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The Real Reason We Hate Wal-Mart [Robots]

Ho hum, Wal-Mart agreed to pay $12 million to settle a gender discrimination lawsuit yesterday. That’s bad! But gawd, Wal-Mart is so green . That’s good! Neither of these things really matters, though. We hate Wal-Mart for a much purer reason. Back in the day, it was so much easier to hate evil corporations. Nike ran sweatshops. Wal-Mart crushed small businesses and busted unions. It was a simple time. But eventually, evil corporations smartened up. They realized that being transparently evil—committing discreet acts of evil which could not be easily rationalized by the average American—was bad for business. [This is not the same as concealed acts of evil, or the willing participation of a corporation in a system which is evil. No, that is a wearying discussion for another day! In some grad school class maybe]. Nike, for example, realized its bad PR over the sweatshop issue was costing it more in brand equity than it could ever save with severely underpaid child labor. So it actually cleaned up its sweatshop issue, more or less. Likewise, Wal-Mart has, over the past five years or so, cleaned up its act more than one might expect from an evil corporation. Yes, they’re still unconscionable union-busters, since they believe a unionized work force would destroy their entire business model; yes, they still get hit with claims of sexism and racist fuckery , but probably not any more than you’d expect from a corporation with more than two million employees. And to make up for these rather significant flaws, Wal-Mart has become one of the most aggressive major corporations out there when it comes to greening both itself and its entire (massive) supply chain. We get it. You’re environmental. Motherfuckers. Now we are going to take the brash step of purporting to speak for vast swaths of other people. People who hate Wal-Mart. There are millions of us. Some people will cite the aforementioned political reasons to hate Wal-Mart; other lefties will vacillate, trying to reconcile their inborn hatred of Wal-Mart with the company’s seductive green sheen. In fact, it does not matter what Wal-Mart does. We will still hate it. Because our hatred for Wal-Mart is not, in fact, based on anything the company does; it is based on what the company is. It is a big box. A big, bland, concrete warehouse. It hurts us, the very vision of it. Wal-Mart comes into town and builds an ugly box and then all the regular little stores shut down, and all that is left is a big ugly box on the outskirts of town. And inside that box are bright, harsh lights and ugly Republican people and lots of NASCAR-branded items and a pervasive atmosphere of small-town hopelessness. We hate Wal-Mart for aesthetic reasons. Anyone who grew up in a non-urban area where Wal-Mart dominated all commerce is familiar with that feeling of dread that goes along with the thought that you must drag yourself into that harshly lit box again and again and again, because to refuse to would mean breaking your meager bank account on cat litter and pie and Hanes shirts and pocket knives and radio controlled cars and DVDs that weren’t marked down the lowest, lowest, lowest possible prices. Wal-Mart is, in many places and for many people, inescapable. Much like work and drudgery and eventual death. It fills us with an existential despair that can’t be assuaged by any amount of greening of the supply chain or corporate diversity initiatives. We hate you because of who you are, Wal-Mart. A big fucking ugly box. Go away and die. [Pic: Flickr ]

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The Real Reason We Hate Wal-Mart [Robots]

Bikini Clad Audrina Patridge Covers FHM Magazine

Audrina Patridge turns up the sexiness for the April issue of FHM Magazine . Wearing a bright red bikini, The Hills hottie shows off the body that has made her one of the sexiest reality TV stars. The Hills is about to start its sixth season on MTV and has regularly pulled in three million viewers in the USA.

Adam Lambert, Sarah Palin Don’t Cross Paths On ‘The Tonight Show’

