When the women of The Real Housewives of Orange County party, they party . Or at least Vicki does. And she drags Tamra and Lydia along on her whoop-it-up spree. Gretchen doesn’t like it. Things are heating up with the women south of the border! Let’s recap it now with our THG +/- review! Vicki, Tamra, and Lydia finally arrive at Andale’s. Now maybe Vicki will shut up about whooping it up at Andale’s. Maybe. (Probably not.) Gretchen and Heather are in the back of the limo waiting for the end of the bathroom trip of eternity. Gretchen starts telling Heather the tales Laurie told her about Vicki and Heather doesn’t want to hear it. Plus 2 . They get out of the limo and into a cab to go back to the resort. Tamra hails her own cab by dancing on top of one and declaring that there’s no better woman to party with than Vicki Gunvalson. In the limo, Lydia and Tamra tell Vicki they’re blaming her for ditching Heather and Gretchen. Then there’s talk of bunions. Minus 8 . The three of them go in to Heather’s room to apologize but Heather’s not having it. Neither is Gretchen. Tamra can’t stop laughing which just makes Gretchen and Heather more angry. She asks Tamra how Tamra could just run off like that and Tamra points at Vicki. Buzz kill. Minus 20. But they kind of deserved it for ditching the girls. Back in Tamra’s room, Vicki laughs that her “plan” worked! And then she pees Tamra’s bed. Minus 50. May clearer heads–and cleaner sheets–prevail the next day. The ladies meet in the lobby and plan to go see the town. Gretchen thanks Vicki for showing up at their rendezvous and Vicki keeps walking right out the door and straight to the limo. Minus 12 . Heather and Lydia decide to skip the penis straws in their mimosas. Lydia asks if they’re all good about last night. Heather says she’s not happy and was embarrassed and everything felt really sad. But she’s trying to move on in the spirit of having a good weekend. Plus 10 . After watching a baby bull fight a matador, the women have regrouped themselves in the limo. Lydia, Vicki, and Tamra on one end and Heather and Gretchen on another. The trio recounts their fun from the following night and Heather chimes in that they didn’t get that fun, so that’s a bummer for them. There’s cat fighting in the limo and Lydia calls Gretchen “negative.” With the desire for everything to be so positive all the time are we sure Lydia doesn’t take hits of her mom’s bong when Grandma’s not looking? Gretchen starts to cry and Tamra tries to console her. Then Vicki gets angry. Minus 6. Once they’re back at the resort, Vicki and Lydia head down to sit by the pool. Tamra and Heather join them and Gretchen follows shortly after bearing gifts. Plus 10 . Vicki mocks the fact that there are Gretchen Christine products in their goodie bags. When tension rises between Gretchen and Vicki, Tamra tries to break it by telling them all about Vicki peeing her bed. “I leaked. I’m gonna own it,” says Vicki. And then she says that we’ve all done it at least once in our lives. Ummmm…moving on. Tamra asks Gretchen to go take a walk with her and Vicki starts in on how Gretchen is the reason she and Tamra aren’t close friends anymore. Every word out of Vicki’s mouth drips with disdain for Gretchen. She’s condescending and rude and Gretchen does an excellent job of keeping her cool. Plus 5 to Gretchen for that. Minus 20 to Vicki for being a raging lunatic. Tamra tells Gretchen about Vicki’s “my plan worked” comment and then the camera flashes back to Vicki and Lydia talking. Vicki thinks that Gretchen should look to her as a mentor. HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Minus 10 . Back on the beach, Gretchen asks Tamra why she pushes people away when they get close to her. Tamra starts to cry and tells Gretchen about her newfound revelation that feelings are okay. Tamra gravitates to people like Tamra because they don’t “get deep.” They don’t make her confront herself. Team Gretchen. Back in OC, Alexis and Jim go to dinner. She’s not jealous of the other women who are whooping it up in Mexico, but she’s totally jealous. Minus 4 Lydia called her and doesn’t know what to do about the strippers who are coming to play later. Jim shuts down conversation about the women and asks to be left out of it. So Alexis says she wants to have another baby. Jim says they can talk about it again in 5 years. She counters with 6 months. Then she says the dumbest thing she’s said all season: “You may be faster, but I will outrun you. You know what that means?” No, Alexis, just like Jim, NONE OF US know what that means. Minus 10. And Minus 10 more for making us think about you and Jim doing the dirty. Gretchen has decked out their resort suite for Tamra’s night. She’s also vowed to have fun with Vicki for Tamra’s sake. After a quick cocktail, Tamra opens a present and then dinner is served. Strangest revelation of the night is that Lydia shops at Victoria’s Secret. Heather shops at…I’m not sure where she shops. But she bought Tamra a diamond-studded whip. And a pregnancy test. And hand sanitizer. And latex gloves. Plus 12. And Vicki buys her the largest dildo ever. Once dinner winds down a bit, Lydia excuses herself to go and call Doug. She doesn’t want to see the strippers Gretchen has hired to tantalize Tamra. Except they don’t tantalize so much as nearly violate her. It’s not exactly clear if Gretchen hired strippers or prostitutes. But hey, fun was had by all, I guess. Plus 5. Just for funsies, here’s Heather’s face while the Magic Mikes were doing their, uh, Tamra, Gretchen, and Vicki. Safety first! Lydia joins the girls for breakfast the next morning and Tamra doesn’t quite understand why she could dance on a bar but not stay for the strippers. Me either, Tamra. Oh well. Until next time… EPISODE TOTAL: -106 SEASON TOTAL: -32
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The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: What Happens In Mexico…
