Famous last words… A senate aide who took his own life after being arrested for the inappropriate videos and photos of children he had in his possession blames his own child sex abuse experience for his unhealthy interests. According to NY Daily News reports : The former U.S. Senate aide who committed suicide after being arrested on child pornography charges last month was sexually abused as a child according to a newly released suicide note. In the tell-all letter that claims to have been written by Ryan Loskarn before his death, the 35-year-old apologizes for his “painful and humiliating” crimes and reveals that his own sexual abuse began at the age of 5. “I owe many, many people an explanation — if that’s even possible — and that’s why I’ve written this letter,” the letter posted online begins. “I found myself drawn to videos that matched my own childhood abuse,” the letter reads. “It’s painful and humiliating to admit to myself, let alone the whole world, but I pictured myself as a child in the image or video.” Loskarn, who served as chief of staff to Sen. Lamar Alexander, allegedly tells that the first time he saw child pornography was purely by accident — while searching for online music for downloading. Somehow it resonated with him and he distorted his mind into believing that as a boy, the abuse he experienced was exactly what he wanted to have done to him. “This is my deepest, darkest secret,” the letter reads. Loskam claims that he only told three friends in his life about what happened to him, “and then fleetingly so.” In the letter he never names the person who abused him. Loskarn, who was found dead in his parents’ home on January 23, was arrested following a raid on his Washington, D.C. home on December 11. That same day he was fired from his coveted Capitol Hill position. Officers said they found 200 child-porn videos on a hard drive he tried to hide by placing it outside his window. Prosecutors said there was evidence that he additionally purchased DVDs containing child pornography between November 2010 and March 2011. When Loskarn was thrown into a jail cell, he was placed on suicide watch and met with a mental health professional that he opened up to about his crime and how it had affected others, according to his letter. But what he didn’t tell the professional was the abuse he endured as a child. “I didn’t think it mattered because I intended to kill myself as soon as possible,” he wrote. “But I’m sharing this with you because it is the truth, not an excuse. And I believe it played a role in my story.” Loskam apologized to his family, his friends and colleagues on Capitol Hill. He also apologized to the children seen abused in the images, like he claims he was. The letter was posted on jesseryanloskarnslastmessage.com. We feel bad that Loskarn experienced what he did. Do you think he should have sought counseling to help him with his urges/compulsion? Facebook
