Dear Bossip , I never knew what an emotional affair was until now. I dated my wife 2 years before she got pregnant. She made the decision to stop taking birth control without telling me. We got married. I was 19-years old, and she was 20-years old. I dropped out of college and joined the military. I cheated on her the majority of the marriage. She knows about my infidelity, but never left. We had a lack of communication and never said the words, “I love you.” Fast forward and after another son I am now 34-years old and I have finally decided to take the marriage seriously, and put 100% effort into my marriage. The last 2 months I have been showing my wife attention and been telling her I love her and miss her after work. I’ve also been helping out around the house. One night she tells me she needs space. Long story short she confessed to having an affair with a co worker! She isn’t a sexual person like that so I was surprised big time. She kept saying it was emotional and not about sex. It’s been going on for 7 months! They had sex on four separate occasions. A couple of times after work in our car and would text/call each other while I’m not home or sleep. It would be things like sneaking around the job hugging and kissing. I was crushed due to me finally doing the right things in my marriage. And my wife wants to leave me and the boys! Me being a person who has never been cheated on, it was tough to handle. It was strange that my wife couldn’t go stay with the other guy because I was kicking her butt out the house. And, when they had sex it was at hotels. At least when I cheated it was with single women. What kind of POS tries to have a relationship with a married co-worker? Well, it seemed like red flags to me so I did a background check on this guy. Come to find out he was married with a 4-year old and my wife didn’t know it! He told her that he was single and just had a baby momma. I found his wife number on the background check and told her everything. The other guy who was avoiding me, and he finally texted me after his wife found out. He was saying that my wife was lying and she was just an unhappy wife. Now, my wife messed up his happy home over this BS. He was saying that my wife was a downgrade. He kept using the word, “son” which irritated me because I am from Texas and I do not like east coast cats. I just forwarded my wife all the texts the guy was saying, and after talking to the guy’s wife she finally woke up from her fantasy world. The guy was married for 14 years and his wife has neglected at home. I meet up with the other guy’s wife many times and I was going to have sex with his wife to get even. But, I let it go. P.S his wife was fat. My wife says she wants to be back at home and does not want the other guy. He is a loser. I’m like, “He was worth you leaving me and the kids for and now you don’t want him. Maybe he don’t want you!” She says she wasn’t getting something from home. We had sex all the time. We have been going to counseling and everything has been good. We are communicating and it seems brand new. I guess I wasn’t giving her attention. How can me not picking up my clothes equal her banging some guy? Should I have taken my wife back after all the sneaking around and should I have banged that dude’s wife like Will Ferrell in, The Campaign ? I still wanna beat the dude’s a**. I know where he works! – Never Been Cheated On Dear Mr. Never Been Cheated On , You have a lot of gall and nerve! You have a self-righteous, indignant, and ego that needs a freaking reality check! Pump your MoFo brakes, homeboy, and look at the real culprit in all of this. It’s your ole dramatic finger-pointing a**! So, let me get this straight: After you’ve been cheating on your wife for the majority of your marriage, beginning from ages of 19 to 34, and within the last two months of your marriage it has suddenly dawned you on that you should be more considerate, caring, loving, supportive, and monogamous. And, now you want to be rewarded for “good behavior?” You want some special award, or some acknowledgement for two months of doing what you should have been doing for the past 15 years? You have got to be joking, right? You surely can’t think you are owed some accommodation or a pat on the back. You are an a**hole! A joke! A damn donkey! And, now you’re upset that your wife had an affair after she’s put up with your infidelity, cheating, and all the drama you put her through for the past 15 years. I truly can’t with you! Then, you sat up here and tried to justify your cheating by saying at least when you cheated you did it with single women. Boy, reach up and slap your own damn self in the face. The hell type of bull-ish you talking about. Cheating is cheating. Regardless of who you’re doing it with. Your trick a** was married. HELLO! Why the hell were you cheating? But, the beginning of your problems started when you were 19 years old, and she was 20 years old and she got pregnant. She stopped using birth control without telling you, thus, which surmises that you were not wearing condoms. So, don’t put it all on her. You have some responsibility in this. But, because you felt it was her fault, and she was trying to trap you, you resented her and the relationship. You resented her because she stopped taking birth control. You resented her for having the baby when I’m sure you didn’t. You resented her because you felt you had to drop out of school and enlist in the military so that you could support her and the baby. You resent her because you felt you had to marry her to do the right thing. Thus, you cheated, lied, deceived, manipulated, and treated her horribly throughout your entire marriage because of your resentment toward her. And, she felt all the pain, hurt, and anger you felt toward her. She felt the resentment, and your unhappiness. She felt unloved, unwanted, undesired, and not needed. I’m sure that’s how you made her feel. And, for the 15 years she endured all of this, the chipping away of her soul, her spirit, and her womanhood. Then, she got fed up, and wanted someone, anyone to love her, and she found comfort, and emotional support from her co-worker. Because you emotionally depleted her, and she was emotionally empty, this man made her feel needed, desired, wanted, and loved. Everything you took from her, he gave back to her. That is why she said the relationship was emotional. It wasn’t about the sex. She was missing you, her husband, and the feelings of being needed and wanted by the one man who would not give it to her. Yes, it was wrong what she did. She should have come to you and talked with you about this. But, like you said, your marriage suffered from the lack of communication, and she didn’t feel that she could come to you and talk. Why would she? For the past 15 years you haven’t been available, or around emotionally, mentally, and physically. And, what’s really sad and unfortunate is that you are still missing why she cheated, why all of this happening, and what role you’ve played to create all of this. You won’t take any responsibility for your role, and how this all begin 15 years ago when you developed resentment. This is the underlying problem of your relationship and marriage. You resent her and you need to be honest about this and tell yourself the truth. This resentment is what made you to decide to step outside of your marriage, and continued to do so for 15 years. Then, you claim your wife knew, but decided to stay. Why? What kept her there with you? But, you didn’t care, you kept on cheating. Then, when YOU decided