Tag Archives: Jokes

Blame the Farrelly Bros. When the Jersey Shore Kids Pursue Acting Careers

So the Farrelly Brothers decided to give the kids from Jersey Shore a cameo in their upcoming Three Stooges reboot (Oh, the jokes write themselves…) which turned out to be such an amazing experience that Sammi “Sweatheart” Giancola, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi may now turn their fist-pumping sights on second careers as actors. At least when this nightmare comes to pass, we know who to blame.

a5f8a92261ore300.jpg Blame the Farrelly Bros. When the Jersey Shore Kids Pursue Acting Careers

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Blame the Farrelly Bros. When the Jersey Shore Kids Pursue Acting Careers

Royce Reed Recaps Basketball Wives Episode 6

56b5ffff66royce.jpg Royce Reed Recaps Basketball Wives Episode 6

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Royce Reed Recaps Basketball Wives Episode 6

Bangers: Mila Kunis Says “It’s Hard Being A Woman In Hollyweird” While Primpin’ In Some Panties For GQ

We have absolutely no complaints about anything Mila Kunis has to say in GQ’s August issue but we wouldn’t mind getting a closer look at her in them drawls! The Ukraine-born banger chats it up for the cover Q&A of Gentlemen’s Quarterly and we figured we’d share a lil sumthin’ sumthin with y’all. Here’s an excerpt: GQ: Your new movie is called Friends with Benefits. Ever been in one of those relationships? Mila Kunis: Oy. I haven’t, but I can give you my stance on it: It’s like communism—good in theory, in execution it fails. Friends of mine have done it, and it never ends well. Why do people put themselves through that torture? GQ: It’s because they enjoy sex. Mila Kunis: But friends with benefits isn’t a purely sexual relationship—it’s two people who like each other having sex, not a random hookup. And when two people who like each other have sex, eventually someone catches feelings and everything is fu*ked. You might be able to treat our relationship as killing time. I might not. I may be in love with you. GQ: Who’s the funniest person you know? Mila Kunis: My father. He has such a dry sense of humor. He’d say something funny and then be like, “Kiddo, now’s the part where you laugh.” GQ: What about someone you’re not related to? Mila Kunis: Lucille Ball is perfection—her timing and her commitment. Sarah Silverman is raunchy and brilliant, and people call her out for saying fucked-up stuff­ that they wouldn’t have a problem with a man saying. How dare she? Who else? Tina Fey. She’s a genius. I actually just finished reading Bossypants. GQ: That was good, I thought. Mila Kunis: No! Not good, brilliant. I love Tina Fey. So funny, but never shticky. She’s not tripping over sh*t. GQ: She’s so clearly attractive and successful that I can’t buy her self-deprecating stuff anymore. Mila Kunis: I see your point. You want the attention to go to the joke itself rather than be distracted by who’s delivering it. But look at Bridesmaids. That movie’s full of beautiful women who are hysterical. I’m so proud of those ladies. You have no idea how hard it is for a woman in this business. A lot of people don’t even think women are funny. It’s fu*ked-up, but you have to deal with guys like that. I’ve learned to roll with it. GQ: Do you have a personal experience of men in Hollywood not finding women funny? Mila Kunis: I don’t personally know of anybody, no. I could give you some bullsh*t excuse why I don’t, but I just don’t. The bottom line is if you’re an attractive female in this industry, people just take you as that: attractive. People aren’t getting the opportunity to move beyond being attractive. It’s not only with comedy. It could be with drama or action or whatever. People are distracted by looks. It happens. I’m not saying it happened to me, but it happens. GQ: I imagine working with people like Seth MacFarlane and Jason Segel ends up involving a lot of d*ck jokes. Mila Kunis: Put me at a table with five guys making dick jokes and I will be right there with them. And, uh, I’m on Family Guy. I’ve been on that show for so long that I don’t get grossed out by anything. But I’ve never had an experience where it’s been a bunch of dudes making d*ck jokes and I was like, “Oh, there go the boys. I’m going to go get a pedicure and be back in an hour.” GQ: Is it harder to be funny when you’re naked? Mila Kunis: It’s hard to be funny in general. I think I have a good sense of humor, but I’m not, like, a joke-teller. I get the jokes, which is sometimes half the battle. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone hires me…. We’ve got a few ideas why Mila… Keep clicking for more pictures…

a4062a4cfccover.jpg Bangers: Mila Kunis Says “It’s Hard Being A Woman In Hollyweird” While Primpin’ In Some Panties For GQ

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Bangers: Mila Kunis Says “It’s Hard Being A Woman In Hollyweird” While Primpin’ In Some Panties For GQ

