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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Let’s Get Real

The Real Housewives of New Jersey had “A Manzo of Her Word” but it was a little boy who stole the show. We recap the smiles and tears in this week’s THG +/- review. Someone completely stole the show this week and it wasn’t a housewife. It wasn’t even one of their husbands. It was a little boy who learned to say I love you, Mommy . Plus 50 . To be honest at first it appeared that little Nick was only repeating the words to get the lollipop but when Chris Laurita said that it had been over 18 months since his wife had heard those words from her son, I couldn’t help but be moved, no matter what the child’s motivation. Housewives usually doesn’t require its audience to use that part of the brain, nevermind their hearts. It was almost disconcerting. Not to fear. There’s still plenty of the normal nonsense to fill the hour.  Especially when we get to visit with Teresa and her kids. At least they weren’t cursing at one another this week. Plus 18. But can any of them communicate without screaming? Gia seems to think she’s in charge. Milania basically tells everyone else where to get off, and Gabriella looked like she was zoning out as a means of escape. Minus 12. I couldn’t say that I blamed her. Caroline’s daughter, Lauren said that the Guidice kids were being raised by wolves. I think that might be an insult to wolves. They have more sense . Teresa’s still hanging out with Kim D. Minus 22. Why is this woman back on my TV screen? These shows always breed the hangers on, looking for more than their 15 minutes of fame. Caroline called a summit meeting with Teresa and then she ordered an iced tea. You’d think alcohol would be mandatory to get through that meal.   How funny was it when Caroline told Teresa that she was sent by Joe and Teresa shot back with, “He’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel.” Plus 18 . Teresa was right. Caroline is preachy but she’s also right. Life is short. Why let the stupid stuff take over?  Now if she could only use that advice to mend fences with her own sister. And what is up with Fran? She looked like a heavier clone of Dina. And she moved in along with her stray pets. Minus 8 .  Caroline’s husband Albert is a saint. Is there any way they can write Kathy out of the show? She’s generally boring and her husband Rich has become intolerable.  Even Kathy seems to have grown weary of his frat boy antics. When Kathy told her husband that she was trying to raise Joseph to be a gentleman, all i could think was that it would have helped if she’d married one. Plus 13 when she tells her daughter to stick with school so she’ll have better options than Kathy did. Of course if we lost Kathy then we’d also lose Rosie.  Hmm…I’m not sure where that lands in the points system. Did Rosie really have to join in on the guys poker game? Just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t make her one of the boys.  Minus 9. But then we wouldn’t have had Joe Gorga telling Rosie she couldn’t write off all men if she’d never tried one. That earned a serious eye roll but I wouldn’t expect anything less from Joe. Of course he needs to start expecting less. Mush less when it comes to selling his giant McMansion. A 10,000 square foot house on 2 & 1/2 acres. Minus 15 . It sounds like someone was overcompensating. It was funny to watch the faux marble crumble and the fixtures fall off as Joe and Melissa crowed about their masterpiece. And shouldn’t their realtor have told them that having their kids around for the open house doesn’t make it feel more homey…it reminds people that it’s your home. Minus 10. But I think I’ll keep my $3.8 million in the bank and out of the Jersey real estate market, at least until next week. Episode total =  +11!               Season total = +29!