to make a change within the past two months you want her to forget everything you’ve put her through and to simply move on and act as if it never happened. You’re trying to act like you’re so hurt, bothered and destroyed by her infidelity. LOL! Sir, you said, “I’ve never been cheated on. So, this is tough to handle.” Oh really Mr. Johnny-Come-Lately. It hurts. It doesn’t feel good. And, you don’t like it. Hmmm…. Re-read your letter, and notice this entire letter is about YOU! What she did to you. How dare she do this to you after you’ve been good to her for the past two months, and you are in counseling and things are good now. Why would she do this to you, the man who’s trying to make things right. How dare she betray you! And, isn’t it ironic that your wife found solace and cheated with a man who is very similar to you? The man she cheated with neglected his wife, and they had been married for 14 years. Then, you wrote, “He is a loser.” Uhm, pot meet kettle. Then, you go on to say, “I’m like, “He was worth you leaving me and the kids for and now you don’t want him. Maybe he don’t want you!”” Well, you didn’t act like you wanted her for the past 15 years. So, err, uhm, Mr. Think-His-Ish-Don’t-Stink you can’t go throwing stones at other folk’s glass houses. But, hold pimping, you wrote, “She says she wasn’t getting something from home. We had sex all the time. We have been going to counseling and everything has been good. We are communicating and it seems brand new. I guess I wasn’t giving her attention.” So, you equate sex with attention? Because you are recently in counseling, and only two months of acting like an interested husband is supposed to erase the hurt, pain, and drama you put her through? You are not the brightest in the bunch. You definitely are lacking some common sense. And, for the record, yes, it was about you not giving her attention. Damn! I swear you won’t get a clue even when it smacks you in the face. You truly do think with your d**k because you really do think sex is the resolve for any and everything. Sex is your cure for fixing something. And, you truly felt that by sleeping with the other man’s wife it would help you get even. Really? Really! You wanted to get even, and continue the damage, and hurt, and draw the wedge even deeper? Dumb, Dumba**, Dumb donkey! And, Mr. Don’t-Have-A-Clue, you want to know, “How can me not picking up my clothes equal her banging some guy?” SMDH! It’s not about picking up the clothes. It’s deeper. You not picking up the clothes is a metaphor, it’s a symbolic representation of you not caring. You not contributing. You ignoring her. You mistreating her. Her not feeling valued, wanted, and needed. The resolve is to continue counseling with your wife, and working on building the communication between you. You have 15 years of resentment that you need to let go, and work on. It’s time to come clean and be honest with yourself, and your wife. You also need to work on your lack of emotion, infidelity, and why you were cheating. And, she has 15 years of hurt, pain, and feeling unwanted, not needed, and unsupported to work on, and you rebuilding with her. Counseling and therapy will help you rebuild with one another, building trust, honesty, communication, and recreating your relationship. Love is not just about what you do, but it’s how you treat someone. And, please don’t go up to his job trying to fight this man because you’re feeling some type of way. It’s not worth it, and it will not prove anything. Besides, what if he beats your a** at his job, and in front of your wife. Then what? – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Claudia Jordan gets oiled up and lets it all hang out on the beach in MIA Claudia Jordan Does Swimsuit Photo Shoot On The Beach Former model turned Hollyweird actress and “Tiny Tonight” talk show co-host Claudia Jordan has still got the goods and is not afraid to show them off. Claudia recently hit up Miami Beach to do a swimsuit photo shoot where she put her oiled up cakes in blizzy blast for 2 different swimsuit looks. She certainly has a lot of competition what with all of the other bangin’ bawwdied celebrity 40-somethings like Lisa Raye, Naomi Campbell, Halle Berry, J.Lo and Nicole Murphy to name a few, but we think she’s doing a pretty good job of holding her own. What say you, Bossip fam? Is Claudia still a certified banger? WENN
Dear Bossip , I never thought I’d be one day writing to you, but, alas! I met this charming tall black man six weeks ago after being single for four years. We went out on our first date and I knew then he was trouble. At the time, I was packing to start my doctorate degree 1000km away, so I figured it wouldn’t go anywhere. He kept on calling and texting throughout the day, each day and I started to warm up to him. He came to visit me last weekend and I had the time of my life. The sex was out of this world! Best I ever had. Now, here’s the problem, I have a couple of issues with him: 1. He has 5 kids. I kid you not! He has 5 baby mamas, which is drama times 5. I’ve always chose not to date anyone with kids, well, at least one if I’m relaxing my standards. But 5? Who has 5 kids by age 35 in this day and age? I don’t think I wanna deal with that. 2. His lifestyle. He’s into the hottest parties, the most expensive booze. 3. I’m not sure if he can be faithful. My intuition tells me I’m not the only one, but of course he would never admit it. 4. He’s not a Christian. I want a man who has a relationship with God. 5. He drinks too much. I like this man, he makes me laugh, and he’s very affectionate. I’ve never been happier, but I can’t fully relax because he breaks all the rules. My friends have said over time that my standards are too high that’s why I’ll always be single. I don’t mind being single by the way. Am I relaxing my standards too much for this man or should I stick to my list? – Happy and Confused Dear Ms. Happy and Confused , Here we go with another damn grown a** woman with education smarts, but no damn common sense! SMDH! Why oh why do you supposedly smart, educated, intelligent women continue to write these no-brainer letters about no good trifling men and pursuing relationships with them? Why? Please explain to me the logic in this! UGH!! Every time I see these letters I just shake my head and scream. I truly wish I could reach the damn screen and smack the –ish out of y’all! But, since I can’t reach the screen, I’m going to ask you to politely reach up and smack yourself and knock your wig lop-sided. Ma’am, what doctoral program are you in? Are you sure it’s a real university or college? You must be getting your doctorate in dumba** simpleness. Why would you compromise your standards over a man who is 35-years old, and he has five kids with five different women? What logical sense does it make to be in a relationship with this man, or attempt to be in a relationship with him? And, ma’am, think about his carefully and understand that you are in school pursuing your doctorate. With that, his partying, drinking, and procreating with different women leaves me to deduce that he ain’t –ish, ain’t doing –ish, and ain’t about –ish! Please wake your a** up and be real about this situation and what the real possibilities are about this. I’m sure you don’t want to be baby momma number six, so, please leave this man alone, focus on your studies, and be about your business. He is only interested in screwing you, literally and figuratively. He is not serious about a relationship because if he was then he would be with one of his five baby