Tag Archives: america

Happy Jack Valentine

Because it isn't a major holiday unless a pumpkin-headed man in black spandex dances. Watch

Robot Unicorn Attack

Link: http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unic… This game is kind of like Canabalt , except you're a freaking awesome unicorn (that's also a robot) who eats fairies and crashes through large glass stars in a magical land of rainbows. Basically, this is what America would be like by now if Gore had won in 2000. Also, there's dolphins. Read

Kelly Clarkson is Lookin’ Good of the Day

I hear Kelly Clarkson gives a much better performance if they rub her mic in bacon fat. Shit drives her fucking bananas and she knows she can’t just run off stage in the middle of a show to pig the fuck out, so she gives it as hard as she can, jacked on pheromones from the smell of her one true love, knowing that if she just makes it thru the next hour, she’ll be in her hotel room bath eating her way thru life in no time. Seriously, at this size, it’s safe to say her love songs are about food, eating and sitting on her fat ass. Either way, it’s always nice to see girls you may have jerked off to become seriously fat chicks, not that you’ve ever jerked off to her, but I’m thinking at least one of you has, cuz I’ve always thought she was disgusting but the hate mail I get about her seems to make me think other people don’t….maybe because she’s the first American Idol representing America with her pant size. Pics via PacificCoastNews

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Kelly Clarkson is Lookin’ Good of the Day

How LiLo Overplayed Her Hand with Bungled European Escort Gig

Billionaire Richard Lugner —Austria’s crown prince of nouveau riche—pays an estimated $150K each year for a celebrity escort to the Vienna Opera Ball . Lindsay Lohan landed this year’s gig—but apparently bungled the details so badly, Lugner said das fuggedaboudit . Every year, four-time divorcé Lugner horrifies Viennese high society anew by paying for the most inappropriate date possible , then basking in the light of a thousand flashbulbs. He’s had some triumphs ( Sophia Loren in 1995) but in general, standing next to Lugner means you are either over the hill ( Ivana Trump in 1994, Carmen Electra in 2005, and Dita von Teese in 2008 was arguably a turning point to overexposure) or never had much dignity to begin with ( Paris Hilton in 2007, Pam Anderson and Kid Rock in 2003). LiLo had reservations about Lugner from the beginning. First she reportedly asked Lugner if he could reschedule the ball . (Um, no.) She needed the hotel minibar destroyed in advance. She refused to vet her gown. The final straw: She missed her flight to Vienna, and “her card’s credit limit was not high enough” to pay the private jet to wait, Lugner said , backhandedly acknowledging that the ordeal was mostly transactional. She rejected a second, shared aircraft because ” she would not be able to get any sleep while traveling in it. ” Also, Lindsay had to wash her hair that night, and had a headache, and felt a cold coming on. Which is too bad, because high-end escorting would be a good way for Lindsay to earn her nut. The painful truth is that, at the tender age of 23, Lindsay—like so many of Lugner’s beauties—is past her prime. Her dignity dissipated somewhere around the fourth time forgetting panties, her acting career is in shambles, and her forays into the fashion world come off as desperate. Lindsay does, however, have one great talent: Looking gloriously skanky amid (someone else’s) fabulous wealth. ( Remember St. Bart’s? She was so happy there. This girl was born to cavort in bikinis on yachts. ) Which is why international high-end party-for-pay girl is where she’s headed—and something she’ll be good at. It’s not the same, mind you, as being a prostitute. It’s more like being Tara Reid , hosting NYE parties at European mega-clubs and attending the occasional shindig in Dubai. Since Lindsay was legitimately A-list once, she’d be the most high-priced jewel in the international starlet-collecting jetset’s crown. (And don’t pretend money isn’t an issue, Linds. We know your family squandered it, and we recognize it wasn’t your fault—at first.) High-end escorting is no less dignified than what she’s doing here ( tabloid confessionals about hoarding? ) and if she actually sticks with this ” saving the children of the world ” thing, she’ll have plenty of time for that, too. She might even meet (male) foreign dignitaries who can help her. But the best thing about international pay-for-partying is that she will get out of the U.S. press for a while. When she returns, we’ll hate her less ( look how nice everyone was about Tara Reid’s engagement ) and she’ll be able to afford the things she wants, that Americans won’t give her anymore. ( Champagne no longer runs freely for little Lindsay .) If the young girl goes west, west, and still further west she’ll traverse the whole world outside of America, where she is still a spring chicken. In Austria, they call Lindsay “Disney’s fallen princess.” Here, she’s just “fallen.”

