Tag Archives: politics

Countdown does a "Massa Disasta" roundup.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news , world news , and news about the economy I don’t think I will EVER get tired of seeing Glenn Beck’s reaction when he finally realizes that he and his show just got “Massa-cred”. Okay I will stop now. No more Congressman Massa videos. Probably. But really, did you see Glenn Beck’s face? Priceless!

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Countdown does a "Massa Disasta" roundup.

The Eric Massa Story Is About Every Single Political Story of Our Time [Salty Tales]

“He wakes up to Massa undoing his pants trying to snorkel him.” Eric Massa ‘s Navy shipmates are speaking out. Add them to the list of people Massa’s touched, from Rahm Emanuel to David Paterson. This story has everything. In the course of his meltdown, this former New York congressman has managed to inject himself into every single major political/media story of the last year. It is uncanny. Just take a look at the list. Sex Scandals Viewed in the right light, politics is just an endless succession of sex scandals of varying magnitude. When the initial reports of “sexual harassment” surfaced, devoid of details, it was easy to place Representative Eric Massa alongside Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, and the rest of the losers who let their unchecked passions ruin their political careers. But it was not some boring consensual heterosexual affair that Massa was guilty of! Closeted Politicians The harassment allegations were apparently made by a male staffer. Massa, of course, is married to a woman—and so was Larry Craig. The news that a congressman was making unwelcome sexual advances toward male staffers immediately brought to mind the glory days of the Mark Foley affair. (The Democratic leadership, though, seemed to be handling it a little better. ) But is Massa a closet case, or is he just a guy who really, really enjoys roughhousing? He says that back in his day, the Navy was run like an English boarding school. It looks like his shipmates did not find his games to be as harmless, though. The Operatic, Paranoid Madness of Glenn Beck We are living in a world where Bill O’Reilly is practically Fox News’ voice of reason. And we have Glenn Beck to thank for it. The repulsive morning shock jock and formerly drug-addled Mormon weirdo uses his Fox platform to make conspiracy theories mainstream and to inculcate a sense of apocalyptic dread in his audiences. Chief among his tactics: constantly announcing his fear for his own safety. Glenn Beck wants you to know that shadowy, powerful forces will someday destroy Glenn Beck. And his Massa interview was one of the weirdest hours in the history of television. Glenn wanted to sit down with a guy who’d affirm, for his audience, the crazy things Glenn says about the fantastic power of the fascistic progressive movement. Instead he got tickle fights and a campaign finance reform lecture. So on his radio show today, Glenn suggests that a person or persons “got to” Massa before Beck did. What’s Wrong with New York Politicians? Spitzer! Monserrate! Paterson! Rangel! Add Massa to the list. LA is mocking us, guys. (Hey, have you met your mayor? Or your governor? ) But there’s no denying that New York politicians are publicly melting down at an alarming rate. Some of them are melting down before they even get around to running for office! The Gradual Self-Destruction of David Paterson Yes, even our beloved incompetent blind semi-corrupt accidental governor who probably abused his power and intimidated a domestic violence victim is tangentially involved in this Eric Massa mess. Because now New York has a vacant congressional seat. And it is up to David Paterson to figure out how to fill it. As of yesterday, he couldn’t decide when or if to hold a special election. But, you know, he probably will. Whatever. Who knows with this guy? Republican Internecine Warfare Before Massa went on Beck yesterday, there was some spirited debate between Glenn and fellow crazy person Michelle Malkin about the appearance of welcoming Massa into the conservative fold. Incompetent Democratic Governance Massa is also one of those incredibly incoherent Democrats who can’t figure out why they’re Democrats or what they stand for. The Progressive Caucus co-founder insisted to Glenn Beck that he’s a fiscal conservative. He voted against the House health care bill because it wasn’t liberal enough, and he complains that unions are trying to intimidate him. He was formerly a Republican until he decided to support Wesley Clark. The party has such a huge tent now that it’s just made up of people who don’t actively want to destroy the nation as hard as Republicans do. And this is one of the reasons Democrats can’t do anything with control of both houses of Congress. Health Care And, yes, this health care bill! It was passed by both houses of Congress. But now they both need to pass it again, sort of. Right now, the most incredibly nerdy sorts of political wonks are obsessively going over the House vote count . The sudden resignation of a former Democratic Nay vote is huge to these sad people. Rahm Emanuel Has Been In the News Lately How absolutely, wonderfully perfect that this should all happen during the month of never-ending Rahm Emanuel profiles. Within days of the allegations surfacing, Massa was telling wild stories about a naked Emanuel cornering him in a curtain-less shower. That’s the image that caught everyone’s attention—Letterman devoted his Top Ten List to it last night even. Even though it’s probably a fantasy, it’ll end up a part of the Rmythology, along with the fish and the knife and all that shit. Rush Limbaugh Said Something Racist! Oh, didn’t you hear? Rush Limbaugh said something racist about this whole thing. Yes, that’s right: you thought there was no way in hell this story could somehow also expand to include the Hot New Trend of constant right-wing racism, but you were wrong.

