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Dear Bossip: I Don’t Understand Why He Keeps Going Back To His Baby Momma

Posted on February 15, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , For the past 3 ½ years I’ve been in an off and on relationship. When I first met him he had a son. A few months later after getting to know him a girl stated that she was pregnant with his child. That caused a big damp in the relationship, so I left him alone. When she delivered he took a DNA test and come to find out the child wasn’t his. He reached out to me for months, but I never budged. One day, he found me and insisted I hear him out. I heard him out and he told me how sorry he was and that the child wasn’t his. A few weeks later, we ended up trying to work this out and decided we wanted to make it official. Year two, we’re official and now the same girl comes back again and says she’s pregnant with his child and this time she said it’s his. Another stressful situation we had to go through. This time I stuck it out. I stuck it out because I felt like this girl is really trying to ruin us and is a whore that just sleeps with everybody. This time my boyfriend’s reaction towards this situation was different. This time he wasn’t so sure. He said it was a 50/50 chance that the child could possibly be his. He and I ended up breaking up towards the end of her giving birth. He cheated on me with another female and I ended up blowing up and rushed him (meaning I fought him). After that he decided to be with his baby momma for the sake of the child. This time the child is his. He reached out to me for 10 months without any response from me. I was crushed (I never wanted to speak to him again, let alone be with him because of his bad decisions). Ten months later we met at a party. He found out I was going to be there by a source. That night we ended up talking a few things out. He wanted to prove his love for me and of course to tell me how sorry he was. About a month later we were official again, but taking things really slow. It was very difficult for me to accept his child. But, it was easy to accept his first child due to the fact I knew about that child and he was already there in the beginning. My boyfriend and I decided to move in together. We spoke about marriage and all. Living together didn’t last too long. He ended up cheating again, talking to me any kind of way, coming home late (three times), etc. When he cheated he and I had a huge fight. At the point I felt like again!?! Still, with all the lies and cheating? I was in shock because this time around I wanted to trust him and he gave me every reason to trust him again based on his actions. But, I guess obviously not. I just wanted us to be happy and on one accord. He felt like I didn’t love his 2nd child and I neglected him. I can say that isn’t true at all. I just needed help in acceptance, but it was never the child. My thing was after he cheated I couldn’t help but to bring back what happened in the past. All the things he had done to me, and to us who were supposed to be a family. From there our relationship declined. Everybody was involved. Family and friends. Some tried to help the situation and some tried to break us apart (my side of family and friends). I ended up packing my bags and left and went back to my dad’s home. I never wanted to leave because I wanted it to work. Three months after moving out, we got in touch. I changed my number as soon as I left. And, now we are on talking terms. But, since I’ve left he’s slept with his baby mama again. That’s the part I don’t like, whether we’re together or not. If she is supposed to be a mistake then why are they sleeping together? I know I skipped so much of my story, but I hope I can get some advice as to why all of this keeps happening. To include more details, he ended up taking her to court for shared custody of the child because she was keeping the child away because of me. She felt if they weren’t together, then the child won’t see his father either. I supported him along the way and I still get a slap in the face. What should I do? Right now I feel like the cycle will continue on. He claims he loves me. And, he probably does, but his way of going about things just won’t change. His first child’s mother passed away after giving birth to him. I wonder if that could have been an affect towards his cycle. I’m not trying to find an excuse because it’s been 8 years. And his 2 nd baby mama is a whore. He said it isn’t in him to hate her and he can’t. I don’t want him to hate her, I want him to be straightforward and stop playing games. He says one thing and does the next. I don’t know if he really wants be with her or not, but if he does then that’s where he should be. And, no, I have no children of my own. I desire some, but he and can’t conceive for some reason. I’ve been pregnant before by my last boyfriend but never with this one. So, no, I don’t know what to do because that’s also important to me. I’m 28 years old and he’s 30 years old. Please help the best way you can from what I gave you. It’s not the full story because it’s so much to say but this sums it all. – Where To Turn Dear Ms. Where To Turn , Well, this keeps happening to you because you keep taking him back. You keep allowing him to mistreat you and take advantage of you. As long as you continue to lay down and let him wipe his feet on you, then he will keep doing it. His baby momma is not going anywhere. She will forever and always be in the picture. And, the fact that he chose to be with his baby momma after you learned he cheated with another woman, that should have been the end of him, FOREVER! You are a glutton for punishment. You like all this drama and stress in your life. So, you have to ask yourself what is it about you that need this and him in your life? He is not positively adding to your life. He is not bringing anything to the table. He doesn’t lift you up, or inspire you or empower you. He is not going above and beyond to make sure you know that you are the number one woman in his life. No, he is lying to you. He doesn’t love you. He loves no one but himself. He’s made his choice in which woman he wants to be with, and that is why he keeps sleeping with his baby momma. That is where he wants to be. So, why can’t you get that inside your thick ass skull? You’re making excuses for him and his behavior, and trying to figure out what is it about him, or his baby momma that he keeps going back to her. You are justifying his behavior instead of holding him accountable for what he is doing. STOP IT! Stop trying to rationalize and justify what he is doing. He is doing it because he can, and you allow him to. Lawd, you are truly emotionally and mentally unstable. I don’t know any woman who would remain with a man after learning that the woman he supposedly got pregnant the first time comes back again a second time and says she’s pregnant, and he tells you that it’s a 50/50 chance it may be his. That was when the relationship should have ended for good. There was no coming back, talking things through, or reconciling. NO! That should have been the end of it. Obviously you’re thirsty and desperate for a man. Obviously you are the one who can’t seem to let him go. There is some soul searching and some deep interrogations you need to do with yourself of why you keep letting him back into your life. He lies to you. You take him back. He cheats on you with multiple women. You take him back. He has babies with other women. You take him back. He tells you that he wants to be with his baby momma, but after they take a break, you take him back. You see the pattern, and the common denominator in all of this – it’s you! You keep letting him back into your life. He can’t keep coming and going unless you allow him. And, for the life of me, I don’t understand why you are clamoring to be baby momma number three. Are you serious? Girl, you are that desperate to keep and have a man that you are willing to bring a child into this horrid drama and life with this low life piece of scum of man? He has two children by two different women, and you said the other child lost his mother right after the child was born. So, ask yourself, where is that child? He is not taking care of that child. If he isn’t involved in that child’s life, and he is recklessly active in his second child’s life, then only imagine what type of father/parent he will be with your child. Please save yourself and don’t consider procreating with this man. It’s a reason you can’t get pregnant by him, and be thankful you can’t. Besides, if he’s running up in his baby momma raw, then why are you letting him have unprotected sex with you? GIRL! I CAN’T! All I can tell you is that at some point you are going to have to start loving yourself. You are going to have to start choosing you, and your happiness. Until you can authentically look at yourself, and learn to love yourself and choose you, then you will keep choosing him and his happiness and trying to make him happy when you are miserable and dying inside. He is killing you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally and you don’t even recognize that you are dying. I hope you will read your letter again, see the pattern, and recognize that you keep this going with him. This could all end if you simply decide to choose you, end it for good, and completely delete him out of your life. Notice that he doesn’t build you, or add to your life. He doesn’t contribute anything positive or good. He is a detriment to your happiness, your joy, and your love. Eliminate him and a whole new world will open up for you. And, please stop calling his baby momma a whore. You’re angry and upset with her when your man is the problem. You’re pointing fingers at her, yet, your man keeps going to her bed. What do you think she is saying about you? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: I Don’t Understand Why He Keeps Going Back To His Baby Momma