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Let’s Get Real

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Attitude Is Forever

The Real Housewives of New Jersey opens up season 5 with a “Garden State of Emergency” and we recap all of the ignorance and attitude in our THG +/- review. The Housewives return to the Jersey Shore to witness the devastation of Hurricane Sandy.  Entire neighborhoods are destroyed and as someone who spent summers at the Jersey Shore, it is heartbreaking to witness. Of course it’s s little hard to shed any tears for the housewives as they tour their once opulent vacation homes. Minus 15 . As Caroline points out, there are real people whose only homes got swept away by the storm. Teresa laments how she could have “drownded” if she’d been there. Plus 10. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard Teresa-ism. And Melissa stares wide eyed and wonders aloud how the water could possibly have gotten inside their house. Minus 18. I just wanted to turn her around and show her the water lapping at her deck on a calm day. What part of hurricane does she not understand? Of course the storm did bring about some good. Joe Guidice finally has a job doing half fast construction and Teresa’s decided to give her out of date clothes to the needy because when you’ve lost everything, the first thing you’ll need is sequined dressed and six inch heels. Plus 22. It’s been a year since our last reunion and the Gorgas and Guidices haven’t spoken since. They’re all still playing the blame game, as in “if he/she really cared he/she would have called.” Minus 11 . Newsflash folks. The phone works both ways. At Teresa’s home the kids are calling one another jerkheads while stumbling around in blinged out heels and Joe refers to Aunt Melissa as “horsey face” to the kids. Can you feel the love? But it truly is sad to watch the kids (in one of the show’s most blatantly set up conversations yet) cry about not seeing their cousins. Minus 25. It’s like pulling teeth to get Melissa and Teresa to agree to a play date and 11 year old Gia intervenes to make it happen. Speaking of the little princess, she grows more obnoxious with each passing season but it’s hard to blame her once you meet her parents. Teresa is obviously in over her head with this one already. The play date is civil at best.  The kids are fine…it’s the grown ups that can’t pull it together.   First off, I actually agreed with Teresa (and that doesn’t happen often). Melissa needed to leave the kids alone to make their own damn necklaces. Minus 12 . They’re little girls. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be fun. And Teresa almost had me again when she made the offer to move her daughter’s Communion party so that the grandparents didn’t have to choose. Plus 20 ….up until she had to take the jab that she was willing to be the bigger person.  Sigh. The bigger person doesn’t actually point that out. Minus 8. Over in Hoboken, Caroline and Al have rented a cool apartment overlooking the city. Plus 25 …but is this about downsizing or staying close to her boys?  Either way, Hoboken’s a fun little city and the views are awesome. It was actually kind of nice to see Caroline giving Joe Gorga a shoulder to lean on, considering the women in his life are all a little nuts. I have no doubt it will come back to bite her. And Jaqueline seems to have extricated herself from the drama, although I doubt that will last long. Watching her family handle Nicholas’ autism is both heartbreaking and uplifting. It really seems to have brought them closer together as a family. Plus 30. Kathy was so irrelevant that I can’t even come up with a comment for her short segment. But as this hour ends and a new season begins I was left with one question… Who should win the trashiest comment of the night? -Joe Guidice referring to Melissa Gorga as a “skank ass beyotch” or… -Jacqueline Laurita announcing that the Gorga /Guidice drama is “right up there on my priority list with bleaching my assh*le.” That’s a tough one. But have faith RHONJ fans. The way this season is looking, Bravo is breeding their next round of reality TV stars right here. How long do you think it will be before we get The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Kids in Therapy ? I predict many seasons of dysfunctional success to come. Episode total = +18!                             Season total = +18!  

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Attitude Is Forever

‘Warm Bodies’: The Reviews Are In!

The zombie rom-com earns accolades from critics for its genre-bending take on the undead. By Amy Wilkinson Nicholas Hoult and Teresa Palmer in “Warm Bodies” Photo: Summit Entertainment

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‘Warm Bodies’: The Reviews Are In!

‘Warm Bodies’ Looks To Win Super Bowl Weekend Box Office

Zombie rom com is expected to take the top spot this weekend, beating out fellow newcomer ‘Bullet to the Head.’ By Ryan J. Downey Nicholas Hoult and Teresa Palmer on the set of “Warm Bodies” Photo: MTV News

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‘Warm Bodies’ Looks To Win Super Bowl Weekend Box Office

