Tag Archives: onion news

New York Marathon Winner Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Horse

Posted on November 5, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

NEW YORK—Officials from New York Road Runners stripped American Meb Keflezighi of his 2009 ING New York City Marathon victory Wednesday…

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New York Marathon Winner Tests Positive For Performance-Enhancing Horse

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Congress Approves $500 Billion For Monument To Human Folly

Posted on November 3, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Lawmakers celebrate the passage of funds that will be used to honor the renunciation of fiscal restraint.

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Congress Approves $500 Billion For Monument To Human Folly

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If I’m So Crazy, Then Why Do People Keep Having Sex With Me?

Posted on November 3, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

You know, I’m getting really sick of this.

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If I’m So Crazy, Then Why Do People Keep Having Sex With Me?

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Biggest Mistake Of Life Dressed Up As Pumpkin

Posted on October 31, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

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Biggest Mistake Of Life Dressed Up As Pumpkin

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House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents

Posted on October 31, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

It’s said that sometimes a skeleton-like dog can be seen lurking around the backyard, looking for food that isn’t there.

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House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents

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Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears

Posted on October 30, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Ashley, Courtney, and Marisa find endless new ways to crush the fragile American populace.

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Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears

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Phillies Hope To End 364-Day World Series Drought

Posted on October 29, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

PHILADELPHIA—The last time the Philadelphia Phillies brought a World Series title back to the City of Brotherly Love, the nation’s financial…

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Phillies Hope To End 364-Day World Series Drought

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U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort In Afghanistan

Posted on October 27, 2009 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Hill by hill, U.S. forces tirelessly work toward the strategic goal of complete immobility

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U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort In Afghanistan

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