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The Eric Massa Story Is About Every Single Political Story of Our Time [Salty Tales]

For those of you still concerned that Palin has any chance of winning the presidency in 2012, this should help to put your mind to rest.

This comes from Robert Schlessinger as reported on US News : Americans for Tax Reform’s Grover Norquist, one of the conservative movement’s top leaders, sat down with U.S. News editors and reporters recently to talk about the lay of the political land. When talk turned to 2012 prospects, he had interesting takes on a number of contenders, but one name he didn’t include on his list of those running was former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. When asked about a potential Palin candidacy, Norquist said he didn’t think she’s in it. He said: I don’t think Palin’s running. She didn’t go to CPAC. She had $100,000 to go speak to 600 people in Nashville instead of going to CPAC. That’s not somebody who’s running for president. He added that the way for Palin–or any contender for 2012–to get serious would be heavy involvement in 2010. If Palin goes and campaigns in 30 House seats and helps elect 30 House people, then despite missteps and other things she could be back on the program. But if she just gives speeches and makes money and just from time to time shows up, then no. Well we KNOW that Palin is certainly not going to put that much effort into gaining GOP support. She is too busy pimping out her family and going after her detractors. Still not convinced? The listen to what past Palin pantie sniffer John Ziegler has to add. Palin booster John Ziegler was on Morning Joe Wednesday and said that “she has gone down a path that makes that absolutely, positively impossible in 2012, to beat Barack Obama.” He noted that her Fox gig and “cozying up to people like Glenn Beck and elements of the tea party that I think she’s rather naive about” won’t help her with moderate and centrist voters critical to winning in 2012. Hot Air’s Ed Morrissey also agreed. He blogged: At least in 2010, Republicans need to have a big draft among disaffected independents in order to gain a governing coalition in Congress, and then they need to maintain that reach in 2012 if they want to make Barack Obama a one-termer. The nominee will have to have credibility with both the base and with independents in order to achieve the necessary cohesion and energy to defeat an incumbent President … Palin’s moves since 2008 have gone in the opposite direction. Do I think that Palin is still dangerous? Yes I do. She still retains the support of some of the most unstable people in the country and if she decides to direct them to back a candidate or incite them to violence she could still do that. As reported in this ABC article Sarah Palin, along with Lou Dobbs, Glenn Beck, and Michele Bachmann share much of the blame for the frightening increase in Right Wing extremism. And though some of the her anti-Hollywood teabaggers might have trouble trusting her if she keeps hobnobbing with the likes of Jay Leno or Oprah Winfrey, she is still on track to retain her even more fervent evangelical followers. Especially the ones who buy into the 7 Mountains Movement in which Dominionists are encouraged to infiltrate these seven peaks of influence. Arts/Entertainment Business Education Family Government Media Religion So is there any danger that Sarah Palin will become president? No! Is she still a dangerous influence? Yes! Will she eventually be stopped? You betcha! And before you ask, yes I am still working on babygate and following multiple leads. And yes I feel I am getting ever closer to making an airtight case. And no I cannot give you, or the Palin-bots visiting this site, a timeline for when everything will come together. We have already had a substantial impact so be confident that we will continue to reveal truths that Sarah and her followers are desperate to keep from seeing the light of day. Take solace in the fact that as evidenced by the preponderance of negative comments I attract here and on other blogs I am clearly very worrisome to those who are trying to protect sister Sarah from her past misdeeds.

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For those of you still concerned that Palin has any chance of winning the presidency in 2012, this should help to put your mind to rest.

