Tag Archives: sex and relationships

Dear Bossip: We’ve Been BFF’s For 8 Years, But I’m Wondering If We Should Cross The Line To Intimacy

Posted on April 30, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My best friend and I have known each other 8+ years (he is 31 years old, and I’m 29 years old). We met through a mutual acquaintance and later discovered that we attended the same school. There was never a flirting relationship between us, just jokes and genuine dislike of “aggressive” people. We’re both laid back go with the flow type of people. Most likely, this is why our friendship only ever existed on campus, i.e., we never hung out in a different setting, other than the first time we met. Fast forward 2-3 year, we’re both in relationships with other people. Mine ended; his turned into a marriage and a son. His wife was very controlling about him and our friendship. I’m not the type to step on anyone’s toes so her dislike of me made me remove myself from the situation. Thus, our friendship literally became nothing more than phone conversations here and there. I would talk to him like he was one of the girls and he would talk to me like I was one of the guys. A year into their marriage his wife (24 years old at the time, with 4 kids that weren’t his, plus their 1, 5 total) began to go out, A LOT!!!! Also, his wife would have the car so on days that I could he would ask me for a ride home from work, which was no problem, but again that was our friendship. The only time that we would see each other was a 20-30 minute ride home from work. Eventually, his wife got herself a boyfriend and asked him to leave because he worked “too much” and didn’t give her the attention she required. During this time our type of friendship didn’t really change. I would just listen to him as he questioned what he did wrong and how he could get his wife back and so on and so forth. At this point I myself was in a relationship and many of those conversations would be between the three of us. My ex telling him that he needed to get back out there (during their marriage he had lost friends and family by staying) find some friends and a new lady. Which he eventually did, but he’s not into dating. He’s a homebody and misses the family life. Last October my boyfriend ended up leaving me to chase his dreams of being a rapper. Also, around that time I had lost my job, so when he left I was left with stacks of bills and nothing more than a part-time job. My best friend, however, had finally got the job that he wanted and things were and still are getting better for him and recently he has been my rock. We’ve spent more time together in these last two months than we have our entire friendship. We go everywhere together, anything I need he provides, and if his ex goes nuts about the kids (her boyfriend left her, and he still takes care of her kids as if their his own) asking for more money leaving him broke. I do share the little that I have so he can eat, have gas money, etc. Also, we have never EVER crossed that friendship line, but… Our families love each other and not one moment goes by without one of them telling us to cut the –ish, and get together. It’s gotten so bad that our mutual friend is even joining in on the act and saying that we should give it a try. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but for me I know that the both of us needs this friendship right now more than we need to take a chance. But, things have gotten so bad between us that we no longer date other people, we’d rather do things together. Only time we’re with someone else is for sex, then when one tells the other its hints of anger on both sides, but neither of us go into detail. We both just shrug it off and down play the relationship we have with others. When I do ask him why he doesn’t date anymore he’ll say things like, “I’m tired from work” or “I don’t have the money right now,” but then he’ll turn around and ask me, “Where do you wanna go?” Or, “What are we gonna do today?” I’ve told him that I don’t want to cramp his style, but he’ll just ignore me or say “I’d rather be around you than them.” At this point I don’t know what to do or think. Should I continue to go with the flow or is this turning into an unhealthy situation? – Crossing The Line With Bestie Dear Ms. Crossing The Line With Bestie , Misery loves company! Yes, I do agree that this is an unhealthy situation. You are co-dependent on each other, and notice that you’re always together, especially when