Dear Bossip , All I want to say is that I made a lot of mistakes in my life far as men. I’m 27 and have a bright future. I work part-time and go to school part-time. I want to be an officer of the law and then a DEA Agent. Far as them goals go I’m doing just fine and I’m about to graduate next year. My love life is going so wrong and what I’m doing is wrong. I love older guys and is married to one who is 59 years old, but we are separated, but I left him to be with a married man who is 51 years old and has been married for at least 31 years. Hell, he left his wife to be with me. We now live in apartment together after we both left our houses to be with each other. It’s been ups and downs because of how our spouses feel about us leaving. To make a long story short. His wife didn’t know that that we was living together at first because he lied and told her he wanted to be by himself. I lied and told my husband that I was living alone. What happened was that I went through his phone and found out that he was going to church with his wife (which we go to the same church that I’m a member of and I haven’t been in awhile because my ex goes there), texting her that he loves her and misses his family. So, I text her after saying that that he lives with me and we just got done having sex, which was true. We kind of been caught before with each other numerous of times mostly by her and once by my husband and he still wanted to see me. So, I told him what I did and he was livid about me texting her from his phone and we ended up back together. Even though he don’t go to church with his wife now. We went through each other phones and I seen a text saying, “I hope God put us back together.” Now, his excuses for telling his wife this and the first text is because he wanted to be politically correct (Which he trying to go for chairman at his job). Then it was that he was trying to see if it was worth leaving his marriage for. Now he trying to be-friend her so she won’t tell nobody at his job because they work together because he want the chairman’s position. I told him if he wants to go back to his wife then go back with her but he says he wants to be with me. He been away for about 3 months now and says if I wanted to be with her I would’ve been with her. I asked him to stop texting his wife that and if he want be friends with her then do that without the extra. He say he was doing that because he do misses his family (his kids are grown now) and he feels guilty about leaving her like that because now she has the house and she act like she don’t know what to do because he usually pays all the bill and the landscaping and blah! blah! blah! Throughout the years he been married he cheated on her since day one. I’ve only cheated once since I’ve been married, which is not good on both our behalf. I married for a different reason and he has his own which don’t make it right. I’m ready for a divorce and to start over right without drama (not to say with him) and lies and deceit, but with someone in the future who gone love me right and I love them the same way. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the man I’m with and he says he love me but I know just because you love someone you don’t got to be with each other. Especially when you both played the game and I feel like he still playing. I don’t know what he still telling his wife because I don’t go through his phone no more. He say he wouldn’t tell her that no more and he wants me to be his wife. That’s not the reason why I don’t go though his phone no more. I just feel like whatever he do that’s on him. I turned my focus on school and graduating and getting my life together. I want to be with him, but he has not talk to no divorce lawyer yet even though he said he was about a month ago. My thing is if he did it to his wife he would do it to me and which he did technically. Also what he told me about him and his wife must not of been truthful. What should a girl to do? – Love Older Men Dear Ms. Love Older Men , Why after reading your letter I felt like I was reading the script for some 1900 period piece in the south? My lawd, the language and texture of your sentences. WHEW! And, girl, what school do you attend? I had to re-read your letter just so I could understand it. Therefore, I’ve deduced (look it up I don’t’ have time to explain it) and I’m certain that you attend a technical school. How in the hell can you say you want to be a DEA Agent and you can’t even properly form a sentence with proper English skills? Ba-by, you better leave those old men you’re frolicking with alone and get you some education. And, I mean a real four-year institution that is accredited and has some real professors with real college students. And, after reading your letter and the mess and drama you’ve created with your life, and the lives of others, uhm, sweetie, I don’t think a career in law enforcement will suit you. It’s obvious you can’t make sound judgments. Have you