Please Give Sarah Palin Her Own Show [Pleas]

Last night Sarah Palin did a little stand-up routine on the Tonight Show . And y’know what? She wasn’t bad. The jokes were basically stupid, but her delivery really wasn’t awful. It made us think: Give this woman a talk show. At this point Palin is plenty comfortable in front of a camera, and certainly has a base of crazy fans who will follow her to the ends of the flat, flat Earth. The trouble is, up to this point her TV appearances have mostly been snide and political, she’s burbling out empty talking points and clogging the whole civics process with her cheese-curd Ideas. This is a waste. A pesky waste. Despite her dumb politics, Palin has a certain TV-ready verve to her that could be well-harnessed by the soft touch, stiff chair confines of a daytime talk show. There she could spout forth about a whole wide variety of non-political topics — things like Weight and Sadness and Celebrity and America. Everything she said would still be annoying and, for the most part, categorically wrong, but it wouldn’t really matter, because she’d just be a silly talk show host. Not some great governmental hope. Look at Elisabeth Hasselbeck. If that woman ever shouldered her political bag of mysteries and actually made any headway toward Washington, most of us would pack it up and detonate those charges that were buried along various borders and stand and wave as we stood on the coasts and drifted away from America’s chewy center. But we don’t need to worry about that! Because Hasselbeck is stuck just mewling away on The View . By empowering her with her own Thoughtz-Lite platform, we’ve also neutralized her. She can do little harm, as long as the only time we really have to consider anything she says is when we’re home sick. That is not so for Palin. The Thrilla from Wasilla is still somehow kicking around in the realm of Serious Business, talking politics on the highly respected Fox News and making little winks about a 2012 presidential bid. As long as she clings on to that particular locomotive, we still must quietly worry about her. But if we give her Sarah , a broad-themed chatter about ruhl Amurrican stuff, then that’s all done. Sarah Palin will have gone from vague political nuisance to just a talk show host. She’ll be as effectual as Leeza Gibbons. Oh sure you might worry that she’ll become the Right’s very own Oprah, who on her better days is probably more influential a figure than any current politician, but worry not. That’s very unlikely to happen with Palin, she’s just too polarized. The lefties will simply ignore her while the same righty Real Moms who have always done so (and never won’t) will continue to embrace her. She’ll be just as powerful/popular as she’s ever been, without threatening to gain any actual ability to change the mechanics of the nation. As long as we admit to ourselves that, yes, Sarah Palin has some degree of sociological cachet, then we can stop worrying about it. Giver her her platform so people can stop whining about how she’s marginalized and discriminated against and then she’ll be mostly out of the way! The Sarah Palin Problem solved. She just hosts a show and says crazy things in the afternoon these days. That’s it. And she’d probably go for it. It’s been clear since we first watched her wonder-filled eyes swell to dinner plate size as she saw all those glorious cameras laid out before her that the woman just wants to be famous. She needs to know she’s being heard and, for whatever reason, politics became the medium. All we have to do is shift her focus a little, get her off the news networks and into syndication. Then she’ll be mostly out of our hair and she’ll be happy in her own little stinky corner of personal fame and there will be peace. Yes, it could blow up in our faces, but maybe that’s a gamble worth taking. If she’s launching her own television program, she surely won’t have time to throw her hat in the ring and further muck up the electoral process with her obfuscating and say-nothing campaigning. The woman’s an empty vessel of down-home TV slickness, but obviously it works to some extent. She’s vapid, but she’s good . Chirping away about nonsense on camera is her true calling, and we shouldn’t stand in the way of that. Sarah Palin needs her own talk show. So she can feel she’s somehow won and the rest of us can move on with our lives. It’s unrealistic to think that she’s ever going to just disappear completely. So let’s make a compromise. Who’s with me?

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Please Give Sarah Palin Her Own Show [Pleas]

Jon Stewart skewers the politicians in his home state of New York.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c The New York Crimes – David Paterson & Charles Rangel www.thedailyshow.com Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Reform

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Jon Stewart skewers the politicians in his home state of New York.