things are not going well in your relationships, or when you come out of relationships. You’ve become each other’s ear, and shoulder to cry on. You run to each other to be consoled, and to bish and complain about others, and what’s not working in your life. You’ve developed a relationship that is totally reliant upon each other’s misery. And, it’s not healthy. Look, don’t you think when you met years ago when you were in college that he would have stepped to you and pursued a relationship if he was interested? And, don’t you think after all this time, at some point it would have dawned on him, he would have made a move and pushed up on you if he was really that interested? What I’m sensing is that you are more invested in his life, and what’s going on with him than he is with you. But, I get it. You’re both emotionally and mentally needy people. And, he feeds your desires to be emotionally and mentally heard, and at the same time, you feed his desires to be emotionally and mentally heard. You feed off of one another. That is why he said that he would rather be around you than them. You understand him, get him, and support his emotional and mental rants. It’s baggage, and you both are carrying each other’s baggage. Other people don’t want to be bothered because it becomes draining. But, it feeds the both of you. Think about your friendship, and notice the pattern between the two of you. When he needs something he runs to you. You asked him why isn’t he dating someone, and he said he’s tired from work, and he doesn’t have any money. Uhm, he doesn’t have money because he is giving his money to his ex-wife who left him, and he’s supporting her and her children that are not even his own. He has one child with her, but he is taking care of a household full of people. That doesn’t make any sense. So, why is he doing it? Why is he giving her all his money? And, why are you supporting him doing this, and why are you giving him money for food and gas? But, this is the kicker, he turns around and asks you where are we going to go today, and what are we going to do today. Who’s paying for this? He doesn’t have the money, so are you supporting him and taking care of him? Why? Friend or no friend, he has to become better at managing his own finances, and stop acting like a damn child. He has to grow up and become more responsible. But, neither of you see what you’re doing. You two are doing nothing but using each other. Using each for emotional and mental support. Using each other for financial support. Using each other as shoulder’s to lean on and cry on, and mope and bish to. You both need to be in therapy, and, in particularly he needs some serious therapy. You can’t fix him, help him, or solve his problems. But, he keeps running to you because you are the only one who will listen to him, and give him a stage to perform. You support this bull-ish, and he will keep using you, sucking your energy, and draining you. And, guess what, neither of you are in relationships, but he will find another woman, and continue this pattern with you. No, I don’t feel you should cross the line with him by becoming intimate. It will only complicate your relationship by making it physical and sexual. You’re already emotionally and mentally in a relationship with him, and it has proven to be unhealthy, therefore, making it sexual will only make it worse. And, what happens once you discover you’re not physically attracted to one another, or the sex is awkward and contrived? Also, look at his pattern and behavior. Nothing will change between you and he. He will continue to work, take care of his other family, and complain about his life, and you will continue to support him, and be his sounding board. Stop being his sounding board. Stop financing him. Stop being his co-dependent partner in these emotional and mental rants. Stop giving him that much access to you. Stop letting him use you. I bet if you stop doing these he will find someone else to drain and suck the energy and life out of, and he will miss you for not being there for him, and helping him, and listening to him. It will become about him, and not how he’s treating you, using you, and how he leaves you each and every time he comes and takes from you. It’s time for a reassessment of your friendship, and what you clearly are not seeing. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/954035/dear-bossip-my-husband-spends-an-enormous-amount-of-time-with-his-mother-i-cant-stand-it-or-her/#sthash.ZlhRoZI5.dpuf

