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Dear Bossip: I Had A Stroke & Learned I Had HIV, But My Husband Told Me He Was Negative

Dear Bossip , I am a married woman. I have been with my husband about 14 years and we have been married for two of them. I had a stroke recently and found out I was HIV positive. I have never cheated on my husband, however, he has cheated. He told his family, friends, and his mom and dad about my results. They told him to get the hell away from me. His sisters stated I am a whore, slut, and he lets them talk about me and he does not defend me. I now have this attitude of “f**k ‘em.” My husband stated he was tested, but I have not seen the test results. He told me he was HIV negative. I am confused. – Tested Positive Dear Ms. Tested Positive , Ma’am, wow! What a devastating blow to receive this news after you suffered a stroke, and then for your husband to reveal your results to his family and friends. That is not cool! He had no right to disclose your status, nor should he be discussing your condition without your permission or consent. But, know this, if you’ve never cheated on your husband, but, your husband has cheated on you, and now you have HIV. The only culprit is your husband. There is no reason for confusion. Trust! He is the one who has given you the disease. Don’t you find it ironic that he told you that he got tested, yet, you’ve never seen the results. Ma’am, please don’t fall for this bull-ish! He is lying! And, it’s time to call his a** out on his lies. Therefore, I strongly urge that you demand that you and your husband go to the doctor together. Not separately, but together. And, though, they will test you separately in different rooms, however, you will get the results right then and there. They have HIV rapid tests, and it only takes a few minutes for the results to come back. And, when he comes out of the room, with tears streaming down his face, or he’s upset and angry, you will know the results. But, he may try to mask his emotions and be stone faced. Regardless, you get that piece of paper from out of his hands and read the results for yourself. He can’t deny what’s in print. Then, you beat his a** all through that doctor’s office! Wham! Bam! Pow! And, you need to call his a** out for disclosing your condition to his family, friends, and parents. You need to lay into him, and let him know that he did not have the right, nor was he in any position to share your medical condition without your consent or permission. You need to make sure he understands it is not his job, or responsibility to go around revealing your medical records to whomever he feels. Hell, you should have knocked his a** in the head with a cast iron skillet! Moving on, let’s get this straight and right together. I feel the reason your husband told his friends, family, and parents about you and your status is because he secretly knew he was HIV positive and was hoping he wouldn’t transmit the disease to you. I believe he’s known for a while and he got it when he cheated on you. He’s kept this from you, and continued having sex with you unprotected because he knew it would raise suspicion if he started wearing condoms with his own wife. Low down dirty a** dog! So, once you learned about your status, it became his way to put you on front street, and it also became the perfect alibi where he could put the blame on you to his family, friends, and parents if he comes up positive. And, guess who they will think gave it to him? Hmmm, sounds crafty, shady, and trifling. He is a bastard and when you learned of your status, there should have been no confusion, no wondering, or being stumped. Your mind should have went right to your husband and his low down cheating good for nothing rat bastard slimy gutter a**. And, you should have wore his a** out all through that house. He wouldn’t be walking upright. And, you should have smashed him in his nuts! I do recommend that you begin working with your doctor about treatment, and effective ways to take care of your health. You should learn what medications you need, and how often you need them. I know you’re hurting and in pain, but with modern medicine and treatment you can take care of yourself and live a long life. This is not a death sentence, and you can live a healthy life if you take care of yourself, and maintain a positive attitude. I also recommend therapy and speaking with a counselor. I’m sure you are going through various emotions and feelings. Speaking with a specialists will help you manage all of this, and how to properly place these emotions. Next, I do urge getting tested with your husband and getting his results. You need to confirm he is the one who has transmitted the disease to you. And, then you need to consider either working on your marriage, and how you both will deal with this a couple. Or, you need to consider a divorce. And, I know you may feel that no one will want you, and you may feel you don’t want to be alone, but that is not the case. There are many healthy HIV positive people who date and have a healthy sex life, and relationships. You just need to be proactive in informing your partners up front, and making sure to protect yourself during sexual relations. If you decide to stay married, then both of you need to be in counseling together. Both of you need to work together on how to heal your lives, your marriage, and for him to be honest and tell the truth about his non-disclosure, and hiding it from you. He needs to come clean and lay it all on the table about his status, how long he’s known, and why he didn’t tell you sooner. This will hurt to hear, but you need to know the truth. And, then, he needs to go to his friends, family, and parents and tell them the truth, and clear the up the lies he’s created by telling them about you, but failing to tell his status. Remember, take care of yourself. Speak with your doctor, and get into treatment. Find a therapist or specialists to help you with your feelings, emotions, and well-being. And, divorce that trifling a** husband of yours. He violated your marriage, your body, and your life. Leave him! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!           

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Dear Bossip: I Had A Stroke & Learned I Had HIV, But My Husband Told Me He Was Negative

Dear Bossip: 3 Years Ago I Didn’t Accept His Proposal Because He Wasn’t Saved, But I Realize I Made A Mistake

