Tag Archives: jail-or-pretty

Jessica Simpson is Bloated as Fuck of the Day

I guess the sperm finally stuck…I guess a dude finally jumped on this frieght train and did what she wanted all these years…and that was pretend to love her and knock her up so she’d stop feeling second rate to her sister….someone finally saw the opportunity we all saw as her sadness emotionally ate in one sitting enough food to feed a small family for a week… I guess, someone finally pulled the K-fed…unless she’s just still fat as fucking hell…far fatter than ever…only to be confused for being pregnant and not denying it for embarrassment that she’s hit the point where people think she’s knocked up, even though she’s just a fucking porker…Lock your fridges….Jessica Simpson is coming for your baked goods….

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Jessica Simpson is Bloated as Fuck of the Day

Kim Kardashian is the Human Bathroom of the Day

This is actually funny to me. It is rare that this celebrity bullshit I write about every day ever makes me laugh… There’s just not campaign that makes more sense for a celebrity to be endorsing…you know it is so appropriate that you’d expect to see this on some stupid sketch comedy shot and not in real life…it is one of those things you’d think she’d have turned down and fired her agent for the sick joke when it landed on her desk and read “you will be promoting the Charmin toilet paper’s Bathroom” campaign, in a “come on guys, the jokes getting old” kinda way, you know because she is a fucking bathroom at least when she’s filming a sex tape….and that she’s had more black man urine on her than the toilets at Cook County Jail or pretty much all prisons combined for that matter…cuz getting pissed on is just the kind of degrading she loves…not that I am against pissing on girls…I’ve done it many fucking times….but I’ve never been able to organize a special event sponsored by a toilet paper company to draw attention to the fact that bitch likes being pissed on…I’m not a celebrity with big budgets and I don’t now corporations down to co-brand with a porn slut in unprotected sex videis, but I have pointed and laughed at the slut when introducing her to my friends. Either way, this is one of those you can’t write jokes better than this, I mean unless you’re the marketing exec who snuck this one in without anyone noticing…good work….she just looks like she feels so at home….like she’s finally found her calling….like she’s one step closer to be an honorary toilet from the toilet paper people…It is like winning the World Series or more appropriate Superbowl in her field…get it? Yeah, I know I’m a genius…

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Kim Kardashian is the Human Bathroom of the Day