Tag Archives: tree

Jessica Biel in W of the Day

Jessica Biel was in a pantsless in a leotard, my favorite piece of clothing cuz it’s like it has 3 hands….you know pussy hugging in a piece, anus rididng and gently titty tickling all at the same time…..it is magical enough that if was to be reincarnated as a piece of clothing…that’s what I’d be…even though I know if I was reincarnated as a piece of clothing that I wanted to be…there’d be a bigger joke in it cuz nothing works out to me….a joke I assume would be belonging to a senior who doesn’t shower but thinks she’s a ballerina and wears me while dripping on me…in all her fat, sloppy glory…. But that’s not the point, the point is Jessica Biel…and her titties Justin Timberlake may be too gay for, in a magazine like this was old times, and she was getting kicked off 7th heaven for being too slutty…. She’s older, in her sexual prime, and talking about how she’s always been horny, when I just think she’s horny cuz her uterus is calling, but also cuz Timberlake doesn’t feed it proper….. Here’s what she had to say about barbies: Did you have Barbies? I did, but it was always, “Let’s play sex with Barbies!” My Barbies were usually naked. Once, I took their heads off, cut their hair, drew on their short, spiky hair with some markers, then stuck the heads on Christmas lights. Every year, we’d string our tree with those Barbie heads. It looked demonic. My parents were so cool — they saw it as a form of self-expression. What a creep….a creep I want my tongue inside.

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Jessica Biel in W of the Day

REVIEW: Eddie Murphy Mugs, Flails and Fails in A Thousand Words

The troubles marring the relationship between fast-talking literary agent Jack McCall (Eddie Murphy) and his wife and the mother of his baby Caroline (Kerry Washington) are nothing next to the issues A Thousand Words  has in marrying wacky physical comedy and a new age exploration of absentee fathers. The film, which is directed by Norbit ‘s Brian Robbins and written by   Bruce Almighty ‘s Steve Koren, is being slung at audiences as a broad family laffer of the Jim Carrey school, but spends just as much time trying to be a serious tale about letting go of childhood resentments and accepting mortality. The “deep” bits aren’t, despite a climactic shot in which Murphy actually frolics with his childhood self through a Terrence Malick-style dreamy field of wheat, and the parts that aim to be funny rarely succeed at that either, telegraphing their punchlines so far in advance that they don’t really need to follow through on them. Murphy’s journey into the lucrative and yet so often awful world of family-friendly comedies is one that’s been taken by plenty of comics, but he wears it worse than most, his edges sanded off and a too calculated look in his eyes as he prepares for the soggy reconciliations with which these stories always end. It doesn’t help that even the pratfalls in A Thousand Words  look tired and recycled. McCall climbs a tree to rescue a cat only to have it attack him, making him fall. McCall bluffs his way to the front of a long line at Starbucks by pretending his wife’s in labor. (I realize this is really  not the type of film at which to nitpick, but beyond the vaudeville-era mustiness of the gag, why would anyone believe that someone in a wild rush to the hospital would still stop for coffee?) McCall causes multiple car accidents trying to help a blind man cross the street without being able to speak to him. The central conceit in A Thousand Words  is that, thanks to a deal he’s made with Dr. Sinja (Cliff Curtis), “the most popular nondenominational religious leader on the planet,” McCall finds that a mystical tree has suddenly grown in the backyard of his swank house of a hill. For every word he says or writes, a leaf falls off, and presumably when they’re all gone both he and the tree will die. (The tree raises some mystical copyediting issues — “dickhead” merits two leaves, but so does “sorta classy.”) McCall obviously has some issues to work through, including the usual ones of working too hard and being emotionally unavailable, factors the film links back to his dad leaving his mom (Ruby Dee) when he was young. Caroline is so upset by his apparent lack of commitment (he refuses to sell his bachelor pad in order to move them into a more child-appropriate house and neighborhood) and unwillingness to communicate (something stepped up by the arrival of the tree) that she leaves him, though not before a laugh-free scene in which she tries to reinvigorate their relationship by wearing vinyl lingerie and breaking out furry handcuffs. That sequence, like most of the other comedic set-pieces, has the feel of something that went from brainstorming board right to the screen, as the film strains its way through every possible scenario that would be awkward when you’re not supposed to talk — ordering coffee, making an international call via an operator, making a deal over the phone, having a business meeting. When the film actually stumbles on a laugh, it seems almost an accident, as when Murphy’s character, high because of pesticides (don’t ask), inserts a breadstick up Allison Janney’s nose. Murphy rolls his eyes and mugs ferociously at the camera — A Thousand Words  is the miming showcase the world never asked for — but it’s  Hot Tub Time Machine’s  Clark Duke, playing McCall’s assistant Aaron Wiseberger, who walks away with the film’s best scene when he’s forced to fill in for his boss at a high-powered dinner during which McCall can’t speak. The only way he knows how to handle a business deal is by channelling his boss, and the entire joke is that he’s a scrawny white kid offering fist bumps and telling someone “Sit your ass down!” But it’s mostly funny because he’s trying to pull off a decent Eddie Murphy. Remember Eddie Murphy? He used to be hilarious. Follow Alison Willmore on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .

