Tag Archives: sex and relationships

Dear Bossip: My Man Confessed To Sleeping With Over 1,000 Women & Is Addicted To Social Networking

Posted on September 2, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , Where do I start, I finally got the man I love to commit to a relationship. He gave me the code to the alarm and the keys to the door, so I have the ability to come and go as I please. Let me add, the man is 53-years old, retired military, and confesses to sleeping with well over 1,000 women (scary). But, the problem is the man is committed to social networks, seems he can’t get enough of contacting women on these sites. Before we started dating he had a friend whom he befriended on the web and they made arrangements for her to come to town. I understand that arrangements have been made, tickets have been bought, is it unreasonable for me to think this needs to be cancelled? According to her profile she is blatantly looking for love, she wants a man. Do you think it’s ok for this rendezvous to take place? Now when I question him, he says I am welcome to come along, I know that’s another ploy to throw me off. Deep down, I don’t trust the man. Some way to start a relationship. In addition, I also have the pin number to his debit card. (I know, you’re saying, wow) This man has so many web friends I don’t know what to do or think. He said that if I want him to cancel his account he would, but I don’t want him to cancel his account to make me happy. I want him to cancel or refrain from going to those sites because he has met the woman for him. This is where you come in. Do you think I can make a lasting relationship out of this? Now the other day I left his home to go ride my bike, and when I returned he had something propped against the bedroom door where the computer is located so I couldn’t just come right in. Does he have something to hide? So, he gives me the code and the keys to throw me off the scent. I’m not confused I just need reassurance. Please help; don’t worry, I’ve toughened my skin, so I won’t bleed. – Not Confused Just Need Reassurance Dear Ms. Not Confused Just Need Reassurance , I can’t. I won’t. I refuse. I sent a short yellow bus to your home. Please put on your pink helmet and get your small roller backpack. I’m taking you on a little trip. It’s so sad that you douse yourself in that desperation perfume to cover up your low self-esteem, and low self-worth. SMDH! Now, you clearly are not that bright, and definitely desperate for a man. You’re so desperate that you will jeopardize your health, life, and own sanity to have some man lay on top of you and do his business despite him confessing he has slept with over 1,000 women. You’re so desperate that you will knowingly commit to a man whom you know is addicted to dating/social networking sites and meeting women. You also have the damn nerve to ask me if I think it’s okay for him to have a rendezvous with a woman he met on the internet, and she is coming to town to visit him, but her ulterior motive is love and finding a man. You are a damn fool! Please reach around and smack your own damn self in the face. First off, a man who confesses to sleeping with over 1,000 women is not scary. That is dangerous! Who wants to be with someone with that many bodies, and lawd knows how many infectious diseases he’s probably encountered. By the way, have you two gone to the health clinic and gotten complete physical and STD exams? (*  *       ) (Giving you the side eye) But, let me ask you this, do you think he would be with you, or any man would be with you if you confessed and said that you’ve slept with over 1,000 men? If you know that no man would want to be committed to you because he wouldn’t see you as someone as respectable, lady-like, and basically a hoe, then why would you want to be committed to a man who has slept with over 1,000 women? He’s not respectable, or a man, and basically he is a hoe. Secondly, you say that he has a lot of web friends, and that he has said he will cancel his account if you want him to, but you don’t want him to cancel them to make you happy. And, you want him to refrain from going to those sites because he has met the woman for him. Hmmm, do you honestly think that you are the woman for him? I’ll wait while you ponder that. Some of you women are truly retards with slow a** brains, and I see why men prey on women like you. No self-esteem. No self-love. No self-worth. You think just because he gave you the keys and security code to his home, and his pin number to his debit card that you have some sense of security. Do you have the pin number to his main account, or is it one of his accounts? Trust me, it’s not his main account. And, no, chicken head, and I didn’t say, “Wow!” I said, “She’s the perfect trick! He gives every woman he’s been with the same information.” And, all you birds fall for the same the game. IT’S GAME! GAME! GAME! He does the same thing with every woman he comes across. But, those women, and eventually you, one day, will wake up and know he is not going to change. You will realize that he is not going to stop going to those websites, and everything coming out of his mouth is nothing but bull-ish and games. You know what, sweetie, how about asking him for his screen names and passwords to all his social/dating websites? Bet he won’t give that to you! Ask him how many bank accounts he has, and which one do you have the debit card pin number to? You say you’re not confused and need reassurance. Uhm, well, I hate to break it to you, but you are confused, dumb, slow, and just another notch on this man’s bedpost. So, count yourself included in the over 1,000 women he’s bedded. SMDH! Go and get yourself checked out after laying with this man. Don’t you know that there is a sharing of spirits when you lay and receive a man into your womb? Don’t you know that every woman he’s been with he is carrying their spirit, and dumps his seed and their spirits in you when he releases? Yeah, over 1,000 women. How does that feel? I’m curious to know that since he’s 53-years old, retired military, then how many times has he been married? How many children does he have? Have you met any of his family members, personal friends, or anyone important in his life? And, if this man hasn’t settled down by now, and he’s 53-years old, and is addicted to dating/social websites, girl, he is not about to stop now. You have the all the information you need, so what do you want me to reassure you about? That he will continue to sleep with and meet women over the web? That he will cheat, lie, manipulate, and deceive you, and you’ll fall for each of his lies, deceptions, and manipulative ways trying to convince yourself that you can change him? You actually think and feel he’s met the woman for him, and that he is going to turn his life around? LMBAO!!!! Okay, sit over there and reassure your own damn self. Why do you think something was propped up against the door where the computer is located when you came home? I can’t with you, and I’m done. I hope you’ll truly open your eyes, take all the information you have, and say, “Self, why am I remaining in this situation with someone who clearly does not feel I’m the one. He is not going to stop visiting those websites and making friends. He is not going to stop having sex with various and random women. Why am I fooling myself? Am I really that naïve and desperate?” – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!                 Continue reading →

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Poor Thang: Draya’s Baller Boo Hides Her Fine Azz In The $7 Nosebleed Section At Cowboys Game

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Is your boo ashamed of you? Draya Sits In The Nosebleed Section At Boyfriend’s Game Football “wife” Draya Michele has found baller happiness . Cowboys player, Orlando Scandrick and the Fine A$$ Girl have been spending lots of quality time together ever since their coming out party at the ESPY Awards last month. But, it looks like the NFL baller might not think that much of his reality boo … Via BSO reports: A former professional athlete once broke down how tickets are allotted to groupies, family members, mistresses and wives. There is a pecking order, the higher up you are the less the player thinks of you. In the preseason, if a player wants his lady close to the field it is no problem at all, they can ever put them in a private suite if they like. Draya knows that too, that is why she deleted the photo immediately after she posted it. Scandrick can’t have it both ways, if you are going to boo up with a reality show Twodel, just own it. If she is just a plaything, tell her the truth so when she is sitting in Row Heaven, she doesn’t look silly and an embarrassment to you. Draya must have figured out her seats were really awful because she later deleted the picture from her IG. Poor thang! We’ll just assume she left her son at home…