mommas. And, hell to the naw, he is not ever going to be serious about you. He’s a philandering male whore. And, if you keep spreading your legs for him then I’m confident that you will be baby momma number six, and then I’ll be getting another letter from you and why he won’t commit to you, and he keeps making promises but not following through, and you keep finding out he is cheating. Girl, grow up and be a woman and give that man several seats out of your life. And, if you have standards and morals, then why are you compromising? There are five things you’ve listed that do not fit your criteria. HELLO! What the hell are you contemplating? Why compromise? Just because your friends tell you that your standards are too high, so you’re going to listen to them? Then I tell you what, tell them to date him. The hell!! Ask them if they would date him and pursue a relationship with him. I bet none of them would. What kind of friends you got? Get rid of ‘em if they are telling you to date that man. And, so what he makes you happy. Ma’am, it’s temporary and fleeting happiness. He is telling you what you want to hear, and giving you good sex. Stop confusing this with love and like. The only thing you like is that he is giving you good d**k, making your body feel good, and telling you things that sounds good for now. Start using your qualitative and quantitative reasoning and be honest with yourself. This man is not good for you. How the hell can he be a serious candidate for a relationship and he has five children with five different women? This means he is paying child support, if he is paying child support, to five different women. Where is he getting money from to travel to see you, and hang out with you? This will all come to an end real quick. Trust! And, if he spending all this time with you, and traveling to see you, then how is he spending any quality time with his children? Will you please think damnit! But, again, this is what happens once a woman gets some good d**k after she’s been single for a while. He bangs you out, have you doing tricks, and contorting your body all over the bed, floor, counter, and walls, and you lose your damn mind. Sigh! It’s so sad that the FDA will not put d**k on its list of dangerous drugs. Ladies, here’s the warning label: Getting good d**k will cause serious side effects. You will have lingering moments of relapse and your body will jerk, and convulse at odd times just by thinking of it. Your cooch will twitch, pulsate, and throb from the after affects. You will find yourself daydreaming, feigning, itching, scratching, and your body will have withdrawals. Your thoughts and common sense will be convoluted. Your judgment will become cloudy and you won’t be able to rationalize every day simple things and tasks. You will find yourself stalking his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram pages. You will call him insistently, checking on him and his whereabouts. You will do drive-bys of his home, job, or other whereabouts to make sure he is there. You’ll even compromise your own body, and stop using condoms because he tells you that he doesn’t like how they feel, and he will put out. In the end, he is not good for you. He’s not what you want, doesn’t fit your criteria, and will never be the man for you. So, don’t settle. He is simply out to make you baby momma number six. And, if you want to be in that number, then knock yourself out, boo. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I have been with the father of my two kids for 10 years. We are by far not the perfect couple, but we have been solid. I am 28 years old and he is 24 years old. The last year or so I have been having mixed emotions because we are not where we should be in life. He has a GED and works jobs, but he doesn’t have a career, and he is not motivated. I keep telling him I want us to have better, but it’s like he does not understand. On the other hand, I have a male friend who we are just that. We never did anything that we should not have. He is married and I am in a complicated situation. We have known each other for a little over a year. My friend is a well-educated well-rounded guy with dreams and aspirations. Recently, we have kind of been flirting and getting to know each other more in depth, and I think I am falling in love with him. My kid’s father is such a nice guy. He treats me like a queen and is a great father, but he is not established. My friend on the other hand is established, and I don’t want to turn down the possibility of us being friends first, and that it could work between us even though he is married. I know a lot about his situation with his wife and it doesn’t seem like a forever thing. What do I do? Do I just back up and don’t cross that line of friendship because I don’t want it to turn bad. Currently, my kid’s father and I are working on ourselves, and, yes we are still having sex. We have a mutual understanding that we are taking time to re-evaluate things. I don’t want to hurt my kid’s father, but I also do not want to be hurt neither. – Between A Rock And A Hard Place Dear Ms. Between A Rock And A Hard Place , Ratchet, ratchet, ratchet! Those are my words for and about you. But, let me back up a minute. You’ve been with your boyfriend for 10 years, which means you were 18 years old, and he was 14 years old when you started dating? Uhm, isn’t that illegal to be dating a minor? So, you were already being ratchet 10 years ago at 18 years old, and now because you don’t think things are going where you want them to with your boyfriend, you’re talking about stepping out of your relationship to sleep with a married man? Huh? Are you serious? Do you see the pattern you have with men? You were dating a minor, which is wrong by all measures of the fact. He was still developing physically, emotionally, and mentally, and you took advantage of him. And, please don’t sit up here and say he was mature for his age. Ma’am, I will smack the –ish out of you. How would you feel if an 18 year old boy came home with your 14 year old daughter? Yeah, but you don’t like that idea. But, hold on, now you want to start dating a married man? Someone else’s husband? Uhm, yeah, you seriously have mental and emotional problems and you need help. Then, you have the audacity to say that he is not where you want him to be because he has a GED, works jobs, and has no motivation. However, he treats you like a queen, is a great father, working, and a nice guy. However, you say that you want better for the both of you, but, ma’am, what are you bringing to the table. What do you have to offer? I noticed that you left that out of the conversation. You’re complaining he has jobs, and no career. Uhm, so what is your career? What are you holding down? And, since you’re complaining about having and doing better, then explain to me why you are not married? Why have you been dating for 10 years, playing house, shacking up, and you have two kids, playing family, but there is no ring on your finger? (I’ll wait while you ponder that.) Now, because you’re not happy at home you figure the best resolution to your situation is to sleep with a married man. You figure that instead of talking and effectively communicating with your man about your feelings, how to move forward, and make the necessary steps toward a united goal, instead you seek comfort in the arms of a married man? And, you want to throw your boyfriend under the bus because you’re the ratchet trifling a** who is willing to jeopardize her relationship for a fling. SMDH! Some of you women are a