Dear Bossip , I need advice. I broke up with my child’s father 3 years ago. He proposed, but I turned him down because he wasn’t saved, and he is in the music industry. I also kicked him out the apartment. He still resents me. He says that I’ve betrayed him. I also put him through a lot during our relationship. I now realize that he is a good man, and I made a terrible mistake. He is now dating, and he has revealed to me that he has been seeing someone for two years and he loves her. I really want my family back. How can I get him back? – Wanting Him Back Dear Ms. Wanting Him Back , So, you broke up with him and turned down his marriage proposal because he wasn’t saved, and is in the music industry. Now, two years later, he is seeing someone else, and he told you that he loves her, but you want him because you feel you made a terrible mistake. I’m sorry, but am I missing something. What happened? Are you that miserable and alone that you’re considering going backwards instead of moving forward? But, let’s be real and ask the serious question, why do you really want him back? That is the tee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Do you want him back because he is happily involved with someone else, and is in love with another woman? You see how happy he is, and how loving he is with another woman, and because you didn’t realize it or see it when he was with you all of a sudden you have this epiphany that you want to be a family with him? Chile, miss me. Misery loves company. He’s happy and in love, and you want what he has. Why can’t you just be happy for him? I’m sure if you were to have a new man, someone who loved you, and you were in love he would be happy for you. You broke up with him for a reason. You left him for a reason. And, you explicitly stated it’s because he is not saved, and he is in the music industry. That hasn’t changed. He still is not saved, and he is still involved with the music industry. Why do you want him back? Really? But, ma’am, isn’t it contradictory for you to be talking about him not being saved, yet, you were having sexual relations with a man before marriage? And, you produced a child. Huh? So, I take it that you’re saved, yet, you were laying up with him, and spreading your legs wide for him.  You weren’t thinking about your morals and values while he was laying the pipe.  But, you want to point fingers at him for not being saved. I love it! But, I get it. You have remorse and regret. You hate that you turned down the proposal, and after a few years of thinking, dating other guys, and you haven’t met someone and fell in love, you want what’s familiar. So, now you’re alone and you realize you should have accepted the proposal, worked on the relationship, and become the family you desired. You’re rehashing what happened, what went wrong, and how can you fix it. Ma’am, this is something you can’t fix. When you’re emotionally, mentally, and spiritually broken, then it requires working on yourself. Building who you are, and reconnecting to the source of spiritual nourishment. If he is not spiritually connected, or not saved, then you can’t make him saved. You can’t make him spiritually whole. That is something he has to do on his own, and be willing to do. If that is not what he desires or wants, then why do you want to go back to that? How will that fulfill you, or be nourishing to you. And, let’s think about this: What makes you think he wants to be with you? You put him out. You said you put him through a lot during your relationship. If your relationship was filled with drama, stress, and both of you were unhappy, then why go back for a repeat of this? You folks won’t leave well enough alone. You crave drama. You need it to survive and live. If you don’t have drama in your lives, and relationships then you feel incomplete. Also, why do you want to be with someone who resents you, and feels betrayed by you? Does that make any type of sense? Trying to get him back will only bring back the resentment and betrayal he feels. He will bring that back into the relationship with you. Girl, let him go and move on. If you feel you made a mistake, but the relationship was not what you wanted, and he was not the man you desired or needed, then just realize it for what it was, learn from it, and move on with your life. He is happily involved with someone else, and in love. Why interrupt his happiness, and what he has going for him because you feel you made a mistake. People, people, people if you don’t know anything else, please know that you learn from mistakes. You grow from them. You take the experience and become better. And, you try not to make the same mistake again. You don’t keep repeating them. Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result or outcome is called crazy. Leave well enough, be happy that he is happy, and work on your relationship with him as a father and co-parent to your child. There is a reason why he is an ex, and a reason why you ended the relationship. Why repeat the past? Life is about moving forward, growing, and learning. Continue to work on you, build yourself, stay connected to your spiritual source, and continue to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Stay firm in your beliefs and desires. Your man will come along, and you will connect with someone who has the same vision, dreams, and hopes that you do. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            

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Dear Bossip: 3 Years Ago I Didn’t Accept His Proposal Because He Wasn’t Saved, But I Realize I Made A Mistake

Dear Bossip: We Were In A Long Distance Relationship For 12 Years, Then She Just Up & Got Married & Pregnant

