Tag Archives: Jokes

Amy Schumer’s Bikini Day Pic is Not What You Expect

Wednesday was Bikini Day! Plenty of people celebrated it as the most wonderful time of the year, because it’s July and if the entire Northern Hemisphere is going to be unbearably hot, then those of us who live here might as well make the most of it. Amy Schumer’s contribution to Bikini Day was a little late and a little unorthodox, and might surprise you (or not surprise you at all), depending on how well you know Amy Schumer. Amy Schumer’s brand is — well, it’s successful, for one thing. But she’s known for being funny. (Yes, we can all debate some of her jokes and comedy is subjective and blah-blah-blah, but she’s funny). She’s know for being irreverent. (A lot of comedy is) And she’s known for being body-positive. (With the possible exception of that time Amy Schumer body-shamed Khloe Kardashian for losing weight) We think that her Bikini Day photo really, truly represents her brand. Now, this is unusual in terms of bikini photos. It’s mostly the angle that’s unorthodox. Amy Schumer’s bikini photos in the past have been a little more traditional. And we suppose that by “traditional,” we in part mean “taken at flattering angles.” Some people look their best laying on their backs. (But don’t tell a coworker that because it will sound sexual and you will deservedly get in trouble) But every position in which you hold your body is going move things around, and maybe what makes your boobs look their best doesn’t do wonders for your butt. In this case, though, Amy Schumer’s somehow managing to lay down and also slouch at the exact same time. And yeah, it makes her abdomen look a little less smooth than usual. Perhaps more to the point, her legs are open, as if the camera’s about to investigate what she’s got going on under those bottoms. (If so, good for her!) But the end result is something that’s bound to grab attention. Which is about as on-brand as Amy Schumer gets. Though it used to seem like they were perfect together, Amy Schumer and Ben Hanisch broke up last month. That was a bit of a surprise — even we were taken aback. (And we can be a little cynical sometimes) But it just wasn’t expected, considering how much the two loved each other . On the plus side, maybe they’ll both find their perfect partners, somewhere out there. (Also, maybe we won’t be subject to any more too much information anecdotes about Amy Schumer’s oral sex habits … at least not in relation to Ben) (Like, we’re not prudes, but there’s a time and a place, okay?) Most people who take bikini photos of that nature are already so thoroughly settled down that they basically don’t care what people think of their bodies. Amy Schumer’s message is different. She’s not shy about showing her body for exactly what it is. (She’s not shy about anything , let’s be real) Besides, she knows that we’ve already all seen her more standard bikini pics. She still looks good in both photos. We wonder if her odd angle choice is going to catch on. You never know what’s going to set a weird trend. Maybe next year, or for the rest of the summer, Kendall Jenner’s bikini pics will be from that angle? Or maybe Emily Ratajkowski’s huge boobs won’t stop her from getting jobs when they appear a little flatter when she assumes the Schumer pose . But … probably not. View Slideshow: 17 Reasons Why We Adore Amy Schumer

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Amy Schumer’s Bikini Day Pic is Not What You Expect

Whitney Cummings on Vacation of the Day

Whitney Cummings is a Comedian…or is it Comedienne. I don’t really remmeber any of her jokes because Stand Up comedy rarely impresses me. Maybe it is because I am a joke snob and bitter that I can’t write jokes as popular or as easy to understand as these usually unattractive people talking their shit on stage…or maybe I don’t find it impressive to hear the same jokes over and over – as these people usually use the same jokes over and over – and the ones who are actually successful are the worst kind of person who thinks they are funny, and works so hard at it, making it not that funny at all.. Why can’t a naturally funny dude just get picked up promoted and exist, instead it’s these assholes who move to LA and practice in front of the mirror, telling the same joke over and over in his 30 minute set, you know to lock down that 30…and I just never laugh at the shit.. Whitney Cummings was an interesting specimen in the comedy space for a while, she was just this 8/10 type chick which is a good rating, a generous rating, but she was skinny with big tits making sex jokes and not a monster like Sarah Silverman… Well, she ended up producing a handful of shows on TV, and made millions…so good for her…let her play in her bikini….all she wants…because she made it – all in just a few years..I think at one point she was Executive producer on 4 TV shows… Now I still don’t like comedy, or funny girls, because I hate laughing and I hate jokes…but I like tits, bikini or not…so here they are… The post Whitney Cummings on Vacation of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Whitney Cummings on Vacation of the Day