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How LiLo Overplayed Her Hand with Bungled European Escort Gig

Sexting Leads To Teen Having To Register As A Sex Offender

MTV News’ ‘Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public’ will tell his story Sunday at 9 p.m. ET. By Gil Kaufman Phillip Alpert Photo: MTV News As soon as he woke up the next morning, Phillip Alpert knew that he had made a huge mistake. Angry that he was unable to get the attention of his ex-girlfriend, the then-18-year-old Florida teen arose from a sleeping-pill-induced stupor at 3 a.m. and forwarded some sexually explicit images that she had given him to everyone on his distribution list as a means of getting a reaction. When he was arrested on child-pornography charges and ordered to register as a sex offender a short time later, Alpert quickly learned that sexting has very real consequences, ones the teen could never have imagined. “Sexting cases are unusual and few and far between these days, and they don’t fit into any particular category or set of standards,” said Lawrence Walter, Alpert’s lawyer, who has taken on the now-20-year-old’s case pro bono, in part to help publicize the issue. “Usually police, prosecutors, judges and lawyers default to treating them as child-pornography cases, and the knee-jerk reaction is to have them register as sex offenders, which ruins their lives.” While Walter said Alpert quickly realized how wrong his behavior was, he stressed that sexting between underage victims involving underage men and women who are taking photos of themselves in which they are, essentially, both victim and perpetrator is a very different thing than an adult exploiting a child by making them participate in pornographic photos or films in which they are unwilling participants. “Society is starting to recognize that maybe this is something different, a phenomenon we haven’t dealt with before, but currently they’re doing it in the worst way possible, by lumping these kids in with pedophiles and molesters,” said Walter, who is pushing for the legal system to come up with a new means of dealing with sexting cases among minors. “[They’re being punished for] doing things kids have done for time immemorial: playing doctor, truth or dare and exploring their sexuality with each other. We just happen to have given them the tools to create digital copies to record them and send them around easily.” Alpert tells his story in “Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public,” a 30-minute special airing Sunday at 9 p.m. ET on MTV, in which we take a closer look at the dangers of sexting and the serious repercussions for the people who send and receive naked pictures of peers on their mobile phones and other devices. In Alpert’s case, after being arrested for child-pornography distribution, he was put on five years’ probation and required to register on the public sex-offender list, which lists his age, hair color, eye color and home address and is readily available to anyone and everyone. “I’ve actually had a lot of neighbors come to my door before … to check if it was safe for their kids to play around outside, with me here,” Alpert says in the show. “I’m extremely sorry for what I did, but the sex-offender thing, which is going to last until I’m 43, that’s overkill.” Images taken of someone under the age of 18 constitutes child pornography, according to Parry Aftab, an Internet privacy and security lawyer. “If you take a picture, you can be accused of producing child pornography; if you send it to somebody, you can be accused of distributing child pornography; and if you keep a picture, you can be accused of possessing child pornography,” Aftab explained. “Anywhere along this chain of transmission of the images, you can be charged as a registered sex offender.’ Walter said Alpert’s message is not that sexting is OK or should be decriminalized, but rather, “Look at me. Don’t make the mistake I did.” Perhaps the worst part is that Alpert’s dream of being an animator has been dashed because of the tight restrictions placed on his Internet use as a registered sex offender. “He can’t live within a certain distance of schools, so he can’t live with his father, because he lives too close to the high school that [Phillip] attended,” the lawyer explained. “He can’t be near places where minors congregate, but if you’re 18 and have underage friends, what do you do?” Because of his lack of privacy, Alpert is afraid to even send his lawyer e-mail, because if his probation officer decides that the e-mail was not work- or school-related, Alpert could go to prison for five years. “He can’t find a job, because he has to tell people he’s a registered sex offender,” Walter said. “It’s hard to make new friends and date.” But perhaps the worst punishment is the requirement that Alpert attend weekly sex-offender re-education classes for five years. “Here, he’s being trained not to reoffend and deal with his pedophilia or sexual deviance, which does not exist,” Walter said. “He’s stuck with people who did terrible things with minors, and he’s forced to tell his story over and over again and can’t move beyond it. For a 19- to 20-year-old kid, that’s not a healthy thing. The more he does this and the longer he goes to these classes, the more he concludes, ‘I guess I am one of them. I must have done something so horrible to be considered like the dregs of society.’ It has a terrible impact on his self-worth.” The MTV News special “Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public,” premieres Sunday, February 14, at 9 p.m. ET/PT. Related Videos ‘Sexting In America: When Privates Go Public’ Preview