Dear Bossip , I am in need of some serious advice. I am 34 years old, no kids, and been with my ex-girlfriend for almost 12 years, off and on, up and down. She is now 32 years old. My problem is that I am filled with so much guilt and regret because of some of the choices and decisions I made. Me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for quite some time. She’s in Atlanta and I’m in New York, and we were going back and forth.  She always used to say to, “You know I can’t do this long distance relationship.” And, I understood that. So, I said ok, I am gonna take care of what I have to do in New York and then move. The problem is we were a little strained, but we were trying to work it out. Well, we were long distance for most of 2012. We were both trying to work and save money and then move in together. Well, that’s at least what I thought. That summer she went to Jamaica for about 3 weeks, and apparently she got engaged to her high school boyfriend and didn’t tell anyone. When she told me this it was February of this year, and when she finally told me she was 5 weeks married and pregnant. I could not believe what I was hearing. This is a woman I knew for almost 13 years. I know we were in a long distance relationship, but the thing I can’t understand is that she has been preaching to me that she didn’t want a long distance relationship, but, yet she goes to Jamaica and gets engaged to her high school boyfriend who she hasn’t seen in 4 years, get engaged for six months, and then don’t tell nobody not even her family! And, when she did tell me she said she didn’t want to hurt me.WTF!! What did she think it was gonna do after the fact? So, now she goes to Jamaica and marries her high school boyfriend, and on top of that he can’t fly to America because he doesn’t have a Visa or green card, and she’s 5 months pregnant. She signed up to be this man’s 4th baby mother. He has 4 kids already. I mean come on. Really!?!?! Ever since then I have been in a massive state of depression. I can’t eat, or sleep. I cut of my inner circle. I lost almost 30 pounds. I’m just so alone and isolated. I hate going to work. I just come home and sit in the dark everyday for the last couple of months. I just can’t stop thinking I caused this to happen. I could’ve just moved or been there more often, but because I chose to chase money and to have a stable income this happened. I feel like this caused me my happiness with her. She kept telling me about time wasting time and that her clock was ticking. What freaking clock? But, my thing is I understand that. If you were going to go that route then how come you didn’t make that move with me, someone who lives in New York? How can she get engaged and don’t tell me for six months? How can she not give me my chance to crash that freaking wedding, because we all know it’s not gonna last. On top of that I know she’s gonna come back around, and the fact that the next time I am gonna see her is with another man’s child. It is really killing me to know I waited for that experience with her and to know she just gave it to another man without any warning. It’s just really difficult to handle that. I just need some advice. I am really going through it man. – Mr. Really Confused and Used Dear Mr. Really Confused and Used , That’s straight low down gutter –ish right there! SMDH! If I ain’t heard it all! Jesus be a fence, rope, and bridge. WOW! This is some –ish right here! (Let me get my morning gin and juice to calm my nerves). You mean to tell me that she went to Jamaica for three weeks, and you knew she was going for that long, and you were not going with her? (How Stella got her groove back) See, right there, I would have been like, hold up! What the hell you doing in Jamaica for three weeks? It appears it may be a hometown since you mentioned she got engaged to her high school boyfriend who is from there, and he can’t leave the country. But, you’re letting your girlfriend travel alone to Jamaica? Oh, hell to the naw! Then, dude has four other children already, and she lined up to be baby momma number four?! And, she knowingly does this? Welp, let’s you know what type of woman she is. I’ll let you call that one. And, not to harp on this, but she married him, and she waited until February to tell you? So, the entire time she was leading you on, and giving you a false sense of hope for spending her life with you while you were saving up money and getting things together, but, she was a married woman pregnant with child! She is a bish! A low down bish! Look, you are truly in pain and hurting. Your letter reeks of heartbreak. There were moments when you were addressing your ex-girlfriend directly, and I felt this. Your letter was actually directed toward her. You wanted to let her know how you feel, what you’re going through, what she’s done to you, and you simply want answers. The fact that you are feeling depressed, and have not eaten, or can’t sleep causes me concern. Especially that you have cut off your friends, don’t want to engage in anything, and you are just moving through life carrying this inner pain and hurt with you is not healthy emotionally or mentally. I am urging