Coon of the Day: GOP Rep. Allen West Calls Obama a ‘Low-Level Socialist’ Who ‘Never Even Ran a Lemonade Stand’

Florida Republican Representative, Allen West, took to Fox News yesterday and completely disrespected President Obama in an interview with the conservative news channel’s Greta Van Susteren yesterday. We all know that Fox is no fan of the first Black Family in any capacity and Brotha West went on record to express just how he feels. Not only did he fail to acknowledge him as President, he made a point to stress his middle name, “Hussein,” whenever he referred to him. As if that’s not disrespectful enough, he called him a ‘low level socialist agitator’ who ‘never even ran a lemonade stand.’ While it’s no surprise that the Fox correspondent completely agreed with West’s enflamed statements, this beesh starts bringing up old sh*t ‘out of curiosity!’ She questioned whether West believed that Obama was unaware of his former pastor, Jeremiah Wright’s, ‘appalling’ references to white people. And just like the coon he is for the day, he insinuated that President Obama wasn’t being honest about how he really feels. SMH Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.) stood by eyebrow-raising remarks he recently made about President Barack Obama during an interview with Fox News host Greta Van Susteren on Thursday night. Speaking recently on “The Laura Ingraham Show,” West asserted that the president demonstrated “third world dictator-like arrogance” in delivering a speech on the federal budget and government spending. “I do stand by those words,” said the conservative congressman, who was elected into office last November with support from the Tea Party movement. “The truth needs to be said.” “I am sick and tired of this class warfare, this Marxist, demagogic rhetoric that is coming from the President of the United States of America,” West explained. “It is not helpful for this country and it’s not going to move the ball forward as far as rectifying the economic situation in our country. And I’m not going to back away from telling what the truth is.” The freshman lawmaker took issue with the way in which the president has regarded Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), who recently introduced a controversial budget proposal for the next fiscal year. “I think that when you look at what a community organizer is turning out to be, it does seem to be like a low-level socialist agitator,” he said. Last weekend, West and Donald Trump were the keynote speakers at a Tea Party rally in Florida. The congressman told Newsmax at the time that he hopes the billionaire is serious about considering running for president in the next election cycle. “This is not a time for any jokes, games or gimmicks, and I hope he is very serious,” said West, who also declined to rule out running on a ticket with Trump in 2012. Allen, Trump, Fox News and the rest of the people who are completely displeased with Obama’s performance, that’s fine – they are entitled to their opinion – but they all deserve an emphatic HO. SIT. DOWN. The people voted and elected the current POTUS and If the GOP continues to showcase their jokes, also known as representatives and nominees, the 2012 election will be another easy sweep towards the left. That is all. Source

b58e0310a7coon.jpg Coon of the Day: GOP Rep. Allen West Calls Obama a ‘Low Level Socialist’ Who ‘Never Even Ran a Lemonade Stand’

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Coon of the Day: GOP Rep. Allen West Calls Obama a ‘Low-Level Socialist’ Who ‘Never Even Ran a Lemonade Stand’

Coon of the Day: GOP Rep. Allen West Calls Obama a ‘Low-Level Socialist’ Who ‘Never Even Ran a Lemonade Stand’

Florida Republican Representative, Allen West, took to Fox News yesterday and completely disrespected President Obama in an interview with the conservative news channel’s Greta Van Susteren yesterday. We all know that Fox is no fan of the first Black Family in any capacity and Brotha West went on record to express just how he feels. Not only did he fail to acknowledge him as President, he made a point to stress his middle name, “Hussein,” whenever he referred to him. As if that’s not disrespectful enough, he called him a ‘low level socialist agitator’ who ‘never even ran a lemonade stand.’ While it’s no surprise that the Fox correspondent completely agreed with West’s enflamed statements, this beesh starts bringing up old sh*t ‘out of curiosity!’ She questioned whether West believed that Obama was unaware of his former pastor, Jeremiah Wright’s, ‘appalling’ references to white people. And just like the coon he is for the day, he insinuated that President Obama wasn’t being honest about how he really feels. SMH Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.) stood by eyebrow-raising remarks he recently made about President Barack Obama during an interview with Fox News host Greta Van Susteren on Thursday night. Speaking recently on “The Laura Ingraham Show,” West asserted that the president demonstrated “third world dictator-like arrogance” in delivering a speech on the federal budget and government spending. “I do stand by those words,” said the conservative congressman, who was elected into office last November with support from the Tea Party movement. “The truth needs to be said.” “I am sick and tired of this class warfare, this Marxist, demagogic rhetoric that is coming from the President of the United States of America,” West explained. “It is not helpful for this country and it’s not going to move the ball forward as far as rectifying the economic situation in our country. And I’m not going to back away from telling what the truth is.” The freshman lawmaker took issue with the way in which the president has regarded Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), who recently introduced a controversial budget proposal for the next fiscal year. “I think that when you look at what a community organizer is turning out to be, it does seem to be like a low-level socialist agitator,” he said. Last weekend, West and Donald Trump were the keynote speakers at a Tea Party rally in Florida. The congressman told Newsmax at the time that he hopes the billionaire is serious about considering running for president in the next election cycle. “This is not a time for any jokes, games or gimmicks, and I hope he is very serious,” said West, who also declined to rule out running on a ticket with Trump in 2012. Allen, Trump, Fox News and the rest of the people who are completely displeased with Obama’s performance, that’s fine – they are entitled to their opinion – but they all deserve an emphatic HO. SIT. DOWN. The people voted and elected the current POTUS and If the GOP continues to showcase their jokes, also known as representatives and nominees, the 2012 election will be another easy sweep towards the left. That is all. Source