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Sexting Leads To Teen Having To Register As A Sex Offender

Bahran 22 protests shake Iran – It’s time for Obama to take a stand

Happy Birthday, Taylor Lautner!

A former Vice Presidential candidate and current money-hungry celebrity is 46 today (Sarah Palin). Arguably America’s most beloved actresses also celebrates a birthday (Jennifer Aniston). But one milestone stands above all else on February 11, 2010: Taylor Lautner turns 18! Women around the globe know what this means, as the date has likely been circled on their calendars for months: They can now think dirty, legal thoughts about the Twilight Saga stud muffin. Of course, Lautner himself doesn’t seem that impressed with the occasion. Asked about his plans for it, Taylor said: “I’ll spend time with family and friends… I don’t like to do anything huge, but it is 18, so, it’s kind of a big one I guess.” Isn’t that humility a major reason why so many fans are drawn to this rising star? That and his ridiculous six-pack, of course. Lautner will also celebrate the big 1-8 by starring in Valentine’s Day , opposite former fling Taylor Swift, which opens this weekend. Will you go see it 12 times ? In honor of this quasi national holiday, we’ve posted a slew of Taylor Lautner pictures below. Go ahead and ogle, ladies. The police can’t do anything about it now…

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Happy Birthday, Taylor Lautner!

A Guided Tour of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s Future Love Den

The National Enquirer says John Edwards proposed to Rielle Hunter and is buying a $3.5M beach house. Now that we’ve found the real estate listing, a guide to the custom mahogany cabinetry (that’s yuppie for “marital bliss”) that lies ahead. The Enquirer ‘s print edition included two photos from this listing with Bald Head Island Real Estate (which is, according to its website, is the only real estate firm serving the North Carolina beach community), which is the only Bald Head property currently listed for $3.5 million. Since John will likely support Elizabeth and Rielle’s lives for the rest of his life, moving in with the one of those women who doesn’t want him castrated (perhaps the only woman in America who still likes him) makes sense. When you lose this much for a woman, you have to at least try to make it work with her. My only question is whether our “Bald Head” jokes should focus on John’s hair or his gigundo penis . Onward to the tour! If you’d like to see these images on one page, click here . 15 Cape Fear (L#1025) Trail is a 4000-ft. ocean- and riverfront mansion boasting five bedrooms, six bathrooms, a whirlpool, an elevator, intercoms (fun for the kids!), central vacuum (fun for the maid!), and a wet bar. Community amenities include a boat dock, beach club, canoe pier, tennis courts, and a golf course. Bald Head Island’s PR team describes local “homesites”: Planners and designers have established a Bald Head Island aesthetic, reminiscent of a style called the “Architecture of the American Summer,” characterized by deep roof overhangs, wide porches and traditional cedar siding. Deep roof overhangs = better shadows in which to hide from paparazzi. With floor-to-ceiling windows and a patio, the master bedroom’s abundant natural light will make shooting daytime sex tapes a dream. Cannabis-themed rug sold separately. Here we see the Great Room and its vaulted “Cathedral Ceiling,” for when you’re ready to repent for living in sin. The “Gourmet Kitchen” includes mahogany custom cabinets, granite counters, a sub-zero refrigerator, wine cooler, double ovens, and maple hardwood floors. It’s like living inside the trunk of a huge redwood tree. The cheery dining room is large enough for whenever your first wife’s kids stop hating you. The master bathroom features ceramic tiles and a gleaming white whirlpool, which Frances Quinn will stain blue with Manic Panic when she reaches her inevitable teenage rebellion. Speaking of little Quinn, here are her picks for nursery. The multi-use space is bathed with the bright light of shame. Here’s the satellite view, revealing the lucky duck neighbor with the swimming pool and how far you have to walk to get to the ocean. At least they have a nice dock… This will probably get super hot in the sun, forcing John and Rielle to race down it screaming “ooh! aah! ouch!”, pumping their knees high so as to maximize the distance between their feet and the ground, as though they are Lipizanner horses. No matter how many times you burn your feet on the dock, you will never think to bring shoes. That’s just the way it is. Let us conclude with a clip from one of the Bald Head Island PR team’s video promos . (Which are very effective. I am completely sold on their “pre-fab Martha’s Vineyard of the South” aesthetic.) The island is personified as a female who “giggles when the ocean waves tickle her shoulder.” It would seem the future Mrs. John Edwards has found paradise at last.

