Tag Archives: mayan

Lindsay Lohan Off the Hook in Hit-and-Run Case?

The L.A. County Probation Department has written a report for Lindsay Lohan’s last court appearance Thursday, making it likely this will indeed be the last. Her probation officer has recommend that Lindsay’s probation NOT be violated based on the allegation that she committed hit-and-run earlier this month. The report makes mention of the allegation by Thaer Kamal, the manager of the Hookah Lounge who claims Lindsay struck him and his car , and then fled. LL’s officer discounts the claim and gives the allegations zero credence, despite the fact that police are looking into it, saying no charges have been filed. Hopefully, Lindsay’s last trip to jail was in this SNL skit . The probation report for the troubled actress reads in part, “The probationer (Lindsay) is in compliance with the terms and conditions of probation.” If she is in compliance Thursday, her probation in her DUI case will end, and she’ll be downgraded to informal probation in the jewelry heist case. In other words, she won’t have to appear in court anymore. Well, unless she gets arrested for something wholly unrelated, that is. Not impossible. Anyway, it appears that despite Kamal’s claim that a surveillance video shows the hit-and-run, his bid to shake down Lohan will likely fall short. Good. We’re all for ridiculing Lohan for having no respect for the law and being a Grade A screw-up, but only if she deserves it. Extortion is bogus, man.

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Lindsay Lohan Off the Hook in Hit-and-Run Case?

Snooki and JWoww: Fake Parents of the Year

Vinny Guadagnino says Snooki will be a great mom . We’re not as confident, but she’s at least practicing. Inspired by the producers of their spinoff series maternal instincts, Snook and BFF JWoww have been seen out and about with plastic infant training dolls. The pregnant Jersey Shore star has been carrying around the fake kid for days now and it hasn’t OD’d or been dropped on its head, so, that’s something. No idea when the baby is due, but we’re guessing August or September … not 12/21/12, which would have made the Mayan apocalypse prediction eerily accurate. [Photo: WENN.com]

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Snooki and JWoww: Fake Parents of the Year

‘2012’ Checklist: 18 Things You’ll Need if the Movie Got Doomsday Right

Depending on your conspiracy theory of choice, the world may end 11 months and change from now, give or take a few days. And just in case all of those qualified real scientists are wrong about the 2012 doomsday being complete hooey, we’ve got filmmaker Roland Emmerich ’s 2009 opus 2012 on hand to guide us for the potential cataclysm ahead. So grab a notepad and jot down the 18 or so essentials you’ll need to start stockpiling if you’re going to be ready to face down ultimate destruction, John Cusack -style. The fictional 2012 opens as the Earth’s core is being heated by a freak solar flare, which accelerates a shifting of the Earth’s crust. The resulting shift triggers earthquakes and tsunamis across the globe, leaving humanity’s only hope in a series of massive arks constructed to hold survivors… just not everyone. But them’s the breaks. Look, none of us know if we’ll make it onto greedy Oliver Platt’s ginormous boat, so it’s best to come prepared. 1. Emergency kit with the essentials – water, non-perishables, batteries, a radio, perhaps a few magazines for light reading 2. Early investments in steel and titanium interests 3. Decent relationships with your baby mama/daddy 4. A Mayan calendar 5. Disaster insurance 6. Beer 7. A limo with tires with good traction for outrunning earthquakes, family in tow 8. Advanced degree(s) in geology, astrophysics, or international relations 9. Mace for keeping the weirdo pirate radio jock you meet in the woods at arm’s length 10. A private airplane to fly your family to China as America crumbles into the sea 11. Flying lessons 12. Small fortune for buying your way onto life-saving arks at one billion euros a ticket, or 13. High level government clearance assuring privilege of being saved (also works in case of Contagion ) 14. Mountaintop real estate in Africa 15. A houseboat 16. Camping gear 17. A submarine or two 18. Swimming lessons, if all else fails Your mileage may vary with the above, but remember what’s really important in times of crisis as we wait to see if Emmerich was the mystical sage I’d like to think of him as: Family. And not wetting the bed. And also looking cool while evading lava and earthquakes and tsunamis. Let’s circle back on 12/21/12 and see where we’re at. Like the Boy Scouts say, be prepared…

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‘2012’ Checklist: 18 Things You’ll Need if the Movie Got Doomsday Right