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Poor Thang: Draya’s Baller Boo Hides Her Fine Azz In The $7 Nosebleed Section At Cowboys Game

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Dear Bossip: My Husband & His Sister Are Obsessed With Each Other & She’s Always With Us Even On Date Night

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’ve been married to my husband for 4 and a half years, and we have to kids. My problem is that my husband and his sister are obsessed with each other so much so that I want to leave him because he allows her to act like his wife and she does things I don’t approve of. She’s always been jealous of me because I have a family and she doesn’t. She would always say ugly things about me and be sarcastic toward me. But, most of the time I ignore it because I feel it’s childish and I respect my husband too much, but he turns a blind eye. She does things like answer questions when I’m asking him a question. Or, she mingles in when we are having a private conversation that does not require her input. She even tries to play mother to my kids sometimes. She plays mind games with him by saying things like he doesn’t have time for her now that his married. There’s never a time that we go anywhere without her. She has to act like wifey to make people think that. I asked my husband for some time alone with him, but he said “Never gonna happen.” He speaks about all of our business to her and she makes sure that she let’s me know about it. He talks a lot about her. He pushes me away from him when she walks in the room. And, I can’t decide if it’s just out of respect or what. He is also at fault many times, but I try to understand that they have no parents and their family abandoned them. He’s not treating me too well and he always cuts me off when I want to explain my side. I’m always wrong in his eyes. But, what is driving me too the divorce is the fact that I made an effort to take him out to be alone, and he had to invite her to where we were without telling me. So, I got upset because I think I realized that he will never be the husband I need him to be because I feel he doesn’t contribute to our marriage. He just told me that he has had enough and to leave. So, I feel like doing just that.  He won’t talk about his feelings or show me any affection, so I’m guessing he doesn’t love me. I’m also very worried about how my kids will deal with this. Please help. – My Husband And His Sister Dear Ms. My Husband And His Sister , Uhm, are you sure it’s his sister?!? Hello! Chile, by the way they are acting he and her both need the side eye with the lips pursed and the stank look. Ma’am, you’re better than me because I would have snatched her up and got her right together! And, in that order! Something isn’t right with this relationship, and I agree that they are a little too close for comfort. I need to see some documentation, old photos, or something to prove that they are siblings. What the hell type of incestuous relationship they got going on?!? Girl, is this woman sleeping in the same bed with y’all? I’m just asking. Ain’t no way in hell a woman should be that damn close to her brother. Sister or not, she needs to stay in her lane, and out of your marriage. But, I’m guessing that because they have no parents, and their family has abandoned them, that they’ve developed a bond in which they are totally reliant upon one another, and they both fear abandonment. Thus, they cling to one another in fear of losing one another. They’ve had no one else but each other, so unfortunately they have made each other dependent on one another. They have developed the mentality, “It’s us against the world. And, no one is going to keep us away from one another.” And, also, since they have no parents, and no other family members, she has become his surrogate mother. She has taken on the role of his mother, and may feel the need to be protective of him, which comes across as overbearing, overprotective, and incestuous. So, married or not, he is not going to let his sister go. She is his rock, and his shelter. She is his voice of reason, and go to person for times of trouble. And, vise versa he is those things for her. Remember, they’ve always been dependent on one another before you came into the picture. I’m certain they told one another that no matter what happens or what’s going on that they will never let anyone come into their lives and replace the other. And, that includes you. I’m surprised that he got married, and was able to have a family. This woman sounds like the type who will try to have your children sucking on her tit trying to breast feed them, and cutting you out of the pictures of their photo album and replacing her face with yours. Watch that woman! But, the more important factor about all of this is the fact that when you asked your husband for some time alone he told you, “Never gonna happen.” That right there should have been your clue to exit stage left. But, what’s more disturbing is that he pushes you away from him when she enters the room. The hell!!??!! So, he can’t show you any affection in front of her? Uhm, that is bizarre and weird. Hell, the next time he does it just reach down and grab his d**k and look her in her face and yell, “This is mine! It belongs to me.” LMBAO! Honestly, I’m rationalizing the reason he pushes you away from him is that it could because she may feel a certain type of way, or he may feel a way about it. It may be uncomforting, and/or he may feel ashamed by showing affection to another woman. But, nonetheless, you are his wife, and for him to push you away only shows his disregard, and disrespect of you. If he can’t respect and honor you in front of her, then he will never respect and honor you. GET OUT! And, look here, if he is choosing his sister over you, telling her all your business, inviting her on your date nights without your consent, and he’s not willing to communicate with you, has stopped showing you affection and love, and he has told you that he’s had enough and for you to leave, then, ma’am, it’s time to leave! Hell, I’ll be damned if I’m in a relationship with someone, and married to them, and they are always choosing their sibling over me. This is when you step in and say, “Look here, I know you both are special to one another, and y’all are family and everything, but, err, uhm, this –ish is going to cease with you telling them all of our business, and you can’t show me any affection and love because they will get jealous. And, I’ll be damned if you’re going to invite them on our date night without my consent. So, if you and your sibling need that much time together, then I’ll make this easy for the both of you. You can both have each other. I’m throwing up the deuces, and I’m taking your a** for everything. The house, the car, and all your damn money.” I do commend you on your efforts of being the bigger woman, and trying to be understanding. You’ve gone to your husband with your concerns. You’ve expressed how you feel, and you’ve gone above and beyond by being respectful to his sister, and not engaging her in her little childish antics. Yet, he doesn’t acknowledge, or see anything wrong with their relationship. And, she isn’t grown enough, or woman enough to know her place and position in this situation, so, therefore you have to make an adult decision, and re-evaluate the past four and a half years and ask yourself do you want to spend the next four, ten, or fifteen years dealing with this. Do you want to have to fight for your husband’s affection and love? Are you willing to put up with him always choosing her over you? Are you willing to share your husband with another woman, and who will always have his heart, mind, and soul? The bond between them is one you will never be able to develop between you and he because he has already decided that his sister means more to him than anything. It’s time to create an action plan, and get to moving. Ask your husband if he wants to seek counseling, therapy, or a marriage counselor to get to the root and issue of his relationship with his sister, and how it is affecting your marriage. If he doesn’t want to take you up on your offer, then it’s time to consult a lawyer, and figure out how you want to handle child support, and custody. He’s told you to leave, and he’s had enough. If he’s fed up and has told you to leave, then he has checked out of the marriage. He doesn’t want to save it. You’re going to have to pull it together emotionally and mentally. Be strong, and know it has nothing to do with you. You’ve done all you could. You’ve worked hard, and gave all your love. Now, it’s time to love you, and your children enough to walk away and save yourself. He and his sister have a bizarre and unusual relationship, and they both need serious help. And, unfortunately it has come at the detriment of your marriage. Good luck! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!               