piece of work. The man is married. He is not your friend. You don’t have anything in common with him. Despite that you may feel you have something in common with him, but you don’t. You’re enamored and impressed with his accolades and that he has dreams. And, he is selling you on his pipe dreams and your thirsty dumba** is falling for them with your lips touted up slurping on his nut sac. So typical. And, for the record he is not going to leave his wife. He just wants to smash, and you will have a momentary affair, and it will be over because the novelty of new p***y will wear off for him, and you will be just another chick he cheated on with his wife. You will stalk him, trying to keep the relationship going, and he may come back, and then you’ll have unprotected sex. And, BAM! You’ll end up pregnant, but you won’t know which man is the father, and, we all know how this story is going to end. What’s so sad is that you are comparing your man to a married. Why? There is no comparison. He is married, and the fact that you said he is established, well, yes, he is establishedly married (I made that word up. LOL!) Nevertheless, he is off limits, but knowing your ratchet a** you’re going to ignore all warnings and caution because you’re falling in love with him. Bwahahahahaha. Girl, stop! Falling in love my a**. You just want to get some d**k. You love playing the game of off-limits and dangerous liaisons with men. Remember, your boyfriend was 14 years old when you started dating him. He was off limits, yet, you pursued that relationship. You’re dangerous, and need some help. So, your options are either to sit with your boyfriend. Be honest and frank with him about what you’re feeling, desiring, and how to proceed to get both of your needs met. You mentioned that you’re working on re-evaluating your relationship. Well, take this time to set an action plan of how to move forward. It’s been 10 years of the same damn thing, but you’re not married. Why not? How can you move toward that goal? Then, you discuss his goals, desires, and dreams. What does he want for himself, and his family? Where does he see himself a year, two, or five years from now? Is he interested in being married? And, if you feel that neither of you are on the same page, you have two different dreams, goals, and desires for your relationship, then it may be time to end the relationship and move on. And, no, that does not mean you move on to the married man. He is off limits. Leave that man alone. And, you can’t be friends. You can’t be associates. You have no reason to be in contact or communication with him. Instead, I need for you to work on you, and get into some therapy to figure out why you have this desire and need to be with men who are off limits to you. Why do you pursue men that present some element of danger? You need to work on that, and get to the root of yourself. Something is at the core, and you’re going to seriously need to resolve this before you start dating or being any other man. Because if you don’t resolve this, you will continue to repeat this pattern at the detriment of yourself, and your children. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Continue reading →
Dear Bossip , I first want to say thanks for all the great advice to the ladies. Although you can be brutal at times, your words are always on point. I find myself confused and need your advice. I’ve been dating this man “Marcus” for eight months. He is an electrician. With his job, he travels from city to city (Here in Georgia). His latest assignment landed him in my city. We met, hit it off well, and have decided to become a couple. Things are great. He treats me very well, and I am very happy. Last weekend, we went out with a few of his co-workers for drinks. He got pretty wasted. He and I were having small talk. He said to me he was surprised that I wasn’t married. My response was something to the effect of I was surprised he was single. He then blurted out he was kind of not single, but was just unhappy. I was shocked. I was like you have a girlfriend? He then realized what he had said, and was like he didn’t mean it like that. He meant he was unhappy in his last relationship with the mother of his two girls. I’m like that doesn’t even make any sense. I really am skeptical at this point. Yesterday I walked up on him talking on the phone telling someone that his kids mom is a stay at home mom, and he has to pay all her bills due to his girls. While I do understand him doing this, it still can be a sign of him actually still being with her and just taking care of home while he’s away working. After I overheard his phone conversation, I asked him again was he still with the mother of his girls. He keeps saying no. Then we were watching Tyler Perry’s, “Confessions of a marriage Counselor/Temptations,” and he said something suspect again. He said, “I have to make sure my kids mother see this movie. I want her to see what happened to the marriage counselor at the end.” I sarcastically said, “Yeah, let’s call her now.” He then said he was sorry and didn’t mean anything by it. I’ve heard of men having a different woman in every city here in Atlanta, and I want no parts of this for myself. He keeps saying he is single, but I don’t know if I believe him anymore. By the way, he’s a Libra, and they are charming liars from what I hear. I don’t know what to believe. If he has a girl, I will end things. I just don’t know if he does. What do you think? – Ms. I Think I’m Being Gamed Dear Ms. I Think I’m Being Gamed , Face palm, face palm, face palm. SMDH! I know it’s a shortage of men in Atlanta, but DAMN! Are y’all down there willingly and knowingly sharing community d**k? You lie to yourself, or you convince yourself that as long as you don’t see it or her, then it’s okay. It’s just speculation. The thirst is heavy. Ma’am, you got all this damn evidence smacking you in the damn face and you still refuse to acknowledge what is painfully obvious. YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND. YOU ARE A SIDECHICK. He has revealed critical information regarding another woman, children, her staying home and him paying all the bills. Yet, you allow him to slick talk you out of what you hear, feel, and know because why? Why don’t you want to believe what you’re hearing or believing? What about this man is so amazingly wonderful that you refuse to believe your own ears, instincts, and personal judgment? I don’t get some of you women. Evidence can be staring you right in your face, hell, it can be written in 24-font posted on the wall, and all the details, pertinent information, and involved parties can be listed, yet, you still refuse to acknowledge it because you want a man. Any man. A piece of a man. Just some man in your bed and banging you out. UGH! Liquor is a truth serum. It is the devil’s elixir. You want some information from someone, wait until they are drinking, or are drunk, and it all comes out. They will reveal everything. And, this traveling electrician, whom you met while he was visiting your city, and whom you decided to start a relationship with without knowing too much about him, reveals to you that he is “kind of not single.” What the hell is that? Either you are single or not. Duh! But, against your better judgment, and instincts, you continue the relationship with him. Why? Please explain why you continued to see this man. But, then you walk up on him during a phone conversation and learn that his children’s mother is a stay-at-home mom, and he pays all the bills. Uhm, sweetie, how much money