Olympic gold medal winner Shaun White was also on Jay Leno’s program. By Gil Kaufman Adam Lambert performs on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” on Tuesday Photo: NBC If this whole not running for office thing doesn’t work out, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin really should consider taking a shot at hosting a cable chat show. The 2009 Republican vice presidential candidate sat on the couch on Tuesday night for Jay Leno’s second night back on “The Tonight Show,” on a stacked program that also featured a somewhat sedate visit from Adam Lambert and a chat with Olympic gold medal snowboarder Shaun White. Dressed down for the occasion, the Fox News contributor wore skinny jeans and a black jacket on the show and happily chatted about her maverick nature, did a bit of fake stand-up and discussed how she’s gone from being a media target to a member of the press. “I’m back there wanting to build some trust back in our media,” said Palin, who earned a communications degree in college in hopes of becoming a sportscaster. She called the mainstream media “broken” and said she joined Fox because of its slogan about being “fair and balanced.” “I studied journalism,” she told Leno. “It was all about the who, what, where, when and why. It was not so about the opinion interjected in hard news stories.” Asked about the media reporting on her children, Palin took a dig at a “lame” recent episode of “The Family Guy” cartoon that not so subtly mocked Palin’s son, Trig, who has Down syndrome. She complained that she wasn’t able to really comment appropriately on the controversy. “Jay, you’ve gone through this, too, especially in the last few months,” Palin said, alluding to the recent “Tonight Show” turmoil. “It’s like that old saying, a lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can even get its pants on in the morning.” Palin also joked about the “poor boy’s version of the TelePrompter” she used at a recent Tea Party event, when she was caught on camera referring to notes scribbled on her palm. “I took notes [when I was a kid], I take notes today, even on the palm of my hand, and just to get the left all whee-whee’d up and get their heads spinning, I’m going to promise to keep doing it!” said Palin, who noted that her dad, an elementary school teacher, used to come home at night with notes scribbled all over his hand. She also took a dig at Leno when he asked if she might consider doing her own talk show. “I hear once in a while this comes open,” she joked, slapping his desk. The segment ended with Palin doing a mock show-opening monologue while pretending to be a stand-up comedian and making jokes about cold weather in Alaska, botox, health care, moose meat and Congress’ low approval rating — all of which she clearly read from a Teleprompter. Leno opened the show by joking about how he was glad NBC called him Monday night to tell him he should come back for another shot at the gig on Tuesday night. He continued with the high-power hour with White, who came out in black jeans and a black leather jacket covered with gold studs. The “Flying Tomato” handed Leno is gold medal as chants of “USA! USA!” broke out and Leno held up his new Rolling Stone cover featuring White’s homage to Jimi Hendrix: a flaming snowboard. White said he couldn’t compare winning his second gold medal to the first time four years ago in Torino, Italy, when he was 19, but that he just tried to savor the moment a bit more this time. “I do [feel the pressure],” he said of the scrutiny this time. “I just remember being at the top and taking that pressure and using it as my will to do better.” The show ended with a performance from Adam Lambert, who sang the ballad “Sleepwalker” from his debut, For Your Entertainment . With his hair swept up in a towering punk pompadour and his eyelids covered in sparkly dark eye shadow that accented his bedazzled black jacket, black pants and chain-draped riding boots, Lambert gave one of his typically hair-raising, impassioned performances of the rock song about chronic insomnia. While White came out to shake Lambert’s hand at the end of the show, Palin, a vocal opponent of gay marriage, did not. Related Artists Adam Lambert

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Adam Lambert, Sarah Palin Don’t Cross Paths On ‘The Tonight Show’

Jay Leno Returns To ‘The Tonight Show’

Jamie Foxx, Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn and country star Brad Paisley were the talk-show host’s first guests. By Josh Wigler Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show” Monday Photo: NBC “There’s no place like home … there’s no place like home” was the mantra heard as a sepia-hued Jay Leno woke up in a farmhouse surrounded by several friends, including “The Tonight Show” bandleader Kevin Eubanks and Ross “The Intern” Matthews. The host fruitlessly attempted to recount stories from a faraway land but was quickly informed that he was simply suffering from a serious head injury. “He took quite a hit,” Matthews assessed, “but he’s going to be just fine.” Hearkening back to the classic “The Wizard of Oz” scene, the silver-haired late-night host returned to “The Tonight Show” on Monday night (March 1), and it almost felt as if he had never left. Despite a brief mention of the watchful eyes of David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey and a quick opening quip at NBC’s expense — “I’m Jay Leno, your host … at least for a while!” — Leno barely acknowledged his brief absence from the hosting gig and the controversy surrounding former host Conan O’Brien’s unceremonious departure . Instead, Leno focused his opening monologue on current events, including the Olympics, the financial climate, airline security, Toyota’s safety woes and Tiger Woods’ marital issues. He also unveiled several new bits such as “How Boring Is Alan Greenspan,” “The World’s Tightest Pants” and “The Great Desk Search,” where the host went door-to-door throughout Burbank, California, alongside surprise guests Adam Carolla and Randy Jackson in search of a new desk for his late-night return. The award for most enthusiastic participant easily went to Academy Award-winning actor and musician Jamie Foxx. As Leno’s first guest, Foxx rushed out to the audience, led the crowd in a “welcome back” chant and sprayed a bottle of champagne all over the studio. Foxx spoke with the host about his daughter’s recent 16th birthday party, flirting with Kirstie Alley on “Oprah” and his first car. He also reminisced over his recent victory at the Grammy Awards for “Blame It on the Alcohol,” excitedly recounting the evening and spilling his mug of water in the process. “Why don’t you take an Ambien and we’ll go to commercial,” Leno joked at his energetic guest’s expense. Leno’s second guest was Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn, a more subdued but no less enthusiastic presence than Foxx. The alpine ski racer arrived to loud chants of “USA, USA, USA” and proceeded to show off her recently earned gold medal to both Foxx and Leno. “I’m so thankful it worked out,” she said of her victory. “You only get one shot to get these medals.” Vonn told Leno that she plans to take a red-eye flight to Switzerland following the show for another skiing competition in two days. Musical guest Brad Paisley closed out Leno’s “Tonight Show” return with his performance of the title track from his recent album American Saturday Night. In the show’s closing moments, Leno offered a very brief thank you and wished Jimmy Fallon a happy anniversary, as tonight marks one year since the former “Saturday Night Live” comedian assumed O’Brien’s role as the host of “Late Night.” Related Artists Jamie Foxx