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Dear Bossip: We’ve Been BFF’s For 8 Years, But I’m Wondering If We Should Cross The Line To Intimacy

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Tagged attention, children, kids, lost, medium, men, Money, Relationships, sex and relationships, style

Dear Bossip: My Husband Has Continued Communicating With An Ex-Mutual “Friend” Who Solicited Him Despite My Wishes

Posted on April 21, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m such a HUGE fan and I need your advice and help. My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We started dating in 2002. During that time, we both had a mutual friend that was a female, and I actually considered her to be a friend. Then, 2 years into our relationship, he told me that she was sending him flirty and sexy texts and trying to get him to come to her house. Initially, he lied to me about it, but I caught him in a lie, which caused him to show me the messages. He said that he didn’t reciprocate any of those feelings back to her, but I was always skeptical. As time progressed, she and I rarely spoke to each other due to this situation. However, her and my husband acted as if nothing happened. He knows how I feel about him and her communicating, but he still does it. About 2 months ago, we got into a huge fight because I found out he started following her on Instagram. Then, he had the balls to say that she didn’t do anything to me for me to dislike her, and this pissed me off so bad because I felt like he was defending her. To me, it was so disrespectful and disgusting. I honestly thought about leaving his ass for this, but I thought about our 2 kids and how it would affect them. I want our marriage to work out so badly, but I will leave his ass with a quickness if he continues to feel like this woman isn’t an issue. Please help me because I’m about to fire his a**! – Confused and Pissed Dear Ms. Confused and Pissed , You have every right to be angry and disgusted by your husband’s inconsiderate and nonchalant behavior. He clearly doesn’t get why you are upset that he is still communicating with a woman who has crossed the line and practically propositioned him to sleep with her. He can play dumb all he wants, but you knock some sense into his head. And, one thing you clearly have to know is that woman is not your friend, and she never was! She is trifling, and she knows it. And, your husband is just as trifling for sitting up there talking about he doesn’t see what the big deal is and dismissing your feelings and requests to stop communicating with her. He would get a big huge awakening when he came home from work and the house was empty. Now follow that on Instagram! Ma’am, I agree with you that he is dead a** wrong for continuing to keep in contact with her, and he is dead a** wrong for following her on Instagram. You explicitly made it known that you don’t appreciate what transpired between them, and he knows that you don’t want them communicating with one another, but he continues to do so. Therefore, he doesn’t respect you, and he doesn’t respect your feelings and wishes. Why not? Why is he ignoring you? What is he getting out of this? What attention is he seeking from her? He is getting a rise out of you, and he knows it, but at the cost of your marriage? Why? I bet it’s because your husband likes the attention. He enjoys the fact that another woman is interested in him. He finds it flattering because it plays into his ego and machismo. And, he probably doesn’t feel he is doing anything wrong because he said that he didn’t reciprocate any of the feelings she has for him and he didn’t respond to her texts. So, in his mind, he didn’t do anything, and doesn’t think there is no need for concern. That’s some bull-ish! If he didn’t reciprocate her feelings, or respond to the texts, then, why did he lie about it and try to cover it up when you confronted him the first time? Ole’ busted a**! I find it bizarre that he said she didn’t do anything to you for you not to like her. Oh, really? So, it’s okay and appropriate to send flirtatious text messages to a friend’s spouse? And, it’s okay to invite them over to your house, and they are doing all of this behind the friend’s back? Yeah, he is getting off on this. Ask your husband would he mind if his best friend was sending you flirty and sexy text messages? Ask your husband would he mind if his best friend invited you over to his house alone, and he didn’t tell your husband about it? There is clearly a double standard, and your husband is trying to belittle your feelings, and emotions. I’m sure he feels that because nothing happened then you’re making it more than it is. You are exacerbating this situation. But, he has to know that he is married. He has to honor you, your requests, and your feelings. He is playing a dangerous game, and if it doesn’t end then she will do more damage to your marriage than you can imagine. You put your foot down with him and get him right together! You put a stop to all of this –ish today! You sit with your husband and you explain to him why it’s inappropriate what she did, and why she did it. You explain to him that he is married and he should not be entertaining any woman, especially one that is clearly crossing the line. You explain to him how it makes you feel, what it does to you, and what it is doing to your marriage. You let him know how it hurts you that he is ignoring your requests when you have asked him to stop this behavior, and how you feel disrespected that he is not listening to you and honoring you as his wife. You then tell him he needs to cut it off with her, or else there will be consequences to pay. There will be repercussions if he does not end this childish antics, and his need to have his ego stroked, or some woman boosting his head. There are boundaries between married couples and “so-called friends.” You and he should have a conversation over boundaries, and what’s appropriate and what’s inappropriate. You have to communicate what you are not going to put up with, and how he needs to honor your requests as his wife. There is respect on both ends. There can be no dismissing of your feelings or emotions. There can be no dismissing of your requests. Your marriage is not a dictatorship, and he can do whatever he wants. There is a line, and limit. You set the tone. If he doesn’t get it together, then there will be hell and high water to pay. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/948516/dear-bossip-i-was-dating-a-great-guy-but-he-died-in-a-car-accident-now-my-ex-wants-to-reconnect/#sthash.4pnS8eGk.dpuf Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/949233/dear-bossip-my-boyfriend-revealed-he-was-molested-by-a-pastor-then-i-noticed-he-had-tranny-friends-online-he-visited-gay-websites/#sthash.tVCIFbzY.dpuf

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Tagged atria-books, kenya moore, lost, Love, married, medium, News, requests, sex and relationships, terrance dean

Dear Bossip: After He Got Locked Up We Became An Item & I Learned He’s Using My Money To Write Some Other Woman