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Dear Bossip: My Husband & His Sister Are Obsessed With Each Other & She’s Always With Us Even On Date Night

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Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend Is Nice But He Has No Ambition & I’m Falling For A Married Man

Posted on August 23, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , I have been with the father of my two kids for 10 years.  We are by far not the perfect couple, but we have been solid. I am 28 years old and he is 24 years old. The last year or so I have been having mixed emotions because we are not where we should be in life. He has a GED and works jobs, but he doesn’t have a career, and he is not motivated. I keep telling him I want us to have better, but it’s like he does not understand. On the other hand, I have a male friend who we are just that. We never did anything that we should not have. He is married and I am in a complicated situation. We have known each other for a little over a year. My friend is a well-educated well-rounded guy with dreams and aspirations. Recently, we have kind of been flirting and getting to know each other more in depth, and I think I am falling in love with him. My kid’s father is such a nice guy. He treats me like a queen and is a great father, but he is not established. My friend on the other hand is established, and I don’t want to turn down the possibility of us being friends first, and that it could work between us even though he is married. I know a lot about his situation with his wife and it doesn’t seem like a forever thing. What do I do? Do I just back up and don’t cross that line of friendship because I don’t want it to turn bad. Currently, my kid’s father and I are working on ourselves, and, yes we are still having sex. We have a mutual understanding that we are taking time to re-evaluate things. I don’t want to hurt my kid’s father, but I also do not want to be hurt neither. – Between A Rock And A Hard Place Dear Ms. Between A Rock And A Hard Place , Ratchet, ratchet, ratchet! Those are my words for and about you. But, let me back up a minute. You’ve been with your boyfriend for 10 years, which means you were 18 years old, and he was 14 years old when you started dating? Uhm, isn’t that illegal to be dating a minor? So, you were already being ratchet 10 years ago at 18 years old, and now because you don’t think things are going where you want them to with your boyfriend, you’re talking about stepping out of your relationship to sleep with a married man? Huh? Are you serious? Do you see the pattern you have with men? You were dating a minor, which is wrong by all measures of the fact. He was still developing physically, emotionally, and mentally, and you took advantage of him. And, please don’t sit up here and say he was mature for his age. Ma’am, I will smack the –ish out of you. How would you feel if an 18 year old boy came home with your 14 year old daughter? Yeah, but you don’t like that idea. But, hold on, now you want to start dating a married man? Someone else’s husband?  Uhm, yeah, you seriously have mental and emotional problems and you need help. Then, you have the audacity to say that he is not where you want him to be because he has a GED, works jobs, and has no motivation. However, he treats you like a queen, is a great father, working, and a nice guy. However, you say that you want better for the both of you, but, ma’am, what are you bringing to the table. What do you have to offer? I noticed that you left that out of the conversation. You’re complaining he has jobs, and no career. Uhm, so what is your career? What are you holding down? And, since you’re complaining about having and doing better, then explain to me why you are not married? Why have you been dating for 10 years, playing house, shacking up, and you have two kids, playing family, but there is no ring on your finger? (I’ll wait while you ponder that.) Now, because you’re not happy at home you figure the best resolution to your situation is to sleep with a married man. You figure that instead of talking and effectively communicating with your man about your feelings, how to move forward, and make the necessary steps toward a united goal, instead you seek comfort in the arms of a married man? And, you want to throw your boyfriend under the bus because you’re the ratchet trifling a** who is willing to jeopardize her relationship for a fling. SMDH! Some of you women are a piece of work. The man is married. He is not your friend. You don’t have anything in common with him. Despite that you may feel you have something in common with him, but you don’t. You’re enamored and impressed with his accolades and that he has dreams. And, he is selling you on his pipe dreams and your thirsty dumba** is falling for them with your lips touted up slurping on his nut sac. So typical. And, for the record he is not going to leave his wife. He just wants to smash, and you will have a momentary affair, and it will be over because the novelty of new p***y will wear off for him, and you will be just another chick he cheated on with his wife. You will stalk him, trying to keep the relationship going, and he may come back, and then you’ll have unprotected sex. And, BAM! You’ll end up pregnant, but you won’t know which man is the father, and, we all know how this story is going to end. What’s so sad is that you are comparing your man to a married. Why? There is no comparison. He is married, and the fact that you said he is established, well, yes, he is establishedly married (I made that word up. LOL!) Nevertheless, he is off limits, but knowing your ratchet a** you’re going to ignore all warnings and caution because you’re falling in love with him. Bwahahahahaha. Girl, stop! Falling in love my a**. You just want to get some d**k. You love playing the game of off-limits and dangerous liaisons with men. Remember, your boyfriend was 14 years old when you started dating him. He was off limits, yet, you pursued that relationship. You’re dangerous, and need some help. So, your options are either to sit with your boyfriend. Be honest and frank with him about what you’re feeling, desiring, and how to proceed to get both of your needs met. You mentioned that you’re working on re-evaluating your relationship. Well, take this time to set an action plan of how to move forward. It’s been 10 years of the same damn thing, but you’re not married. Why not? How can you move toward that goal? Then, you discuss his goals, desires, and dreams. What does he want for himself, and his family? Where does he see himself a year, two, or five years from now? Is he interested in being married? And, if you feel that neither of you are on the same page, you have two different dreams, goals, and desires for your relationship, then it may be time to end the relationship and move on. And, no, that does not mean you move on to the married man. He is off limits. Leave that man alone. And, you can’t be friends. You can’t be associates. You have no reason to be in contact or communication with him. Instead, I need for you to work on you, and get into some therapy to figure out why you have this desire and need to be with men who are off limits to you. Why do you pursue men that present some element of danger? You need to work on that, and get to the root of yourself. Something is at the core, and you’re going to seriously need to resolve this before you start dating or being any other man. Because if you don’t resolve this, you will continue to repeat this pattern at the detriment of yourself, and your children. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            Continue reading →

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Dear Bossip: We Were Homeless While I Was Pregnant & I Moved Home & Offered Him To Come But He Declined