you to please find someone, a counselor, or therapist and talk with them about this. Get into some therapy as soon as possible. You need someone to speak with. DO NOT hold this in, and try to deal with this on your own. Getting help, and talking with a professional will help you to heal, and slowly recover and move on. And, please don’t cut off your inner circle. They are your friends, and they will help you get through this. So, please lean on your friends, one of your boy’s, or someone you feel you can talk to who has a good ear and they will listen to you. You need your friends because they will be a strong support system for you. Now, what your ex-girlfriend has done to you is trifling, low down, sneaky, deceitful, and shady! Hell, that is some straight bull-ish, and you should be angry, and upset. You want me to put some roots on her? Just kidding. But, I know some people who know some people who know someone. Let me know now. LOL! On the real, you cannot hold on to this pain and anger. It is consuming you, and it can potentially damage you for a long time to come. You do not want this to cripple you and prevent you from future potential relationships with good women you may meet. I don’t want you to internalize this and project your ex’s behavior onto other women, and you build of wall of distrust of women. This could lead you to not think of women as honest, and that they are only out to hurt you. Please seek help before you internalize this pain and hurt as such. I know it’s devastating to learn that the woman you were committed to, willing to give up everything for, and the woman you wanted to make your wife suddenly and out of nowhere changes the entire course and dynamic of your relationship in an instant. Why did she do what she did? Only she knows. We have some insights, but her rationale and decision to do it while she was still with you is callous and cold. But, here’s the thing. You’ve been in a long distance relationship for nearly 12 years. I mean in that time someone could have made a move, or something. Twelve years and you’re still in a long distance relationship?!? What were you taking care of in New York for 12 years? I mean you were asking her to wait on you until you got your plan together, and stack up on some money, but 12 years? In that time she did tell you that she didn’t and couldn’t do a long distance relationship. She wasn’t feeling it, and wanted you there with her. But, I’m curious as to why didn’t she move with you? What was preventing her from moving to New York? And, she did tell you that her biological clock was ticking. She wanted to have kids. She wanted a family. So, the fact that both of you spent your entire 20s in a long distance relationship hoping it will work, and someone would move, it seems she got fed up and tired of waiting. Which will explain her making a rash decision while she was in Jamaica to get engage to her high school boyfriend (Someone she was familiar with, and had known), and, because she was thinking she wanted to have kids, be a wife, and have a family she did it with someone she had a history with. Yes, she knew she was wrong that is why she didn’t tell her family, friends, or you. That is why she waited so long to finally tell you the truth. She knew she was dead wrong and trifling. She didn’t want anyone to talk her out of what she really wanted. And, everyone would have told her not to be so haste, and that you are a good guy, and to talk it out and work it out with you. But, she was tired of waiting, tired of sitting in Atlanta alone, and tired of being childless. I’m sure all her friends were probably getting married, and starting families, and she wanted that. She longed for that, and in a complete out-of-the blue irrational decision she took matters into her own hands and figured she’d deal with the fallout afterward. Her cold-heartedness did not take into account what this would do to you. Her selfishness and immature thinking was not about the twelve years you’d been together, or how much love you had for her. She is truly low down and dirty to have done what she did, and then didn’t tell you immediately. It was after she was engaged, and pregnant! WOW! I know it’s hard, and I know you’re hurting, but get into therapy and counseling. You have twelve years of unraveling, pain, hurt, and unresolved love to deal with. You need a professional to help you with this. Also, the only one who has the answers to all of this is your ex. She is the only one who can tell you why she did what she did. She is the only one who can tell you her rationale and decision to do this to you. But, again, I strongly urge that you get into therapy and counseling so you can manage your hurt and anger so that you can properly address her without being angry and mad and wanting to do harm or hurt her. Which I’m sure you won’t. But, you need someone to help you manage your emotions and feelings. And, please reach out to your friends, family, and loved ones. Don’t allow this to fester and consume you. It will emotionally and mentally cripple you. I wish you the best in your healing. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            

