Daria Oleksenko is my kind of girl…. I know nothing about her at all…but I feel like I know all I need to know…and that is that with the right venue like BAMBI MAGAZINE … one of those “We aren’t smut, we use actual models in our nudes, because nudes are fashionable and artistic”…a mantra I firmly believe in because it get girls like Daria Oleksenko… aspiring models, at least that’s what I assume they are, since I’ve never heard of her, naked…and you know what…it worked…and it’s amazing…
Toni Garrn is Leonardo DiCaprio’s beard, at least I assume she’s his beard, because I’ve been told few times that he has a dude he lives with. I’ve heard he likes to be surrounded by dudes and people have said to me that he’s a “man’s man” which to me mean homo… The support to that theory is that he goes through Victoria’s Secret models so many times, that there’s no way he fucks them, unless they really are hookers, since hookers and pornstars are the only girls who don’t get mad when you friend fucks your boyfriend… Unless he’s a Victoria’s Secret shareholder – it doesn’t make sense…and I guess either do these pics of Toni Garrn for some magazine, but I like them anyway…
Emma Roberts did a shoot for Elle Canada, which is probably not a big deal, since the population of Canada fits into one Evangelical church in the southern states I drove through on my way to Florida…but that doesn’t mean the pics of Julia Roberts’ niece and Eric Roberts’ daughter, who has managed to find a lot of success for herself, aren’t hot enough to look at…I mean every once in a while, the frozen tundra I am from produces something worthy of noticing…not everything Canadian is low grade shit like me..not that these are that exciting, or even shot in Canada or by a Canadian, I just find Emma Roberts worth looking at, in some soon to be married hipster I want to taste, kind of way…Seriously, I have no idea why I like this…maybe it’s her damaged rich kid spirt…maybe it’s her legs…who cares.
Apparently, this Kate Upton Panty Flash is a big deal…I say it’s just big…real big…and not nearly as erotic as it could be…because it is Kate Upton and he best work is done in less clothes than this..photoshopped to shit..so that I don’t have to see her eating disorder that is the opposite of other model eating disorder…because her eating disorder involves eating every fucking thing in sight… All I see here is that when you’re fat…in a tight dress…your belly makes getting out of a car gracefully pretty rough… But knowing Kate Upton has really creepy fans, I have no choice but to participate in her promotional panty flash tour…and really, I’ve fucked way worst than this so hating on her plus sized stature is ridiculous, I guess I just don’t like seeing undeserving people win, but ultimately, I don’t actually care whether she’s in Vogue or not, and I would still let her sit of my face, smothering me, all smelling like the barn she was found in…..it’s beastiality if it’s dressed like a girl.
My childhood friend, who I have met once, but feel a real connection with, MADISON MURRAY …is blowing up the internet with these pictures stripping out of her shirt on the beach today…and I understand why…she looks fucking awesome… The pics were shot by THE HEAD HUNTR , who should have invited me on this shoot, considering I am in Florida, because I take hiding her nipples, with some implied nudity, while leaving her shorts on…to full spread eagle with objects inserted in her butt…objects like my tongue….all it takes is a little charisma…and sleeping pills. This should be a sex tape… The bad news is that she has probably washed this shorts since the shoot, so I can never sniff them. The good news….is that they happened…
His name is Steven Cohen and he’s amazing. His art involves him attaching a Rooster to his penis, where he goes out in public, and constantly gets arrested for indecent exposure, even though he’s an artist, and clearly people just don’t respect or appreciate his ART….because maybe, just maybe, his art is less about art and more about him being an exhibitionist freak who should be charged with indecent exposure, even if he’s dressed in a clown costume… All this to say, I think he’s awesome…
Chrissy Teigen is a chubby, drunk, attention whore who has probably made 3 dollars modelling the last decade, since locking down John Legend and thinking she was responsible for his career, cuz she got in there early… She’s also an unstable, depressive drunk, who looks like she may be pregnant, with a pug face, and not in a cute pug face way, who hates this website..because I called her out on being low level, and a wallet fucker, because that’s pretty much what she is..she even went to her blog to write about it… You see, when you date any successful musician, scamming your way into Sports Illustrated is easy…because she was a bikini model at one point, for billabong, int he fucking 90s….for one season catalog…that’s all she’s ever done other than being a funny clown with big tits on social media all day, because you don’t actually work, and it allows you to seemingly feel more important than you are…even when you’re not….you know the kind of girl who will end up on her own reality show…which I guess is more important than I’ll ever be…but I can still sit on the sidelines and laugh at her silliness…and I will…even though I think we’d make lovely, life long friends, if she wasn’t such a fucking hater….because as you know, I like girls who get in their bikinis, with big tits and rich husbands to finance my drinking…
Lexi Boling is some American model I’ve never heard of and she’s making big movies being wrapped in plastic bullshit for Vogue Italia, because when you’re an aspiring model, you do whatever Vogue Italia says, since it’s better for your career than taking free pics for a bikini company for an instagram shootout… The pictures are cool, butI guess people are either running out of ideas when it comes to photoshotos, even the major top photographers like Steven Meisel who shot this, or maybe the fashion industry is trying to launch new trends and styles….like wearing plastic see through dresses over bikinis…who fucking knows…I just assume this girl, like all the other models, would have worn dog shit if he told them to, because now she can say she shot for Steven Meisel and Vogue and in turn can request more money…for model nudity than she did before… I’m into it. Keep up the good work.
I don’t’ know who Alyson Michalka. I just know that he name has come up for what must be a decade, where she was one of those jailbait for Disney kind of girls who middle aged men jerked off to because their kids made them watch the low level show… I do know that they are no longer jailbait, but rather middle aged, mom looking girls, with rocking bodies, and plastic surgery that makes them up on some Real Housewife shit…and none of that bothers me, because she’s half naked in a bikini…and really I look at nobodies in bikinis all day, whether they were somebodies who never were anybody or not is irrelevant thanks to TITS.
I figure if you’re going to book a black model, you might as well go for the darkest shade you can find, because all those light skinned girls are just playing, you know trying to be accessible to the white market as their ethnic friend who isn’t too ethnic that they will get stared at…when what really matters is finding a girl straight from Sudan, who looks like she from another fucking era, that really taps into any white industrialist’s fetish of taking over Africa back when white people took over Africa, where they bang the tribal women along the way… I mean, I think this girl looks like a work of art. Classy, elegant, and not like someone in line at walmart, with diabetes being candies…I’m talking amazing..and this shoot is great too, but I could just be saying that because I love tennis and the idea of seeing naked girls play tennis is porn to me., or maybe I just like her long legs and tight African booty…it’s just so different and reminiscent of my youth jerking off to National Geographic tits, back when porn was unattainable… I’m in love. This is one of the best fashion shoots to happen in a long fucking time.