Posted on February 27, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip, I’m in my 30s, and me and my homeboy was cool as hell. We had always flirted with each other, but we were with other people. We would send X-rated pics, sweet texting, etc. He got locked up and his girlfriend at the time played him out. I stepped in and did the bid. It was getting heavy between us. I met his mom and created a bond with her. We planned a future together. I was even planning to move to be closer to him. Mind you he was a drug dealer (Big Boy). But, anyway, I found out that this girl that act like his sis they end up hooking up. But, he’s telling me to stay away from her. He said she was his ex-jail mate’s girlfriend, and her boyfriend found a letter that they are planning this all along. He’s telling me she was helping us. Bull-ish! Like my money was paying for stamps to mail her letters and stuff. Or, he’s just using her until he gets out next month? I didn’t put him in there. I really love him. I should just chalk it up right? I feel he is just a hungry person trying to eat by any means no matter who he hurts. – Ride Or Die Dear Ms. Ride Or Die , This can’t be life! You can’t be for real with this letter. I know you can’t be a grown woman talking about she knowingly decided to get into a relationship with a dude who is locked up, and really thinks your life is going to change for the better once he gets out. You really don’t believe that. (Glances over at the brochures for my Women’s Academy For Intellectually Challenged Women). Ma’am, I refuse to become complicit in this scheme and drama between you and your “Big Boy” drug dealer locked up boyfriend. You mean to tell me that you, A GROWN A** WOMAN, in her 30s, is going to ride or die, and do a bid with your “homeboy” that now, all of a sudden, you’re dating him while he’s locked up because his girlfriend played him out? You’re riding with a dude who is locked up for criminal activity, and you really think you have a possible future with him? What future is that ma’am? (I’ll wait). So, let me get this straight: Your man’s ex-jail mate’s girlfriend (I can’t believe I just typed that), is playing like his sis. But, they have hooked up. How, may I ask, have they hooked up? She’s writing him just like you are. She is putting money on his books just like you are. So, therefore, he is pimping you and her from his jail cell. Your Big Boy, your drug dealer, is running game from behind jail walls, and you’re sitting up getting mad and angry because he is only doing what he knows how to do. He’s a hustler. He’s a boy. And, he’s locked up! He is using you and her, just like he uses other people in his life. You are nothing but someone to pass the time with while he’s locked up. He will never be serious about you, care about you, or love you. He is only telling you what you want to hear in order that you keep him connected to the outside world. You are his eyes and ears of what’s happening in the streets. He plays the role of keeping you strung on this false sense of hope of a relationship by gassing you up, and playing with your emotions and mentality. You are a game to him. A pawn. Damn, donkeys! Girl, please grow up. Get your life together, and stop acting like your thirteen. You are in your 30s bragging about dating a man who is locked up. And, he is not a smart criminal at that. He’s just as dumb! He’s not a real “Big Boy,” if he’s sitting in jail and he’s got you and some other chick writing him and sending him money. Girl, stop! Please stop! How about you focus on getting some education, we’re accepting students for the Fall semester into our academy, so get your application in early. We can even offer a full scholarship for grown birds who do bird behavior, but don’t see themselves as birds. We will need a letter of recommendation, and statement of purpose explaining why you feel you’re not a bird. You are too damn old to be acting like this, and you certainly are too damn old to be talking about you met his mother and formed a bond. So, what does that prove? He’s in jail because he committed a crime. He has no goals, no ambition, and no direction. He will do nothing for you, bring nothing to the table, or improve your situation (which isn’t much in the first place). Regardless, please think about a real future of empowering yourself, acting like a mature woman, an adult who has some damn sense. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: After He Got Locked Up We Became An Item & I Learned He’s Using My Money To Write Some Other Woman

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Tagged advice, appid, atria-books, celeb news, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity News, context, detected, external, sex and relationships, styleblazer

You Fancy, Huh? 14 Extravagant Valentine’s Day Gifts From Celeb Couples Past And Present

Posted on February 14, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Instagram From lilac Bentleys to platinum phones to actual weddings and even an actual tree, these folks went all out.