is this man making? She can afford to be a stay-at-home mom, and he pays all the bills, and he can entertain you with dates? Ma’am, I’m going to need for you to use your cognitive thinking skills and start making some deductions. He is living with her! They are a couple! Want to know how I know this? Have you been to his home? Do you know where he lives? No you have not. And, you never will because he lives with her. I’ll wait while you shake your wig with your mouth wide-open and that look of shock on your face. Pulls out my bull-ish calculator and begins adding –ish up. 1.) He travels for his work from city to city within your state. Don’t trust him. Think about it, you met him while he was in your city. Thus, adding one city and multiply that by him visiting several cities within the state, then let me do the square root of him meeting other women the same way he met you. Uhm, my deductions indicate he is a traveling hoe and that you are not the only woman he is banging, or spending his time with. 2.) Based on your letter it seems you spend a lot of time hanging out in your city, and at your place of residence. Let’s see here: Add him coming to your home all the time and visiting you in your city and at your place. Then divide the fact that this gives him the ability to not be seen in his own hometown, and reduces the likelihood of him running into someone he knows, or, lying to his wife/girlfriend, or whomever she is to him, that he is out working. Now, let’s add all this up, and BOOM! He’s a liar! He’s manipulative and deceptive. Notice that when he gets caught he immediately results to the sorry, and apologetic excuse of he didn’t mean it, or anything by it. 3.) You don’t know where he lives. You’ve never been to his home. He spends all his time visiting you, and you women fall for the ole okey doke because he’s driving to come see you. He’s taking the time out of his schedule to visit you, and spend quality time with you. Uhm, NOOOOO! It’s because he knows how to conveniently lie to his wife, girlfriend, or woman he is living with, and he has a few hours to get away and he comes to spend it with you. Now, you add that –ish up and you tell me what you come up with. Look, the man has lied to you on several occasions, and you’ve caught him in the lie. Why won’t you trust yourself, and the gut feeling you’re getting? If you don’t trust yourself, then it’s easy to allow someone to come into your space and lie to you as well. So, ask him to be honest and tell you the truth. Present your facts to him of what you know. But, he’s going to continue to lie to you because that all he knows how to do. So, that’s when you ask him if you can visit him at his home. Ask if you can spend some time at his place, and that you want to hang out in his hometown instead of yours. As he stutters, and makes excuses as to why you can’t visit him, or come to his place, then you politely escort him out of your home and bid him adieu. You can play this game with him if you want, but know that the game will end with you never being his woman. You’ll always suspect him of cheating, lying, and being deceptive. You’ll wonder when he’s not with you, then what is he doing, and with whom. So, I suggest you end the game before it begins, get the truth out of him, and then decide how to move your piece on the board. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , My child’s father and I were together for over 8 years. I met him while we were both stationed overseas in the Navy. We have not been together for over 2 years. But, I’m not writing about why our relationship failed. We have a 5 year old son that we co-parent. We have learned that we are better as friends and have agreed that we will raise our son together. One morning he texted me and told me, “Good morning,” and, “Have a good day.” This is common so I thought nothing of it. Later on that day he called me and told me not to respond to the text. When I asked him why he told me that he left his Ipad at one of the female’s house that he is currently seeing. We both have Iphones and Ipads, so with the Imessage being linked to the Ipad, it will send your text conversation to the Ipad. Seeing that he left the Ipad over to the female’s house, she was able to see what he texted me. He told me don’t reply to any text message I receive from him until he gets his Ipad. I told him that I did not reply to text message anyway. And, that was the end of the conversation. Later on that night he called me and told me that him and the female got into an argument about him texting me good morning. He told me that she was chasing him around with a knife and a cinder block around the house in front of her 4 children. I told him that was unacceptable and that if he valued his life and wanted to see his son into manhood that he would need to stop seeing her. I feel that any person that you are in a relationship with, male or female, that will cause you bodily harm then you don’t need to be with them. He agreed and that was the end of the conversation. That next night he called me and asked for a favor. He wanted me to talk to the female because she wanted to ask me something. I immediately told him NO! I told him that there is nothing that we needed to discuss. And I hung up. He called back later and asked to Facetime with our son. He talked to our son for a while and then asked to speak to me. While we were talking all of a sudden the female comes on speaker phone out of nowhere. I couldn’t believe it!! I was too upset. I felt that he set me up because he knew I would not talk to the female. Then she starts asking me about how much he texts me, and why she couldn’t come to our son’s party and a whole lot of other mess. I simply listened to her rant and rave about this and that. After she was done I told her in a calm voice that I don’t argue with people and that there was nothing for us to talk about. And, that I communicate with him for our child, just as I’m sure she talks with all of her 4 baby daddies. And, that what we talk about has nothing to do with her unless she is going to start helping out financial with our child. And with that I hung up the phone. My question is this: After all of this I told him that if he was going to bring his mess with his females to me then he does not even need to call, or even to speak to our child. I don’t like drama and when it is brought to me I shut it down. I don’t deal with it. I have been told that I am wrong for telling him not to call or have him around her. And, I told him anyone that is threatening to kill him and chase him around with a knife then they don’t need to be around my child. I mean if she feels that it’s acceptable for her to do it in front of her children then that’s her. But, in front of mines, no, it will not go down like that. And, lord forbids there is a time that she actually kills him. Was I wrong for giving him the ultimatum of? It’s either her, or our son. – It’s Her Or Our Child Dear Ms. It’s Her Or Our Child , Ma’am! Ma’am! Ma’am! This right here! Yassss! I don’t blame you! You shut that –ish down quick, fast, and in a hurry! Werk momma! And, I feel like you, I don’t have time to sit around arguing with folks, nor divulging in drama or stress. Ain’t nobody dealing with all that –ish, and especially not when it involves your children. Hell to the naw! So, yes, you did the right thing by telling your ex and his woman that what goes on between you and he has nothing to do with her, and particularly it has nothing to do with your child unless she is contributing financially