Kate Hudson’s Double Chin and Swollen Botox Face of the DAy

Kate Hudson just did a live instagram feed that I was watching…and trying to behave on…because I am a nice guy and don’t feel like getting my instagram deleted…even though it’s been deleted 4 times because no one understands my jokes…but luckily there were a lot of people asking her to get naked and show her tits – because we are all only human…basic humans…who like tits… She was trying to sell off workout gear, which I guess is her business now, not that she really needs a business – she’s a rich kid with a trust fund, but also and actress who made too much money over the years, who I like to troll – only because I have this storyline I created about her fucking everyone in Hollywood that makes me laugh…including but not limited to OWEN WILSON who was rumored to have tried to kill himself because of her…I guess she’s hot, good in bed and maintaining her celebrated ass through fitness But what I don’t understand is how she turned asian..oh right because she’s a vapid superficial twat who fears aging gracefully, because why would she do that – when she can look like a clown… The post Kate Hudson’s Double Chin and Swollen Botox Face of the DAy appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Kate Hudson’s Double Chin and Swollen Botox Face of the DAy

Sofia Vergara Offered Sex and the Rest of the People’s Choice Awards of the Day

I accidentally watched the people’s choice awards..because someone gave me an old TV and a digital antennae. I realize that I fucking hate award shows. I realize that they are more irrelevant than they have ever been. I realize that the jokes, the people, the concept of awarding winners with ridiculously useless awards….but this one is special…it’s for the people…by the people…but who are these people who are voting…I guess they have access to the internet…probably are the robot drones you know are into this shit…the fake news people…the trump voters… All to make these people money…terrible.. The highlight was Sofia Vergara and her tits saying “hire latinas, we do a good job, you won’t be disappointed”…like busty den mother she is..just look at how she handles that trophy…naughty… Other hightlights…Johnny Depp thanking people for supporting him as he beats his wife… So much garbage……in a world where these award shows don’t fucking matter…because nothing else matters.. J.Lo was there…. Blake Lively was there…. Some Pregnant Bitch was there… Victoria Justice was there… Kristen Bell was there…. TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE The post Sofia Vergara Offered Sex and the Rest of the People’s Choice Awards of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Sofia Vergara Offered Sex and the Rest of the People’s Choice Awards of the Day

Keke Palmer is a Subtle Shopper of the Day

I know very little about Keke Palmer, not because I am a racist and black people don’t exist to me, or because I am scared of black people, or think they all look the same…but because I don’t care about anyone or anything, and she’s pretty much marketed to a very different demographic than me…and I can’t keep track of all these bitches I don’t get to fuck… According to Wikipedia she was Akeelah and the Bee ….a movie I’ve never seen. She’s been in other shit. She has a song…and all it really took for her to get household, at least as far as I’m concerned, is a see through top that showcases her nipple rings like she was Rihanna…and flashes her ass..not that she’s a household name… The reality is that I fucking love black girls…they are hot…but I’ve never fucked a black girl, despite one claiming she wants to fuck me, but I don’t believe her, it’s probably a set up to steal my bike…well the jokes on her…I don’t even have a bike… Either way, classy girl, I like the ass scabs, or scars, or pimples…it’s like shes’a crackwhore…my favorite.. The post Keke Palmer is a Subtle Shopper of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Keke Palmer is a Subtle Shopper of the Day

Heidi Klum Has Nipples of the Day

Heidi Klum is dressed like a 20 year old college girl – while shopping in her tight jeans, stupid looking boots, but most importantly, light weight t-shirt cotton with no bra, showcasing her brilliant tits, that make no sense as tits really, because she’s had so many kids, I think somewhere around 14 kids….all with Seal…it was a Seal litter…that we can assume left more damage on her pussy…because there’s no real evidence of destruction on the tits….proving that she’s clearly created by Nazi German technology, where Hitler’s brain still controls what Germans put out to the world, where she’s rigged to some machine somewhere, because Germany overall means anything Germany puts out must be the best…. This doesn’t make sense….not just for a mom to have tits like this, but for a 50 year old…what is going on…I need answers…. But it does remind me of high school, 30 years ago, when a set of good tits in a cheap t-shirt was enough for me to jerk off to…sometimes in the back of class…for no one to notice…because I was that kid…. The post Heidi Klum Has Nipples of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Heidi Klum Has Nipples of the Day