Young Jeezy Talks Plies Collabo, Says Next Album Will Drop In June

‘It’s go time,’ he tells Mixtape Daily of finishing up Thug Motivation 103. By Shaheem Reid Young Jeezy Photo: MTV News The O.D.: A Mixtape Daily Exclusive On Tuesday night, Young Jeezy and his Mob Squad lit up Madison Square Garden during the Blueprint 3 Tour stop. “It’s not a rap concert; it’s a show,” Jeezy said just hours before the performance. “Me and Jay sat down and talked about it. That was the whole thing: ‘Let’s give them a concert, not just a rap show.’ It’s been working out that way. From start to finish, it’s a whole show. Trey [Songz], me, Jay — from start to finish, it flows. It’s kinda crazy, ’cause we got the same type of fans. It’s not awkward. You could be on tour with somebody, you see Jeezy and Black Eyed Peas, it’s like, ‘What the hell?’ ” Young just put out the first record from his Thug Motivation 103 album, “Lose My Mind.” The record features Plies and debuted in a live performance Saturday during the Blueprint 3 Tour stop in Atlanta. “To keep it all the way 100 with you, we did a record called ‘So Sad,’ ” Jeezy said about how he got with Plies. “Before I could put it out, the record leaked, so we was good on that. Then I was gonna do a record for him [for his album]. I did the record, by the way, but I had ‘Lose My Mind.’ I done three verses. I listened to it a couple of times. I said, ‘Let me try something. I’mma put somebody on the record.’ I was doing a joint for him at the time and happened to see him. We was doing something for [NBA] All-Star [Weekend]. I was like, ‘Yo, I’mma get you this record, see if you like it.’ He sent it right back. I went with it. Just to warm up the streets, let them know I’m coming.” Jeezy said he decided to premiere the song in front of the crowd at the Philips Arena on Saturday to let them know that he has something concrete done and the album is coming soon. “It was new, so it was cool. But everybody was like, ‘When is TM103 coming out?’ But it’s like the block: I ain’t gonna put it out there unless it’s rock, unless it’s hard, unless it’s right,” he explained. “I wanted to get in the kitchen, in the lab, and do my thing and put it out when it’s time. I’m ready now. It don’t stop there. It’s go time.” Young described “Lose My Mind” as a quick snapshot of his nightlife. “To me, it’s my life,” Jeezy said. “That’s how I feel sometimes when I go out. If you listen to me, I said it a few times: ‘Lost my mind and my cell phone in the same night.’ No two days are the same. … I been partying my whole life. That’s how you feel the next day. You killed them, and you left. You was looking good, shining good, there’s no limit to what you can have in the club. That’s how it’s been for us before music. ‘Lose My Mind’ is doing what the hell I wanna do in the club. If it’s 100 bottles of ros

Sarah Palin on Leno. Wear your hip waders kids the mooseshit is going to get deep!

Part One Her voice still has that shrill quality to it that sterilizes small farm animals at fifty paces. Her father tells her what kind of “ammunition” to use? WTF? And why in the hell did that elicit applause from an audience in California? Did she bring in her own people? “Opinion under the guise of hard news stories”? Isn’t that the very definition of EVERY show on Fox News? Leno is such a kiss ass, his line about attacks on her family could have been written for him by Rebecca Mansour, or recent escapee Meg Stapleton. SHE is the one that victimizes her children. And believe me they are NOT well adjusted. Wait SHE commented about the “Family Guy” episode? I thought Bristol did that? Uh oh did somebody forget their cover story? And how did she not have an “opportunity to follow up”. She has a full time Facebook ghostwriter for God’s sake! You guys alright? Do you need a break? Let me know when you are ready to listen to more of this lying twit. Now? Okay. Part Two Did she just throw her father under the bus? Did she actually blame a man who was a respected educator for teaching her to cheat? Just when I think I have seen her go as low as she can possibly get, she surprises me. I cannot help but wonder what McCain has on Palin that compels her to support his re-election bid? The mind reels. By the way Palin doing comedy is not all that surprising. I have been laughing at her for almost two years now. Oooh she sucks. What the hell is she doing with her hands? And yes Sarah you are right we DON’t know the real story, yet. But you can bet your ass we are getting there!

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Sarah Palin on Leno. Wear your hip waders kids the mooseshit is going to get deep!