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Jay Leno Returns To ‘The Tonight Show’

Inward Eye Pay Tribute To Vancouver At Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony

Winnipeg-based band electrifies BC Place along with a mass of snowboarders. By Josh Wigler Inward Eye Photo: Tyrone Kerr/ FilmMagic The 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver ended with a massive victory for Team Canada over Team USA in men’s hockey, marking one of the single greatest athletic achievements in Canadian history and leading to an energetic and celebratory performance by Winnipeg rockers “Inward Eye” during the closing ceremony Sunday (February 28). Consisting of brothers Dave, Kevin and Anders Erickson, Inward Eye led the charge as a mass of snowboarders flooded the floor of BC Place and gathered around the lit torches at the center of the stadium. The band provided an upbeat rendition of the song “Vancouver,” leading the thousands of people gathered before the stage to leap up and down with unrestrained bliss, chanting the words “Oh, oh, oh, Vancouver” along with the members of the band. “Wow, that was a crazy feeling stepping out in front of 65,000 people and a few billion watching at home,” lead singer Dave Erickson wrote on the band’s MySpace page shortly after the energetic performance. “All I could think was, ‘Don’t fall off the stage!’ ” Commentator and sports journalist Bob Costas described the Inward Eye performance as representative of the differences between the Olympic opening and closing ceremonies. “The opening ceremony is long on ceremonial aspects and protocol; the closing is much less so,” he assessed. “It’s a big party, and it will go long into the Vancouver night.” The sibling trio of Inward Eye have performed together since 1997, but the band only recently launched its debut album, Throwing Bricks Instead of Kisses, in August. Following the conclusion of their worldwide television debut, it’s likely Inward Eye status in the global music scene is only just beginning. “It feels good right now,” Erickson said. “Time to kick back and enjoy the moment.” Related Artists Inward Eye

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Inward Eye Pay Tribute To Vancouver At Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony