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You Fancy, Huh? 14 Extravagant Valentine’s Day Gifts From Celeb Couples Past And Present

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Posted in Celebrities, Hollywood, Hot Stuff

Tagged actual-tree, api, black celebrity news, discontinue, Hollywood, love and relationships, madamenoire, product, sex and relationships, term, ti and tiny, tiny, tyga and blac chyna

Have Several Seats: Celebrities We Don’t Need Relationship Advice From

Posted on January 20, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Most of these folks have no business telling anybody what they need to do in a relationship.

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Have Several Seats: Celebrities We Don’t Need Relationship Advice From

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Tagged api, Celebrities, detected, direct, experiences, extraction, product, sex and relationships, these-folks

Dear Bossip: We’ve Been Married A Year & I’m Pregnant, But He’s Still Sleeping With His Baby Mother

Posted on January 10, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip, I am really confused. I have been married to my husband for a year and we have been together almost a three years. Five months before we got married he moved out of our home and moved back with his mother. He told me he wasn’t ready to get married. Two weeks later, I find out that he has went back to his baby’s mother. I was devastated and mad as hell. Two months later we talked and ended up getting back together. A couple months after that we got married. I thought we were doing good. We got married in August and then I found out I was pregnant. Not exactly was I was planning on since I had started school again. With my pregnancy I became super sick because of my high blood pressure. Two months later my husband loses his job and I’m dumbfounded. Our relationship went from bad, because of my pregnancy, to worst, because of his job lost. We talked many times about getting a divorce and getting on with our lives. During these last couple of months I have been in and out of the hospital with this pregnancy. Eventually, my husband got a job cutting hair. One day I went to get my tags for my car and I called him while I was in line and I didn’t get an answer, and he always answers when I call. I remember getting off the exit to go home and something told me to go check his job or his mom house to see if he was there. No he wasn’t. I went to his baby’s mother apartment and there is his car sitting there. I’m crying and calling him and got no answer. I decided to put him out. I had the spare key to his car and I took his car, brought it home and loaded it up. I talked to his baby mother and I found out that they had been sleeping with each other since he lost his job in March. I just so happen to catch him that day. I’m confused on what to do. Of course he has begged and apologized. I’m due in a few months and our lease will be up our apartment. I’m on disability because of my pregnancy and money is small compared to what I made before getting pregnant. He says that he doesn’t want a divorce and he was sorry and it won’t happen again. I’m on my last straw, the last monhts of my pregnancy and lease for our apartment. What should I do? We have already gone through counseling. – Stay Or Try Again Dear Ms. Stay Or Try Again , Let the lease run out. Move your things out. Leave him. Get a divorce and move on with your life. See how easy that is! Chile, I swear the common sense gene is rare the days. You can sit over there and fool your own damn self listening to that man as he tells you that he doesn’t want a divorce and he’s sorry and it won’t happen again, yet he keeps sleeping with his baby momma. LMBAO! Girl, hop on one leg and pat yourself on the head if you believe that. Your husband is deceitful, manipulative, trifling, and a liar. He’s cheated on you several times, even during your pregnancy, and you caught him, yet, you’re asking me what to do. Sigh! This is the classic case of, “Even though he told me he didn’t want to get married, I didn’t care what he wanted because I wanted to be married, and besides, I LOVE HIM!” Thus, when –ish hits the fan, such as when he cheats on you, then you want to get all up in a huff because, “How dare he sleep with another woman and we’re married.” Sigh! If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times in letters to women like you in this situation: When someone tells you who they are, believe them. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. If someone tells you they don’t want to be in a relationship, then guess what? They don’t want to be in a relationship with you either. And, if someone tells you they don’t want to get married, then guess what? Say it with me class: THEY DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED, AND NOT TO YOU EITHER. Why are you holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be held? Why make someone commit to you and they are not ready to commit to themselves? If he isn’t ready to commit to marriage or a relationship, then you get exactly what you deserve. He won’t commit to you or anyone else, so he’ll keep sleeping with you and his baby momma because the both of you are silly a** broads who keep letting him lay between your legs and fill your small heads with lies. And, because he knows you’re not going to go anywhere, and neither will she, he keeps playing this game with the both of you. And, because the both of you are so desperate for a man, you’ll rather have a piece of man, who keeps showing you who he is with his trifling cheating ways, and yet you keep running behind him trying to convince him to love you, and that you need him. Sweetie, this MoFo doesn’t give a “F” about you! Stop perching your lips and drinking from his nut sac! Now, guess what’s going to happen? You’re going to be baby momma number two. He’s going to get back into a relationship with his first baby momma. You two women are going to end up arguing and fighting over this bum a** dude who cuts hair and can’t afford to pay child support. And, even though he’s the problem in this equation, and he’s cheating and sleeping with the both of you, the two of you are going to fight and brawl with each other like two chicken heads fighting for scraps of d**k meat. SMDH! Then, he’s going to tell you how much he loves you and misses you and you’re going to believe him and spread your legs wide open for him, again. Which means he’s sticking the both of you raw, i.e. Sharing community d**k. And, you two aren’t the only women he’s running up in. Trust me there is a third and fourth chick out there somewhere. Probably in the same apartment complex as you, and his baby momma. And, guess what’s going to happen? All of y’all are going to end up pregnant at the same time. Chile, I should put my psychic abilities to better use. LMBAO! Look, Ms. Honey, chalk this up as a lesson learned. I need for you take a good look at yourself and become conscious of how you played a part in all of this, and how you should start listening to what someone says to you, as well as what they are doing. Pay attention. If someone tells you they don’t want to be married, then listen to them. Stop trying to make someone be with you for the sake of what you want. You can’t make someone love you, be with you, or marry you if they don’t want to be. He’s shown you time and time again who he is. He doesn’t want to be faithful or monogamous. He wants to have it all. Leave his nasty narrow a**. Stop fighting for his love when he is not willing to fight for your marriage, or his commitment to you. He’s a child, a boy, and you can’t teach him or make him be a grown man. Walking away from this madness, and being about your business and empowering you will make him look like the fool in the end. He is not worth it. Get the divorce. Get the alimony, and take his barber tip money. And, then you march to the court house and put his a** on child support. Stop letting him belittle and demean you. Ugh! Now, get your life together and stop stressing because the innocent child you’re carrying doesn’t deserve all this madness coming into the world. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: We’ve Been Married A Year & I’m Pregnant, But He’s Still Sleeping With His Baby Mother