to his well-being. Other than that, she needs to stay in her place and in her lane. There is no reason she needs to have conversations with you. For the hell what? What’s going on between he and her is between he and her and has nothing to do with you, just like your child and what goes on between you and he has nothing to do with her. She needs to learn how to stay in her place. Also, she doesn’t need to be at your son’s party. Why? For what? It’s a child’s party for your son and his family. She is your ex’s girlfriend. She needs to slow her damn roll and your ex needs to make sure to put her in her place. She just wants to come and be in your business, and to meet you. And, she wants to flaunt herself around the party that she is in his life. Uhm, she can have several side chick seats on the sideline. But, as you can see she is unstable and mentally and emotionally unhealthy. And, definitely when someone displays signs of being physically abusive, then it is time to go! Why would you want your child in that environment? If she will chase your ex around the house with a knife and cinder block in front of her children, then there is nothing to prevent her from doing something like that in front of your child. So, no, unless you arrange supervised visitations, then don’t leave your child with him and that woman. Who knows what she is capable of doing, and what will set her off. Yeah, you don’t play when it comes to your child, and she is threatening physical violence. I don’t know if you have child support arranged, or how you are handling your visitations, but I strongly encourage you to arrange with the courts to have supervised visitations, and explain to the court what happened and why you feel your child will not be safe in her home, and why you don’t want your child left alone with them. That will resolve that matter. And, your ex needs to get a handle on his home front and situation quick, fast, and in a hurry. This woman is going to do nothing but try to cause havoc and chaos in his and your life. And, I don’t blame you. Don’t get caught up in his drama and his mess. He’s trying to wrangle you in by having you talk with her to resolve the issues he’s created with her. Sorry, but, err uhm, he’s got to be a big boy and hold his own. You handled the situation classy and tactfully. You informed both he and her that you don’t engage in arguments and drama. You will not entertain her insecurities, nor his requests to appease her or his relationship. And, why would he even think it’s okay to call you up and talk with her? You are not in high school. You are grown folks. And, if she is that insecure about what he’s doing and who he’s texting, then perhaps she doesn’t need to be with him! So, don’t get caught up in their mess. Explain to him how you won’t get involved, and for him to not involve you with their drama. You had a good arrangement up until then, and if he can’t handle that then you will get the courts involved, and the courts will help resolve it for you. Also, remain in communication with your ex about the best ways to have visitation because you want him to be involved in his child’s life, but you are not allowing your child to be with them, particularly her, alone. Unfortunately, you can’t control who he dates, but, you can work out some type of arrangement of how and the type of environment you feel is best suitable for your child to be exposed to. And, explain to him why you feel the way you do. I’m sure you can work something out. But, you are doing the right thing, and I commend you on being a grown woman and not engaging in your ex’s girlfriend silly and immature tactics. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Continue reading →
Dear Bossip , I’ve been in love with the same man since September 2010. We met on a deployment. I lived in North Carolina and he lived in Alabama. He was a gentleman, a dream come true, until we got back to the states. He started hiding our relationship. He let his friends talk greasy about me on Facebook and would not let me meet his mom. Around January/February 2011 I found out the reason that he wouldn’t take me to meet his mom was because his ex lived there. I found this out after she tried to add me on Facebook. Around this same time I found out that he had given me two STD’s at once. Both curable. I forgave him. He kept lying and only God knows about what else. So, we broke up in May. I moved on with my life. So, in December 2011 he came back to me wanting to get back together. I said yes. January went by smoothly. In February I received an email from a girl that said she was also his woman. She also told me about the baby he had on the way with the one that lived with his mom. I was devastated. He told me that he hadn’t seen or talked to the girl since November (we were both on two separate deployments at this time). He also told me that he had planned on telling me about the baby face to face when we got home. I was so hurt because at the time the baby was conceived he was still telling me he loved me. It was the same girl that had originally broken us up in the first place. I tried to stomach it for love, but when he took his time getting a DNA test I just couldn’t do it. We broke up in May 2012. Fast forward to May 2013, he emails me to say Happy Birthday and it turns into friendly conversation. He had a girl and I had a man. His girlfriend (the one that told me about the baby) emails me to let me know that they had gotten back together and that I needed to stop talking to her man. This whole time he been telling me how much he loves and misses me, but not once did he say he would leave her for me. I guess I’m writing to you because I don’t know how to just tell him to leave me alone and stop coming back into my life. Because I feel like he only comes back to figure out if he still has a place in my heart, and to see that if he really did want to come back to me if I would take him back. I love him. I really do. He was my first love. I think about him every day, but I know in my heart that he will never grow up and he will never leave his baby mama alone or take any woman serious. I love him, but I am not in love with him. He emails me and when I email him back 4 to 5 days later, he gets a little attitude. I don’t know how to tell him to leave me alone for good. Whatever I do it turns into an argument. – Want To Move On Dear Ms. Want To Move On , I’m sorry, but what is so difficult about telling someone to leave you the hell alone!?! He is only coming back into your life because you allow him to come back in your life. Stop responding to him and he will leave you alone. HELLO! Stop giving him entrée. Stop all communication. Stop answering his emails. Stop answering his texts. Stop every damn thing and he will leave you alone. Damn! It’s that simple. But, you like this attention. You enjoy him coming back to you in and out of your life. You find it amusing knowing that he is thinking about you. Because as you stated in your letter, you think about him every day. You keep him alive and this drama going on between you and him because you are enjoying his attention. You feel that although he has a woman, and you may have a man, that he is still reaching out to you because there must be something there. There must be some love, some affection, and you get a kick out of knowing he is going behind his woman’s back and telling you things you want to hear. So, be honest and ask yourself why do you feel the need to respond? What are you getting out of it? What do you possibly owe him, and what are