‘Don’t embarrass me,’ Lohan warns host in pre-taped segment. By Kelley L. Carter Lindsay Lohan and Chelsea Handler onscreen at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards Photo: WireImage As expected, MTV Video Music Awards host Chelsea Handler opened with a bang. In a pre-taped clip, the comedienne makes her way to the stage (and gets slapped on the butt a couple of times along the way). She meets up with troubled actress Lindsay Lohan, who pokes fun at her own struggles with sobriety before giving Handler a bit of advice: “Don’t embarrass me.” It went over pretty well, as did Handler’s monologue. She dropped down to the stage Lady Gaga-style, wearing a house on her head and a glittery outfit. She punched a clicker and the garage went up, then she dipped her head out and joked, “Sorry. That’s as far as we got in rehearsal.” Her outerwear was removed, revealing a short black dress. She told the crowd, “My plan was to stay sober the entire show, but, in an interesting twist, I am as high as a kite. That’s the last time I do a prayer circle with Snoop Dogg.” Handler talked about the last time a woman — Roseanne Barr — hosted the VMAs, which was in 1994. “Justin Timberlake was in the Mickey Mouse Club pretending he wasn’t having sex with Britney Spears. The Situation was just a classy way to call teenage pregnancy. And Justin Bieber’s mom had just given birth to her 401k plan.” Handler also had a bit of advice for her audience of celebrities: Be bad. “I want to encourage everyone to be on their worst behavior. And I’m not just talking about some predictable awards show girl-on-girl kiss. We’ve all seen that. I’m over that,” she said. “I want to turn this mother out. Get your tongue ready. I want one shoved some places it’s not supposed to be. I’m talking about you, Taylor Swift.” She also chided multiple VMA winner Gaga a couple of times, talking about her fashion choices in music videos. “I’m taking this job very, very seriously tonight. I did my homework and I watched all the videos. The one thing I discovered is that Lady Gaga and Beyonc