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REVIEW: Eddie Murphy Mugs, Flails and Fails in A Thousand Words

Julia Faria Amazing Beach Ass for Marie Claire Brazil of the Day

I don’t know who this Julia Faria bitch is, or how old she is, but I do know she’s got a great ass, and more importantly a modeling contract, which is a manditory requirement to hang out with me, and by modeling contract I mean vagina, cuz even the meaty ones with little dick clits and piss flaps you can wear as a gas mask, are still hott of fuck, if anything, even hotter to fuck cuz they look like rotting deli meat sandwiches, mangled up murder victim, an alien creatures from under the sea and/or thick fleashy christmas tree decorations hanging off the tree and over the gifts all bottled up into a pinkish, brown, warm an lubricated place to stick my dick….. Either way, this Julia Faria bitch is a bikini model, she’s from Brazil and I think I may love her…

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Julia Faria Amazing Beach Ass for Marie Claire Brazil of the Day

Melanie Iglesias Is One Hot Santa

I don’t know what could be a better gift this holiday season than a hot piece of ass like this Melanie Iglesias chick stripping out of her Santa costume down to her sexy festive lingerie. Merry Christmas indeed. Not only that, but she’s hanging out, trimming the tree, and having a great old time with a team of half naked hotties. Amaze. This just got me into the holiday spirit.

Mel B in a Tight Dress Showing Off Titties of the Day

Mel B squeezed her Eddie Murphy illegitimate baby making body into a tight dress that i thought was see through but that turns out to just be another fat black chick in a dress a few sizes too small for her and if I really needed to see this, I just had to go to fucking Walmart, that shit is filled with both black and white momma’s, all tits out, with fatherless kids in clothes too tight…..but I guess this is actually easier…

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Mel B in a Tight Dress Showing Off Titties of the Day

Candice Swanepoel for LOVE Magazine’s Christmas of the Day

Last week I posted these videos of DOUTZEN KROES AND ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO DOING A CHRISTMAS STRIPTEASE FOR LOVE MAGAZINE because their model agency is friends with LOVE MAGAZINE….and because it is Christmas….and part of their hot promotion….but more importantly because I am very on top of these kinds of fashionable things….and today the Candice Swanepoel video is circulating and I’m posting it…Legs in little shorts….kill me….that is all I want for Xmas…seriously…this under my tree would be really let me tap into the true meaning of Christmas…

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Candice Swanepoel for LOVE Magazine’s Christmas of the Day

Candice Swanepoel for LOVE Magazine’s Christmas of the Day

Last week I posted these videos of DOUTZEN KROES AND ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO DOING A CHRISTMAS STRIPTEASE FOR LOVE MAGAZINE because their model agency is friends with LOVE MAGAZINE….and because it is Christmas….and part of their hot promotion….but more importantly because I am very on top of these kinds of fashionable things….and today the Candice Swanepoel video is circulating and I’m posting it…Legs in little shorts….kill me….that is all I want for Xmas…seriously…this under my tree would be really let me tap into the true meaning of Christmas…

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Candice Swanepoel for LOVE Magazine’s Christmas of the Day

Annalynne McCord Armpit Porn Dress of the Day

More and more girls I talk to are admitting to being into armpit porn…whether sucking armpit….or having their armpit sucked….or fucked….and more and more dudes I talk to are so desperate to get laid that any chance they’d get they to rub their dick on any bodypart of a girl, mainly cuz armpit is better than nothing, and nothing is what they get cuz no girl in their right mind would ever let them in mouth or pussy or ass, no matter how drunk, horny, or medicated they are… Either way, Armpits are the new vagina…they don’t give herpes or aids and are funny to fuck…so here is Annalynne wearing a dress perfect for that fetish. I know these are of Annalynne McCord….she shouldn’t exist…but she does…and I shouldn’t acknowledge…..but I do….hoping she’ll fade away and end up back in her hometown working the diner remembering the Hollywood days before killing herself like she was Dana Plato… We’re all allowed to dream horrible evil dreams…

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Annalynne McCord Armpit Porn Dress of the Day

Heidi Klum Christmas Tree Porn for the Holidays of the Day

Here are some pictures of Heidi Klum humping a Christmas tree to get you in the Holiday Spirit, sure, it is far less erotic that seeing her insert candy canes in her twat, or hang Christmas Ornaments off her nipples, or even fucking a mall santa in the backroom of the mall, or even as hot as seeing her in christmas lingerie, or backing cookies for her army of mixed-race kids naked and covered in butter and flower, and it isn’t as erotic as if she was decorating the tree in her bikini or lingerie, or sprawled out in the slow being sodomized by reindeer cock, but it is more erotic that seeing her rubbing her vagina up against Seal’s scar face….and probably less painful…..I don’t know what I’m saying, I just felt like making this about Seal’s scarface because his pussy is Heidi Klum and well mine is obesity….Kissed by a fucking fleshy rose…..

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Heidi Klum Christmas Tree Porn for the Holidays of the Day

New Music: Amy Winehouse’s Unreleased “Like Smoke” Featuring “Mr. Jones,” Plus Full “Lioness” Tracklist

Originally recorded in 2008, Nas joins the late Amy Winehouse on the lead single off her upcoming posthumous album “Lioness: Hidden Treasures” , due out on December 6th. The retro-soul track showcases Amy’s soothing and chilling voice, showing the world once again why she was so special. In addition to “Like Smoke,” the album’s full tracklist has also been made available: 01. Our Day Will Come (Ruby & The Romantics cover) (2002) 02. Between The Cheats (2008) 03. Tears Dry On Their Own (Alternate) (2005) 04. Wake Up Alone (Alternate) (2006) 05. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow (feat. The Dap Kings) (The Shirelles cover) (2004) 06. Valerie (Alternate) (2006) 07. Like Smoke (feat. Nas) (2008) 08. The Girl From Ipanema (2002) 09. Halftime (2002) 10. Best Friends (2003) 11. Body & Soul (feat. Tony Bennett) (2011) 12. A Song For You (Donny Hathaway cover) (2009) Click here to listen to “Like Smoke” and let us know what you think.

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New Music: Amy Winehouse’s Unreleased “Like Smoke” Featuring “Mr. Jones,” Plus Full “Lioness” Tracklist