Jessica Lowndes is some Canadian I never met even though we all know each other…because instead of joining for a snow shoe and polar bear hunt like we Canadians do to get to know each other…she ran off to be famous and too good for me thanks some very very important TV show called 90210…a show that amazes me even exists because it already happened and reliving it like it was Degrassi just made no fucking sense…but what does make sense is that she’s showing off her bikini body on instagram trying to compete with the girls who matter on instagram…who only post pics of their bikinis…because that’s what Instagram is all about…
Her name is Cora Keegan, she’s the worst…and by worst I mean not very famous yet, but will be, she is a working model who has done campaigns for Victoria’s Secret and other bullshit…so I guess she matters or at least enough to date guys in bands and low level actors…you know one of those girls who rinks she’s out of your league..and I am a fan. I like her face, I like her tits, I like her bush when she has one but more importantly, I like that I’ve seen all these things, without having to ask her…I like that she understands that posing naked isn’t porn, even if your dad and his friends masturbate to all the pics…I like that she’s taking the route of her homie Emily Ratajkowsi and is bringing it…because why the fuck wouldn’t you if you had the opportunity to…. It’s one of those only live once, reach as hard as you can, to have the easiest fucking life ever, and if showing your awesome perky tits is the way to do it..then fucking do it. I still like to call her a hooker…but that’s just me conditioning her to be my bride..or at least my valentine…she just doesn’t know it yet…it’ll come as a surprise…when the van pulls up outside her apartment and we smuggle her to Canada…Bitches love surprises…
I find it pretty amazing that this is getting any media attention whatsoever…she’s a Russian Speedskater who just got Russia’s first gold metal…and she unzipped her shirt and like all people in spandex suits designed to make them go faster…she wasn’t wearing underwear…I mean the nerve of some athletes to not be in their Victoria’s Secret push up bra when they are competing…fucking idiots.. I mean she is a speed skater, hardly a woman, has not tits and isn’t flashing her nipples. Leave her the fuck alone.
I find it hard to take Alyssa Miller seriously…because I know her back story. I know she dated Walter Ioos’ son and I know Walter Ioos is the key bikini photographer at SI Swim…who I am sure his son asks to shoot his model girlfriends because his son knows that’s part of the package when they date him…girls are hookers…even if he’s the best guy ever, girls, especially aspiring models, love connected dudes…especially this kind of connected dude…especially when they are aspiring models… So to me all her Swimsuit shoots were pretty much paid for. They weren’t authentic, sure they were a girl in a bikini, but it’s not like she met her boyfriend’s dad on set after being cast, it was kind of the other way around… Not to mention, after dude made her famous from Sports Illustrated…you know seeing her to the world in a massive magazine…because he could…she fucked off with a Jake Gyllenhaal, who is the enemy of the site, thus making her the enemy of the site by association, even if they broke up. It’s just everything I’ve seen about her I hate. She’s the fucking worst and now she’s in lingerie catalog pics…which in and of themselves are shit whether Alyssa Miller is in them or not…but I’ll post them anyway…because I am going to assume Gylennhaal is gay and didn’t ruin her…even if she’s a horrible woman.
Someone sent me this story of a drunk woman who made sexual advances at the guy sitting next to her, who refused, which made her very angry, as most girls hate being rejected for sex, especially when they know there is always at least one dude willing to fuck them…leading to her going nuts and screaming that she would fucking kill him…leading to an emergency landing…leading to her getting arrested…leading to ruining the schedules of everyone on the plane… I think that was some pretty selfish behavior fron the dude…jump on the grenade, take one for the team, be a fucking hero…just fuck the girl, if she is even a girl, even if she wants to fuck you, for all those people trying to get back home but more importantly, for all those people who can’t get laid… Sure she’s disgusting, but how often does a girl want to fuck in the plane…and a stranger…this is what romance novels are based on… Here she is getting arrested…all from being turned down for sex..and not being able to contain herself…pretty fucking genius..
You know who I have a crush on…Georgia May Jagger…not a real crush because I’ve never met her…I just like the idea of fucking Mick Jagger’s androgynous mouth in the least gay way…set on a girl…he created when he wasn’t having anal sex with David Bowie… You know, Mick, the kind of womanly man, who sang his big lips off and you’d catch yourself thinking, “if only those were on a girl, I could imagine the blow job of champions, but since it’s on Mick, I’m gonna pretend I have a boner cuz of the heavy bass, even though he’s really dainty”… You know, his daughter…a model..in her bikini…making all that ok… TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE
I make fun of Nina Agdal for looking like she’s retarded retarded…I’m talking downs syndrome in a home retarded…and part of a work program where she gets paid a discount rate…filling some sort of affirmative action that 10 percent of your workforce needs to be disabled…otherwise you’re not an ethical company……but when she’s grabbing at her tit like some little porn slut about to take two dicks…her retardation disappears…and my love for her…and want and need to care for her is all that matters…
In the event you care, the worlds top models are going to be walking down the runways in various states of undress for the next week at the biggest fashion event in the world…Ne York Fashion Week…and the amazing crew in the stepFORUM have been updating pictures from all the shows they come across…. So to stay Up To Date CLICK HERE I mean if aspiring model, who is trying to position herself hard as fuck and her retard face like Ireland Baldwin is there it must be awesome…right…(see top pic)… Here are a couple pics of her in a leotard to redeem herself…because I don’t hate her as much as her and her father hate me… FASHION WEEK
It turns out that when Candice Swanepoel is walking the runway in New York for fashion week….she is substantially…I am talking really fucking substantially less interesting than when she’s half naked for Victoria’s Secret, showing her lingerie and bikini body…if anything… I don’t understand why she even ventured down this road of trying to be legit model..just fucking focus on what matters…being half fucking naked girl… TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE
Elsa Hosk is a Victoria’s Secret Model…who gets it..and here she is posing in what looks like a merkin…which excites me because I love bush and all fashion accessories that simulate bush…it’s the future of vagina, especially for tacky girls who laser hair removed their shit…but I also like that she’s naked and not being ruined by sweatshop made shitty quality overpriced billion dollar evil empire lingerie at Victoria’s Secret…and going back to her roots of getting naked for high concept ideas…because any reason to get naked is good enough for me….