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Reunion Part Three

On The Real Housewives of New Jersey “Reunion Part 3” we finally learn who really worked as a stripper in college.  We recap all of the screeching accusations and surprising revelations in our THG +/- review. The Real Housewives husbands arrive and it isn’t long before they are all yelling at one another to “shut the f**k up!”  Minus 12 . If only any of them would listen. the We continue to rehash the season as we see Kathy explain that in Jersey it’s proper to say someone in the family is “going away” instead of “going to jail.”  Minus 11 . How many members of your family have to frequent a jail cell for you to come up with a separate term for it? Teresa swears she doesn’t go to the press with her personal life…they come to her. Duh. That doesn’t mean you have to answer them. But wait, I suppose if you want to cash their checks then answers are required. It’s both sad and funny that Teresa insists she’s asked her family not to talk about her family’s legal problems in the press but she talks about it in magazine and on TV.  Minus 10. It’s almost as funny as Teresa insisting she’s never called Melissa a stripper. Why isn’t Bravo playing a montage of clips where Teresa has said exactly that? Minus 8. Joe Guicide is as eloquent as ever. When Andy asks him how he feels about possibly facing 10 years in prison, Joe responds with, “Yeah, whatever.”  He also says the prosecutor can stick his plea deal.  Time will tell if that’s a foolish answer. Teresa says they haven’t told their girls anything about this.  Minus 15 .  I hope she’s lying about that because you know the kids are hearing about it at school.  It would be cruel for their parents not to prepare them for that. The feud between the Laurita’s and Guidice’s heats up as Joe says that Chris met Jacqueline in Vegas when she was working as a stripper.  Jacqueline swears it’s a lie and shoots back with, “You piece of low life sh*t. And I hope you go to jail.”   Plus 10 for clarity because the battle lines don’t get drawn much clearer than that.  All of the stripper accusations prompt Joe Gorga to ask what’s the big problem with being a stripper? Chris Laurita one ups him with the best line of the night when he says, “We’re talking about strippers like we’re talking about serial killers.”  Plus 20 . Very funny. But someone on that stage was a stripper.  Can we get a drum roll for the big reveal? The Real Housewives stripper is…Joe Gorga.  Plus 22 .  Can’t you just picture exhibitionist Joe as a Chippendale dancer.  He did it in college and has no problem admitting it.  He made good money and had a lot of fun.  I can’t stop laughing just thinking about it.  It wasn’t Teresa’s sister-in-law who was the stripper. It was her brother. Things almost get boring as the men call one another bums and debate who grabbed whose crotch first in their drunken brawls.  Minus 9.   Does anyone really care? Finally Kim D takes the stage and minus 13 for giving this women the 15 minutes of fame she’s so desperately searching for.  She doesn’t deserve it. Kim does admit she’s holding a grudge against Melissa for endorsing her competitor.  Wow!  Talk about being a vengeful b*tch.  Then she claims that Angelo’s visit wasn’t a set up. It was just very convenient.  Minus 12.   Is anyone buying that? Caroline admits that after the fashion show incident, Kim D told her Teresa knew something was going down concerning Melissa. Then the screeching starts again and poor Andy must be deaf in one ear. Melissa says she’ll never even look at Teresa again.  Teresa wants her to promise. Andy says this is a show about family.  Minus 10.   Yeah, the most dysfunctional family in history. Even as this ridiculous season comes to a close, Caroline insists that, “When there’s love there’s hope.” No offense, Caroline but I don’t think I’m going to hold my breath.  We’ll have to wait and see who returns for season five.  Bye bye to Jersey for now. Episode total = -48!                    Season total = -530!