Posted on August 19, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , I have been with my man for 2 ½ years now, and I am 9 months pregnant with both of our first child. I am 22-years old and he is 23-years old. When I found out I was pregnant we decided to relocate from Tennessee to Kansas to better provide for the baby. However, a combination of bad luck and bad choices had us living in a car until I was 8 months pregnant. I’ve truly been through hell and back with this man by my side. He had no motivation to work and what money he came up with he spent on drugs. I consistently worked throughout the pregnancy, but we could never get on our feet on my minimum wage paychecks. He’s repeatedly tried to cheat. He’s sneaky, disrespectful and lies. He talks bad about me, and he puts his friends and drugs above me. He doesn’t even stick up for me or the baby in front of his family. He has been in and out of jail in Kansas for domestic violence against me. As cliché as this sounds, I stayed because I truly love him and thought we’d work through it. I believe the drugs turned him into a monster and the pregnancy hormones turned me into a bish. His only redeeming quality as a father is during the last weeks I was with him he was staying off the drugs, paying more attention to me and the baby, and overall trying to be a good provider. As my due date crept closer we were literally on the streets and I decided I would not be homeless with a baby for any reason. I decided to go back home to Tennessee. Conditions of his costly 1year probation included he could not leave the state and a strict no-contact order between me and him, so we decided the best thing would be for him to accept a shorter 4 month jail sentence and get it over with. Therefore, he will miss the birth next week and the first months of her life. The problem is before I left Kansas we made a plan. He was supposed to get out of jail and come to Tennessee to be with us. I am supposed to start college in January 2014 and he was going to work and watch the baby to cut back on child care costs. I already bought his bus ticket and have a place for us to stay. So, imagine my surprise when I talked to him on the phone and he’s decided he wants to stay in Kansas after he gets out and work with some of the guys he’s met in jail, no matter the fact that he’ll be homeless when he is released. At first he said he would come to Tennessee after he could get a car, but then decided he wants to get an apartment up there and send for us. Who knows how long that would take, but more importantly what type of man voluntarily misses out on time with his first baby like that? Plus, he knows my campus is in my hometown, so I can’t just move away like that. I’ve asked him to at least visit his child with the bus ticket, and he’s being shady about giving me an answer. A part of me feels selfish because I refuse to leave Tennessee where I have support and school. So, why should I hold him back from being in Kansas and getting his life on track? On the other side, I’m mad that I can take care of my business with a baby to raise, but he gets to stay up there and do it without her. What solution is there? I know he can’t cope with the physical part of long-distance, so I just want to end it. Honestly, I would die if my daughter were to date a guy like this. So my question is of loyalty. Is it wrong to leave him while he’s in jail? Should I continue to stay by his side during his incarceration and tell him when he’s free? I am the only one who is still here for him or will have any kind of contact with him. I pay for the phone calls, put money on his books and send mail. I’ve been loyal to this man the whole 2 ½ years and wanted to marry him one day. Now I’m a single parent and ready to move on. – He Says One Thing But Does Another Dear Ms. He Says One Thing But Does Another , I don’t know what the issue is. You’ve already decided what you’re going to do. So, just leave him. Why prolong this and draw it out? And, why in the hell would you stay by his side while he is incarcerated and tell him when he’s free? Get the –ish over with today and be done with him. He’s made his choice and decided on what he’s going to do, so why are you trying to be a ride or die chick, holding him down while he is incarcerated, and sending him money to put on his books and accepting his phone calls? I swear the hood –ish will never get old. Your man of  two and half years has decided he is going to stay in Kansas, where he has done nothing but get into trouble, and now has a record because of his antics, has no home, no car, no job, and no means to make an income. And, you’ve offered him a bus ticket home, a place to stay, support to get back on his feet, and a chance for him to be with his child. Yet, he chose Kansas. I don’t understand some of the decisions and choices folks make when, especially dumba** choices that will jeopardize their livelihood, and well-being, but they are so stuck on stupid and can’t make rational choices because of their inept mental and emotional well-being. SMDH! Let’s look at the facts ma’am. 1.) Your man has a drug problem. There is nothing you can do for him. And, you do not want that type of person around your child, and to be left alone with your child. What happens when you’re at school and he comes across some money and he needs his drug fix, so in his impaired judgment he leaves the child alone to “run up the street for a minute,” to get his drugs? Then what? You can lose your child to Child Protective Services because your drug addict boyfriend can’t make rational choices due to his drug use. That is not a healthy environment to bring up a child in, nor is it a conducive environment to leave your child alone with a drug addict, despite him being the father. 2.) You worked, he did not, does not, and probably never will. You got a place to live for your family, and he’s coming to live with him, however, he still won’t have a job, no money, and no way to provide for you and the child. You want to be a responsible parent, and he wants to stay in Kansas and play. He’s sneaky, lies, talks bad about you, and repeatedly tries to cheat. And, you want to stay with him because……? (I’ll wait while you ponder this) 3.) And, he’s not a good father, so stop lying to yourself and to anyone who will listen. This man had you, pregnant in another state, with no place to live, and you were homeless. How is that a good provider? How is he taking care of you and his child, and preparing to be a good father if you’re struggling, dealing with his new prison record which will further make him unable to get a job because of his record? Please explain to me how a man who will decide to leave his girl and child to go and work with some men he met in jail. Really! Really? He’s going to work with some men he met in jail? Bwahahahahahahaha! Girl, stop! 4.) The man has assaulted you while you were pregnant, and has been in and out jail for domestic violence. Sigh! You women won’t stop chasing these silly a** little boys, and babying them and nurturing them like you’re their mothers, despite the physical abuse. The man has put hands on you. There is no reason, no need, and no redeeming factor to stay with a man who puts their hands on you. If he does it now, he will continue to do it. And, if you stay then just know that he will eventually do more physical harm to you, and we’ll be hearing about you on the news. And, your child will grow up parentless. So, stop taking his phone calls and running up your phone bill. Stop sending him money, and stop writing him. As a matter of fact write him off! End this tumultuous relationship and get yourself together. Go back to school, lean on your support system to help you with your child, and empower yourself. You’re young and have the entire world ahead of you. Dream bigger for you and your child. You can do anything you put your mind to, and you don’t need someone bringing you down and wearing you down in the process. You are not his mother, his provider, or his wife. Stop trying to make him do better, and be the man you want him to be. He is not going to change. As you build yourself, grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually you will look back at him and the experience and see it as a stepping stone and blessing to where you’re going. Use your experience with him as a way to look back and tell yourself that you will never get back into that situation ever again, or even date a man like him ever again! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!             Continue reading →

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Dear Bossip: He Travels Within The State For Work & I Suspect He Has A Girl And Seeing Other Women