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A Guided Tour of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s Future Love Den

A Guided Tour of John and Rielle’s Future Love Den

The National Enquirer says John Edwards proposed to Rielle Hunter and is buying a $3.5M beach house. Now that we’ve found the real estate listing, a guide to the custom mahogany cabinetry (that’s yuppie for “marital bliss”) that lies ahead. The Enquirer ‘s print edition included two photos from this listing with Bald Head Island Real Estate (which is, according to its website, is the only real estate firm serving the North Carolina beach community), which is the only Bald Head property currently listed for $3.5 million. Since John will likely support Elizabeth and Rielle’s lives for the rest of his life, moving in with the one of those women who doesn’t want him castrated (perhaps the only woman in America who still likes him) makes sense. When you lose this much for a woman, you have to at least try to make it work with her. My only question is whether our “Bald Head” jokes should focus on John’s hair or his gigundo penis . Onward to the tour! If you’d like to see these images on one page, click here . 15 Cape Fear (L#1025) Trail is a 4000-ft. ocean- and riverfront mansion boasting five bedrooms, six bathrooms, a whirlpool, an elevator, intercoms (fun for the kids!), central vacuum (fun for the maid!), and a wet bar. Community amenities include a boat dock, beach club, canoe pier, tennis courts, and a golf course. Bald Head Island’s PR team describes local “homesites”: Planners and designers have established a Bald Head Island aesthetic, reminiscent of a style called the “Architecture of the American Summer,” characterized by deep roof overhangs, wide porches and traditional cedar siding. Deep roof overhangs = better shadows in which to hide from paparazzi. With floor-to-ceiling windows and a patio, the master bedroom’s abundant natural light will make shooting daytime sex tapes a dream. Cannabis-themed rug sold separately. Here we see the Great Room and its vaulted “Cathedral Ceiling,” for when you’re ready to repent for living in sin. The “Gourmet Kitchen” includes mahogany custom cabinets, granite counters, a sub-zero refrigerator, wine cooler, double ovens, and maple hardwood floors. It’s like living inside the trunk of a huge redwood tree. The cheery dining room is large enough for whenever your first wife’s kids stop hating you. The master bathroom features ceramic tiles and a gleaming white whirlpool, which Frances Quinn will stain blue with Manic Panic when she reaches her inevitable teenage rebellion. Speaking of little Quinn, here are her picks for nursery. The multi-use space is bathed with the bright light of shame. Here’s the satellite view, revealing the lucky duck neighbor with the swimming pool and how far you have to walk to get to the ocean. At least they have a nice dock… This will probably get super hot in the sun, forcing John and Rielle to race down it screaming “ooh! aah! ouch!”, pumping their knees high so as to maximize the distance between their feet and the ground, as though they are Lipizanner horses. No matter how many times you burn your feet on the dock, you will never think to bring shoes. That’s just the way it is. Let us conclude with a clip from one of the Bald Head Island PR team’s video promos . (Which are very effective. I am completely sold on their “pre-fab Martha’s Vineyard of the South” aesthetic.) The island is personified as a female who “giggles when the ocean waves tickle her shoulder.” It would seem the future Mrs. John Edwards has found paradise at last.

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A Guided Tour of John and Rielle’s Future Love Den

Situational Comedy

One brought the six-pack, one brought the party. View