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Reunion Part Three

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Reunion Part One

The Real Housewives of New Jersey opens with its first of three “Reunion” shows and Andy needs a whip and a chair to keep these women from tearing one another apart.  We’ll recap how the claws come out in our THG +/- review. The Housewives haven’t been in the same room together since the fateful night before last year’s reunion when the Posche fashion show episode was filmed. Since then Teresa has sold yet another cookbook. That’s three so far and they are all New York Times best sellers.  Minus 10 .  Who are you people buying these things and why? Caroline is writing her own book.  Minus 9. Just what the world needs, another book from a supposed real housewife. Kathy’s had some work done.  Nose job and lip injections.  I’ll give her a plus 5 .  She looks good but I’m with Andy on the flashing yellow light.  It’s too easy to take these things too far.  She needs to stop now. Unfortunately Jacqueline’s news isn’t so cheery.  Her beautiful son Nicholas has been diagnosed with autism and at the moment he’s regressing and no longer speaking. It’s absolutely heartbreaking and brought me to tears…until Teresa opened her big mouth.  Minus 13. Teresa simply doesn’t know when to stay quiet.  I almost couldn’t blame Caroline when she told her “Listen, you in your f*ckin’ Christmas pageant dress, sit back and shut the f*ck up. We’re talking about this kid.” And I have to agree. The strange, sparkly green dress was outlandish. Minus 8. Everyone at this reunion has had enough of Teresa and they all tell her so but watching Jacqueline finally take the blinders off is the most satisfying.  Plus 11 . Jacqueline was Teresa’s lap dog for so long that it’s great to see her stand up for herself.  It only took Teresa blaming Jacqueline for setting up Melissa.  Unbelievable!  Teresa takes no responsibility for anything and blames the stripper debacle on everyone else. Whenever Teresa doesn’t like what someone else is saying, which is pretty much whenever they open their mouths, she calls them a liar and tells them to shut up. This prompts Caroline to say that  if no one can speak she’d like to go home. She’s hungry. Hilarious. Plus 10 . Then Lauren joins them looking like a walking ad for the Lap Band.  She’s lost 35 lbs and is looking good. Plus 7 . She looks so good that I wonder if she’s gone to Kathy’s guy to have a little work done on her face as well.  Perhaps it’s just the weight loss and better makeup.  Hard to tell. Teresa says she’s apologized to them all…in In Touch magazine. But to their faces she calls them names.  She calls Caroline an old hag and says Kathy is Caroline’s puppet. But even Melissa seems to be old news to Teresa as her main focus is on fighting Jacqueline.  Jacqueline admits that Teresa didn’t want Melissa and Kathy on the show.  Jacqueline even claims that Teresa prodded her to leak the information about Melissa’s supposed stripper days. Teresa calls her a liar and swears she never said Melissa was a stripper when we’ve all seen her say it on camera more than once. Minus 15. It seems the best Teresa has for Melissa tonight is to accuse her of wearing the same eye shadow Teresa wore last year because of course Teresa cornered the market on sparkle shadow.  Minus 10 .  Yes, Teresa, millions of women out there are copying you, not just your sister-in-law. But once Teresa and Kathy turn on one another things get down and dirty between the cousins.  Teresa says her mother told her that Kathy almost divorced Richie causing Kathy to call Teresa’s mother a liar and her father a coward.  Minus 12 .  Ladies, can we keep the parents out of this? Apparently not. Teresa bad mouths Kathy’s deceased father.  Little does she realize that Rosie’s back stage and now wants her dead.   Is Rosie lost, running around back stage?  Is she so enraged she doesn’t know where she’s going?  I’m sure no good comes of this but to find out we’ll have to tune back in next week for part two. Episode total = -44!               Season total = -482!  

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Reunion Part One

Sean Lowe on The Bachelor: I Believe in the Process

Sean Lowe, the newest star of ABC’s The Bachelor, believes in the process. He may be going on faith rather than raw stats there, but whatever works! After he made it to the final three during The Bachelorette, the 28-year-old won over much of American and ABC named Sean Lowe The Bachelor for the new season premiering in January. How does he like his chances of finding love after Emily Maynard ? Calling it “a difficult decision” to come back to reality TV in search of a wife, he admitted “it was so emotionally taxing, and you know, I don’t know if I could go through that again.” “But on the flip side of the coin, I understand that the process works – I believe in the process. And ultimately if I were to find my wife, it would certainly all be worth it.” We certainly hope he finds her, and that it is. Needless to say, we’ll be watching in January as 25 single women shamelessly vie for the affections of the Texas hunk. Sean Lowe as The Bachelor: Good choice?   Yes! He’s perfect! Love Sean! No, should’ve been Arie! No, should’ve been someone new! View Poll »

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Sean Lowe on The Bachelor: I Believe in the Process

Jacqueline Laurita to Teresa Giudice: You’re Going to Hell!

This just in: everyone hates Teresa Giudice. Melissa Gorga is officially done with her Real Housewives of New Jersey castmate, and based on the scenes we’ve watched from this Sunday’s reunion special, we can pretty much confirm: Teresa won’t be dining out any time soon with Jacqueline Laurita, either. The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Sneak Peek Look for the costars to get into it over Laurita’s assertion that Giudice had it in for the Gorgas as soon as they were hired by Bravo. She claims Teresa asked her to take her side in a feud against Melissa and her husband. “You were telling me what to say and making me uncomfortable,” Laurita snaps at Giudice during the reunion. “I had other sh-t going on in my life and you didn’t give a f-ck! All you cared about was exposing them.” When Teresa plays innocent, Laurita REALLY goes off: “You are a liar, you’re sick – you’re going to Hell!” In actuality, of course, she’s going on the cover of supermarket tabloids around the country and probably getting a raise from producers. These Teresa Giudice scandals are why she was hired, aren’t they?