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Posted in Celebrities, Hollywood, Hot Stuff

Tagged books, detected, House, love and relationships, madness, Marriage, men, mma, psych, Relationships, sex and relationships, woman

Dear Bossip: Initially He Wanted A Relationship & I Wanted To Take Things Slow, Now I Want More & He’s Taking It Slow

Posted on January 8, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I met a guy 9 months ago and after a few weeks of spending time together he suggested that we become a couple. I assumed it was too fast and wanted to take things slow, but he claimed that he knew what he wanted. We were at his house one day and before I knew it one thing led to the other. Now, I am confused because I developed feelings for him that were so intense after we became intimate. We still talk and spend time together, but it’s all on me now. After telling him how I felt, he swore it was all in my head. I never intended to develop those feelings that were so intense, but because we were already intimate he expected it all the time. I felt that our relationship was becoming only based on sex so I told him I needed a break. After a few months I decided that I missed him and was a little horny so again it became that all we were intimate, and again I cut him off. A few months later he called me and said he wanted to spend time with me and that he missed me. I told him no and that I wanted more. I wanted a commitment. This has been confusing because we are always finding our way back to each other. This weekend I called him again and explained that I missed him and that I was ready for a commitment. He said we should take things day by day and see where it goes. As usual we ended up in the bed. What confused me even more was that although he said let’s take it day by day he took the condom off and for the first time we did not use protection. I am not on birth control so I am very worried. I think I am in love with him and I do not want to be with anyone else. I feel that I should have committed to him when he asked initially, but I didn’t. My friends say that I should just give him time and I am willing to do that, but I want him so badly now and I am hoping that I am not pregnant. Please Advise. – Lost and Confused Dear Ms. Lost and Confused , Yes, you are lost and confused. See, you playing games and nobody has time to play these childish a** games with you. Either you want a relationship or you don’t. Either you want a commitment or you don’t. And, why the hell are you having unprotected sex!!?!! I don’t get it. You’re not on birth control, and you felt so comfortable with him that you allowed him to lay up in you raw? Where is your damn common sense? It’s obvious you don’t have any. You’re just like you signed your letter LOST AND CONFUSED! You and this back and forth with this guy. Sheesh! No wonder he says he wants to take it day by day. You don’t know what you want. So, instead of committing to you, he is simply following your lead, and giving you exactly what you want – SEX. You have defined and shaped this relationship into what it is. It is based on sex because that is what you want. You keep saying you want a commitment, however, when you are together it only results in a sexual relationship. You’re both complicit in this, but, early on he told you that he wanted a relationship and you are the one who said no. Now, if this guy was ready to commit and be a relationship, and then you say no, but you continue sleeping with him, then what do you think he will expect and think of you and the relationship? He will assume that that’s all you want. You keep ending things with him, but, yet you keep coming back for sex. Hmmmm….do you see this pattern? You keep saying that you want more with him, yet, every time YOU take a break from him, when you two get back together it involves sex. So, if every time you take a break, to figure things out, to get yourself together, to find out who you are and what you want, he just sits back and waits on you to call because you always do. Or, he will call you. And, you begin this pattern again. The real question you should be asking is what do you want? What is it about him that you are reluctant to commit to? You say you want a commitment, but, when you are together it’s all on you. Well, don’t you think this could be because your relationship is a back and forth, up and down rollercoaster ride. One minute things are intense and you really want to be with him, sexing him, and ready to commit, and the next you want a break because it’s too intense, and you don’t want it to be sexual. That is confusing. There is something holding you back. There is something about him that’s keeping you from being honest and truthful with him, and yourself. So, what is it? Early on he told you that he knew what he wanted, and it was to be with you. He was ready for a relationship. But, you told him no. You told him that you wanted to take things slow, but you continued to sleep with him. So, why did you want to take things slow? What red flag did you notice? What’s going on in your life, or with you that you not ready to commit to a relationship? Are you sure you want to be with him, or do you just want him for sex and are afraid to say that? At some point you’re going to have to be real with yourself, tell yourself the truth, and be honest with both you and he. Eventually, he will get tired of this game, and while you’re trying to figure out what you want, and if you’re really ready to commit to him, he will find himself another woman who is ready, and she will gladly take him off your hands. I suggest you make a list of his attributes. What do you like about him. What do you enjoy about him. What is he bringing to the table that enhances you, empowers you, uplifts you, and inspires you. Then make a list of things you don’t like about him. What is that annoying thing, or red flag about him that prevents you from really committing to him. If your positives outweigh the negatives, then you and he should sit down and really discuss what you both want from a relationship. What expectations do you both have, and can either of you commit to those expectations. If the list has more negatives, then he is not the man for you. If that red flag is persistent, then take heed and move on. Stop playing this game of lost and confused. He is not doing anything, it’s you who is bringing all this confusion and drama to the relationship. He is only following your lead. Be real with yourself about what you want, what you need, and what it is you want from him. If he can’t give you that, then it’s time to end this back and forth, and move on from him. Because the only thing you have with him right now is a steady sexual relationship. And, if you want a sexual relationship, then be honest about it. Tell yourself and him the truth that is what you want. But, don’t be having raw and unprotected sex with him. Use protection always. And, if you continue this sexual relationship with him, then you and he should get tested together. Don’t allow yourself to play this dangerous game of unprotected sex with someone else – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: Initially He Wanted A Relationship & I Wanted To Take Things Slow, Now I Want More & He’s Taking It Slow

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Tagged amazon, bennyhollywood, black celebrity news, discontinue, life, medium, Relationships, Sex, sex and relationships, terrance dean, truth

Dear Bossip: My Husband Cheated & The Woman Had A Baby, But I’m Sick And Tired Of Her Shenanigans

