives life that I have decided to quit my job as a lawyer in order to be a happy person. I do think he has made me the best version of myself, if not then at least the happiest version. Whenever we have the chance to be together, it all feels like I found where I belong – it’s homely, it’s comfortable, and I know it’s not just the sex (although yes, that too). Sadly, reality will always be harsh. He’s home been bound some two and half months ago. We’re still keeping in touch – sometimes we talk like friends, sometimes we flirt and sext each other and sometimes we get depressed because we could not share a future together (well, at least not given the current situation). Everything falls apart when I start inquiring as to whether we should make this a relationship, or should we just break the deal. This happened a month ago. We tried no contact, which really broke me within three days; we tried chatting plainly as friends, which eventually he came to admit it’s hard for him (for me too); we tried keeping minimal contact, which made me felt like he’s just purposely ignoring me. But, in the back of our minds, we know that we could not meet in the next two years as he’s going to start his training contract in order to qualify as a lawyer at home, and I know it is hard because I’ve been through the same procedure at home. Due to this, it all became a mess, because he’s made up his mind that he does not want to be in a relationship with someone that he could not see for two years. And, it’s made worse by the fact that he does not know if he wants to continue practicing as a lawyer at home (in order to live up to people’s expectations), or return to Asia for teaching (it’s his passion). I know it’s not fair and I know most guys won’t do a long distance relationship, which is a stretch of two years. As it stands now, we’ve reached the point that we don’t contact each other anymore as it causes too much emotional stir up on both of us. But, I think he deserves a place in my life. I really would like to try again after two years or whenever we have the chance to meet again. It’s just now, I’m not sure why he’s not saying anything about it. I can understand why he doesn’t want a long distance relationship, but at the same time I would very much rather be fighting together for this than to not know what he’s thinking. Do you think it’s worth it for me to keep a special place for him in my heart? I know for a fact that he will shut himself down from any relationship for about a year or so (I know this when we talked about our exes). Every time he takes it for real, so I do have some kind of advantage to roll it back in my hands. Am I just being silly, or truly fighting for something that’s worth it? – From Asia With Love Dear Ms. From Asia With Love , What are you fighting for? You and he were never in a relationship. You and he were not boyfriend and girlfriend, or long term partners. It was a hot fling that lasted a very short period of time. So, please explain to me what you are truly fighting for? (Sips tea) Let’s be clear, you’re in Asia. He is in Africa. That is not even remotely close in proximity. What type of long distance relationship do you really think will happen or occur? Chile, these women get some African d**k and go crazy! I’m sure your short weekend tourist fling with your African lover was amazing, wonderful, and he opened your eyes to some things by sharing his life with you. But, the reality is that he lives in Africa. You are in Asia. He is about to begin a two year program to become a lawyer. He will not have the time, finances, nor the energy to dedicate to you in a long distance relationship. Why fool yourself? Why even think you and he can have any type of intimate relationship for the next two years? It’s not a reality. And, you shouldn’t put your life on hold waiting on him to complete his program. What if he decides to stay in Africa, then what? He can meet another woman during that time, and you can meet another man. Why shut yourself off from the possibility of meeting someone new? Sweetie, it was a weekend filled and packed with a world wind of romance, passionate sex, and blissful lust speaking. He hooked you on that African penis and now you’re talking about you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Honey, you don’t know that much about him. You only know what he told you, and what he shared with you. I’m sure there is much more to his life than what he revealed in a weekend. And, let’s be clear, he’s only visited you three times in four months, and that is while he was in Asia. So, if he came to see you only three times in four months, then what do you think he was doing the other times he was not with you? (Sips tea) If he was really wrapped up in you and really wanted to make it work and he was madly in love with you as you are with him, then don’t you think he would have spent more time with you in those four months? Girl, he only saw you once a month, and one month he didn’t see you at all! D**k is a dangerous drug. And, he got you with that ole’ African d**k. I’m sure he inspired you, and gave you some great wisdom about life, but to up and quit your career as a lawyer is a bit rash. Don’t you find it ironic that, although he was in Asia to teach, but he is back in Africa to become a lawyer. If he was so unhappy and didn’t want to pursue a career as a lawyer, then why go through with the program? Why not stay and teach in Asia, or why not teach in Africa? So, don’t be fooled or too quick to stop your career and pursue your passions, well, not until you have well thought out and devised plan. Why quit your career and you have not fully thought it through, nor have you saved enough money to last you a few months while you pursue your passion? Long story, short: Don’t put your life on hold, or disrupt your life for a man. If he is not willing to disrupt his life or put his life on hold for you, then don’t you bend over backwards, or stop what you’re doing to follow him. Don’t wait on a man if he is not willing to wait on you. And, he’s told you that he is not willing to commit to a long distance relationship, and he is not willing to hold out for two years for you. He’s not making any promises or guarantees that you and he will be together. He is going on with his life, and so should you. And, notice that it’s you who is pursuing him. I bet you are the one doing all the calling, texting, and everything else. He is not chasing after you. Never, ever chase after a man. It was a great time, with great sex, and great conversation. Keep that memory, but soon it will fade. Soon he will be a faded memory of a hot and steamy romance which you had for a short while. Get back into the dating pool and I’m sure you’ll meet another wonderful, smart, inspiring, loving, and caring man who will sweep you off your feet. Just make sure he is local and not from another country or continent. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: I’m Trying To Co-Parent, But He Keeps Bringing Up The Past

Posted on January 16, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I need help co-parenting with my daughter’s father. My daughter’s father and I were in relationship for fifteen years. He was the love of my life. We haven’t been together for five years and we still can’t co- parents. My daughter’s father has cheated on me three times with three different chicks and I tried to forgive him. It’s hard to forgive someone who you loved such much and for him to disrespect me so many times. He made a video tape having sex with this one chick. I tried to forgive him, but I decided to walk away from our relationship. Before I called it quits I can remember early in the relationship several people would ask him when we were getting married. On several occasions he responded he would never get married to me. Why would I stay in a relationship with a dude more than fifteen years who cheated on me one time too many and he doesn’t plan on marrying me? He brought me a promise ring like it’s supposes to keep me waiting. I have my own apartment, career, car and money and purchase everything in my apartment by myself. My daughter’s father always complains about paying bills. He wanted me to take him out to a restaurant and movies and wanted me to pay for it. I come from the old school where dudes are supposed to take a chick out and wine and dine her. My daughter’s father never came home after work. Sometimes he would come home at 7pm or whenever he feel like it, which could be at 11:30pm sometimes. He felt like just because he paid the rent and he was a man he had the upper hand. He felt like he didn’t need to help our daughter with her homework or see her before she went to bed. Every time I went food shopping he would get upset because he had to help me bring them the groceries in the house. What the heck I look like sitting around waiting for him to change his mind or decide if he wanted to be in our life. My daughter’s father was livid at me before I called it quits. I started hanging out, going to clubs, and drinking and having fun. After I was tired of partying I started working 10 hour shifts six days a week because I didn’t want to spend any time around him. Saturday after work I would travel to another state and stay the night over family member’s homes with my son until Sunday night because he refused to leave. Why should I stay in the house or relationship with a dude who doesn’t plan on marrying me? Fast forward to now, my daughter’s father and I can’t talk on the telephone without a screaming match. I tired communicating directly with his girlfriend, whom he has been in relationship with for five years. She is sick and tired of being in the middle of our mess and she changed her telephone number. My daughter has her own cell phone to talk to her father directly, but we have to communicate. I can’t have a conversation with him unless he reflects on the past. He gets too emotional on the telephone and he is always making up an excuse to hang up the phone. One time, my daughter’s father said to me, “Eventually I would have married you. You were impatient.” We never resolve the issue at hand when we talk on the telephone. I pray to God to heal our relationship so that we can co-parent and to learn how to communicate again. The judge is tired of us coming back and forth to court. The judge said we need to learn how to co-parent and communicate with each other. The judge asked us what happen in our relationship and why can’t we come to an agreement. But, neither of us wants to reveal what happen. I come from a two-parent home in the suburbs and he comes from a single-parent home in the inner city. I don’t like the fact that when I talk to my family members about my daughter’s father they always respond he doesn’t know how to be a man because he didn’t have father around when he was a child. I’m tired of people giving me the same old sorry accuse. Problems between my daughter’s father are real deep. I can’t write the things down to share with anyone because I am too embarrassed. I get too upset with myself for putting up with BS for so long. In the last five years I feel like I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride with my daughter’s father, and it’s not over. We can’t come to an agreement on anything. It’s been five years and he’s moved on, yet, he still has resentment towards me. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 ½ years, but we are not together. My ex was sick and tired of me and my daughter’s father arguing all the time. Every time me and my daughter’s father see each other we always smile and laugh. My ex was upset. I believe we smile at each other because we remember all the good times we had together. But, on the phone we fight like cats and dogs. I apologized to him and asked him to forgive me if I’ve done anything wrong to him and he apologized to me as well. But, we always end up back at the same place. When I meet a dude who has kids with their exes and they say that their child’s mother and them is best friends I get jealous. My daughter’s father and I would never be friends or cordial. I don’t want to bring my new dude onto a rollercoaster ride to see him jump off. I need help communicating with daughter’s father. He doesn’t take me serious and always take my kindness for my weakness. My daughter turns thirteen next year and she graduates from the eighth grade. We can’t sit next to each other and have decent conversation. Everybody is looking forward to daughter eight grade graduation, but me I terrified daughter father going to cause a scene. – My Nightmare Daughter’s Father Dear Ms. My Nightmare Daughter’s Father, I don’t understand how and why some of you women fall into these situations with these men that you have chosen, and you cohabitate with them, and then create children, yet, only to break-up and you are unable to be cordial with one another and communicate effectively to at least co-parent for the sake of the child. I don’t get it. Then, you were in a relationship for 15 years, he’s cheated on you with three different women that you know of, but, you are the one who stayed after he cheated the first time. You had an out, but you stayed. Why? What’s sad is that you took him back three different times before you decided you were fed up. You left him because he said he would never marry you, but it took 15 years before you walked away. I’m sorry, but who the hell is waiting 15 years on someone and there is no progress in your relationship? You are not moving forward, you are not growing, and you are not maturing. Fifteen years with someone, and then all of a sudden you get fed up! I’m sorry, but you chose this man, and you keep choosing his behavior and allowing him to do what he did, so why would expect his behavior to change after the relationship ended? He is not going to change. He is not going to be the father, dad, or co-parent you hope he will be for the sake of your child. He’s shown you his a** for 15 years, and you refuse to believe or accept who he is. Girl, I’m so tired of saying this, but, WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVE THEM. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVE THEM. You and he keep running back and forth to court and you want the judge to handle it, but you and he are dishonest and don’t want to reveal the real reason why you two can’t get along. If you keep playing this game, then you’re not serious about wanting to co-parent with him. I feel that you like and enjoy the drama. It gives you the opportunity for you and he to continue to argue, fight, and have this ‘other’ sadistic relationship that no one wants to be a part of. Hell, his own girlfriend changed her number because she doesn’t want to be in the middle of it. And, you’ve lost your ex-boyfriend over it because he didn’t want to be around your incessant need to be in drama with your daughter’s father. So, therefore, it leads me to believe that you and he enjoy this sick game and all this back and forth that you two are engaged in. There is something that the both of you are getting out of it, and until you’re really ready to let him go and move on with your life, then you and he will continue this soap opera drama you two seem to enjoy. Why do you two continue to talk about the past? Why are you holding on to it, and what you had? Why are you and he arguing on the phone, and it has nothing to do with your daughter? As a matter of act why are you even engaging him and it has nothing to do with your daughter? Why are you doing all this grinning and cheesing up in each other’s face, and you’re talking about it’s because you and he remember what you once had. It’s over! Let that –ish go! Ma’am you gave me all this back story of your relationship with him, what he did, and how you shouldn’t have to wait on someone who wasn’t going to marry you. But, you chose him. You chose to stay 15 years. You chose to produce a child with him. You obviously kept choosing him to stay with him after he cheated on you three different times. So, was the back story an attempt to paint him as the bad guy? Honey, I don’t do voluntary suffering and misery. You stayed, so you got what you got. If you want to co-parent, and you’re serious about it, then you and he need to be in therapy. You need to let go of your past, and your relationship. It’s over. It’s ended. It’s done. It’s no longer. However, you and he are holding on to some unfinished business. So, go to therapy with a mediating third party and let them help you decipher through this bull-ish. Let them help you resolve this game, and end this back and forth. You two can’t seem to do it yourselves, and it’s obvious that you don’t want to the judge to handle it. Therefore, therapy with a professional counselor will help you get to the root of your issues, the underlying tension of your drama, and end this torrid love/hate relationship you have with one another, and this ongoing relationship that you two don’t seem to want to let go. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: I’m Trying To Co-Parent, But He Keeps Bringing Up The Past

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Posted in Celebrities, Hollywood, Hot Stuff

Tagged advice, black celebrity gossip, dear bossip, hollyweird, House, kids, men, million-bucks, mind, racism, sex and relationships, women