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Dear Bossip: We Were In A Long Distance Relationship For 12 Years, Then She Just Up & Got Married & Pregnant

Dear Bossip: My Man Was Soliciting Gay/Bi Relations Online & I Took Screenshots But He Denied It

Dear Bossip , I am in my mid 20s and so is my boyfriend. He recently moved back to our home state after playing college basketball. We have been dating for 4 months. I have been hurt in the past and took things slow and quite cautious. Things have been quite well until I Googled his height (he is VERY tall), and I found recent postings on craigslist soliciting gay/bi sex…including multiple d*** pics (that’s how I KNEW it was him). One ad even mentioned him looking for a bi guy to f**k his girlfriend. He had told me one time before that was a fantasy of his (watching a guy f**k me). I took screen shots of the 5 ads and confronted him, which he adamantly denied. He seemed as shocked and as sick as I did……but I still don’t believe him. I ended things, but he wants to prove to me he didn’t post those ads. My thing is if it was somebody else they really knew a lot of info about him. I really want to believe him, as I thought I was in love with this man, but the evidence is too suspicious. I am so embarrassed I really don’t want to talk to my friends or family about it. That’s why I need your help and opinion please!! Do you think I am over reacting? Or do you think he is lying? – Sick in Milwaukee Dear Ms. Sick In Milwaukee , SMDH! The things and shenanigans you folks go through, particularly about these men who are living a double life and secretly sleeping with other men. I hear so many conversations from women talking about how they know what they’re man is doing, and he is not sneaking out or stepping out, especially not with another man because they got themselves a real man. Bwahahahaha! I just give them the sideline and sip my tea. But, I’m inclined to look at this situation from two different sides. I know, right! Two possible scenarios to this drama and scandal. Get ready, and buckle up. So, let’s give your man the benefit of the doubt, and let’s observe the first scenario: 1.) Let’s just say, and this is hypothetical, that your man did not post those pics or ads. And, let’s just say, and this is hypothetical, that at one point your boyfriend may have posted some pics online of himself on that website, but, he was not soliciting gay/bi sex, he was actually soliciting sex from women. He was trying to connect with women in the city or town he was in while playing college ball, or while he was traveling with the team. Or, let’s say he sent the pics to a girl to her cell phone while he was in school, and she decided that she would post the pics online (You know a jealous and jaded woman will do some devious things). So, with these situations as possible hypotheticals, let’s say that someone saw the pics, and liked what they saw, so they lifted his pics from internet (You do know people steal other people pics and use them as their own), and that this person used the pics as their own to solicit gay/bi sex. Then, your boyfriend could not be guilty about the pics and solicitation for gay/bi sex, and he is genuinely shocked that his pics are online for gay/bi sex. But, if you know his d**k, and can pick it out from any line up, then he needs to address how his d**k pics got online. Besides, he’s feeling and thinking, “Hey, they are only d**k pics. There is no face attached to them, so how does she really know it’s me?” So, deny, deny, deny! That is probably why he is denying the pics are his because he has to confess to his truth. And, the truth may be that he possibly did post pics to solicit sex from women online, or that he was sending his d**k pic to random women while in college, and any one of them could have posted his pic online. Which, then, he would have to explain being a hoe, and blah, blah, blah. So, he is feigning shock and dismay. Clutching his pearls because he knows he has to tell the truth about his hoe-dome, and so, he is either going to lie to you or on his d**k. He chose both. Bwahahahahahaha! However, I’m a little leery about this scenario because I’m even questioning the fact of why is he soliciting sex online and he is a college basketball player? We all know college athletes get the snatch thrown at them, so for him to solicit it online wouldn’t make logical sense, right? He’s getting some good-good all the time. (Sips tea) But, if he wants some ding-a-ling, then he can’t get it on campus because he’s not out, and no one knows his secret. Therefore, he has to go online and solicit it, and do his business far away from campus and away from any watchful eyes. (Sips tea) Now, here is the next scenario: 2.) Yes, those are his d**k pics, and he is soliciting gay/bi sex, and he is busted. You took the screenshots and confronted him with the evidence, because you know that d**k from anyplace, and it is distinct from anyone. Also, the fact that in the ads the person knew some key facts and details about his description. They didn’t make up any of this information, or details. They described him to a “T.” Therefore, instead of owning up and admitting it is him, he acts just like you, and says he’s shocked. But, it’s only because he got caught, and his secret is out. So, he does what any man who has been caught with the evidence staring them right in their face. He denies, denies, denies it is him. Again, because the pic is not of his face, but of his peen, he feigns shock and dismay. He wants to prove to you that he is not gay (How he’s going to do this I’m not sure. How do you prove you’re not gay or bi?). Sips tea. Now, I give you major kudos for taking pics of the screenshot, and confronting him. But, my little clever Diva sleuth, you should have taken it a step further for actual and factual proof. You should have responded to the ad posing as a solicitor to the ad, and once the person responded, then you should have set up a possible meet. That way you would have his email address from him. Then, you should have met them at the designated place, and if your boyfriend would have walked up, then you should have pulled out all your evidence, including photos, the screenshots, and his response to the ads. He can’t deny the email, and him responding. So, how would he explain it wasn’t him? (Sips tea) So, there, you have two scenarios, but, I’m leaning more toward that your man is gay/bi. And, it’s because you did me one better. You said that one of your boyfriend’s ad mentioned him wanting a bi guy to freak his girlfriend. And, you remembered a pivotal conversation in which your boyfriend said to you that his fantasy was to watch another man freak you. Uhm, why? And, uhm, did he want the bi guy to freak you, and then him next? (Sips tea) Therefore, I’m deducing, and saying you did right my clever little Diva sleuth. You’ve caught your man red-handed, presented the facts and proof, ended the relationship, and now he is stumbling and bumbling. He wants to prove to you that he didn’t post the pics or ads, and it’s only because now his secret is out. He fears you’re going to tell other women, or his friends, and put him blast. Which you should. But, he fears being outed, and it’s because he’s been living a double life, and leading not only you, but other women on into believing he is something he is not. (Sips tea) Be happy it only lasted four months, and you got the truth before it ended up being a year, or years later and you learned the truth about him. You’d be devastated, and crushed, and possibly staying with him because you were head over heels in love, and refused to believe that your man was posting ads online soliciting gay/bi sex. I recommend that you do speak to someone, and let go of the hurt and anger. You mentioned that you’ve been hurt in the past, and here we are again with a repeat of you being hurt again by another man. So, getting help, and speaking with someone will help you let go of this pain so that you won’t internalize it and make all men out to be dogs who prey on you. These are isolated incidents, and the last thing I want you to do is to think you had something to do with this. You did not. Do not become a victim. Be a victor and celebrate that you dodge a bullet before it penetrated. You’re smart, wise, and you did the right thing by investigating the situation, presenting the facts you had, and deciding for yourself that you won’t allow him to get away with something that you know in your heart to be true. He needs to own up to who he really is, and also get help himself. But, this is not going to happen because he is denial. So, move on, keep doing you, and don’t let him back in your life. Just keep reminding yourself with those photos of what he did, and what he is about. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!               Continue reading