Posted on August 16, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I first want to say thanks for all the great advice to the ladies. Although you can be brutal at times, your words are always on point. I find myself confused and need your advice. I’ve been dating this man “Marcus” for eight months. He is an electrician. With his job, he travels from city to city (Here in Georgia). His latest assignment landed him in my city. We met, hit it off well, and have decided to become a couple. Things are great. He treats me very well, and I am very happy. Last weekend, we went out with a few of his co-workers for drinks. He got pretty wasted. He and I were having small talk. He said to me he was surprised that I wasn’t married. My response was something to the effect of I was surprised he was single. He then blurted out he was kind of not single, but was just unhappy. I was shocked. I was like you have a girlfriend? He then realized what he had said, and was like he didn’t mean it like that. He meant he was unhappy in his last relationship with the mother of his two girls. I’m like that doesn’t even make any sense. I really am skeptical at this point. Yesterday I walked up on him talking on the phone telling someone that his kids mom is a stay at home mom, and he has to pay all her bills due to his girls. While I do understand him doing this, it still can be a sign of him actually still being with her and just taking care of home while he’s away working. After I overheard his phone conversation, I asked him again was he still with the mother of his girls. He keeps saying no. Then we were watching Tyler Perry’s, “Confessions of a marriage Counselor/Temptations,” and he said something suspect again. He said, “I have to make sure my kids mother see this movie. I want her to see what happened to the marriage counselor at the end.” I sarcastically said, “Yeah, let’s call her now.” He then said he was sorry and didn’t mean anything by it. I’ve heard of men having a different woman in every city here in Atlanta, and I want no parts of this for myself. He keeps saying he is single, but I don’t know if I believe him anymore. By the way, he’s a Libra, and they are charming liars from what I hear. I don’t know what to believe. If he has a girl, I will end things. I just don’t know if he does. What do you think? – Ms. I Think I’m Being Gamed Dear Ms. I Think I’m Being Gamed , Face palm, face palm, face palm. SMDH! I know it’s a shortage of men in Atlanta, but DAMN! Are y’all down there willingly and knowingly sharing community d**k? You lie to yourself, or you convince yourself that as long as you don’t see it or her, then it’s okay. It’s just speculation. The thirst is heavy. Ma’am, you got all this damn evidence smacking you in the damn face and you still refuse to acknowledge what is painfully obvious. YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND. YOU ARE A SIDECHICK. He has revealed critical information regarding another woman, children, her staying home and him paying all the bills. Yet, you allow him to slick talk you out of what you hear, feel, and know because why? Why don’t you want to believe what you’re hearing or believing? What about this man is so amazingly wonderful that you refuse to believe your own ears, instincts, and personal judgment? I don’t get some of you women. Evidence can be staring you right in your face, hell, it can be written in 24-font posted on the wall, and all the details, pertinent information, and involved parties can be listed, yet, you still refuse to acknowledge it because you want a man. Any man. A piece of a man. Just some man in your bed and banging you out. UGH! Liquor is a truth serum. It is the devil’s elixir. You want some information from someone, wait until they are drinking, or are drunk, and it all comes out. They will reveal everything. And, this traveling electrician, whom you met while he was visiting your city, and whom you decided to start a relationship with without knowing too much about him, reveals to you that he is “kind of not single.” What the hell is that? Either you are single or not. Duh! But, against your better judgment, and instincts, you continue the relationship with him. Why? Please explain why you continued to see this man. But, then you walk up on him during a phone conversation and learn that his children’s mother is a stay-at-home mom, and he pays all the bills. Uhm, sweetie, how much money is this man making? She can afford to be a stay-at-home mom, and he pays all the bills, and he can entertain you with dates? Ma’am, I’m going to need for you to use your cognitive thinking skills and start making some deductions. He is living with her! They are a couple! Want to know how I know this? Have you been to his home? Do you know where he lives? No you have not. And, you never will because he lives with her. I’ll wait while you shake your wig with your mouth wide-open and that look of shock on your face. Pulls out my bull-ish calculator and begins adding –ish up. 1.) He travels for his work from city to city within your state. Don’t trust him. Think about it, you met him while he was in your city. Thus, adding one city and multiply that by him visiting several cities within the state, then let me do the square root of him meeting other women the same way he met you. Uhm, my deductions indicate he is a traveling hoe and that you are not the only woman he is banging, or spending his time with. 2.)  Based on your letter it seems you spend a lot of time hanging out in your city, and at your place of residence. Let’s see here: Add him coming to your home all the time and visiting you in your city and at your place. Then divide the fact that this gives him the ability to not be seen in his own hometown, and reduces the likelihood of him running into someone he knows, or, lying to his wife/girlfriend, or whomever she is to him, that he is out working. Now, let’s add all this up, and BOOM!  He’s a liar! He’s manipulative and deceptive. Notice that when he gets caught he immediately results to the sorry, and apologetic excuse of he didn’t mean it, or anything by it. 3.) You don’t know where he lives. You’ve never been to his home. He spends all his time visiting you, and you women fall for the ole okey doke because he’s driving to come see you. He’s taking the time out of his schedule to visit you, and spend quality time with you. Uhm, NOOOOO! It’s because he knows how to conveniently lie to his wife, girlfriend, or woman he is living with, and he has a few hours to get away and he comes to spend it with you. Now, you add that –ish up and you tell me what you come up with. Look, the man has lied to you on several occasions, and you’ve caught him in the lie. Why won’t you trust yourself, and the gut feeling you’re getting? If you don’t trust yourself, then it’s easy to allow someone to come into your space and lie to you as well. So, ask him to be honest and tell you the truth. Present your facts to him of what you know. But, he’s going to continue to lie to you because that all he knows how to do. So, that’s when you ask him if you can visit him at his home. Ask if you can spend some time at his place, and that you want to hang out in his hometown instead of yours. As he stutters, and makes excuses as to why you can’t visit him, or come to his place, then you politely escort him out of your home and bid him adieu. You can play this game with him if you want, but know that the game will end with you never being his woman. You’ll always suspect him of cheating, lying, and being deceptive. You’ll wonder when he’s not with you, then what is he doing, and with whom. So, I suggest you end the game before it begins, get the truth out of him, and then decide how to move your piece on the board. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            

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Dear Bossip: He Wants Me To Be Intimately Exclusive, But He Can Date Other Women & He Asked Me A For Threesome