Olympic Skeleton Racer Katie Uhlaender Gets A Lesson From Carl Lewis

Olympic great comforts racer after disappointment in Vancouver. By Katie Uhlaender Photo: Shaun Botterill/Getty Images Sport No matter what the results are for an athlete in the Olympic Games, to participate in the Olympic movement is indescribable. To hear “USA” screamed by not only your family but also by other nations’ people who you have touched and inspired is an experience that truly teaches you what the Olympic spirit is. After going through four surgeries (from breaking my kneecap twice) and losing my father less than a year before the Olympic Games, it was a huge accomplishment for me to qualify for Vancouver. It was even more insane to have the fastest starts despite being barely six months from my last surgery. (Too bad I didn’t drive down the track as fast as I ran to curve one.) The Olympics is something we work years for, and it is over in minutes — everything has to be perfect. Nike is the only sponsor I have, and it’s a small deal, but they are full of love for their athletes. They noticed that I was unsure of what was next, and that I was a bit disappointed in the way things had gone down leading into my race since I had really wanted to bring home a medal for my country and my father. Nike sought to remind me what I was a part of, so they told me I was going to watch long track with Carl Lewis! A lot of my disappointment came from how I wanted to walk away from the race prepared, with everything in place, and somehow I allowed that not to happen. I worked so hard for four years, and I walked away wondering what if? Carl listened and said the key to success is finding a support group you can depend on and one person within that group that will look you in the eye and say, “You will be Olympic champion.” At this point I could feel my eyes watering up, and I realized that one person had been my father. I was crying in front of Carl Lewis! I was so embarrassed, but I couldn’t help it. He looked at me as though he was about to start crying as well, and told me how he had also lost his father at 23. I was shocked! He assured me it was going to get better, and asked me what I thought my father would say to me now. He told me my father had been around long enough to make sure I was ready to go out and be the woman he raised me to be, to represent my country and my family name, and to know he has left me with the tools and the knowledge I need to win. I need to let go, and once I’m able to do that my father will be even closer to me. I need faith that I am prepared to face life without him. The rest will come. It’s about finding that person that I can count on no matter what in this new chapter of life without my father. No one will replace him, but it’s time to grow and evolve into, hopefully, that Olympic champion he knew I could be. Carl helped me realize I can’t do this alone, and it will be very important to find that key support. He reminded me what the Olympics are truly about: educating and inspiring those around us to live life with passion and integrity. Those were the basic principles my father taught me, among many other life lessons, and I am honored to be a part of that. There are so many athletes here that have inspired me and picked me up, and not all of them were American. It’s not about nation, it’s not about glory; it is about inspiration.

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Olympic Skeleton Racer Katie Uhlaender Gets A Lesson From Carl Lewis

‘Miss Beverly Hills’ Disowned by The City

Filed under: Celebrity Justice The City of Beverly Hills is unleashing some high-class fury at the woman claiming to be “Miss Beverly Hills” in the wake of a homophobic controversy started by pageant-wannabe Lauren Ashley … a woman allegedly from (gasp!) Pasadena! After Lauren … Permalink

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‘Miss Beverly Hills’ Disowned by The City

"The Final Countdown" Acapella

Link: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:192… Testing the “No Version Of Final Countdown Can Suck” Theory with decent results. Next up: kazoos. Read

D2: The Mighty Ducks: Where Are They Now?

Click through to find out what happened to the most amazing Team USA ever . Goldberg!!!!!! View

Everyone Cares About Hockey All of a Sudden

We just finished the last quarter (or whatever it’s called) of the USA v. Canada hockey game. We won! But all anyone could talk about was how pissed they were that the game was shown on MSNBC. So what? America beat Canada in the Olympic hockey game, 5 to 3. But Americans watching it were not filled with the thrill of victory. Who cares about the score: In America, the game was only shown on crappy MSNBC! And not even in HD! We know people were angry about this because “MSNBC” became a trending topic on twitter. (But not “hockey”. Ha!) And you only become a trending topic on twitter if you die, hump someone’s face during an awards show, or piss a lot of people off. Judging by the level of pure outrage in the twittosphere, relegating their USA/Canada hockey coverage to MSNBC was an act of domestic terrorism. Twitter user Ramzyn ‘s response was typical: NBC didn’t just screw fans—they screwed America . And poor NBC was forced to defend its America-hating ways without even the benefit of KSM’s crack legal team. Yahoo Sports felt owed an explanation , given that the NHL delayed their season two weeks for the Games. Yesterday, the LA Times ran a quote from super-defensive Christopher McCloskey of NBC Universal Sports explaining that they ghettoized hockey so they would be able to show the game without interruption. But everyone knows the real reason why NBC is acting like nobody in America gives a shit about hockey: Nobody in America gives a shit about hockey. In fact, hiding an important hockey game in the upper reaches of the channel lineup was the most patriotic thing NBC could do. Not caring about hockey is a cherished American tradition, up there with starting to follow baseball right before the playoffs and being vaguely aware of how your alma mater is doing in the NCAA tournament. Ever since early man fashioned mammoth tusks into hockey sticks and pushed a primitive puck across the ice, America has rolled its eyes and turned the other way. Plus, think of how much sweeter the victory is, knowing that 95% of Canada was desperately willing their team to victory, while most Americans browsed the Internet with one eye on USA’s Pirates of the Caribbean marathon—and our team still won! We salute you, NBC. In bumping hockey for tape-delayed coverage of women’s bobsledding, you fulfilled your duty as an American broadcaster. And in staging a crazy twitter fit about not being able to watch coverage of a sport they don’t care about in a format that was barely even an option during the last Olympics, American viewers fulfilled theirs. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

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Everyone Cares About Hockey All of a Sudden