Dear Bossip: My Man Still Lives With His Momma & I Think He Won’t Marry Me Because Of Her

Dear Bossip , I’ve been with my boyfriend for four and a half years and our relationship has not progressed at all. I know that my bad relationship with his mom has something to do with it. The first time I met her me and my boyfriend were going to his coworkers wedding. So I met him at his house. By the way, he’s twenty-eight almost twenty-nine years old, and his thirty-three year old brother still lives with their parents, which I think is a turnoff since I’m thirty and I have my own place. But anyway, when I met her she smiled and was very pleasant until she handed me a wool scarf in ninety degree weather and told me to cover up the top of my dress, which I do have large breasts, but there was no cleavage showing. But, I guess she could tell how big they are through the dress. This made me feel uncomfortable and when my boyfriend came in the room she said, “Look what I gave your girlfriend? I gave her a gift already.” At that moment I realized she was trying to manipulate him into thinking she liked me, but in all actuality she never liked me. After a while I soon realized my boyfriend was naive and has been manipulated by his mom his whole life. He tells me the reason why he lives at home is because his mother loves him so much and she doesn’t want him to leave, but I know the real reason she wants him there is because his brother doesn’t work, doesn’t have a car or a cell phone and his father doesn’t work. The only people that work are my boyfriend and his mother, so she depends on him so she can take three or four expensive trips a year, get new carpet through the whole house, new windows, new siding for the house, renovated kitchen and bathroom, etc. He’s been telling me that we are going on a trip every year and it never happens because he has to pay for her trips. She uses him because she feels he does things for me financially, so it’s like a competition which is very childish to me. I don’t like his brother because he stole my boyfriend’s income tax check and went shopping with it. He used my boyfriend’s name on several occasions because he drives his baby mother’s car with no license and gets pulled over. And, then my boyfriend gets letters in the mail telling him he has court dates where he has to take off from work for this. What’s more bizarre is the fact that he doesn’t even confront his brother about these things. That’s another turn-off – he’s weak and doesn’t stand up for himself. The biggest issue for me is the fact that I’ve expressed to him that I want to get married and start having kids. His response is he wants to make sure he’s ready. He’s been telling me this same thing for years, and now I realize it’s just an excuse. I already act like we are married, for example when he comes over I have a hot meal ready for him. I run his bath, and I basically do everything to please him because I want him to be happy, but I’ve realized he’s not trying to make me happy with what I want. I’ve found myself lately thinking why is he with me? Because it seems like he doesn’t want to start a family, get married or anything that shows commitment to me. Am I just a game to him? Could it be because his mom doesn’t like me? I don’t know what to think, but I know one thing I’m not happy, but I love him. But I know something just ain’t right. Please help. I need advice. – His Momma, Family, Or Me Dear Ms. His Momma, Family, Or Me , Of course something ain’t right, and it’s YOU! Have you ever heard of that little sing-song game, “Which one of these things don’t belong…” Well, that’s you, Ms. Honey. You are not a part of the family, or even a consideration to be included into the family. Chile, how am I going to break this to you gently, yet sternly? Hmmm, okay, I got it. HE IS NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU. HIS MOTHER DOESN’T LIKE YOU. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO COME BETWEEN HIS MOTHER OR HIS FAMILY. HE HAS ALREADY CHOSEN, AND, YOU MY DEAR, ARE NOT A FACTOR! Girl, really? Really! You’re over there wondering after four and a half years if the man you’ve been seeing is going to marry you after you’ve expressed to him that you want to get married and start a family and his response is, “I want to make sure I’m ready.” OMG! How many times must I spell it out and write this over and over and over again – If a man is telling you that he is not ready to get married or be in a relationship, then guess what that means? He’s not going to wife you or make you his woman. He’s not interested in settling down with you. You’re something to do until someone better comes along. You’ve asked, “It seems like he doesn’t want to start a family, get married or anything that shows commitment to me. Am I just a game to him?” Uhm, you think! Then, you go on to say, “I already act like we are married, for example when he comes over I have a hot meal ready for him. I run his bath, and I basically do everything to please him because I want him to be happy, but I’ve realized he’s not trying to make me happy with what I want. I’ve found myself lately thinking why is he with me?” Sigh! If you’re already acting married, then why would he marry you? If you’re going above and beyond to make him happy and he is not doing anything to make you happy, then what part of that relationship are you confused about? He doesn’t value you, respect you, or even care about you. Chile, I wish I could send this All-Concern Memo to the world and have folks wake up and stop walking around in these relationship stupors chasing these men and trying to make them fall in love with you, marry you, and start a family with you. If they don’t want to be with you why are you obsessed with being with them? Why am I even asking this question? I already know the answer. It’s because we all want what we can’t have. And, the more we can’t have something the harder we fight for it. You’re over there fighting to make this man marry you, and you’re fighting with his family that you obviously don’t like and can’t stand, and in your own damn words you said, “I’m not happy, but I love him.” Why the hell would you want to marry someone whom you are not happy with, nor makes you happy, or adds to your happiness? SMDH! Oh, I get it, you want to get him to marry you so that you can prove to his mother that you won and that you got him. You want to be able to flaunt it in her face that she doesn’t have that much control over him and you’re the Queen B. LMBAO! It’s painfully and glaringly obvious that his mother doesn’t like you. She is not going to have anyone, especially another woman, interrupt her household and her babies from straying away from the nest. So, the competition you speak of, uhm, BREAKING NEWS – THIS JUST IN: You’re not going to win. You will lose every time. Besides, I wouldn’t take it personal either that his mother doesn’t like you, because she really doesn’t know you. She has no cause to dislike you, but it’s the mere fact that another woman could influence her child, her baby, her “man child,” and if she’s benefitting from ruling her household with psychological, emotional, and mental means, you don’t stand a chance. Also, your man is weak, has no backbone, spine, or courage. The entire family runs over him and uses him. That damn brother is a hot a** mess! And, his mother runs his life, just like she runs her entire household. He is not going to make a move or do anything without consent from his mother, and even after she is long gone on to glory the remnants and effects of her psychological and emotional wrath will affect him for his entire life. He needs extensive therapy, counseling, cleansing, and the blood of Jesus! Here’s what I want to know: Why are you dating a grown a** man who voluntarily lives at home with his momma? Why are you interested in being with a man who is babied, coddled, and living on his mother’s tit? Chile, something is clearly wrong with him. Either, he’s slow, and the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. Or, he loves being at home because he doesn’t have to spend any money, except for what he gives his mother. His mother cooks for him, cleans for him, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she tucks him in at night. LOL! But, seriously, there are some psychological and mental issues going on with this man if he is unwilling to leave his mother’s house, and untie the umbilical cord that his mother clearly has him attached to. But, I do find it ironic that your man has chosen another woman who is similar to his own mother. You do realize that your man will always choose and pick a woman who, subconsciously, reminds him of his mother – overbearing, demanding, nurturing, and a caregiver. I hate to say it, but you, my dear, are his mother! (Cue in the dramatic music). Think about it, you run his bath, cook a hot meal for him, baby him, yell at him, scold him, coddle him, freak him, and let him suck your tits. Duh! He’s not your man, he’s your surrogate child. If you do continue dating him, and his mother should happen to leave this earth, there will be reading of her will and in it she will say, “Don’t you marry that girl with them big breasts. She is not the woman for you. I forbid you to marry her. I may be gone, but I am still your mother!” LMBAO! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Nove l (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!              Continue reading