Posted on August 14, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am in a very complicated situation. I am hurt, in love and I don’t put up with nonsense. I have been dating a recently divorced man. We are going into our fifth month.  Everything was good until now!  He is a man who is polite and caring. He treats me good and he works a lot of hours. He works for the city. However, for the last 3 months the time we spend together has only been sex. He used to take me out until the second month. We have good communication. However, I am very concerned about him. He is still hooked on his ex-wife. He still gives her everything. He pays for everything. She’s still on his health insurance, car insurance, bank accounts and who else knows what. They still talk on a regular basis. She wanted the divorce! I don’t know if he’s still seeing her. He told me if I didn’t give him sex that his ex-wife would. I was very pissed off and still am. They have no children together. Here I am in his life and I get spoken to like that? Four months into our relationship he tells me that he wants to sleep with me exclusively, and date other women?  I was not going to let that happen. I’m sorry but that is the wrong thing to say so far into a relationship, even if we are dating.  He told me that we are dating and he can basically do what he wants.  But, that he only wants to sleep with me? I know the way a man thinks. If he’s attracted to a woman or the woman is just willing to give her snatch away he’s going to take it. You think I want to be with that after he slept with someone else? He has told me about some of his past. He has slept with friends and they have moved on, and they are still good friends? That is so wacky, it is stupid! He has a 17-year old son from a former relationship. He asked me to have a threesome with his male cousin. Whom of which is married and I had to find out by myself. And, he had threesomes in the past with his cousin. Then, he asked me to have a threesome with another woman. What the hell is wrong with this man? Ninety percent of the time, I tell him where I am and tell him what I am doing. The three times I don’t pick up the phone I get lashed out at because I didn’t answer the phone. I was still mad at him. Then, he is rebellious and does the same thing to me. I think he’s jealous that I went to college and earned my degrees. He rubbed it in my face twice. Me having degrees doesn’t make me any smarter than him. It just exposed me to different things. He can still go to college. Make something of himself. I even offered to help him write award-winning papers if he was serious about attending. I don’t know his whole story and I am almost to the point where I am in love with him. We want to be together. And, I eventually want to be his girlfriend down the line. Into the fifth month we should have some other commitments to each other besides sex. He should be honored to have a pretty, smart, well-educated woman that wants to be with him. I am going the extra mile to see what I can do to help him. I don’t ask him from anything. I have a child. I work two hard jobs. I went to two prestigious colleges, and have two degrees.  And, I want to be with him. We are in our late 30s.  I’m Asian and he’s from Trinidad. Everything is all about him. When do I get to make decisions? I know I should leave him. I am tired of looking for a good man. I know the perfect one doesn’t exist.  And, he is who I want. How do I help him help me? – Weeping Woman Dear Ms. Weeping Woman , This foolishness right here. Whew! I couldn’t do anything but SMDH! There are so many things wrong with this relationship, and your denial in it that I don’t know where to begin. But, first and foremost it is not complicated. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want you exclusively, and he doesn’t appreciate you or respect you. If he can sit up in your face and say to you that he wants to have sex with you exclusively, yet, continue to date other women, then he doesn’t respect you as a woman. And, for him to ask you to have a threesome with his male cousin, and also with another woman, then he doesn’t respect your body or identity as a woman. He only sees you as a piece of gush-gush to play in and use at his leisure. If you know you are more than your gush-gush, and for some man to feel he can pass you around to someone else without any regard for your body, then I urge you to stand up for yourself, demand better, and end this relationship today. Because this man doesn’t value you, your identity, or your body. I truly can’t believe that you have two degrees from two prestigious universities. Girl, what schools? Are they accredited? I’m going to start demanding that when you smart, educated, degreed women send in your letters that you send copies of your diplomas, and OFFICIAL copies of your transcripts.  Honey, you may have school knowledge, but you clearly don’t have the common sense to navigate your relationship, nor do you value yourself enough as a woman to demand better for yourself. This man is no good for you, and is only using you for sex. If the past three months have been nothing but you and he spending time together and it’s only about having sex, then at some point it should have dawned on you that you are nothing but a booty call. You are nothing more to him than some woman who is willing to give her snatch to a recently divorced man. Ugh! Dating a recently divorced man is not wise or healthy. He has just come out of a marriage, and he is not in a space where he wants to date exclusively. And, for all you women out there, if any man has just come out of a long-term relationship I would strongly advise you to leave him alone. He is not going to wife you, make you his woman, or be faithful to you. He wants to play the field and sow his oats. So, trying to tie him down is a recipe for disaster. But, hold on, this man is still communicating with his ex-wife on a daily basis, and they have no children together, and she is the one who asked for the divorce? And, she is STILL on his health insurance, car insurance, and bank accounts? Then, he threatened you with the line that if you didn’t have sex with him then his ex-wife would? Child, come on sweetie, don’t be blinded by the d**k. (Slowly lift his musty nut sac from over your eyes). But, hell, you are getting that Caribbean d**k, so I don’t know what type of hoodoo and roots he is putting on you. But, ma’am, HE IS STILL SLEEPING WITH HIS EX-WIFE. They are having sex on the regular, and whatever lies he has told you about her, don’t believe them. He cannot be trusted. Why? Well, because what need is there for them to still be communicating on a daily basis? Why is she still on all his accounts? And, why would he say his ex-wife will have sex with him if you won’t? What game is that? What tactic is he trying to pull? But, uhm, yeah, you keep thinking they are friends if you want to. But, he is banging out her snatch just like he is banging yours. And, I want you to realize that you are something foreign and different for him. If this man is notoriously known for sleeping with his female friends, and he is having threesomes with his male cousin who is married, please note he is a hoe. He is not faithful. He is not to be trusted. He is trifling, low down, and cheating on you right now as we speak. And, that is the reason his wife left him because she found out about his philandering ways. So, get your head out of the clouds, and this hopeful wish of being his girlfriend. YOU WILL NOT BE HIS GIRLFRIEND, because he has told you that he wants you to have sex with him exclusively, yet, he can still date and see other women. The hell!!! I don’t understand you women who allow men to talk crazy –ish to you and you claim to be independent, strong, smart, intelligent, and “ain’t having it” women. You lose all sense of sensibilities once you’re d**k-matized. LOL! And, then this man has the gall to say to you that he wants to have sex with you exclusively, but he can continue to date other women. You should have slapped the dog –ish out of him three times (Wop! Wop! Wop! Open hand, back hand, open hand). And, on top of it, he asks you to have a threesome with not only his male cousin, but also with another woman? WTF! Please get out of this relationship. You cannot save him, fix him, make him better, or settle him down. He is not ready, nor willing to be committed to another woman. He is not interested in monogamy. He wants to do him, you, other women, and his ex-wife. Chile, tell that man to have several seats on the hoe track. Take your dignity, self-respect, self-worth, and identity of an embodied woman with the respect, intelligence, smarts, and wherewithal that you claim you have and drop this low life and rebuild yourself. You’re right that he should be honored to have someone like you, but he doesn’t know what honor is because if he did he would still be married to his wife because that is what marriage is all about, honoring one another in marriage. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!         

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Dear Bossip: He Wants Me To Be Intimately Exclusive, But He Can Date Other Women & He Asked Me A For Threesome

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Dear Bossip: My Man Has A Drinking Problem & He Curses Me Out & Doesn’t Remember Anything