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Piers Morgan VS Susan Sarandon’s Tits and Feminists Tit Supports Respond of the Day

Posted on February 5, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

In the name of feminism…women are pulling out their tits to support Susan Sarandon and the Patriarchal ideology….because to same a 70 year old’s tits that made her famous in the 70s…is misogyny…. So united they stand, tits out, for their freedom to not allow MEN say what age they can pull tit out or not… Which is a reminder that if you want a mass amount of women to show you their pussy, call out one of them for showing their pussy, and the rest will follow in protest.. The fact that Susan Sarandon is pandering to Piers Morgan, mocking him with her tits that Piers used to jerk off to when watching Rocky Horror as a 20 year old asshole in college…before turning his life to writing celebrity gossip like a bitter fan boy….means he won… Here’s a compilation of some of the women participating in what they are calling #CleavageSolidarity The post Piers Morgan VS Susan Sarandon’s Tits and Feminists Tit Supports Respond of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Petty Wap: Masika Kalysha & Fetty Wap Blast Each Other Over Their Unborn Seed—But Did He Refuse To Take A Paternity Test???

Posted on January 19, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

More baby mama drama for Petty Wap… Masika Kaylsha And Fetty Wap Blast Each Other Masika Kalysha and the man she says got her pregnant recently went head to head in front of fans. Over the weekend the former L&HH Hollywood star posted a meme shading Fetty Wap for continuing to blast her over the baby girl she’s currently carrying… and Fetty clapped back by noting that she never asked him to use protection. Masika then threatened legal action; “I just hit that b*** with my lawyer,” said the starlet.   All the while Masika and Fetty were going back and forth, an US Weekly interview surfaced showing Masika calling out the rapper for trying to downplay their relationship.. We just had great musical chemistry together,” she tells Us of their collaboration. “If it weren’t for that connection, me, personally, I wouldn’t have entertained the idea of dating. Basically we’re talking every day, every five seconds.” Their relationship was going so well, in fact, the pair went househunting together in Hollywood Hills and Kalysha even talked to the rapper’s mom: “He put me on FaceTime with his mother!” […] She also noted that he told her flat out that he wouldn’t be an active father to the child if she chose to keep it.  SMH… Things took a very different turn when Kalysha went to get her breast implants removed and found out she was pregnant. She says that when she broke the news to Fetty, he told her, “‘Well, I don’t really want to have another kid right now,’” she says. Later in their same conversation, Kalysha tells Us, “He’s like, ‘Well, if you have this kid, I’m not going to help you out with anything. I’m not gonna be there. You’re own your own, so it’s up to you.’” Well damn Fetty! That’s not all however; hit the flip to see what Masika says happened when she asked him to take a paternity test… Kin Cordell

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Petty Wap: Masika Kalysha & Fetty Wap Blast Each Other Over Their Unborn Seed—But Did He Refuse To Take A Paternity Test???

