Dear Bossip , I never thought I’d be one day writing to you, but, alas! I met this charming tall black man six weeks ago after being single for four years. We went out on our first date and I knew then he was trouble. At the time, I was packing to start my doctorate degree 1000km away, so I figured it wouldn’t go anywhere. He kept on calling and texting throughout the day, each day and I started to warm up to him. He came to visit me last weekend and I had the time of my life. The sex was out of this world! Best I ever had. Now, here’s the problem, I have a couple of issues with him: 1. He has 5 kids. I kid you not! He has 5 baby mamas, which is drama times 5. I’ve always chose not to date anyone with kids, well, at least one if I’m relaxing my standards. But 5? Who has 5 kids by age 35 in this day and age? I don’t think I wanna deal with that. 2. His lifestyle. He’s into the hottest parties, the most expensive booze. 3. I’m not sure if he can be faithful. My intuition tells me I’m not the only one, but of course he would never admit it. 4. He’s not a Christian. I want a man who has a relationship with God. 5. He drinks too much. I like this man, he makes me laugh, and he’s very affectionate. I’ve never been happier, but I can’t fully relax because he breaks all the rules. My friends have said over time that my standards are too high that’s why I’ll always be single. I don’t mind being single by the way. Am I relaxing my standards too much for this man or should I stick to my list? – Happy and Confused Dear Ms. Happy and Confused , Here we go with another damn grown a** woman with education smarts, but no damn common sense! SMDH! Why oh why do you supposedly smart, educated, intelligent women continue to write these no-brainer letters about no good trifling men and pursuing relationships with them? Why? Please explain to me the logic in this! UGH!! Every time I see these letters I just shake my head and scream. I truly wish I could reach the damn screen and smack the –ish out of y’all! But, since I can’t reach the screen, I’m going to ask you to politely reach up and smack yourself and knock your wig lop-sided. Ma’am, what doctoral program are you in? Are you sure it’s a real university or college? You must be getting your doctorate in dumba** simpleness. Why would you compromise your standards over a man who is 35-years old, and he has five kids with five different women? What logical sense does it make to be in a relationship with this man, or attempt to be in a relationship with him? And, ma’am, think about his carefully and understand that you are in school pursuing your doctorate. With that, his partying, drinking, and procreating with different women leaves me to deduce that he ain’t –ish, ain’t doing –ish, and ain’t about –ish! Please wake your a** up and be real about this situation and what the real possibilities are about this. I’m sure you don’t want to be baby momma number six, so, please leave this man alone, focus on your studies, and be about your business. He is only interested in screwing you, literally and figuratively. He is not serious about a relationship because if he was then he would be with one of his five baby mommas. And, hell to the naw, he is not ever going to be serious about you. He’s a philandering male whore. And, if you keep spreading your legs for him then I’m confident that you will be baby momma number six, and then I’ll be getting another letter from you and why he won’t commit to you, and he keeps making promises but not following through, and you keep finding out he is cheating. Girl, grow up and be a woman and give that man several seats out of your life. And, if you have standards and morals, then why are you compromising? There are five things you’ve listed that do not fit your criteria. HELLO! What the hell are you contemplating? Why compromise? Just because your friends tell you that your standards are too high, so you’re going to listen to them? Then I tell you what, tell them to date him. The hell!! Ask them if they would date him and pursue a relationship with him. I bet none of them would. What kind of friends you got? Get rid of ‘em if they are telling you to date that man. And, so what he makes you happy. Ma’am, it’s temporary and fleeting happiness. He is telling you what you want to hear, and giving you good sex. Stop confusing this with love and like. The only thing you like is that he is giving you good d**k, making your body feel good, and telling you things that sounds good for now. Start using your qualitative and quantitative reasoning and be honest with yourself. This man is not good for you. How the hell can he be a serious candidate for a relationship and he has five children with five different women? This means he is paying child support, if he is paying child support, to five different women. Where is he getting money from to travel to see you, and hang out with you? This will all come to an end real quick. Trust! And, if he spending all this time with you, and traveling to see you, then how is he spending any quality time with his children? Will you please think damnit! But, again, this is what happens once a woman gets some good d**k after she’s been single for a while. He bangs you out, have you doing tricks, and contorting your body all over the bed, floor, counter, and walls, and you lose your damn mind. Sigh! It’s so sad that the FDA will not put d**k on its list of dangerous drugs. Ladies, here’s the warning label: Getting good d**k will cause serious side effects. You will have lingering moments of relapse and your body will jerk, and convulse at odd times just by thinking of it. Your cooch will twitch, pulsate, and throb from the after affects. You will find yourself daydreaming, feigning, itching, scratching, and your body will have withdrawals. Your thoughts and common sense will be convoluted. Your judgment will become cloudy and you won’t be able to rationalize every day simple things and tasks. You will find yourself stalking his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram pages. You will call him insistently, checking on him and his whereabouts. You will do drive-bys of his home, job, or other whereabouts to make sure he is there. You’ll even compromise your own body, and stop using condoms because he tells you that he doesn’t like how they feel, and he will put out. In the end, he is not good for you. He’s not what you want, doesn’t fit your criteria, and will never be the man for you. So, don’t settle. He is simply out to make you baby momma number six. And, if you want to be in that number, then knock yourself out, boo. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: I’m Pursuing My Doctorate But I’m Seeing A Man Who Has 5 Baby Mommas & Nothing Going On