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , I have some issues with my younger boyfriend. Ok here goes: I am 34 years old and my boyfriend of 5 ½ months is 26 years old. Recently, it has come to light he has a drinking problem. When we first met we would chill and have a few drinks together and it was cool. No problems, none of that. Well, all that changed in the last 2 months. Mind you that at 26 years old he is doing alright for himself compared to other dudes. He works full-time, has his own place, and takes care of the 2 kids he has on a regular basis. Now, with that being said here is the problem: Every day after work he gets drunk. And, after he finishes drinking he will call and come over and when he gets to my house he is very disrespectful to me. He has called me names (bish), u know the one name that will get you cut, LOL. He likes to say I don’t do -ish for him, and the things he does for me he says I don’t appreciate it. And, the list goes on. Now, the kicker is the next day when he sobers up and I am mad at him he ALWAYS wonders why and says he doesn’t remember any of it and apologizes. Now, my problem is I don’t know what to do because I like him a lot, and when he is sober everything is good. I don’t know if I should stick around and try to help him, or should I say “F” it and keep it moving. Please help me on how to handle this situation. I really do like him and want to work on it and see where things go, but I’m not the one to sit back and just allow a man to talk crazy to me and take it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. – Loving A Drunk Youngster Dear Ms. Loving A Drunk Youngster , SMDH! Ma’am, please get out of this relationship IMMEDIATELY! Do not wait, do not hold out, and do not stick around thinking you can change him, help him, or “like” him through his addiction. He has an addiction problem, and you cannot fix him. Point blank! And, I don’t care if he has a job, his own place, and takes care of his two kids, he is what you will call a functioning alcoholic. He will remain in denial because if he can do all of this and take care of things and still go to work, then he doesn’t think or feel he has a problem. PLEASE GET OUT! I’m curious as to what is there to work on? He’s an alcoholic who is in denial about his drinking problem. What can you work on? And, what do you mean you don’t know what to do because you like him? Ma’am, it’s been nearly six months and this man has already shown you who he is. Get the “F” out of the relationship! HELLO!  You know what, since you playing dumb and don’t know what to do, how about you go to the corner liquor store and pick up an alcoholic and take him home and start a relationship with him. Ain’t no difference between your man and the corner liquor store man. Stop justifying his –ish! And, why stick around? He calls you out of your name, he’s been drunk during the entire relationship, he doesn’t remember what he does after his binge drinking, and I’m sure he doesn’t even remember most of the sex you’ve had, or most of the things you’ve discussed or talked about in regards to your relationship. He’s not even coherent. So, please help me to understand what is there to work on, why are you still there, and why are you putting up with this? UGH! I don’t understand how you claim that you don’t sit back and just allow a man to talk crazy to you and take it. Yet, you’re doing it! And, then you claim when he calls you out of your name and calls you a bish, that it is the one thing that will get someone cut. Yet, you put LOL after the statement. What’s funny about a man who gets so inebriated that he curses you out, tells you what you don’t do for him, and how you don’t appreciate him, and lord knows what else he says, and you are still sitting up there pouting with your arms folded mad at him the next day because he doesn’t remember? Girl, I can’t! Did you really read your own letter and see what you wrote? Did you take the time to reflect on your situation and say to yourself, “You know what, this man is a drunk. He is an alcoholic. He berates me. He demeans me. He makes me feel like –ish. He even calls me out of my name. What is healthy about this? What woman in her right mind would sit back and let a man treat her like this? What woman would feel so low that she would not muster the courage to get out of an unhealthy situation knowing and seeing the signs of someone who is abusive and has a drinking problem?” Look here, you cannot help someone who does not want to help their own self. If he doesn’t recognize he has a problem, then there is nothing you can do. You cannot make him go to AA, or any drinking rehab unless he first acknowledges he has a drinking problem. And, even then it will be a life-long ongoing treatment for him. Regardless of how much you like him, it is not your problem, and it is not up to you to stick around to see him through it. He has to do the work, and heal himself. If he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he is doing, then please do not stick around waiting on him to see he has a problem. Besides, he doesn’t respect or love himself because I can only imagine that if he is drinking to the point of blacking out and not remembering what happened the day before, then I don’t know how he can care for his two children, and he is left alone with them. He is putting his children at danger, which should tell you that he does not care about anyone, and he is selfish. He would put everyone else’s life at danger with his drinking. What happens when you are out and he is driving? What then? What happens when he begins to berate you in public, or embarrass himself, then what? What happens when he becomes physically, then what? I strongly urge you to get out of the relationship today. And, I want you to do some soul searching and look within yourself to get to the core of why you choose to stay in this relationship. Knowing what you know, what you have experienced, and why you allow someone to treat you this way, then what does this say about you? How low is your self-esteem, and why are you allowing this to go on? Also, stop thinking you can fix him, or help him. YOU CAN’T!!! Again, why are you letting this go on and allowing this man to talk to you crazy, any kind of way, and show little respect to you? Answer those questions and then hopefully you will be able to muster the little strength you have, and the little dignity you have to walk away and leave the drunkard on the sidewalk where you found him. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!              Continue reading →

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Dear Bossip: My Ex’s Girlfriend Is Violent & I Don’t Want Our Child Near Her So I Gave Him An Ultimatum

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , My child’s father and I were together for over 8 years. I met him while we were both stationed overseas in the Navy. We have not been together for over 2 years. But, I’m not writing about why our relationship failed. We have a 5 year old son that we co-parent. We have learned that we are better as friends and have agreed that we will raise our son together. One morning he texted me and told me, “Good morning,” and, “Have a good day.” This is common so I thought nothing of it. Later on that day he called me and told me not to respond to the text. When I asked him why he told me that he left his Ipad at one of the female’s house that he is currently seeing. We both have Iphones and Ipads, so with the Imessage being linked to the Ipad, it will send your text conversation to the Ipad. Seeing that he left the Ipad over to the female’s house, she was able to see what he texted me. He told me don’t reply to any text message I receive from him until he gets his Ipad. I told him that I did not reply to text message anyway. And, that was the end of the conversation. Later on that night he called me and told me that him and the female got into an argument about him texting me good morning. He told me that she was chasing him around with a knife and a cinder block around the house in front of her 4 children. I told him that was unacceptable and that if he valued his life and wanted to see his son into manhood that he would need to stop seeing her. I feel that any person that you are in a relationship with, male or female, that will cause you bodily harm then you don’t need to be with them. He agreed and that was the end of the conversation. That next night he called me and asked for a favor. He wanted me to talk to the female because she wanted to ask me something. I immediately told him NO! I told him that there is nothing that we needed to discuss. And I hung up. He called back later and asked to Facetime with our son. He talked to our son for a while and then asked to speak to me. While we were talking all of a sudden the female comes on speaker phone out of nowhere. I couldn’t believe it!! I was too upset. I felt that he set me up because he knew I would not talk to the female. Then she starts asking me about how much he texts me, and why she couldn’t come to our son’s party and a whole lot of other mess. I simply listened to her rant and rave about this and that. After she was done I told her in a calm voice that I don’t argue with people and that there was nothing for us to talk about. And, that I communicate with him for our child, just as I’m sure she talks with all of her 4 baby daddies. And, that what we talk about has nothing to do with her unless she is going to start helping out financial with our child. And with that I hung up the phone. My question is this: After all of this I told him that if he was going to bring his mess with his females to me then he does not even need to call, or even to speak to our child. I don’t like drama and when it is brought to me I shut it down. I don’t deal with it. I have been told that I am wrong for telling him not to call or have him around her. And, I told him anyone that is threatening to kill him and chase him around with a knife then they don’t need to be around my child. I mean if she feels that it’s acceptable for her to do it in front of her children then that’s her. But, in front of mines, no, it will not go down like that. And, lord forbids there is a time that she actually kills him. Was I wrong for giving him the ultimatum of? It’s either her, or our son. – It’s Her Or Our Child Dear Ms. It’s Her Or Our Child , Ma’am! Ma’am! Ma’am! This right here! Yassss! I don’t blame you! You shut that –ish down quick, fast, and in a hurry! Werk momma! And, I feel like you, I don’t have time to sit around arguing with folks, nor divulging in drama or stress. Ain’t nobody dealing with all that –ish, and especially not when it involves your children. Hell to the naw! So, yes, you did the right thing by telling your ex and his woman that what goes on between you and he has nothing to do with her, and particularly it has nothing to do with your child unless she is contributing financially to his well-being. Other than that, she needs to stay in her place and in her lane. There is no reason she needs to have conversations with you. For the hell what? What’s going on between he and her is between he and her and has nothing to do with you, just like your child and what goes on between you and he has nothing to do with her. She needs to learn how to stay in her place. Also, she doesn’t need to be at your son’s party. Why? For what? It’s a child’s party for your son and his family. She is your ex’s girlfriend. She needs to slow her damn roll and your ex needs to make sure to put her in her place. She just wants to come and be in your business, and to meet you. And, she wants to flaunt herself around the party that she is in his life. Uhm, she can have several side chick seats on the sideline. But, as you can see she is unstable and mentally and emotionally unhealthy. And, definitely when someone displays signs of being physically abusive, then it is time to go! Why would you want your child in that environment? If she will chase your ex around the house with a knife and cinder block in front of her children, then there is nothing to prevent her from doing something like that in front of your child. So, no, unless you arrange supervised visitations, then don’t leave your child with him and that woman. Who knows what she is capable of doing, and what will set her off. Yeah, you don’t play when it comes to your child, and she is threatening physical violence. I don’t know if you have child support arranged, or how you are handling your visitations, but I strongly encourage you to arrange with the courts to have supervised visitations, and explain to the court what happened and why you feel your child will not be safe in her home, and why you don’t want your child left alone with them. That will resolve that matter. And, your ex needs to get a handle on his home front and situation quick, fast, and in a hurry. This woman is going to do nothing but try to cause havoc and chaos in his and your life. And, I don’t blame you. Don’t get caught up in his drama and his mess. He’s trying to wrangle you in by having you talk with her to resolve the issues he’s created with her. Sorry, but, err uhm, he’s got to be a big boy and hold his own. You handled the situation classy and tactfully. You informed both he and her that you don’t engage in arguments and drama. You will not entertain her insecurities, nor his requests to appease her or his relationship. And, why would he even think it’s okay to call you up and talk with her? You are not in high school. You are grown folks. And, if she is that insecure about what he’s doing and who he’s texting, then perhaps she doesn’t need to be with him! So, don’t get caught up in their mess. Explain to him how you won’t get involved, and for him to not involve you with their drama. You had a good arrangement up until then, and if he can’t handle that then you will get the courts involved, and the courts will help resolve it for you. Also, remain in communication with your ex about the best ways to have visitation because you want him to be involved in his child’s life, but you are not allowing your child to be with them, particularly her, alone. Unfortunately, you can’t control who he dates, but, you can work out some type of arrangement of how and the type of environment you feel is best suitable for your child to be exposed to. And, explain to him why you feel the way you do. I’m sure you can work something out. But, you are doing the right thing, and I commend you on being a grown woman and not engaging in your ex’s girlfriend silly and immature tactics. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            Continue reading →

