Dear Bossip , I’m a 27-year old female who just had a baby 2 months ago with a man who lives in another state. Here is some back story on my relationship with my child’s father. We met when I was 15 and he was 19 through mutual friends. He was visiting in the town I live in. We started out cool, just talking late nights on the phone and things like that. We never seen each during this time, just talking on the phone all the time. At the time I knew he had two kids with his first baby moms who I’ll call ‘Nicole.’ Well, fast forward 10 years and I’ve gone to college and been in other relationships and slept with other people, but I always kept in contact with him even when he got looked up twice. However, I was falling more and more for him throughout these last 10 years. Well, finally after 10 years of not physically seeing each other and only having phone sex, I decided that I wanted to go see him in his home town. So, I go and see him and everything was cool. So, him and I do visit each other every few weeks for about 2 months. Well, one day I get a phone call from a woman (who I’ll call ‘Jessica’) who identifies herself as his wife. As you can imagine this news is shocking and devastating to me. Well, Jessica proceeds to tell me that they have been married for 2 years and that they have 3 children together with one on the way. She also tells me that he has 7 kids with ‘Nicole,’ and that she also has another kid on the way at the same time. Needless to say, him and I got into a huge argument and I told him I never wanted to talk to him again. Even though he hurt me to my core I still really loved and wanted him. Fast forward again to about 6 months later and he calls me and tells me how sorry he was for lying to me, and about how he wants to make us work, and that he and ‘Jessica’ were divorcing. After about a month of us talking again he came to live with me in my hometown, and he was going back and fourth because he was having health issues. He had doctor’s appointments and needed to check on his other kids. During this time things were going well, and about 2 months of him living with me I became pregnant. Well, when I was about 2 months pregnant ‘Jessica’ and ‘Nicole’ showed up at my doorstep with ‘Nicole’ being about 7 ½ months pregnant at the time. I was livid that these two bitches had the nerve to show up at my doorstep. But anyways, I maintained my composure and let them in. ‘Nicole’ informed me that she was carrying his 8th child! Which he also confirmed. ‘Jessica’ informed me that there was no impending divorce, and that she had no plans to divorce him at all. After both women sat in my house and continued to tell me all the lies he was telling including lying about his age for the last 11 years (he is actually a year younger than what he originally told me), ‘Jessica’ then informed me that she was here to take her husband back home. Then, ‘Jessica’ then proceeded to have a crying-fest and then basically reconcile in my living room! So, he packed his things and leaves with the two of them, leaving me heartbroken, pregnant, and alone. I spent the remainder of my pregnancy alone and angry that he wasn’t there. He did call me several times a week to check on me and the baby’s progress. He was always telling me that he still loves and cares about me. Well, fast forward again to 2 months ago and I have the baby without him being there for the delivery (he was unable to make it because of the holidays). Since the baby was born he has been calling me and texting me daily telling me he loves me and wants to be with me, even telling me that him and ‘Jessica’ are divorcing (for real this time), and that he was only with her for her money because he doesn’t have a job. He even came and seen the baby for the first time a few weeks ago, and when he was here he told me that he wants to move back with me and raise our child together. Mr. Dean, I really love and care about him and I want to make our relationship work for the sake of our child, but I don’t want to get hurt again, but at the same time I don’t want my child to grow up fatherless. Please advise me because I am completely confused. Thank you for your time and sorry about this being so long but there was a lot to say. – Just Really Confused Dear Ms. Just Really Confused , Sigh! Deep sigh! Really deep sigh! I can’t! I shan’t! I won’t! Are you sure that you and he are not related? Perhaps cousins, or half-brother and sister? Maybe long lost brother and sister? What the hell kind of foolishness did I just subject myself to reading? Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl! WOW! Three, on the loose, donkey ass women running round the streets knowingly mating with one donkey ass man. Unprotected. WOW! (Lifts the matted bangs of your purple weave and knocks on your forehead) What’s that hollow noise echoing in the background? I’m calling my congressman today and demanding that my tax dollars do not fund or go toward the welfare administration’s support of –ish like this mofo nonsense!!! I know none of you have a job, or are even looking for work. Y’all just sitting in the Rosa Parks and Grant Housing Projects waiting on Ray-Ray and ‘em to come over and chill with y’all while you hope you can go to the grocery store with your EBT card and get some eggs, bacon, and formula. SMDH! Anyway, that dirty community d**k you all are sharing, well, uhm, “Keisha” (I’ll call you that for the sake of this letter), he is not, has not, and will never divorce his wife. Haven’t you learned anything