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Dear Bossip: I Don’t Love My Wife & I’m Sleeping With Her Mother & We Want To Be Together

Posted on January 19, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m about to get right to the point. I’ve been married to my wife for 10 years. Our relationship is crap and all we do is fight and cheat. It’s a constant –ish cycle. I would cheat then she would cheat to get back at me. I honestly don’t know who would cheat with her, but whatever! Then, she would forgive me, then, I would forgive her. I got her pregnant when we were both 16 years old. My family forced me to marry her even though we were only together for 3 months. They told me if I didn’t marry her then they wouldn’t support me, so I did what I had to do. I can honestly say I never truly loved her even though we have 3 kids together and have been together for 10 years. I know she doesn’t love me either because she tells me that all the time. I even got another chick pregnant 2 years ago and I was going to leave her, but she threatened to not let me see my kids, so I came back. I always felt like we were just obligated to stay together because of our son, then the other kids came along and now I’m stuck. I keep telling her let’s get a divorce, but she doesn’t want to; probably because I’m the only one with a job. We do live with her mom, though. We pretty much lived with her since we were 16 years old and never left. Her mom and I handle all the bills. My wife has never worked a day in her life and that –ish is so unattractive to me. She doesn’t drive because she never learned how. I mean what almost 27 year old woman doesn’t know how to drive? Also, she doesn’t know how to cook. She’s nasty as hell. I swear I barely see her get in the shower. She’s a dirty ass white woman, OML! She also gotten fat (300lbs) and sloppy. I’m ashamed to tell people she’s my wife. Man, I also can’t even tell you the last time I touched her. She’s always begging, but I’m not interested. Now, for the second reason I haven’t left the house besides for my kids is for her mom. I know this is wrong, but her mom is so damn fine. Her mom is 41 years old and she’s so beautiful, and fit. She cooks, cleans and knows how to take care of a man. We have been sleeping together for the last 7 ½ months. I don’t know how my wife doesn’t know because we flirt all day every day. I don’t even hide the fact that I’m doing it. We probably have sex every night and my wife will be in the next room oblivious thinking her momma and I are smoking weed. Her mom keeps telling her to leave me and that she will help her get a place and a job. But, her mom is only doing that because she wants her gone so that me and her can really be together. Her mom can’t stand how lazy and unmotivated she is. She only puts up with her because of the kids. Her mom genuinely can’t stand her. They get into so many fists fights it’s not even funny. My wife has been to jail several times because of those fights. I want to tell her it’s over, but I know she won’t let me see our kids when she finds out I’m with her momma. How do I tell her so that things can go over smoothly? – Mr. Torn Dear Mr. Torn , So, you really think things are going to go over smoothly once your wife learns that you have been sleeping with her own mother! You really think she is going to just up and leave and tell you two to have a great life and wish you the best? You really think that all hell is not going to break loose once your wife discovers what has been going on? You truly have been smoking too much damn weed! You are utterly disgusting and trifling. You’re the worst type of man, and I use the word “man” loosely. You are a grown ass man living with your wife’s mother, and have been doing so for the past 10 years. You claim you are the breadwinner in the family, and your wife doesn’t work. Yet, instead of moving your family out, you are laying up in your mother-in-law’s house. Does that sound like a responsible man to you? Does that sound like a man who is about his business or a man who is taking care of his family without living in someone else’s home? No. You’re complaining about your wife, but you’re also just as complicit. You haven’t done anything to better your situation or to help motivate your wife. You have done anything to change your housing, or to make it better for you and your kids. You are living with two women!! HELLO! Then, you complain and bish about what your wife isn’t doing, how she looks, and making her out to be this horrible person. But, bruh, you’ve stayed with her for 10 years! If it was so bad and so horrible, then why not leave when you had the chance? Oh, yeah, because you were so afraid that your parents were going to cut you off financially. You are a spoiled brat. You got her pregnant at 16 years old, and your parents forced you to marry her in order that you may continue being financially supported. So, basically your mother (parents) were taking care of you, and in order to appease them, and not be broke, you marry someone you didn’t love. Then, you sit up here and complain about living with her mother, but her mother is also taking care of you and her daughter. You went from one household to another. You found another mother to take care of you and your problems. SMDH! But, what is seriously a bigger issue is that you are sleeping with your own wife’s mother. That is sad and pathetic. You lay up in this woman’s house with her own daughter, and you are engaging in a sexual relationship with her. Do you really think anyone will accept this behavior or say to you that they don’t blame you for what you’re doing? Do you really think how this will affect your wife and children? Do you not care how this will damage your kids? No! It’s because you’re selfish, spoiled, and you think everyone owes you something. You think that you can do whatever you want and not have any consequences for your actions because someone will come in and fix them or solve them for you. You can’t even take care of your own responsibility as a father, a dad, or a man. So, I don’t expect for you to recognize or acknowledge your silly, childish, and immature behavior. You are not a man. You are a grown ass boy! You had ample amount of opportunities to leave your wife, but you keep saying how she threatens you and won’t let you see your children if you leave. Well, that’s why they have family court, dumbass! If you were to leave and divorce her and they courts see that you are working and she lives at home with her mother, and that you have been there for 10 years, then don’t you think they would give you joint custody, or some type of visitation to see your own kids? You are just as dumb and silly as you claim she is. So, instead of leaving your wife, getting the divorce, and moving on with your life to pursue and find your own happiness, you feel it’s better to sleep with her mother, and destroy everyone else’s life around you? You honestly thought this through and feel that your behavior is justified because your wife doesn’t want to do anything to advance herself, or to save your marriage, and the best solution you could think of is to sleep with her mother. You have got to be the biggest donkey ever! I hope your wife learns the truth, and she takes your children away from you and gets all the alimony and child support she will deserve. Despite what you think of her, what she isn’t doing, and how she looks, she is still the mother of your children, she is still your wife, and she is still her mother’s daughter. She is a human being with feelings and emotions. She doesn’t deserve what you and her own mother are doing to her behind her back. She doesn’t deserve to be treated no less. You are the scumbag. You are the asshole. So, sir, there is nothing I can tell that will smooth things out between you and your wife so that you and her mother can continue screwing each other and to put her own daughter out of the home so you can lay up in the house and think you will have a relationship with her mother. There is absolutely nothing I can tell you that will resolutely be moral or ethical about what you’re doing. You deserve every bit of hell and wrath you will get once your wife learns what’s going on. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Was Sexting A Co-Worker, So I’m Taking A Break

