It’s been about 16 months since Martin Shkreli was sentenced to seven years in prison . You probably remember Shkreli as the “Pharma Bro” (though we’ve always preferred the “Pharma Douche” variation on that nickname) who jacked up the price of a life-saving medication for HIV patients a whopping 5,000% percent during his tenure as CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals. That act of pure evil made Shkreli “the most hated man in America.” (Of course, his constant trolling of the Wu-Tang Clan didn’t help. Did no one inform this guy they’re nothing to f–k with?) But it was Shkreli’s unrelated conviction for securities fraud that earned him seven-year stay in federal prison. Shkreli is a devoted member of MAGA nation, but he never climbed the ladder of insanity high enough to get the full Manafort treatment, so the Donald isn’t sticking his neck out by pardoning Lil Marty. But fear not, the hip hop obsessed Hillary hater is making the most of his life behind bars, as revealed in a hilarious new profile of Shkreli published this week by the Wall Street Journal. The paper promises a glimpse into “the secret life of inmate 87850-053, 16 months into a seven-year sentence,” and boy, does it deliver. The most talked-about revelation from the Journal piece is that Shkreli is still acting as CEO of his company (newly-named Phoenixus AG in response to numerous PR nightmares) with the aid of a contraband cell phone. And while you might think that his time behind bars would have humbled Shkreli a bit, it seems he’s still a nightmare to work for. The Journal reports that one of Shkreli’s most recent actions was to call his CFO and fire the guy while he was on an African vacation with his fiancee. The problem, it seems, is that the exec picked the wrong time to ask for a seven-figure (?!?!) raise. You see, Shkreli is stretched thin these days, what with paying for protection and covering his fellow inmates’ poker debts (seriously). Marty was already feeling the pinch, and since the fired exec won’t be shanking anyone in the yard for him, he had to be let go. So who are the movers and shakers on Shkreli’s prison payroll? Well, it seems he’s got a crew of guys with names like “Krispy” and “D-Block.” According to the Journal , these up-and-comers “walk alongside him in the hall to ward off shenanigans from other inmates,” which is exactly how we would expect the Wall Street Journal to cover prison politics. But Krispy and D-Block do more than just keep Shkreli from physical harm. They recently dissuaded him from playing guitar in a prison rock band, as the other members were all locked up for child molestation. They’re also helping Marty with his goal of doing — we sh-t you not — 15 push-ups in a row. We encourage you to take a moment to reflect on how gloriously f–ked this dude would be, were it not for the fact that he’s mega-rich. But it’s not just money that keeps Shkreli’s associates loyal (j/k, that’s exactly what it is). The 35-year-old recently attempted to bolster his street cred by asking his Facebook followers to translate Meek Mill lyrics into Spanish for him. And in exchange, the Shkreli crew bestowed upon their boss the ultimate honor — a prison nickname. That nickname? A-hole.
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Martin Shkreli In Prison: Illegally Running His Business, Hanging With a Dude Named Krispy