thought about a career in maintenance or perhaps hotel hospitality? Now, let’s get down to business. You are a hotmess.org. What the hell are you doing married to a 59 year old man and you’re 27 years old, yet you’re already separated and you’re laying up with a 51 year old man? Chile, you women with this, “Looking For Daddy” complex and you’re collecting his social security check. I can’t! But, I want you to recognize something and I hope a light bulb flickers inside that dark dome of yours. Both of you left your homes (“houses” as you say) and live in an apartment. (* – *) Blank stare at you. Then you say he left his wife to be with you, yet his wife didn’t even know he was living with you until you texted her. (Girl, you truly are showing your age. You’re not 27, you’re 15. You texted his wife instead of calling her. LMBAO!) So, explain to me how did he leave his wife to be with you and yet he’s still married, and he told his wife that he wanted to be alone. So, therefore, he didn’t leave his wife for you because if he did, then he would have told his wife he was leaving her for another woman. (* – *) Blank stare at you. Then, you discover that he and his wife attend church services together every week, and you attend the same church, but haven’t been in a while. (* – *) Blank stare at you. Excuse me, ma’am, but what small ass backwoods town do you all live in? Are you sure that you all are not related? I can’t today. Really, I can’t! I’m really curious to know how can you work part-time, attend school part-time, and keep up bull-ish full-time? LMBAO! I see I’m going to have to open up a few satellite all-women’s academies in small backwoods towns: The Academy For Dumbass Women Who Are Looking For Daddy And Sleeping With Other Women’s Husbands . I’m going to offer you my advice and stop letting you have it because I know the readers are going to have a field day with you and your letter. I suggest you leave the married man you are sleeping with alone. It’s obvious he is not leaving his wife for you. They are still married. He’s told you, and her, that he misses his wife and he hopes God puts them back together again. (* – *) Blank stare at him. Girl, let that man go and return to his wife because whatever problems and issues they have they are not your concern. Let him go work out his mess with his wife, and he needs to leave you out of it. But, I gather in about a few more weeks, or the next two months, he’ll be back with his wife. Trust me. I see all and know all. I then suggest you speak with your husband and figure out the next few steps for you two. It’s obvious you two should get a divorce. So, start the paperwork. Move on with your life and stop f***king up other people’s lives. You are truly abackwoods-ishstarter.com. I’m going to need you to focus on you! Focus on school! Focus at your job! It’s obvious you need a lot of therapy and counseling. Yes, ma’am. You need some intense therapy on self-worth and self-esteem. You have no regard for anyone other than yourself. It’s sad and pathetic. I see why no young dude, or anyone your age will be bothered with you, and you have to seek out older men because someone your age would have gone upside your head by now. Nobody has time for all this bull-ish! Now ask yourself these questions: Why do you find older men appealing? What are you looking for in older men? Is it comfort, stability, or responsibility? Do you value others? Do you care that when you sleep with another’s woman’s husband that you are not only interrupting her life, but other’s in his family? I don’t care if he’s been cheating on her since day one, what does that have to do with you? But, you’re young and silly because your letter reads like that of a chicken-head girl in high school, and yes I said chicken-head girl. You know what, I can’t do you right now because I feel like momma Braxton from the Braxton Family Values when she was scolding Tamar, and I want to slap the piss out of you right now. It’s hurtful to know that you didn’t have a father figure in your life to treat you with love, respect, and dignity. So, therefore you will know how to have love, respect, and have dignity for yourself, and to help you recognize true authentic love from a man. It’s also hurtful to know that your mother didn’t share with you about the sanctity of marriage, and that when you make that commitment you are in it for the long haul and not for the moment and thrill of it. And, that you don’t sleep with another woman’s husband. Girl, not only are you violating your marriage, but someone else’s. Do you see the damage you’re doing? Do you recognize the hurt and pain you’re causing? Please wake up and stop eating possum and drinking that cedar wood liquor. It’s not good for you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to get your copy of my new book , Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: We’re Both Cheating On Our Spouses & He Keeps Telling Me He’s Getting A Divorce
