I could no longer look at myself in the mirror. So stated Kim Kardashian this morning in a stunning turn of events, as the reality star admitted her marriage to Kris Humphries was a money-making scam; agreed to pay her ex a $20 million settlement and then dropped a final bombshell on fans: she will avoid all red carpets and publicity opportunities for a year. “I’ve been living a lie for too long,” Kim said. “I bought Ray J that video camera. I read cue cards on E!. My manager calls the paparazzi any time I’m in a bikini. Heck, I can’t even get dressed in the morning without my mom telling me what to wear.” Kardashian added that she and her sisters help tabloid editors come up with supposedly scandalous headlines , pushing sales of those magazine and then taking to their blogs to refute the rumors and garner sympathy from fans. It’s a circular tactic that Kim says she learned from former best friend Paris Hilton, adding: “Those tabloids made money, their employees kept their jobs, my family came out as the victim. My Facebook followers even believed I was actually confiding in them. Everybody was winning… or so I thought. Turns out, my soul had been lost a long time ago.” Kim says she will donate all the money she’s earned from Tweeting product names to those who tried QuickTrim because they believed it was a healthy weight loss supplement. “Come on,” she scoffed. “It’s not even FDA approved. I’m a multi-millionaire with no real job. I lost all this weight because I had the time to work out and the money to pay a personal trainer.” It’s taken a very long time, but THG applauds Kim Kardashian for finally telling the truth about all the fallacies in her life. We’d also like to say… … Yeah, right. HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!
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Kim Kardashian Admits to Fake Marriage, Scripted Reality Show; Plans Year Away From the Spotlight