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years. He’s 32 and I’m 30 years old. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that he was always on his phone. So, a few days ago, he went to the store with a friend of his, and he left his phone, and it was unlocked. I took the chance to look through his phone, and what I found were messages between him and a co-worker of his in his DM box on Instagram. He was telling her how sexy she was, talking about make-up, sex, and just a number of sexually explicit things that he’s only supposed to say to me. Also, she showed him a video of herself dancing naked. I was soooo hurt by this, and what made it worse is that he would always talk negatively about her to me, but secretly he was talking to her on an intimate level and flirting with her while they were at work. Also, he proclaimed to be friends with her boyfriend, who also works with them. Now, let me remind you, she knows about me, yet they both continued on with this. I confronted him with pics of the messages that I took from my phone. He immediately said that it was only flirting and nothing more. I wanted to confront her as well, but I thought about her boyfriend. I thought about him feeling the same way I did so I changed my mind. Now, my husband is on his apology and sympathy tour because I told him I’m taking a break from our marriage to see if it’s what I really want. We have 2 small children together and I know that whatever decision I make is going to affect them. My trust for him is gone, and I honestly don’t know what he can do to gain my trust back. He’s been trying, but I still think about all of the things that were said between them. My question is am I being overly dramatic by leaving him or should I forgive him? – Ms. About To Cut Him Loose Dear Ms. About To Cut Him Loose , No, you are not being overly dramatic by leaving him. Your husband has been carrying on some type of inappropriate “relationship” with a co-worker, sending messages, telling her how sexy she is, and talking sexually explicit things with her, and, then she sent him a video of herself dancing naked. Ma’am, if they haven’t had sex, then they are plotting on doing it. Besides, you should have checked to see if he sent her some videos and photos of himself naked. I’m sure he has. Your husband has been cheating. He’s having an emotional affair with another woman. And, I say an emotional affair only because I’m assuming they haven’t done anything yet, so it’s not physical. Thus, they are emotionally involved. He’s already made a decision in his head to move forward and cheat on you. He’s having illicit conversations with his co-worker. He’s emotionally invested in her and the idea of sleeping with her. He’s telling her things that he would with her and these are things he should be telling you. And, lawd knows how long this has been going on. And, I don’t suspect she is the only woman. I’m sure he’s done this before with another woman, or women. So, it’s time to get to the bottom of all this. You and your husband need to have a serious conversation. Ask him how long has he been thinking of cheating on you, and why. Ask him what happened in your marriage that he feels the need to step outside of it and seek something else from another woman. Is he unhappy, unsatisfied, or miserable? Does he no longer find you attractive, or sexually enticing? What is it that he wants and need if your marriage is suffering? Did you know your marriage was suffering? Did you know he was unhappy? Then, you ask him what he was planning on doing, and if it was going to be a one time thing, or a long term thing. Ask him if he’s done this before. You have to be prepared for all the answers, and what he tells you. The truth may be harder to swallow, but you need to get everything out in the open. Don’t let him off, and he needs to be thoroughly honest with you. Also, he may throw it up that you had no right going through his phone. And, you had no right going through his phone. There have to be some trust, and some level of respect for one another in a marriage. But, where do you draw the line in your marriage over privacy? What limits do you have when you suspect something is not right, and your husband is doing things out of the norm? He brought the suspicion on himself by doing something out of routine, such as being on his phone all the time. Hiding things, doing things he shouldn’t, and looking guilty while doing it. Your instincts kicked in, and you knew something was not right. Don’t feel bad and don’t feel guilty for taking a break from your marriage. Your husband is on his sympathy and apology tour only because he got caught. Trust and believe if you had not said anything he would be proceeding with his plans to cheat. Thus, take the time to think about what it is you really need and want from him. Do you want to remain married? You say that your trust is gone for him, and if you have no trust in your relationship or marriage, then what do you have? You will always wonder, worry, and be concerned when he’s at work with the woman he’s planning on cheating with. He spends 8 hours a day with her. He’s spending equal amount of time with her that he is with you. And, lawd knows what happens when he is hanging out with his friends, or doing things without you. You’ll always wonder if he’s seeing someone else. Then, if you don’t know what he can do to gain your trust back, then don’t rush and come to some agreement or some resolve if you’re not sure just yet. You’re hurt, in pain, upset, angry, sad, and a host of emotions right now. Don’t make any decisions because you’re emotionally and mentally a wreck. Also, consider marriage counseling. Having a mediator to help you and your husband work through this will provide you with some insights into what he was planning, and why he was doing it. Hopefully in marriage counseling he will be forthright and honest with his feelings and the underlying issue he is not sharing with you. There is something deeper at the core, and he is just not telling you what it is. Regardless, stepping outside of your marriage is not a way to resolve your issues. He should have come to you first, and you and he could have worked it out, discussed it, and handled it together. I hope you take all the time you need to get the answers you need, and to find a way to get back to your happy, joy, and love. Also, take the time to heal from this. I know you are hurting and it is difficult to discover that your mate is cheating. It’s a huge blow to you as a woman, especially when you’ve been married for nearly 14 years. Talk with your husband today, and get into marriage counseling. And, continue with the break for as long as you need it. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Was Sexting A Co-Worker, So I’m Taking A Break