The Story of Mort Zuckerman, Vanity Publisher and Would-be Senator [Field Guide]

Real estate magnate and publisher Mort Zuckerman , the subject of a profile in today’s Politico , is meeting with New York Republicans as he prepares himself for a Senate run. What do we know about Citizen Mort? Personal The first hurdle facing Mort Zuckerman in his path to the United States Senate is the fact that he is a known Canadian. Zuckerman was born in Montreal, in 1937. (He did become an American citizen in 1977.) Here is a slightly charitable description of Mort’s public persona, courtesy a 1992 New York Times piece: People who have known and worked with him paint a picture of a many-sided man possessed of a genuine warmth and capacity for friendship. But even his staunchest defenders concede that his reputation for flamboyance and self-promotion always precedes him. But while fellow press-hungry would-be mogul Donald Trump was a gaudy vulgarian, Mort had pretensions of class and sophistication. As a 1993 piece in The Independent put it : “Instead of a tacky palace in Palm Beach, there is the elegant house in East Hampton; instead of Ivana, Gloria. Steinem, that is.” Yes, Mort was a swinging bachelor in those days. Gloria Steinem was his most famous squeeze, but he’d also been linked to Nora Ephron and Diane von Furstenberg and Bianca Jagger and even Arianna Huffington. He hasn’t been romantically linked to anyone of note in literally years at this point, though—probably because Page Six is no longer allowed to report on his personal life, and no one else cares to. A Senate run ought to help change that. (The reason for Page Six’s silence: Mort and Rupe negotiated a truce, aided by their shared super-publicist, Howard Rubenstein. The Post still takes potshots at The Daily Snooze , but matters of family are kept out of the columns.) Mort was married to Marla Prather from 1996 through 2001. (Yes, Zuckerman, the former chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major Jewish Organizations, married a gentile. She went through a quickie conversion to make sure his kid would be a Jew.) His daughter with Marla, Abigail, was born in 1997. Abigail suffered from childhood cancer. After her hospitalization, Zuckerman quickly became a major donor to Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. In December of 2008, the birth of Mortimer’s second daughter, Renee Esther, was announced. The identity of the mother, though, was not announced . Ben Smith: The Daily News in 2008 ran an announcement congratulating Zuckerman on the birth of a daughter but made no mention of the child’s mother, prompting head-scratching in New York media circles. Recent visitors to his apartment said a baby is often present but that it’s considered impolite to inquire about the baby’s provenance. The story as we’ve heard it is that with daughter Abigail’s history of cancer, Mort wanted to ensure that he’d have someone to leave his vast fortune to. And so, in early 2008, he paid a surrogate to carry his second child. Hence: no mom. (Smith also makes passing reference to Mort’s “unconventional personal life” in his story. While it’s true that we should be suspicious of any man who publicly “dated” Arianna Huffington, we have no reason to suspect that he’s a closet homosexual, which is what that sort of euphemism usually means. On the other hand, we really don’t know shit about his affairs since the Murdoch cease-fire, as this mysterious baby business demonstrates.) Business In the early 1960s, Harvard Law grad Mort Zuckerman went to work at Cabot, Cabot & Forbes, the ancient Boston real estate development firm. After seven years, he left to start his own company, Boston Properties, and promptly sued Cabot, Cabot and Forbes. In 1980, Zuckerman bought The Atlantic. This was the millionaire real estate developers first foray into serious media ownership. At the time, some old-fashioned types thought he was buying the arts and letters publication for its historic Boston headquarters. Hah. He was buying it for influence. Millionaires with an interest in media are really good at attracting highbrow friends: He counts as friends such journalistic heavies as Writers Richard Goodwin and Doris Kearns and New Republic Editor and Publisher Martin Peretz. The same Time story quotes someone unnamed who had worked with Mort: “He’s very bright and very insecure, and has an overwhelming need for acceptance within a certain circle of society.” As Marty Peretz knows well enough, if you don’t have good enough ideas or a nice enough style to write for The New Republic or The Atlantic professionally, just buy the damn magazines and they have to print your garbage. In real estate, the ’80s were kind to Mort. He rode the boom and his connections with the Boston establishment helped him net some big projects. But in his attempt to develop a big piece of property at the edge of Central Park, this Jewish Canadian upstart from Boston went up against the Upper East Side elite, and