b58e0310a7coon.jpg Coon of the Day: GOP Rep. Allen West Calls Obama a ‘Low Level Socialist’ Who ‘Never Even Ran a Lemonade Stand’

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Coon of the Day: GOP Rep. Allen West Calls Obama a ‘Low-Level Socialist’ Who ‘Never Even Ran a Lemonade Stand’

Glenn Beck on Japanese Earthquake: A Message from God…

Due to his jokes regarding the earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan, Gilbert Gottfried was fired as the Aflac duck and has issued an apology via Twitter. This begs the question: will Glenn Beck face similar consequences for his remarks on the subject? Glenn Beck is “just” saying… God is clearly punishing mankind for our sins. On his radio show yesterday, The Fox News host labeled the natural tragic, which has taken thousands of lives, a “message being sent” by God. He explained: “I’m not saying God is causing earthquakes… What God does is God’s business. But I’ll tell you this, whether you call it Gaia or whether you call it Jesus, there’s a message being sent,” said Beck. “‘Hey, you know that stuff we’re doing. It’s not really working out. Maybe we should stop doing some of it.’ I’m just saying.” What do you think of Beck’s comments?

5cc360e3ed54x301.jpg Glenn Beck on Japanese Earthquake: A Message from God...

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Glenn Beck on Japanese Earthquake: A Message from God…

Kelly Brook’s Cameltoe for Funny or Die of the Day

It hate Funny or Die. I Hate linking Funny or Die. I hate the marketing manager at Funny or Die. I don’t find Funny or Die funny. I can’t stand Will Farrell or Ricky Bobby or anyone else in their stupid crew and I find their jokes cheap, obvious, idiotic and only interesting because they case celebs to be in them. It is like Saturday Night Live the next generation, when the next generation should have died with Jim Belushi, instead of being this latch on bottom feeding show filled with people embarrassing themselves cuz they aren’t funny. That said, here is Kelly Brook in some cameltoe sketch I assume I’ll hear people quoting, because people are just as stupid as Funny or Die, I mean that is why it exists. I’m doing it for Kelly Brook’s tits and not for the cheap cameltoe joke. I just can’t believe I get flagged a porn site by advertisers, when the real smut is going on next to the AXE banners on here. I hate myself for promoting these cocksuckers. But here it is anyway.

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Kelly Brook’s Cameltoe for Funny or Die of the Day

Obama: Turkey Pardon is Like ‘Dancing with the Stars’

Filed under: Barack Obama , Politix President Obama let the jokes fly during his turkey pardoning ceremony this morning — comparing the turkey competition to ” Dancing with the Stars ” … if the show murdered the contestants who didn’t make the cut. Obama explained that each bird had to… Read more

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Obama: Turkey Pardon is Like ‘Dancing with the Stars’

Kim Kardashian is the Human Bathroom of the Day

This is actually funny to me. It is rare that this celebrity bullshit I write about every day ever makes me laugh… There’s just not campaign that makes more sense for a celebrity to be endorsing…you know it is so appropriate that you’d expect to see this on some stupid sketch comedy shot and not in real life…it is one of those things you’d think she’d have turned down and fired her agent for the sick joke when it landed on her desk and read “you will be promoting the Charmin toilet paper’s Bathroom” campaign, in a “come on guys, the jokes getting old” kinda way, you know because she is a fucking bathroom at least when she’s filming a sex tape….and that she’s had more black man urine on her than the toilets at Cook County Jail or pretty much all prisons combined for that matter…cuz getting pissed on is just the kind of degrading she loves…not that I am against pissing on girls…I’ve done it many fucking times….but I’ve never been able to organize a special event sponsored by a toilet paper company to draw attention to the fact that bitch likes being pissed on…I’m not a celebrity with big budgets and I don’t now corporations down to co-brand with a porn slut in unprotected sex videis, but I have pointed and laughed at the slut when introducing her to my friends. Either way, this is one of those you can’t write jokes better than this, I mean unless you’re the marketing exec who snuck this one in without anyone noticing…good work….she just looks like she feels so at home….like she’s finally found her calling….like she’s one step closer to be an honorary toilet from the toilet paper people…It is like winning the World Series or more appropriate Superbowl in her field…get it? Yeah, I know I’m a genius…