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Was Sexting A Co-Worker, So I’m Taking A Break

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years. He’s 32 and I’m 30 years old. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that he was always on his phone. So, a few days ago, he went to the store with a friend of his, and he left his phone, and it was unlocked. I took the chance to look through his phone, and what I found were messages between him and a co-worker of his in his DM box on Instagram. He was telling her how sexy she was, talking about make-up, sex, and just a number of sexually explicit things that he’s only supposed to say to me. Also, she showed him a video of herself dancing naked. I was soooo hurt by this, and what made it worse is that he would always talk negatively about her to me, but secretly he was talking to her on an intimate level and flirting with her while they were at work. Also, he proclaimed to be friends with her boyfriend, who also works with them. Now, let me remind you, she knows about me, yet they both continued on with this. I confronted him with pics of the messages that I took from my phone. He immediately said that it was only flirting and nothing more. I wanted to confront her as well, but I thought about her boyfriend. I thought about him feeling the same way I did so I changed my mind. Now, my husband is on his apology and sympathy tour because I told him I’m taking a break from our marriage to see if it’s what I really want. We have 2 small children together and I know that whatever decision I make is going to affect them. My trust for him is gone, and I honestly don’t know what he can do to gain my trust back. He’s been trying, but I still think about all of the things that were said between them. My question is am I being overly dramatic by leaving him or should I forgive him? – Ms. About To Cut Him Loose Dear Ms. About To Cut Him Loose , No, you are not being overly dramatic by leaving him. Your husband has been carrying on some type of inappropriate “relationship” with a co-worker, sending messages, telling her how sexy she is, and talking sexually explicit things with her, and, then she sent him a video of herself dancing naked. Ma’am, if they haven’t had sex, then they are plotting on doing it. Besides, you should have checked to see if he sent her some videos and photos of himself naked. I’m sure he has. Your husband has been cheating. He’s having an emotional affair with another woman. And, I say an emotional affair only because I’m assuming they haven’t done anything yet, so it’s not physical. Thus, they are emotionally involved. He’s already made a decision in his head to move forward and cheat on you. He’s having illicit conversations with his co-worker. He’s emotionally invested in her and the idea of sleeping with her. He’s telling her things that he would with her and these are things he should be telling you. And, lawd knows how long this has been going on. And, I don’t suspect she is the only woman. I’m sure he’s done this before with another woman, or women. So, it’s time to get to the bottom of all this. You and your husband need to have a serious conversation. Ask him how long has he been thinking of cheating on you, and why. Ask him what happened in your marriage that he feels the need to step outside of it and seek something else from another woman. Is he unhappy, unsatisfied, or miserable? Does he no longer find you attractive, or sexually enticing? What is it that he wants and need if your marriage is suffering? Did you know your marriage was suffering? Did you know he was unhappy? Then, you ask him what he was planning on doing, and if it was going to be a one time thing, or a long term thing. Ask him if he’s done this before. You have to be prepared for all the answers, and what he tells you. The truth may be harder to swallow, but you need to get everything out in the open. Don’t let him off, and he needs to be thoroughly honest with you. Also, he may throw it up that you had no right going through his phone. And, you had no right going through his phone. There have to be some trust, and some level of respect for one another in a marriage. But, where do you draw the line in your marriage over privacy? What limits do you have when you suspect something is not right, and your husband is doing things out of the norm? He brought the suspicion on himself by doing something out of routine, such as being on his phone all the time. Hiding things, doing things he shouldn’t, and looking guilty while doing it. Your instincts kicked in, and you knew something was not right. Don’t feel bad and don’t feel guilty for taking a break from your marriage. Your husband is on his sympathy and apology tour only because he got caught. Trust and believe if you had not said anything he would be proceeding with his plans to cheat. Thus, take the time to think about what it is you really need and want from him. Do you want to remain married? You say that your trust is gone for him, and if you have no trust in your relationship or marriage, then what do you have? You will always wonder, worry, and be concerned when he’s at work with the woman he’s planning on cheating with. He spends 8 hours a day with her. He’s spending equal amount of time with her that he is with you. And, lawd knows what happens when he is hanging out with his friends, or doing things without you. You’ll always wonder if he’s seeing someone else. Then, if you don’t know what he can do to gain your trust back, then don’t rush and come to some agreement or some resolve if you’re not sure just yet. You’re hurt, in pain, upset, angry, sad, and a host of emotions right now. Don’t make any decisions because you’re emotionally and mentally a wreck. Also, consider marriage counseling. Having a mediator to help you and your husband work through this will provide you with some insights into what he was planning, and why he was doing it. Hopefully in marriage counseling he will be forthright and honest with his feelings and the underlying issue he is not sharing with you. There is something deeper at the core, and he is just not telling you what it is. Regardless, stepping outside of your marriage is not a way to resolve your issues. He should have come to you first, and you and he could have worked it out, discussed it, and handled it together. I hope you take all the time you need to get the answers you need, and to find a way to get back to your happy, joy, and love. Also, take the time to heal from this. I know you are hurting and it is difficult to discover that your mate is cheating. It’s a huge blow to you as a woman, especially when you’ve been married for nearly 14 years. Talk with your husband today, and get into marriage counseling. And, continue with the break for as long as you need it. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I’m Seeing A Co-Worker & He Has A Girlfriend, But I Want More

