Dear Bossip , I’ve been married to my husband for 4 and a half years, and we have to kids. My problem is that my husband and his sister are obsessed with each other so much so that I want to leave him because he allows her to act like his wife and she does things I don’t approve of. She’s always been jealous of me because I have a family and she doesn’t. She would always say ugly things about me and be sarcastic toward me. But, most of the time I ignore it because I feel it’s childish and I respect my husband too much, but he turns a blind eye. She does things like answer questions when I’m asking him a question. Or, she mingles in when we are having a private conversation that does not require her input. She even tries to play mother to my kids sometimes. She plays mind games with him by saying things like he doesn’t have time for her now that his married. There’s never a time that we go anywhere without her. She has to act like wifey to make people think that. I asked my husband for some time alone with him, but he said “Never gonna happen.” He speaks about all of our business to her and she makes sure that she let’s me know about it. He talks a lot about her. He pushes me away from him when she walks in the room. And, I can’t decide if it’s just out of respect or what. He is also at fault many times, but I try to understand that they have no parents and their family abandoned them. He’s not treating me too well and he always cuts me off when I want to explain my side. I’m always wrong in his eyes. But, what is driving me too the divorce is the fact that I made an effort to take him out to be alone, and he had to invite her to where we were without telling me. So, I got upset because I think I realized that he will never be the husband I need him to be because I feel he doesn’t contribute to our marriage. He just told me that he has had enough and to leave. So, I feel like doing just that. He won’t talk about his feelings or show me any affection, so I’m guessing he doesn’t love me. I’m also very worried about how my kids will deal with this. Please help. – My Husband And His Sister Dear Ms. My Husband And His Sister , Uhm, are you sure it’s his sister?!? Hello! Chile, by the way they are acting he and her both need the side eye with the lips pursed and the stank look. Ma’am, you’re better than me because I would have snatched her up and got her right together! And, in that order! Something isn’t right with this relationship, and I agree that they are a little too close for comfort. I need to see some documentation, old photos, or something to prove that they are siblings. What the hell type of incestuous relationship they got going on?!? Girl, is this woman sleeping in the same bed with y’all? I’m just asking. Ain’t no way in hell a woman should be that damn close to her brother. Sister or not, she needs to stay in her lane, and out of your marriage. But, I’m guessing that because they have no parents, and their family has abandoned them, that they’ve developed a bond in which they are totally reliant upon one another, and they both fear abandonment. Thus, they cling to one another in fear of losing one another. They’ve had no one else but each other, so unfortunately they have made each other dependent on one another. They have developed the mentality, “It’s us against the world. And, no one is going to keep us away from one another.” And, also, since they have no parents, and no other family members, she has become his surrogate mother. She has taken on the role of his mother, and may feel the need to be protective of him, which comes across as overbearing, overprotective, and incestuous. So, married or not, he is not going to let his sister go. She is his rock, and his shelter. She is his voice of reason, and go to person for times of trouble. And, vise versa he is those things for her. Remember, they’ve always been dependent on one another before you came into the picture. I’m certain they told one another that no matter what happens or what’s going on that they will never let anyone come into their lives and replace the other. And, that includes you. I’m surprised that he got married, and was able to have a family. This woman sounds like the type who will try to have your children sucking on her tit trying to breast feed them, and cutting you out of the pictures of their photo album and replacing her face with yours. Watch that woman! But, the more important factor about all of this is the fact that when you asked your husband for some time alone he told you, “Never gonna happen.” That right there should have been your clue to exit stage left. But, what’s more disturbing is that he pushes you away from him when she enters the room. The hell!!??!! So, he can’t show you any affection in front of her? Uhm, that is bizarre and weird. Hell, the next time he does it just reach down and grab his d**k and look her in her face and yell, “This is mine! It belongs to me.” LMBAO! Honestly, I’m rationalizing the reason he pushes you away from him is that it could because she may feel a certain type of way, or he may feel a way about it. It may be uncomforting, and/or he may feel ashamed by showing affection to another woman. But, nonetheless, you are his wife, and for him to push you away only shows his disregard, and disrespect of you. If he can’t respect and honor you in front of her, then he will never respect and honor you. GET OUT! And, look here, if he is choosing his sister over you, telling her all your business, inviting her on your date nights without your consent, and he’s not willing to communicate with you, has stopped showing you affection and love, and he has told you that he’s had enough and for you to leave, then, ma’am, it’s time to leave! Hell, I’ll be damned if I’m in a relationship with someone, and married to them, and they are always choosing their sibling over me. This is when you step in and say, “Look here, I know you both are special to one another, and y’all are family and everything, but, err, uhm, this –ish is going to cease with you telling them all of our business, and you can’t show me any affection and love because they will get jealous. And, I’ll be damned if you’re going to invite them on our date night without my consent. So, if you and your sibling need that much time together, then I’ll make this easy for the both of you. You can both have each other. I’m throwing up the deuces, and I’m taking your a** for everything. The house, the car, and all your damn money.” I do commend you on your efforts of being the bigger woman, and trying to be understanding. You’ve gone to your husband with your concerns. You’ve expressed how you feel, and you’ve gone above and beyond by being respectful to his sister, and not engaging her in her little childish antics. Yet, he doesn’t acknowledge, or see anything wrong with their relationship. And, she isn’t grown enough, or woman enough to know her place and position in this situation, so, therefore you have to make an adult decision, and re-evaluate the past four and a half years and ask yourself do you want to spend the next four, ten, or fifteen years dealing with this. Do you want to have to fight for your husband’s affection and love? Are you willing to put up with him always choosing her over you? Are you willing to share your husband with another woman, and who will always have his heart, mind, and soul? The bond between them is one you will never be able to develop between you and he because he has already decided that his sister means more to him than anything. It’s time to create an action plan, and get to moving. Ask your husband if he wants to seek counseling, therapy, or a marriage counselor to get to the root and issue of his relationship with his sister, and how it is affecting your marriage. If he doesn’t want to take you up on your offer, then it’s time to consult a lawyer, and figure out how you want to handle child support, and custody. He’s told you to leave, and he’s had enough. If he’s fed up and has told you to leave, then he has checked out of the marriage. He doesn’t want to save it. You’re going to have to pull it together emotionally and mentally. Be strong, and know it has nothing to do with you. You’ve done all you could. You’ve worked hard, and gave all your love. Now, it’s time to love you, and your children enough to walk away and save yourself. He and his sister have a bizarre and unusual relationship, and they both need serious help. And, unfortunately it has come at the detriment of your marriage. Good luck! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