Stil Bangin? 40-Year-Old Claudia Jordan Takes Her Cakes To Miami Beach For A Swimsuit Photo Shoot

Claudia Jordan gets oiled up and lets it all hang out on the beach in MIA Claudia Jordan Does Swimsuit Photo Shoot On The Beach Former model turned Hollyweird actress and “Tiny Tonight” talk show co-host Claudia Jordan has still got the goods and is not afraid to show them off. Claudia recently hit up Miami Beach to do a swimsuit photo shoot where she put her oiled up cakes in blizzy blast for 2 different swimsuit looks. She certainly has a lot of competition what with all of the other bangin’ bawwdied celebrity 40-somethings like Lisa Raye, Naomi Campbell, Halle Berry, J.Lo and Nicole Murphy to name a few, but we think she’s doing a pretty good job of holding her own. What say you, Bossip fam? Is Claudia still a certified banger? WENN

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Stil Bangin? 40-Year-Old Claudia Jordan Takes Her Cakes To Miami Beach For A Swimsuit Photo Shoot

Dear Bossip: I’m Pursuing My Doctorate But I’m Seeing A Man Who Has 5 Baby Mommas & Nothing Going On

Dear Bossip , I never thought I’d be one day writing to you, but, alas! I met this charming tall black man six weeks ago after being single for four years. We went out on our first date and I knew then he was trouble. At the time, I was packing to start my doctorate degree 1000km away, so I figured it wouldn’t go anywhere. He kept on calling and texting throughout the day, each day and I started to warm up to him. He came to visit me last weekend and I had the time of my life. The sex was out of this world! Best I ever had. Now, here’s the problem, I have a couple of issues with him: 1. He has 5 kids. I kid you not! He has 5 baby mamas, which is drama times 5. I’ve always chose not to date anyone with kids, well, at least one if I’m relaxing my standards. But 5? Who has 5 kids by age 35 in this day and age? I don’t think I wanna deal with that. 2. His lifestyle. He’s into the hottest parties, the most expensive booze. 3. I’m not sure if he can be faithful. My intuition tells me I’m not the only one, but of course he would never admit it. 4. He’s not a Christian. I want a man who has a relationship with God. 5. He drinks too much. I like this man, he makes me laugh, and he’s very affectionate. I’ve never been happier, but I can’t fully relax because he breaks all the rules. My friends have said over time that my standards are too high that’s why I’ll always be single. I don’t mind being single by the way. Am I relaxing my standards too much for this man or should I stick to my list? – Happy and Confused Dear Ms. Happy and Confused , Here we go with another damn grown a** woman with education smarts, but no damn common sense! SMDH! Why oh why do you supposedly smart, educated, intelligent women continue to write these no-brainer letters about no good trifling men and pursuing relationships with them? Why? Please explain to me the logic in this! UGH!! Every time I see these letters I just shake my head and scream. I truly wish I could reach the damn screen and smack the –ish out of y’all! But, since I can’t reach the screen, I’m going to ask you to politely reach up and smack yourself and knock your wig lop-sided. Ma’am, what doctoral program are you in? Are you sure it’s a real university or college? You must be getting your doctorate in dumba** simpleness. Why would you compromise your standards over a man who is 35-years old, and he has five kids with five different women? What logical sense does it make to be in a relationship with this man, or attempt to be in a relationship with him? And, ma’am, think about his carefully and understand that you are in school pursuing your doctorate. With that, his partying, drinking, and procreating with different women leaves me to deduce that he ain’t –ish, ain’t doing –ish, and ain’t about –ish! Please wake your a** up and be real about this situation and what the real possibilities are about this. I’m sure you don’t want to be baby momma number six, so, please leave this man alone, focus on your studies, and be about your business. He is only interested in screwing you, literally and figuratively. He is not serious about a relationship because if he was then he would be with one of his five baby mommas. And, hell to the naw, he is not ever going to be serious about you. He’s a philandering male whore. And, if you keep spreading your legs for him then I’m confident that you will be baby momma number six, and then I’ll be getting another letter from you and why he won’t commit to you, and he keeps making promises but not following through, and you keep finding out he is cheating. Girl, grow up and be a woman and give that man several seats out of your life. And, if you have standards and morals, then why are you compromising? There are five things you’ve listed that do not fit your criteria. HELLO! What the hell are you contemplating? Why compromise? Just because your friends tell you that your standards are too high, so you’re going to listen to them? Then I tell you what, tell them to date him. The hell!! Ask them if they would date him and pursue a relationship with him. I bet none of them would. What kind of friends you got? Get rid of ‘em if they are telling you to date that man. And, so what he makes you happy. Ma’am, it’s temporary and fleeting happiness. He is telling you what you want to hear, and giving you good sex. Stop confusing this with love and like. The only thing you like is that he is giving you good d**k, making your body feel good, and telling you things that sounds good for now. Start using your qualitative and quantitative reasoning and be honest with yourself. This man is not good for you. How the hell can he be a serious candidate for a relationship and he has five children with five different women? This means he is paying child support, if he is paying child support, to five different women. Where is he getting money from to travel to see you, and hang out with you? This will all come to an end real quick. Trust! And, if he spending all this time with you, and traveling to see you, then how is he spending any quality time with his children? Will you please think damnit! But, again, this is what happens once a woman gets some good d**k after she’s been single for a while. He bangs you out, have you doing tricks, and contorting your body all over the bed, floor, counter, and walls, and you lose your damn mind. Sigh! It’s so sad that the FDA will not put d**k on its list of dangerous drugs. Ladies, here’s the warning label: Getting good d**k will cause serious side effects. You will have lingering moments of relapse and your body will jerk, and convulse at odd times just by thinking of it. Your cooch will twitch, pulsate, and throb from the after affects. You will find yourself daydreaming, feigning, itching, scratching, and your body will have withdrawals. Your thoughts and common sense will be convoluted. Your judgment will become cloudy and you won’t be able to rationalize every day simple things and tasks. You will find yourself stalking his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram pages. You will call him insistently, checking on him and his whereabouts. You will do drive-bys of his home, job, or other whereabouts to make sure he is there. You’ll even compromise your own body, and stop using condoms because he tells you that he doesn’t like how they feel, and he will put out. In the end, he is not good for you. He’s not what you want, doesn’t fit your criteria, and will never be the man for you. So, don’t settle. He is simply out to make you baby momma number six. And, if you want to be in that number, then knock yourself out, boo. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!             

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Dear Bossip: I’m Pursuing My Doctorate But I’m Seeing A Man Who Has 5 Baby Mommas & Nothing Going On

First Preview Of Monday’s Basketball Wives Episode 2: Tasha Marbury Meets Up With… Evelyn Lozada [Video]

Turn the page for episode 1 if you missed it on Monday… Continue reading

Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend Is Nice But He Has No Ambition & I’m Falling For A Married Man