Posted on October 29, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I met a man at my job about a year ago. We will call him “Devon.” Devon was very persistent to get to know me. He would treat me to lunch every day and we would have conversations about everything. As time passed, we began to form a connection with one another. We had so much in common and we were definitely attracted to one another. I’m ashamed to say it, but, we were both in relationships. I can say that I wasn’t happy with my situation at home. I was more so comfortable than happy. I had someone I could depend on, but the love and sex were gone. I always asked Devon was he happy with his girlfriend and what was their relationship status, but he never would answer. I respected him for not telling me their business, but after a while it was like she didn’t exist. I ended my current situation at home and my ex had moved out. Devon would come over nearly every day. I believe with us spending so much time together, we both developed some sort of feelings. About 5 months had passed but we still hadn’t had sex. I’m an attractive woman and I don’t have any issues as far as dating, but I can honestly say I’ve never connected to ANY man like I have with him. It was really hard for me to walk away from that. Not to mention he had the qualities of a man that I always wanted. (Aside from cheating). We began to have a sexual relationship. The sex was amazing as well. Soon after that, we started telling each other we love each other. I never wanted nor expected him to end his relationship at home. Mainly because in the back of my mind I knew that wasn’t playing fair and I do believe in Karma. So, I guess I settled for becoming his “hook up chick.” After a while, I started to want more and I also wanted to know about his “girlfriend” just to see what she was like. So, I found her on social media. I saw pics of them hugged up. I realized the day the pics were taken he had asked to come spend time with me earlier that day. I was upset because he was really playing the role of the loving boyfriend. I tried blocking this woman out, but it was obvious he was “happy” with her. So, I decided it was finally time to leave him alone knowing I didn’t deserve that. I told him how I felt because I wanted him to know he hurt me and played with my emotions. He then claimed he just wanted to talk and showed up at my house. We didn’t have sex, instead he just held and kissed me. Like that was his way of saying he didn’t want me out of his life. I know he could have other women, but he still doesn’t want me to leave him alone. I’ve been avoiding seeing him. However, he has been making many attempts, along with calling and texting. I must admit, we had some great times and we connected. That’s what makes it hard to walk away. I love him but this situation has got me feeling so ashamed. Do I just change my number and move on? How do I heal from this? – Ms Ashamed Dear Ms. Ashamed , You’re messy! Point blank. You knowingly got involved with a co-worker who is already in a relationship. Mistake number one. You were also in a relationship, but you claim you were not happy, but comfortable. Regardless, you were already in a relationship and pursed another man. Mistake number two. You got involved with a co-worker. Mistake number three. You revealed intimate details about your relationship with “Devon,” yet, he never shared any details about his relationship with his girlfriend. Mistake number four. You were unhappy in your relationship and not once did you confide in your ex about your unhappiness. You didn’t address the issue at home, but went outside your relationship to seek solace. Mistake number five. Now, you are writing me a letter asking me to give you advice on helping you heal from this mess you made because you started sleeping with a man who had a girlfriend, and you knowingly and willingly became a side chick, so you want someone else to clean it up. Mistake number six. I want you to notice that you pursued a relationship with Devon because you were unhappy with your ex. You wanted Devon to save you from your mess. You wanted him to be your clean up man. (Yes, that is a pun, and yes, you want someone else to clean up behind the mess you keep creating.) Devon was never upfront with you about his relationship status with his girlfriend, and he was smart not too. He was playing you all along. He wanted one thing from you and he eventually got it. So, with his plan to make you his side chick, which you agreed to become, he listened to you whine and bish about your relationship, and he let you believe whatever you wanted to believe about him and his relationship. You both were in the wrong, and you both are trifling. The games you two are playing is how people get hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is how diseases spread because people like you and Devon cheat on their spouses, and you don’t care about your own well-being or the people you are in relationships with. You are reckless. Immature. And, silly. Therefore, what I can tell you is that, first, you should have never gotten involved with someone you work with. Never sleep with a co-worker. Never confide in your co-worker about the intimate details of your relationship. They are your co-worker, not your friend, not your partner, and not your therapist. Second, you created this mess and decided to become his side chick. So, you knew your role and your lane. You allowed this to happen, even though you always wanted more from him. If you don’t want to be a side chick, then stop being a side chick. Third, he is not going to leave his girlfriend for you. He is not going to make you his woman. He wasn’t, isn’t, and doesn’t love you. You are fooling yourself to think he has any romantic feelings for you beyond sleeping with you on the side. He likes you, and he likes having sex with you that is why he keeps texting and calling you. He doesn’t want to give up his side chick. He is having his cake and eating it, too. Other than that, love is in your imaginary. Last, grow up! Think. Stop these childish games. Quit pursuing men who are already in relationships. He is not in love with you. You’re in love with someone who is unavailable. Why don’t you learn how to love yourself? Learn to work on you first, and stop looking for others to clean up the mess you make. Own your –ish. Take responsibility for your actions. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I’m Seeing A Co-Worker & He Has A Girlfriend, But I Want More

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Dear Bossip: His Mother Doesn’t Want To Meet Me & She Hangs Out With His Ex

