It looks like All-American hottie Jessica Simpson decided to stuff herself into a nice tight evening gown for the fourth of July weekend and I for one am thankful she did. Those tightly packed breasts are a national treasure and should be treated as such. I don’t know where she is, but I’m upset that I wasn’t invited. I’m sure beats the hell out of my drunken friends lighting their farts on fire in my mom’s backyard and calling them fireworks.