you hoping to get out of these exchanges? Yeah, you playing these games with him, so, ma’am, I’m going to need for you to grow the hell up and stop all these shenanigans. Ain’t nobody got time to be playing with you and inflating your self-esteem and ego. And, ma’am, I want you to be very aware of what I’m about to tell you: He doesn’t love. He doesn’t even like you. You are someone he tolerates and likes dumping his STD’s into. Point blank! The man never apologized to you for giving you two STD’s at the same time. Please tell me what is there to love about him? Please tell me how you can possibly even think this man deserves any of your time, or attention? He gave you two STD’s at the same time. (Uhm, burns much). LOL! Honey, he never apologized or stood up for you when his friends were talking greasy about you on Facebook. He never even introduced you to his mother. As you’ve stated in your letter, you were a secret that he hid and never admitted to anyone that you were his woman. Which means he was embarrassed and ashamed to call you his woman. And, on top of that, he had his other woman, the one who had his baby, living with his momma, and still dipping up in you because you spread your legs and let him run up in you raw thinking he loved you. HE DIDN’T, DOES NOT, and NEVER WILL! So, it’s time you stop calling him your first love, and that you have all these feelings for him. This man didn’t have any feelings for you because if he did, then he wouldn’t have put you through all this drama, stress, and emotional, mental, and physical pain he has taken you through. You’re the woman he knows who is naïve enough to let him keep coming and going, and continue to give him some gush-gush and run game on you. When you learn to respect yourself, demand better for yourself, and stop letting men treat you like a doormat, then you can truly get rid of him. Until you can truly and honestly be real with yourself about why you keep letting him come back and forth in your life, and why you feel the need to respond to him when he reaches out to you, then he will keep coming back. So, cut the cord. Drop his a**. And, stop responding to him. If you truly want to get him out of your life, then stop responding to his emails, block his a**, and block his number. As a matter of fact, put DNA next to his name and number (Do Not Answer). Pull yourself together and go live your life. Stop harboring and thinking about him every day. When thoughts of him come up, put on some music, read a book, go jogging, do something to distract the thoughts, and trust me you will eventually not even have a thought or concern about him. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Continue reading →
Dear Bossip , I was living with the father of my kids for four years. Last October I sensed something wasn’t right. He was not happy to see me when I got home. All of our conversations were as though I was getting on his nerves. I happened to go through our phone bill and I saw all the text messages that were sent at night when I was sleep. I was upset. I found him talking to various females. However, one of them was even more devastating as I recognized the number being sent to her from him. It broke my heart to find him texting my cousin most of all. The other girls I didn’t care about. But, no one hurt worse than my family. This happened months ago, and we no longer live with each other. We talk but our conversations are due and limited to our children. My cousin and I aren’t talking and the family is divided. I tried reaching out to her. My question is do you think I should ask for an apology or do away with our relationship? The text messages between my cousin and my kid’s father happened for over a month only at night with pictures, messages, and all. Of course I know he would lie about what they were texting about. I just don’t know how to handle the situation. I don’t know why I’m seeking closure to a bad situation especially from her? I did threaten her but at the time I was furious. I felt betrayed so now everyone sees me as trying to hurt her so again I’m left without closure. How do I get over this? – My Man and My Cousin Dear Ms. My Man and My Cousin , I’m sorry to hear what happened to you, and I’m sorry that you have children involved with this. But, the good thing is that he is not in your house (Thank you for putting his trifling a** out), he is now your ex, and the only communication you have to do with him is centered around your children. Bravo to you! And, honestly, I don’t know why you want closure. You already got it! Why would you expect a man who is cheating to give you the reasons why he is doing so with your own cousin? You shouldn’t expect anything from him but to know that he is a low-down dirty dog, and a liar. I get that you have history with him, and that you have children with him. But, ma’am, he was cheating and sending texts, pictures, and messages to not only other women, but your cousin! HELLO! You don’t need closure, it was given to you the moment you discovered he was sending out text messages while you were asleep. The trust had been violated. And, once the trust is violated, and he’s cheating with other women, then it’s time to end the relationship. Especially with a family member! Uhm, bye-bye! (Waves with sinister grin) You say that you are not upset and didn’t care about the other women! Sweetie, you should have been upset and cared he was cheating with other women. What if he would have brought home a disease? Would you have cared then? Ma’am, a man cheating with any woman is cause to leave the relationship. I don’t care who she is, and how long it’s been going on, LEAVE HIS A**! And, for your cousin to be texting, sending messages, and pictures to your man is a No-No! That can be really hurtful knowing your own family is creeping with your man behind your back. And, I don’t understand how the family can be divided. Over what? Unless your family knows something you don’t. Were you and your cousin close? Did she feel any obligation to you? Did she know he was your man or did she meet him randomly on the street and he lied and told her something otherwise? Regardless, you did the right thing. You put your ex out of your home, ended the relationship, and you only communicate about your children. That’s all you need to communicate with him about anyway. Don’t engage him with any other business about his personal life, and don’t let him engage you about anything related to your personal life. Don’t act interested now in what you’re doing and who you’re doing. If he was so interested in being committed and monogamous then he would have been faithful in the relationship with you. In regards to your cousin, girl, there is no love lost. Why call her up and ask her for an apology? She should have been woman enough to call you up and ask you for an apology. But, the fact that she has not reached out to you, then she probably doesn’t feel as if she did anything wrong. I do suggest that if she does reach out to you, then listen to what she has to say. If she apologizes you can accept it, and move on. It’s over, the situation is done, and it’s time to move on and keep healing. But, I don’t suggest that you become best friends and let her get close to you again. She’s shown you who she is. Just be cordial at family gatherings and events, and keep it moving. I strongly urge you to do not allow the anger and hate to manifest. Don’t allow or give anyone that much power over you. When you hold on to anger and hate for someone over something they did, it gives them power over you because every time you see them, or hear their name you become upset and angry. You remember the situation all over again, and relive it every time. And, nine times out of ten they are probably not even thinking about it, and they have moved on from. So, forgive her and your ex. Forgive them both and thank them for the lesson. They taught you a lesson, and you can learn from it. And, one thing you can say is that your ex gave you some beautiful children, but he is not the man for you, and his behaviors and actions helped himself to eliminate himself out of your life. Now, you can focus on doing for you and your children, with him paying child support (Get his a** on child support), and now another man can come into your life who will love, honor, and support you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Continue reading →