Posted on October 1, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , We have been together for a little over a year, but his mother still doesn’t want to meet me. He had an ex of 5 years, and she became best friends with his mom. After they broke up, the ex still calls her, has lunch with her, goes out with her and invites her to trips. When we started seeing each other I asked him to meet his mother. So, he tried to set up lunch or dinner between the three of us so she could get to know me. But, she refused to go. She told him that the reason she didn’t want to meet me was because she did not approve of the fact that he was already dating and that he had not waited an appropriate length of time before seeing other people (according to her, he shouldn’t date for at least a year out of respect for the ex). She said he was hurting his ex for no reason by dating me. To sum up, she told him that she respected his choice (of dating me), but didn’t agree with what he was doing, so she wanted nothing to do with me. I let it go at that point, because things were getting tense and I didn’t want to meet someone who already hated me without even knowing me. To make things worse, she even told him not to bring me home without notice, either he comes alone or she won’t receive anyone in her house (Just to be clear, my boyfriend doesn’t live with her, since he split up with his ex he lives with his dad, so he visits his mother once over the weekend). It’s already been more than a year since we got together. And, his mother is still friends with the ex. They go to church together, have lunch, and his mother still invites him to join them for lunch (knowing we are together), but he refuses. He told me that, in the beginning, whenever he told her anything about me she snapped and didn’t want to listen to him, hear my name, or any comment regarding me. So, he couldn’t tell her anything about us, what we did, where we went or anything related to us. Recently, he’s told me that she isn’t reacting as badly as before. He gets to make comments that involve me without her snapping and yelling about how much of a horrible person I am. But, it only gets to be a very short conversation because she doesn’t show much interest. – What should I do? Should I just expect to never meet her? – His Mom Doesn’t Like Me Dear Ms. His Mom Doesn’t Like Me , His mother is never going to like you. And, instead of trying to win her over, and get her approval, just let it go that you will probably never meet her, and if you do she still will not like you or approve of your relationship. Therefore, as much as I understand you want to meet his mother, and you want to develop some type of relationship with her, be the bigger person, and don’t force the issue. Besides, she’s being silly and immature. And, why is she hanging out with his ex? They are going to church, having lunch dates, and going on trips together. Hell, maybe they are dating! And, in all honesty, I don’t see why you are in a relationship with him. He’s a momma’s boy. He’s a grown ass man still seeking his mother’s approval of his girlfriends. He is so busy trying to get her to like you that he is letting her run his life, and relationships. And, she is running your relationship. He can’t bring you to her home. She doesn’t want to have lunch or dinner with you. He can’t talk about you or your relationship with her because she gets upset and angry at the mention of your name. SHE IS DICTATING HIM AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP! Why are you with him? Another thing, how old are you and he? You sound like you’re teenagers. He lives with his father, and he’s still afraid of his mother? He ran from his mother’s house and to his father’s house? You’re dating someone who is dependent on his parents? He has no backbone to stand up to his mother, and he will never be man enough for you because he’s still a boy letting his mother tell him what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. How the hell can his mother fix her mouth to tell him that he is hurting his ex by dating you? HUH?!? And, then she said told him that he had not waited an appropriate amount of time before dating someone else! According to her he was supposed to wait at least a year. Girl, kick him and his momma to the curb. He isn’t a man. He’s a boy. He’s still wet behind the ears. His momma is deciding for him who he can and cannot date. She is hanging out with his ex with the hopes of getting them back together. She has too much say in his life, and she has way too much control over him. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone and their mother is too much in their business, relationships, and life. You will find yourself competing with her for his time, love, attention, and affection. And, trust, he will always choose his mother. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is dating you just to spite his mother. I wouldn’t recommend you staying in this relationship. It is unhealthy, and creepy. What grown ass woman hangs out with her son’s ex going on lunch dates, church, and other outings? She has a serious problem, and you’ll be better off dumping him and not getting caught up in their weird relationship. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Why These Men Are No Longer Interested In Women Or Men [EXCLUSIVE AUDIO]

Posted on June 29, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

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Special K has some news to share from the Bureau of Ghetto Statistics. Listen to the audio player to hear why 62 percent of these men…

Why These Men Are No Longer Interested In Women Or Men [EXCLUSIVE AUDIO]

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Dear Bossip: He Doesn’t Want Kids & He Proposed To Me, Yet I Want Children