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Dear Bossip: Three Years He’s Taken Me Through It, Even Giving Me 2 STD’s, But I Can’t Get Rid Of Him

Posted on August 5, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , I’ve been in love with the same man since September 2010. We met on a deployment. I lived in North Carolina and he lived in Alabama. He was a gentleman, a dream come true, until we got back to the states. He started hiding our relationship. He let his friends talk greasy about me on Facebook and would not let me meet his mom. Around January/February 2011 I found out the reason that he wouldn’t take me to meet his mom was because his ex lived there. I found this out after she tried to add me on Facebook. Around this same time I found out that he had given me two STD’s at once. Both curable. I forgave him. He kept lying and only God knows about what else. So, we broke up in May. I moved on with my life. So, in December 2011 he came back to me wanting to get back together. I said yes. January went by smoothly. In February I received an email from a girl that said she was also his woman. She also told me about the baby he had on the way with the one that lived with his mom. I was devastated. He told me that he hadn’t seen or talked to the girl since November (we were both on two separate deployments at this time). He also told me that he had planned on telling me about the baby face to face when we got home. I was so hurt because at the time the baby was conceived he was still telling me he loved me. It was the same girl that had originally broken us up in the first place. I tried to stomach it for love, but when he took his time getting a DNA test I just couldn’t do it. We broke up in May 2012. Fast forward to May 2013, he emails me to say Happy Birthday and it turns into friendly conversation. He had a girl and I had a man. His girlfriend (the one that told me about the baby) emails me to let me know that they had gotten back together and that I needed to stop talking to her man. This whole time he been telling me how much he loves and misses me, but not once did he say he would leave her for me. I guess I’m writing to you because I don’t know how to just tell him to leave me alone and stop coming back into my life. Because I feel like he only comes back to figure out if he still has a place in my heart, and to see that if he really did want to come back to me if I would take him back. I love him. I really do. He was my first love. I think about him every day, but I know in my heart that he will never grow up and he will never leave his baby mama alone or take any woman serious. I love him, but I am not in love with him. He emails me and when I email him back 4 to 5 days later, he gets a little attitude. I don’t know how to tell him to leave me alone for good. Whatever I do it turns into an argument. – Want To Move On Dear Ms. Want To Move On , I’m sorry, but what is so difficult about telling someone to leave you the hell alone!?! He is only coming back into your life because you allow him to come back in your life. Stop responding to him and he will leave you alone. HELLO! Stop giving him entrée. Stop all communication. Stop answering his emails. Stop answering his texts. Stop every damn thing and he will leave you alone. Damn! It’s that simple. But, you like this attention. You enjoy him coming back to you in and out of your life. You find it amusing knowing that he is thinking about you. Because as you stated in your letter, you think about him every day. You keep him alive and this drama going on between you and him because you are enjoying his attention. You feel that although he has a woman, and you may have a man, that he is still reaching out to you because there must be something there. There must be some love, some affection, and you get a kick out of knowing he is going behind his woman’s back and telling you things you want to hear. So, be honest and ask yourself why do you feel the need to respond? What are you getting out of it? What do you possibly owe him, and what are you hoping to get out of these exchanges? Yeah, you playing these games with him, so, ma’am, I’m going to need for you to grow the hell up and stop all these shenanigans. Ain’t nobody got time to be playing with you and inflating your self-esteem and ego. And, ma’am, I want you to be very aware of what I’m about to tell you: He doesn’t love. He doesn’t even like you. You are someone he tolerates and likes dumping his STD’s into. Point blank! The man never apologized to you for giving you two STD’s at the same time. Please tell me what is there to love about him? Please tell me how you can possibly even think this man deserves any of your time, or attention? He gave you two STD’s at the same time. (Uhm, burns much). LOL! Honey, he never apologized or stood up for you when his friends were talking greasy about you on Facebook. He never even introduced you to his mother. As you’ve stated in your letter, you were a secret that he hid and never admitted to anyone that you were his woman. Which means he was embarrassed and ashamed to call you his woman. And, on top of that, he had his other woman, the one who had his baby, living with his momma, and still dipping up in you because you spread your legs and let him run up in you raw thinking he loved you. HE DIDN’T, DOES NOT, and NEVER WILL! So, it’s time you stop calling him your first love, and that you have all these feelings for him. This man didn’t have any feelings for you because if he did, then he wouldn’t have put you through all this drama, stress, and emotional, mental, and physical pain he has taken you through. You’re the woman he knows who is naïve enough to let him keep coming and going, and continue to give him some gush-gush and run game on you. When you learn to respect yourself, demand better for yourself, and stop letting men treat you like a doormat, then you can truly get rid of him. Until you can truly and honestly be real with yourself about why you keep letting him come back and forth in your life, and why you feel the need to respond to him when he reaches out to you, then he will keep coming back. So, cut the cord. Drop his a**. And, stop responding to him. If you truly want to get him out of your life, then stop responding to his emails, block his a**, and block his number. As a matter of fact, put DNA next to his name and number (Do Not Answer). Pull yourself together and go live your life. Stop harboring and thinking about him every day. When thoughts of him come up, put on some music, read a book, go jogging, do something to distract the thoughts, and trust me you will eventually not even have a thought or concern about him. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            Continue reading →

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