2891f1f0ba112310.jpg Kim Kardashian is the Human Bathroom of the Day

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Kim Kardashian is the Human Bathroom of the Day

Weezer’s Hurley: Get Back To The Good Life

Band’s latest seems haunted by their seminal Pinkerton album, in Bigger Than the Sound. By James Montgomery The cover of Weezer’s Hurley Photo: Epitaph There is a moment right near the beginning of Weezer ‘s umpteenth album Hurley when Rivers Cuomo declares: “I’m not kidding anymore.” It’s a fairly loaded statement, considering he’s spent much of the past decade doing what could charitably be described as “joking around,” releasing a string of albums each a little more confounding (and a little less satisfying) than the last. To wit: The last truly solid Weezer album (the so-called Green one) was released nearly four months before 9/11, and since then, Cuomo and company have gone progressively further off the rails. Maladroit featured just two songs that cracked the three-minute mark, and even then it felt too long and convoluted (mostly because Cuomo spends a portion of it taking thinly veiled jabs at his fanbase). Make Believe saw Cuomo unsheathe his arena-rock dreams, which is how we ended up with the talk-box solo on “Beverly Hills.” 2008′s Red Album is probably best known for its cover (on which Cuomo sports a cowboy hat and mustache) and the part where MC Rivers gets busy on the mic. Raditude is most notable for the dog on the cover, the bizarre fascination with partying and the Lil Wayne cameo. It’s been a rather grizzly stretch, and one couldn’t be blamed for thinking that perhaps Cuomo had embarked on some Kaufman-esque anti-comedy spree, mostly because the jokes he was telling were all pretty bad. And while it may seem unfair to rehash the past, there are two reasons I’m doing it here. First, when you’re talking about a band with a star-crossed history like Weezer’s, discussing history is sort of inevitable. It informs every opinion you have about them, for better or worse. And second, because on many levels, Hurley (which drops September 14) is about nothing but the past. It is a very backward-looking thing, full of nostalgia and worry and the kind of itchy buzz that once powered this band. And therein lies the charm. Of course, there’s the first single, “Memories,” which Cuomo himself said would appeal to fans of Weezer’s “super-raw, emotional stuff” (i.e. Pinkerton ) and is full of lines that recall the halcyon days “when Audioslave was still Rage” and the band’s blurry, pre-hiatus period, when journalists prodded and the band “didn’t know what we were doing half of the time.” There’s the whinging guitar work and harmonies of “Ruling Me,” which make it sound very much like a Blue Album B-side. “Unspoken” is, in its best moments, like a really killer demo from one of Cuomo’s Alone albums. And, really, the entire concept of “Smart Girls” — Cuomo awkwardly pining for untouchable beauties (untouchable, in this instance, because they only exist on Twitter) — is what drove the entirety of Pinkerton, when you think about it. And sonically, the majority of Hurley seems haunted by that album. Guitars growl and grow acne, Cuomo pushes his voice to the verge of cracking, and even during its prettier moments — the chiming bells that kick off “Trainwrecks,” the distant piano that opens “Run Away” — there’s a gawky undercurrent to the proceedings. Of course, all that awkwardness does lead to some rather unfortunate moments, most notably on “Where’s My Sex?” which goes over about as well as a song in which a 40-year-old man uses socks as a metaphor for coitus could be expected to, and the aforementioned “Smart Girls,” which sorta recalls the Beatles’ “Back in the U.S.S.R.” if Paul McCartney had bad posture and spent his days tweeting. Overall, though, Hurley succeeds because it’s the record on which Cuomo decides to stop kidding around and tries to recapture some of his old magic. It’s not a perfect album, but it’s certainly better than anything they’ve done in a long, long time. Anyone can have a bad decade, but the past is the past. Unless, of course, the goal is to make history repeat itself. And that’s OK too. Are you excited that Hurley conjures up memories of Pinkerton ? Let us know in the comments! Related Artists Weezer

540ed27c3381x211.jpg Weezers Hurley: Get Back To The Good Life

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Weezer’s Hurley: Get Back To The Good Life