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Jacqueline Laurita to Teresa Giudice: You’re Going to Hell!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Strip Down Memory Lane

It’s the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and it’s a “Strip Down Memory Lane” but whose memory is telling the truth?  We recap all of the lies, spies, and hidden texting in our THG +/- review. Angelo, the former strip club manager now supposed spa owner is back and not only is this guy sleazy, he’s a horrible actor.  Minus 10 . I love Kathy’s reaction to the guy.  She thinks he’s just some sleazeball hitting on Melissa.  Well, she’s half right. Then she rolls her eyes when she quips, “We’re all married here.  Move along.”  Plus 8 . Somehow once Kim D takes the mic at her fashion show she manages to look even trashier.  I wouldn’t have thought that possible.  Minus 12. Last week I was almost willing to give Teresa the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe this was all Kim D’s doing and Teresa was just being used.  Then Teresa opened her mouth and looked guiltier with every word she spoke. If Teresa didn’t want any trouble she would have kept her mouth shut.  Instead she followed Melissa into the ladies room and confronted her, asking her about Angelo.  Minus 13 .  I smell a pink sequined rat. Melissa swears she only bartended for the guy and that it was before she ever met Joe.  Again Teresa shows her true colors when Melissa says she was teaching second grade when she met her husband.  Teresa’s response, I don’t know what you were doing at night .  Minus 15.   Wow!  Who says that? Angelo makes the rounds at Posche telling anyone who will listen that Melissa danced at his club and that Teresa was in on the set up.  Then once word gets out that Melissa has called her husband, the Mr. Clean look a like disappears and Teresa bolts through the room trying to do damage control. Back at the booth, everyone’s trying to figure out what the heck is going on as they text one another under the table.  Plus 10 to Kathy who decides she’d rather just sit there and eat her salad. Jacqueline gets a text from a friend that says this set up has been weeks in the making.  She shows it to Lauren who shows it to Caroline who shows it to Melissa.  Minus 7 .  This is beginning to feel like a high tech version of telephone. As Kathy says, anyone who is a real friend to Melissa wouldn’t care whether she danced for this guy ten years ago or not.  Teresa seems the only one obsessed with the idea. Which leads to the question… why now ?  Everything was going so well.  Is trying to prove that Melissa has a sordid past worth betraying her brother?  Minus 15 .  It seems so. Perhaps she just didn’t think this through because the thought of her brother getting involved seems to shock her.  Then again, Teresa’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. Again, Kathy pegs it when she says that whether or not Teresa was involved in the set up, she certainly didn’t do anything to stop it.  The saddest part may be when Teresa turns on Jacqueline.  When she tries to throw all of the blame for this debacle on her, you can see how crushed Jacqueline is. Then, on camera, she digs up her friends supposed stripper past. Teresa knows no shame.  Minus 13 . On the up side, I think Jacqueline is finally done with Teresa. Plus 20. Then all of sudden Kim D. has all of these friends of hers who mysteriously come forward to swear they knew Melissa was a stripper all along.  Of course Kim D is despicable trash so consider the source. At the end of the show we find out the following… Caroline has not spoken to Teresa since the last reunion show.  No surprise there. Lauren got Lap-Band surgery and Cafface is thriving. Albie and LIndsey are no longer and item.  Minus 10 . That’s a shame. They both looked happy. Kathy’s homemade cannoli kit comes out this year. Plus 5 .  I might actually buy one. Victoria’s staying home.  Dorm rooms weren’t for her. Kathy’s still talking to Teresa..through texts.  Why bother? Melissa and Joe are selling the house to get farther away from Teresa.  I wonder how far they’re willing to go. Teresa wrote another book, “Fabulicious! Fast & Fit.”  It’s a NYT best seller.  Minus 7 .  Who buys these things? Joe is still awaiting trial. Teresa hasn’t seen her brother since the Posche Fashion Show. Teresa apologized to her fellow cast mates. Of course she did it in a magazine…and she excluded Kathy once again.  So funny Plus 11 . Jacqueline hasn’t spoken to Teresa since this episode. Plus 15 .  Good for her. Now we have to tune in next week to see who will actually show up for the reunion. Episode total = -33!           Season total = -438!   

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Strip Down Memory Lane

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Dinasty of Denial

On The Real Housewives of New Jersey the “Dinasty of Denial” only grows once everyone returns to Jersey.