Dear Bossip , I broke up with my ex well over a year ago; and we are both in our 40’s. It wasn’t a messy break up; we basically drifted apart and went our separate ways. One of the reasons I started to drift away from him was that while he pursued me, he went above and beyond to get my attention and “make me his.” About 7 months after he “got” me, his efforts to “keep me” began to slack off to the point where I started to feel like perhaps he was seeing someone else. I didn’t really care about that, though, because by this point, I wanted him to leave me alone (you’ll understand why in a minute), so I let the drifting apart continue and we eventually stopped contacting each other totally. Well, lo and behold, he’s started calling/texting me again. After not responding back at first, I decided to say hi via text because honestly, he’s a nice guy, we had loads of fun together (except for the problem I’m about to mention) and I wouldn’t mind us hanging out on a platonic level, but he wants more and here’s where the problem comes in. During the time we were together, his sex was WACK. And I hate to say it like that, but it is what it is. When we talked before dating, I hadn’t been with anyone sexually in over a year, so by the time we had dated for about 2 months, my glands were ready to see if what he kept talking about in regard to his skills was true, and oh my goodness!!! It wasn’t . I tried introducing things into the mix–nothing freaky because I just wanted to see if he was at least good with the basics. He was fine with me showing him how to keep me “revved up”, but after that, I didn’t expect to have to show him all of the time, but that’s what it turned into. Everything else between us was alright; not perfect, of course, but I couldn’t get past this issue right here because it seemed like the sex part of the relationship was more for his pleasure and not for both of us. Now that he’s starting to bark up my tree again, I want to relay to him that we will not be dating like that again and why. I’ve already expressed that I didn’t want to date him again, but along with repeated invitations to dinner and drinks that I keep declining, he keeps pushing me for a reason why I don’t want to date him again-which is totally understandable. But how in the world do I tell this man that he does not satisfy me sexually without crushing his ego? I don’t want to be mean; I just want a way to relay this to him without hurting his feelings; which may be too much to ask for. Any suggestions? – The Whole-Package-Seeker Dear Ms. The Whole-Package-Seeker , Well, you gave it the good run the first time around. However, you drifted apart. He didn’t satisfy you sexually, and as you stated, “I wanted him to leave me alone.” So, my question to you is if you wanted him to leave you alone, then why did you answer his text? Why did you start this communication up with him again? If you weren’t friends before you started dating, then why do you think you can be ‘platonic’ friends now? That doesn’t make sense. It was a 7-month relationship that fizzled out faster than it started. Ma’am, don’t go back. He’s an ex for a reason. And, you’re smart and savvy enough to know why he’s an ex. So, stop entertaining him, and playing with this man! Ugh! But, the real Tee-Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee is that you like him chasing after you. You like him pursuing you, begging you, and running behind you. You are enjoying this attention because I’m sure he is the only man giving you any attention right about now. So, because you have nothing else to do, or better yet, you have no one else occupying your time and slaying your walls, you’re entertaining your ex! Don’t play with me this morning! I’m not your ex. These little games of “I don’t want him and he keeps calling me, and I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want to be with him because he didn’t satisfy me in the bedroom,” is all Bull-ish! You’re a grown a** 40-something year old woman. I am quite certain you know how to articulate with your Big Adult Words, and express yourself. So, I want you to Stop it! Stop this behavior right now and grow the damn hell up! Because trust and believe, if you had a man in your life, you know, Mr. Total-Package, and he was blowing your back out, and servicing your every need, giving you the “D” in the morning and at night, you wouldn’t have time to be stringing your ex along. Your focus will be on Mr. Total-Package and looking forward to what new position, and how many orgasms he’ll be giving you. BOOM! BAM! POW! Look here, your ex has not changed. The man he was in the relationship with you, he will be the same man as a platonic friend. BORING and GETTING ON YOUR NERVES! And, from what you’ve shared about him, he is repeating the same behaviors he did to get you the first time. He is chasing after you, wearing you down until you finally give in. You don’t see this pattern?!? HELLO! Ma’am, you can’t be friends with this man. He will not be your friend. He is not interested in being friends. He wants to strike up a relationship with you again, and unfortunately you both left the relationship for various reasons, yet, you didn’t have any closure. So, with no proper closure, he figured it was an open door to return. This is the opportunity to close the door for good, and be honest with him. I know you don’t want to hurt his feelings, and you don’t have to. Just be honest with him and say, “Look, you’re a great guy. You deserve to be with a woman who will love you and give you what you deserve. However, I am not that woman. I have needs, desires, and wants. Unfortunately, in our relationship I found that our sex life was not satisfying for me. I attempted to introduce you to various things, and ways of how to please me, and it was apparent that we were not sexually compatible. I think it’s best we simply part ways. I wish you the best.” You see how easy that is? Instead of stringing this man along for another several months, playing with him, toying with him and giving him some hope of reconciliation, you just end it. If you don’t end this relationship, close this door, and move on, then unfortunately, Boo Boo, your Mr. Whole-Total-Package won’t be able to come into your life because you’re still holding on to Mr. Didn’t-Satisfy-Me. And, no man wants to enter into a woman’s life with another man lingering around in the margins. So, end it. Stop playing with him, and seeking his attention. Give him closure. Be honest and truthful with him and yourself. And move on! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Nove l (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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