since his wife already told you that they were not getting a divorce? Haven’t you learned anything when you discovered all his lies, and conniving and manipulative ways? Wait, hold up. Of course you didn’t learn anything, the highest level of education it appears you’ve completed is the fourth grade. Someone please tell me what three grown ass women knowingly sleep with one man, and continue to lay up with him even after knowing about one another? What grown ass woman knowingly has 8 kids by a man who is married, lives with his wife, and has another girlfriend on the side? I’ll tell you what type of grown ass woman who does that: YOU THREE RETARDED ASS BIRDS I’ve done a rush and special admission for you and the other two women for the ACADEMY OF SPECIAL NEEDS AND SLOW ASS WOMEN WHO SUFFER FROM D **KDOME AND STUPIDITY. I’ve taken the liberty and enrolled you all in three courses: Dumb Women Do Dumb Things: When The Brain Suffers From Too Much Exposure of D**k Juice on the Head Birds Of A Feather Flock Together: How To Get Out of the Nesting Brood You Is Smart, You Is Kind, You Is Important: Get You Some and Get Your Life You, the other women, and that man is just sad all over. You really expect and think you are going to have any type of relationship with this buzzard? Ma’am, he is not faithful to his wife! He is mating (because I’m certain two donkey’s having sex is not making love) with another woman who has 8 children by him. And, you know this, and yet you still sit up and say that you love him? What do you love? You only had a relationship with him via the phone for 10 years, and you never saw one another (Donkey, donkey, bird, bird). Then you start this long distance relationship with him, but 2 months into it his wife calls you and tells you everything, and, yet you continue to see him? But, hold up, it gets better, 6 months later he calls and apologizes, you listen, and then you move him into your home? What type of woman are you? Let me ask you this: Is this man financially, mentally, and emotionally taking care of his 8 children with his other girlfriend? Is he financially, mentally, and emotionally taking care of his 4 children with his wife? Let me answer this for you: HELL NO! You even stated in your letter that he doesn’t have a job. If he can’t provide for his 12 other children, then how do you expect him to take care of your child? If he is irresponsible, immature, and spiritually deplete from his own life, then how do you expect him to be responsible, mature, and spiritually empowering for you? But, this is not difficult to figure out because you yourself are irresponsible, immature, and spiritually deplete. Let me repeat this for you: Your married boyfriend has 8 children with his mistress/girlfriend, and she will probably have more with him. Is this the type of man you want to have in your life as a role model for your child? There must be something seriously wrong with you when you knowingly involve yourself with a married man with 4 kids, and he’s openly having an affair with another woman who has 8 children with him. And, both of these women show up at your house, unannounced, and they detail everything about their relationship with him to you, yet, this man leaves with them, and you’re sitting over there talking about how much you love him, and want to be a family with him. Chile, d**k is a dangerous drug, and you’re sucking and smoking lots of it. Look, I know that whatever I say to you that you are not going to heed, follow, or listen to my advice. You are stuck on stupid and his d**k. Chile, that’s a deadly combination. A bird stuck on stupid and d**k. LMBAO! Therefore, let me say and do this, (drops bird seed on the floor and leaves a trail. Please follow), that man is not in love with you. He is not even in love with himself. No man who sleeps with three different women, impregnates them, and allows himself to go from each of their homes with no job and relies on the women to care for him remotely loves anything about himself. If he doesn’t love himself, then please know that it is impossible for him to love you. You three women are just dumping grounds, and trash receptors for his semen (i.e., nut collectors), and you have no regards for your own health, safety, or self. When you don’t cherish or respect your own body, the temple of your spirit, then you will allow anyone to do harm and destroy your body, the temple of your spirit. And, if the body, the temple of your spirit, is destroyed, then your spirit dies, along with your body. It’s important that you know how special you are and that you do not have to subject yourself to this man, and his trifling, no-good, hopeless and broke ass. You and your child deserve more, and better. It’s going to take you walking away from him, getting yourself together, and taking care of your child without him. He is not a father, a man, or a worthy companion. YOU CAN DO BAD ALL BY YOUR DAMN SELF! Find some spiritual and powerful sisters to surround yourself with. Utilize the time that you put into chasing him and go to school and better yourself. Stop repeating the cycle and behaviors that perpetuate ghetto hood basic bish stupidity. THE MAN IS LYING TO YOU, HAS LIED TO YOU, AND WILL CONTINUE TO LIE TO YOU. He is no good for you, and has never been. Love yourself, and your daughter enough to walk away, and be and do something with your life. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: I Want Us To Be A Family, But He’s Married & Has 8 Kids With His Other Girlfriend