Catherine Zeta Jones VS The Paparazzi of the Day

Pissed the paparazzi photographed my ass, thus sharing the photographs my husband took of my ass. Always a better option for viewing I guess the throat cancer from eating pussy has got in the way of Michael Douglas’ photography skills, or maybe, he’s just too fucking old to figure out how an iPhone works, and maybe he’s not even on the iPhone yet, he’s rich, who gives a fuck about iphones, he can pay trained monkeys to do menial tasks like text, email and take pictures for him…because these phone pics are fucking GARBAGE….not just because they feature old, tired, Catherine Zeta Jones, who I’ve never cared for….but because they re pixelated, blurry, run through some fucking filters… Meaning, I appreciate the protest against the paparazzi, the paparazzi deserve to suffer when you can work around their scamming images, and like celebrities I hate the paparazzi, for years I got lawsuit threats from them – over and over again – for sharing images I found on tumblr, facebook, other social networks….because they apparently owned the rights…which didn’t sit well for me, as a blogger, on the internet, where anything put out there is free game…including all the jokes I write that get stolen by movies…including this Catherine Zeta Jones pics…that are more of a protest really, and I guess she’s not that bad, while blurry from weird angles, like on her tippy toes, doing low level stripper tactics…that make me confident she wouldn’t exist as an actor or celebrity if she was to try in this era….she beat the digital marketing fame whoring and half naked pics makes you famous not raw talent….but then again, I guess she’s pulling their basic bitch tactics…. The post Catherine Zeta Jones VS The Paparazzi of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Catherine Zeta Jones VS The Paparazzi of the Day

24-Year-Old Freakazoid Teacher Aborted The Baby She Was Having With 13-Year-Old Student

24-Year-Old Pedophile Teacher In Texas Facing 30 Years For Sex With Teen Student Still. After all the stories that we’ve heard about teachers losing their jobs and/or going to prison for letting students smash them to smithereens, these erotic educators STILL need that underaged D. Enter, Alexandria Vera . A 24-year-old former teacher at Stovall Middle School who bust it wide open for an 8th grader who she met during summer school. According to KHOU , the sexual tryst went on for almost an entire year. This wasn’t just sex, Vera had been introduced to the child’s family, was invited to family functions and was generally accepted by the boy’s parents as a legit “girlfriend”. They were even “supportive and excited” when Alexandria became pregnant. Who the f**k ARE these “parents”??? Anyway, word must have gotten out around town because child protective services showed up at the school to find out exactly what the hell was going on. Their investigation lead an extremely scared Vera to get an abortion. Alexandria Vera was originally charged with continuous sexual abuse of a child after her June arrest. She pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of aggravated sexual assault of a child. Alexandria was initially charged with continuous sexual abuse of a child and was facing life in prison, she plead out to a lower charge of aggravated sex assault which carries a maximum of 30 years. The boy was sent to foster care and his parents have been ordered to undergo therapy, but were not criminally charged. Image via Facebook

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24-Year-Old Freakazoid Teacher Aborted The Baby She Was Having With 13-Year-Old Student

More Of The Most Disrespectful ‘What Does It Look Like I Do For A Living’ Tweets

More “What Does It Look Like I Do For A Living” Tweets The “ What Does It Look Like I Do For A Living ” phenomenon has been off the hook all week. People have been spreading slander left and right and it’s been beautiful. Remember? Well the jokes have only gotten more vicious as of late. These new ones are the worst of the worse. So let’s take a look at some more roasting sessions.

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More Of The Most Disrespectful ‘What Does It Look Like I Do For A Living’ Tweets

The Best ‘What Does It Look Like I Do For a Living?’ Reactions On Twitter

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As the #MannequinChallenge continues to pick up steam, a new way of roasting your followers has emerged on Twitter. People are posting photos of themselves with the caption reading “What does it look like I do for a living?” After tons of retweets, the jokes start flying in, ruthlessly making fun of people. Check our […]

The Best ‘What Does It Look Like I Do For a Living?’ Reactions On Twitter