Dear Bossip , I have been with the father of my two kids for 10 years.  We are by far not the perfect couple, but we have been solid. I am 28 years old and he is 24 years old. The last year or so I have been having mixed emotions because we are not where we should be in life. He has a GED and works jobs, but he doesn’t have a career, and he is not motivated. I keep telling him I want us to have better, but it’s like he does not understand. On the other hand, I have a male friend who we are just that. We never did anything that we should not have. He is married and I am in a complicated situation. We have known each other for a little over a year. My friend is a well-educated well-rounded guy with dreams and aspirations. Recently, we have kind of been flirting and getting to know each other more in depth, and I think I am falling in love with him. My kid’s father is such a nice guy. He treats me like a queen and is a great father, but he is not established. My friend on the other hand is established, and I don’t want to turn down the possibility of us being friends first, and that it could work between us even though he is married. I know a lot about his situation with his wife and it doesn’t seem like a forever thing. What do I do? Do I just back up and don’t cross that line of friendship because I don’t want it to turn bad. Currently, my kid’s father and I are working on ourselves, and, yes we are still having sex. We have a mutual understanding that we are taking time to re-evaluate things. I don’t want to hurt my kid’s father, but I also do not want to be hurt neither. – Between A Rock And A Hard Place Dear Ms. Between A Rock And A Hard Place , Ratchet, ratchet, ratchet! Those are my words for and about you. But, let me back up a minute. You’ve been with your boyfriend for 10 years, which means you were 18 years old, and he was 14 years old when you started dating? Uhm, isn’t that illegal to be dating a minor? So, you were already being ratchet 10 years ago at 18 years old, and now because you don’t think things are going where you want them to with your boyfriend, you’re talking about stepping out of your relationship to sleep with a married man? Huh? Are you serious? Do you see the pattern you have with men? You were dating a minor, which is wrong by all measures of the fact. He was still developing physically, emotionally, and mentally, and you took advantage of him. And, please don’t sit up here and say he was mature for his age. Ma’am, I will smack the –ish out of you. How would you feel if an 18 year old boy came home with your 14 year old daughter? Yeah, but you don’t like that idea. But, hold on, now you want to start dating a married man? Someone else’s husband?  Uhm, yeah, you seriously have mental and emotional problems and you need help. Then, you have the audacity to say that he is not where you want him to be because he has a GED, works jobs, and has no motivation. However, he treats you like a queen, is a great father, working, and a nice guy. However, you say that you want better for the both of you, but, ma’am, what are you bringing to the table. What do you have to offer? I noticed that you left that out of the conversation. You’re complaining he has jobs, and no career. Uhm, so what is your career? What are you holding down? And, since you’re complaining about having and doing better, then explain to me why you are not married? Why have you been dating for 10 years, playing house, shacking up, and you have two kids, playing family, but there is no ring on your finger? (I’ll wait while you ponder that.) Now, because you’re not happy at home you figure the best resolution to your situation is to sleep with a married man. You figure that instead of talking and effectively communicating with your man about your feelings, how to move forward, and make the necessary steps toward a united goal, instead you seek comfort in the arms of a married man? And, you want to throw your boyfriend under the bus because you’re the ratchet trifling a** who is willing to jeopardize her relationship for a fling. SMDH! Some of you women are a piece of work. The man is married. He is not your friend. You don’t have anything in common with him. Despite that you may feel you have something in common with him, but you don’t. You’re enamored and impressed with his accolades and that he has dreams. And, he is selling you on his pipe dreams and your thirsty dumba** is falling for them with your lips touted up slurping on his nut sac. So typical. And, for the record he is not going to leave his wife. He just wants to smash, and you will have a momentary affair, and it will be over because the novelty of new p***y will wear off for him, and you will be just another chick he cheated on with his wife. You will stalk him, trying to keep the relationship going, and he may come back, and then you’ll have unprotected sex. And, BAM! You’ll end up pregnant, but you won’t know which man is the father, and, we all know how this story is going to end. What’s so sad is that you are comparing your man to a married. Why? There is no comparison. He is married, and the fact that you said he is established, well, yes, he is establishedly married (I made that word up. LOL!) Nevertheless, he is off limits, but knowing your ratchet a** you’re going to ignore all warnings and caution because you’re falling in love with him. Bwahahahahaha. Girl, stop! Falling in love my a**. You just want to get some d**k. You love playing the game of off-limits and dangerous liaisons with men. Remember, your boyfriend was 14 years old when you started dating him. He was off limits, yet, you pursued that relationship. You’re dangerous, and need some help. So, your options are either to sit with your boyfriend. Be honest and frank with him about what you’re feeling, desiring, and how to proceed to get both of your needs met. You mentioned that you’re working on re-evaluating your relationship. Well, take this time to set an action plan of how to move forward. It’s been 10 years of the same damn thing, but you’re not married. Why not? How can you move toward that goal? Then, you discuss his goals, desires, and dreams. What does he want for himself, and his family? Where does he see himself a year, two, or five years from now? Is he interested in being married? And, if you feel that neither of you are on the same page, you have two different dreams, goals, and desires for your relationship, then it may be time to end the relationship and move on. And, no, that does not mean you move on to the married man. He is off limits. Leave that man alone. And, you can’t be friends. You can’t be associates. You have no reason to be in contact or communication with him. Instead, I need for you to work on you, and get into some therapy to figure out why you have this desire and need to be with men who are off limits to you. Why do you pursue men that present some element of danger? You need to work on that, and get to the root of yourself. Something is at the core, and you’re going to seriously need to resolve this before you start dating or being any other man. Because if you don’t resolve this, you will continue to repeat this pattern at the detriment of yourself, and your children. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!            Continue reading

Swirly Matrimony-dom: African CNN Anchor Isha Sesay Jumps The Broom With White Co-Worker In ATL!

He liked it, he put a ring on it… CNN’s Isha Sesay Marries White Co-Worker Leif Coorlim In Atlanta Via People CNN anchor Isha Sesay made her own news Sunday night, marrying fellow CNN staffer Leif Coorlim in Atlanta. The couple tied the knot in front of close friends and family at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, the ceremony moved indoors from the English garden after CNN meteorologist Jen Delgado predicted bad weather. “Our day exceeded my wildest dreams,” Sesay tells PEOPLE. “It was magical. When I saw Leif standing at the end of the aisle, I felt as if my heart would explode. I married the man of my dreams in front of the people we care about the most. And then we partied the night away.” The bride wore a strapless, custom Amsale gown featuring elaborate beadwork. “Amsale herself was with me as I tried on different dresses at her Madison Avenue showroom in New York,” Sesay says. “She was wonderful. After trying on a number of gowns, Amsale, my stylist Stacey Brice Washington and I agreed that this was the dress for me!” Sesay, 37, is an anchor/correspondent for CNN International and newsreader for Anderson Cooper 360. She met Coorlim, 34, executive editor of The CNN Freedom Project” – a CNN-wide campaign to help end child prostitution and forced labor in the United States and around the world – in 2008 at the network where they both still work. Congrats you crazy multi-cultural kids! Image via Mary Beth Tyson Continue reading