Posted on December 17, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’ve been with my husband for almost 8 years now and for almost 2 of those years we have been married. We also have 2 children together. Either right before or right after our wedding day my husband cheated with a woman from his past and a baby came of it exactly 9 months into our marriage. This woman is still in love with my husband, and always has been willing to do anything to have him. She and I have had many run-ins before we got married, so we don’t get along at all. The baby recently turned 1-year old and she went out of her way to have a birthday party at my husband’s family house. She wouldn’t allow separate parties. She said if my husband had his own party she would come to that also. I wasn’t even informed about the party until the day before, so I hardly had any time to prepare myself mentally and emotionally. It was humiliating for me to have to be at this child’s party with her walking around also. My husband lets this woman run all over him and she does whatever she wants, and it makes me feel like I’m overreacting. I (his wife) should not be put in situations like that. He acts as if he doesn’t see what she’s doing. I’m on the verge of filing for divorce. I’m tired of the drama, hurt & pain I’ve had to go through because of my husband’s selfishness. What should I do? – Another Woman In Our Marriage Dear Ms. Another Woman In Our Marriage , Divorce! Divorce! Divorce! I’ll be damned if I would sit up and marry a man who cheated right before or right after our wedding and produced a baby. So, the first nine months of your marriage you are dealing with another woman carrying your husband’s baby. Yet, you stayed and figured what? She would move on and out of your lives? You and your husband would live happily ever after? SMDH! And, he knew you had run-ins with her before you got married, yet, he cheated with her. The woman you don’t get along with? Welp! She can have him. Why did, or do you stay? What are you getting out of it? There has to be some reason you are staying, or there is something you are trying to prove. Is it because you were together 6 years prior to marrying him, and you feel you’ve made an investment in him. You got him to where you needed him to be, and you’ve dealt with his infidelities before, so, you figured if he married he would straighten out? Uhm, Ms. Honey, that didn’t work, now did it? The man cheated right before or right after your wedding. He is a low-down scum dirty rat bastard. He is not a man. He is a child. He is hoe, a trifling crusty d**k piece of –ish. Your man had unprotected sex with this woman, and she is not the first or last, and then he came home and had unprotected sex with you. Think about that. Let that marinate in your thick a** skull. The man you’ve been with for nearly 8 years has raw sex with women with no regard for his health, his safety, or your health or your safety. Think about that. Let it stir in your head. He is going in women RAW, doing lawd knows what with them, and then you are letting him lay in your bed at night. He is up under you in the bed acting as if nothing has happened. Please let that sink in, and marinate under that polyester wig. Ma’am cut your loses, divorce his a**, collect alimony, and put him on child support. Ain’t no way I would stick around and deal with him, or her shenanigans for the next 18 years, and especially if he wants to act like he doesn’t see what she’s doing. Uhm, no ma’am. He can act stupid and dumb all he want, but it shouldn’t be with you. You are not ignorant to her ways and what’s she’s up to. A fool you are not! Then, on top of it all, she had the nerve to throw the child a birthday party at your husband’s family house, and they let her?!?! What type of hood ghetto –ish is that? I would have shut all that down! You can try to be the bigger woman all you want, but why the hell would you go and torment yourself by sitting there, at your husband’s family house, entertaining a woman who wants to flaunt your husband’s child around, acting like she is the Queen B. You sitting there all humiliated, and sad. Chile, I would have snatched her up, and drug her all through that house, backyard, and up the street. Then, served his a** with the divorce papers! Ain’t no way you should have allowed your husband to agree to that bull-ish, and he should have told his family to not entertain that mess. But, like you said, your husband wants to play dumb, and stupid. I feel that he likes this drama. He is enjoying this. He is benefiting from this. How? He has two women in his life fighting over him. You’re both competing and vying for his attention. She will do anything to get under his skin, and he enjoys it. You complain, yell, and scream, and demand that he treats you like his wife, and stop disrespecting you. And, he gets a kick out of this. You and the other woman are treating him just like he wants to be treated, like a little as boy. He is not a man, and will never be a man. So, let them two ratchet birds have one another. It’s not worth it to stay. It’s not worth it have to deal with this for the next 18 years of your life because trust and believe it will get worse over the years. Someone is going to get hurt, and so that you won’t end up in jail, it’s just best to walk away. You deserve better. You don’t deserve to have to feel humiliated, mistreated, or disrespected, especially by some woman your husband won’t put into check, and is running over his life, and your marriage. For your own sanity, and peace of mind, let this go. Be thankful for this lesson because now you know what love is not. You know what you deserve, how to be treated, and the type of man you need in your life. Be encouraged, and be empowered. You have the power. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!