lost. Monetarily, though, he continued doing well, right up until The Great Recession (he’d weathered each previous downturn just fine, oddly enough). He lost $25 million of his charitable trust fund and $15 million of his personal money to Bernie Madoff. Occupancy is down at his buildings. In 2009 he ripped the name Citigroup off the Citigroup building because he was tired of seeing his building in the b-roll on the news every time there was terrible news about Citi. (The news isn’t disastrous for Boston Properties, by any means—share prices have rebounded—but the way the commercial real estate market is looking, it could certainly become disastrous, soon.) His 2009 net worth was $1.5 billion —half what it was before the recession, but still a really unimaginable amount of money. He is, according to Forbes , the 236th richest person in America. Real estate pays the bills (and buys The Daily News full-color printers), but his true love remains media. The Atlantic just whet Mort’s appetite. He soon bought U.S. News & World Report , the perpetually third-place newsweekly, and installed himself as columnist and “editor in chief.” (Yes, right, we’ll get to that.) In 1993, he bought the Daily News. The News , at the time, was bankrupt. Now—well, it loses less money than The Post. He bought Fast Company and unloaded it in 2000 at the height of the boom, for $350 million. (“I averaged out,” he said.) Since selling Fast Company and The Atlantic (in 1999), though, the media business has not been friendly to Mort. He failed in his attempts to buy New York (twice), Newsday , and BusinessWeek . He teamed up with now-convicted felon Jeffrey Epstein to fund the much-missed Radar. U.S. News & World Report now theoretically comes out monthly (we say theoretically because no one has even seen a newstand copy in years) and exists primarily as yet one more venue for Mort’s endless political columns and for its annual list of colleges. Considering that Mort has made his career on what have turned out to be the two most disastrous industries in America, he may be seeking a government post just for a steady paycheck and a rock-solid pension plan. (Which would be more than he affords his Daily News employees—Mort killed pensions a while back and stopped contributing to their 401(k)s altogether last year). Politics Depending on who’s asking and and when, Mort is either a “longtime Democrat” or a “conservative Democrat” or a “moderate Conservative.” What he actually is is basically a rich New York Republican. He described his politics as “moderate, conservative” and said he had voted for President Bush in 1988, but he had been “extremely disappointed” with his performance as President. He’s donated more cash to Democrats than Republicans, especially since purchasing the (inconsistently) liberal populist Daily News. He voted for Obama. He also voted for Bush in 2004. He had a hard-on for toppling Saddam. You can’t really summarize his politics, because, by most conventional measures, they are incoherent—and he always tailors his message to his perceived audience. Wayne Barrett does a heroic job of of detailing just how incoherent Mort is on every issue of current import. With the president both blaming and vowing to tax the banks, Zuckerman seemed to agree partly, writing that “a good number of Americans are likely to remain furious at the spectacle of the financial world doing well while so many ordinary folks lose their jobs and their savings.” But the same day that story appeared, Fox asked him what he thought of Obama’s attacks on Wall Street “salaries and bonuses” and Mort rallied to the cause: “I don’t think it’s right to demonize these people. You just don’t diminish them and beat them over the heads and shoulders for political reasons. And that’s what it’s about.” Is this inconsistent? No, of course not: it is consistently what Serious Beltway Thinkers think. Consistency in thought can also be a challenge when you’re forced to say your own words, on TV, while having a full-time ghostwriter in charge of the words in print. He’s consistent on a couple issues, though—like Israel, which can do no wrong. He’s hawkish, pro-settler, and doesn’t actually really understand the issues involved beyond “Jews good, Arabs bad.” (Which can lead to embarrassing, uncorrected errors. ) That is not an unconventional opinion in New York politics, as you may have noticed. Generally, Mort fancies himself a public intellectual. His Lexington Ave office is like a massive library. It also houses the person who writes the words credited to the famous Public Intellectual Mort Zuckerman. Mort just calls in and rambles to this ghost for a while, and Harry Evans eventually edits it into something readable. (And sometimes it ends up in Tina Brown’s Daily Beast. ) He used to be described as an insecure lightweight who bought himself a platform. Planning a run for the Senate seems to suggest that a couple decades in the bubble have taken care of the insecurities. [Photo: AP]