Posted on June 8, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am 26 years old and I have been in a serious relationship with my now fiancé for almost 3 years. He is 40 years old, and has two kids (11 & 16) from a previous marriage. When we first met he was very upfront about not wanting anymore kids or to even be married again. I was fresh out of a long-term relationship so marriage and kids were the last things on my mind, and I wasn’t even sure at that point if I ever wanted kids. Well, fast forward a few years and we have since moved in together and he has done something he once said he’d never do – he proposed to me! He has proven to be a great man to me; he is faithful, God-fearing, hard-working and smart. The problem is that I have realized in the past few years that having at least one child is very important to me and that I can’t see living life without becoming a mom. Terrance, this has become a VERY touchy subject. He does not talk about it unless I initiate the conversation and he changes his mind like he changes underwear! One day he will say, “Yes,” when I ask him if we could possibly try for a baby. Then, the next day it’s “Hell, no!”  This is the ONLY thing we fight about. We have had some really bad arguments where he’s cursed me out and told me to “Leave him the f**k alone!” about it. It has left me feeling hurt, upset, unwanted, and as if my wants/feelings don’t matter. He says that he wants us to “enjoy each other, travel, and spend money,” and he feels that living a financially comfortable life with him should be enough to make me happy. I was recently more upfront with him about my feelings and the fact that I want a child (with or without him). He made me feel stupid by saying, “What? Are you going to leave me and have a baby by the first man you meet?” Obviously this isn’t the case, but it had me second guessing myself, like, is what I want really possible? So, long story short, I can’t see myself marrying him if he is firm on not having any more children. I’m at the point where I am willing to walk away from this relationship so I can find a man who is willing to raise a family with me, but I am also terrified of the idea of leaving him. I know I will resent him in the future if I give up having a baby for him and he will probably resent me if he agrees to have one with me just to make me stay. So, it’s lose-lose.  How do I initiate this breakup and do you think I’m crazy for wanting to leave? I’m so torn and it’s starting to take a toll. Any advice is appreciated. – Want To Have Children Dear Ms. Want To Have Children , Well, it appears you have already made up your mind and you want me to co-sign it for you. You stated in your letter “I can’t see myself marrying him if he is firm on not having any more children. I’m at the point where I am willing to walk away from this relationship so I can find a man who is willing to raise a family with me.” And, if he’s told you from the beginning that he doesn’t want to have children, and you keep asking him and he tells you no, and to leave him alone, then I’m sure he’s certain about not having any children. Therefore, you know what you should do, but as you stated you are afraid of leaving him because of the comforts he provides for you. Also, you’re uncertain because though he said he would never get married again, surprise, surprise, he proposed. Now, you’re confused because he proposed to you, so, you figure that if you wait then he will eventually change his mind about having a child. It’s obvious that you two are not on the same page. You want children. He wants to be financially secure to travel and do things. He wants money. He already has children, and is presently dealing with a pre-teen and a teenager. And, I’m sure he is paying child support. Thus, it leads me to believe that he is fearful of two things – 1.) Getting married again and what if it doesn’t work out. He’s been married before, and now he’s in 40s. He can be scared about the prospects that if this doesn’t work, and you have children, and he gets another divorce, then, he will be stuck paying alimony and child support for the rest of his life. So, he will never get the chance to save money, travel, and spend like he wants. Which also, and probably, explains why you two live together. It cuts down on the costs of living separately, and he is paying child support. Your combined incomes help tremendously. Besides, him being in his 40s, he is thinking of his future and retirement, which I’m sure he hasn’t been able to really save as he’d like. Thinking of his future, his children will be old enough where he doesn’t have to pay child support, and he can finally travel and spend like he wants. Having another child will severely affect his retirement, and he may not want to take that gamble. 2.) He has children. As I stated previously, one is a pre-teen, 11, and another is a teenager, 16. They are growing. They have medical expenses, school costs, clothes, activities, and other expenses including child support which are probably eating up his costs/money. So, for him, having another baby is expensive, and he will have to go through those early baby years again. And, he may be freaked out about having another child. Also, he knows that if you want one, there is the possibility you will want another. Now, since you two are not on the same page, it is important that you discuss this together, and get to the real root of what is freaking him out about his definitive resistance on not having any more children. Otherwise, this will always be the underlying issue of your relationship, arguments, and eventually you will leave. But, I am concerned that you stated he makes you feel hurt, upset, unwanted, stupid, and as if your needs and feelings doesn’t matter when it comes to the issue of discussing having a child. If you’ve expressed this to him, and he continues to make you feel like this, then, why do you remain in this relationship? No one should hurt you, make you feel unwanted, and or to feel stupid and as if your needs and feelings do not matter. You’re human. You’re his fiancé. He should make sure you have and get what you want. Why berate you and curse at you because you are interested in having a child, and want to discuss it with him? Now, if he’s tired of discussing it, and, if he feels he’s made himself adamantly clear about it, but you keep bringing it up, then, perhaps it’s time to drop it, and start deciding on what you want to do, if even leaving the relationship. Also, the fact that he doesn’t want to have any more children, and he’s been married previously, yet, you’ve never been married and don’t have any children, but he proposed to you, however, he expects you to be a stepmother to his children. That is a double-edge sword and it’s unfair. He wants you to inherit his baggage, and take all that comes with him, including his children, but he is not willing to accommodate you. Notice that you’re a woman with no children, so, he is not inheriting any children, or extra mouths to feed and clothe, only your extended family. So, is and was that intentional by design? Did he purposely seek you out and date you because of this, and was that the first thing he asked you in the beginning of your relationship? Also, what would have happened if you did have children? Would he still be with you, or have asked you to marry him? Who knows! But, what if he meets another woman who has children, then, is he willing to take on her children? I strongly recommend pre-marital counseling. It will help you resolve this issue. I’m sure a counselor will tell you that you two are not on the same page, and if he continues and persists about not having any more children, and, he discloses his real reasons for not wanting any more, then, you have to do what is best for you. Money cannot buy happiness. Money cannot replace the feeling of motherhood. Money cannot compensate for having a child. If that is his goal, and it’s not a goal of yours, and a child is what you desire, and it is not what he wants, a marriage will not fix it, but only make it worse. You will be miserable, and unhappy, and eventually you will resent him, and ultimately end up in divorce. Think this through thoroughly. I know it’s scary to leave and start over, but it will not be the end of the world. You will meet a man who is single, never been married, nor has any children and he will want a family with you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop  (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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