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The Story of Mort Zuckerman, Vanity Publisher and Would-be Senator [Field Guide]

Phillip Morris USA Continues to Slowly Assassinate President Barack Obama [Politics]

President Barack Obama ‘s first periodic physical exam—in which the Chief White House Physician examines him at Bethesda Medical Center to serve up “a candid assessment of the President’s ability to carry out his duties”—is complete. The results? He’s fine! President Barack Obama is, as they say, “Fit for duty.” But note the physicians recommendation, from the report : For those who like words more than words in pictures, that says “Continue smoking cessation efforts,” as in, keep quitting smoking. For the record: cessation |seˈsā sh ən| noun a ceasing; an end : the cessation of hostilities | a cessation of animal testing of cosmetics. a pause or interruption : a cessation of respiration requiring resuscitation. And how many smokers do you know who are “quitting” (all of them) and who have actually quit? None. Also, it notes that the president is using what’s referred to as a “nicotine replacement therapy.” Obama is not superhuman. We know this because he doesn’t shoot lightening out of his dick. Therefore, like every other red-blooded American who’s on The Gum, The Patch, or The E-Cigarette, he’s either (A) still smoking or (B) addicted to The Gum, The Patch, or The E-Cigarette. I know this because there are 1. No fewer than five smokers on the Gawker masthead, all of whom have probably told someone in the last year that they’re “trying to quit” and 2. One who chews nine boxes of The Gum a day and 3. If you’ve ever smoked, know a smoker, have tried to quit, or have quit, you just know this. There’s no such thing as “quitting” smoking. Just like there’s no such thing as being on a “diet.” You’re either healthy or you’re not. Or “kinda seeing someone.” You’re either leaving your cell phone charger at her apartment, or you’re not. Or you’re just dealing with more bullshit from people telling you to stop doing something you know isn’t good for you, that you also kinda want to stop doing, but for the moment, don’t, because you have more important shit on your mind, and you’re either gonna get around to it before you’re dying from it, or not. Bottom line. Obama’s probably still smoking. And this is a good thing. After the year he’s had, we’d have cause for concern if he wasn’t smoking. You know? Smokers know. Let the guy enjoy a nail every once in a while. It’s for our own good. Gawker Presidential Health Assessment : He’s fine. Fuckoff.

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Phillip Morris USA Continues to Slowly Assassinate President Barack Obama [Politics]

Teabagger convention speaker, and out of the closet racist, Tom Tancredo does not love Sarah Palin anymore.

In an interview with NRC Handelsblad, he (Tancredo) talked about the Tea Party movement, senator John McCain and Sarah Palin, the former vice-presidential candidate and a heroine of the movement. After her speech at the Nashville convention, Palin said she is considering a run for the presidency in 2012. Tancredo however, does not believe she is fit for the presidency. “I really don’t have this feeling about her as being presidential,” he Tancredo said. “I don’t know what it is exactly. I don’t know if the issues really are that difficult for her or not.” He questions if she has what it takes, and whether she really wants it. “As governor of the state of Alaska, she doesn’t have all that kind of experience. She can get better. But I don’t know if she is really looking to do it.’’ It could all be a commercial thing, just a way to sell books? “Sure. Make a lot of money and stay in the mix. I think that’s a great idea.’’ John McCain has brought over his former running mate to campaign for him in Arizona, where the Tea Party movement is challenging his seat in the Senate. She will campaign against J.D. Hayworth, a friend of yours who is on your side in the immigration debate. What does that tell you about Palin? “That tells me she is a Republican. I am not. I mean, I am a member of that party and that will always stay that way. But to me it’s only a mechanism, a way to get on the ballot and all that. But she is a real Republican.’’ She has to do this to rise in the party ranks? “I think so.’’ So she is just as much an unprincipled politician as all the rest of them? “To a large extent.’’ And you still love her? “I didn’t say that!’’ Well, in your Tea Party speech you pointed out that she could finally say all those wonderful things now she’s free from McCain. “I said: ‘Now she can tell it like it is.’ And she chooses not to.’’ So at the end of the day you are not that fond of her? “You are right. I was much fonder of her before she chose to get involved in the McCain thing. She didn’t have to do it.’’ The Republicans are abandoning her, the teabaggers are abandoning her, her own inner circle is abandoning her, how much longer can it be before Sarah Palin finds that the only people left who will listen to her speak are Piper, and the “retarded baby”. (Sarah calls him that , not me.)

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Teabagger convention speaker, and out of the closet racist, Tom Tancredo does not love Sarah Palin anymore.