Tag Archives: sex and relationships

Dear Bossip: We Broke Up, He Got Another Woman Pregnant, But Wanted To Get Back Together

Posted on January 11, 2017 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 ½ years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. Our relationship was mostly good until we hit a rough patch towards the last year of our relationship. We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didn’t want to immediately get back together. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didn’t think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes he’d run after me. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. He said while I was away he tried to get over me with someone else and now she’s pregnant with his son. He said he still loves me and that he didn’t love her, and it was a mistake. He apologized for not telling me sooner. I was devastated. I cried and felt so depressed. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks later he was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesn’t love and, blah blah blah. I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but 2 weeks later he said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. SMDH! I feel stupid once again and a part of me feels that he may come back to me again and I really don’t want to be involved, but I’m so weak and don’t know how to let go. I don’t know what to think or believe. I feel so depressed about everything. I feel like life for me hasn’t gotten better and I’m tired. – It’s Gone Downhill Dear Ms. It’s Gone Downhill , He’s made a choice. He’s decided on what he’s going to do, and it does not involve you. Therefore, why are you depressed? Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesn’t want to be with you? Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. Welp, he didn’t run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. So, therefore, I’m not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? He let you go. He didn’t come chasing after you. He was able to find someone else to keep him company. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. So, ask yourself why do you allow it? It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasn’t so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. That should have been the end of it. But, you couldn’t let him go. You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. He didn’t. But, you allowed him to call and you were hoping he had changed. He hadn’t. Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now she’s pregnant. Ma’am, he didn’t waste any time moving on from you. He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesn’t love and doesn’t want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesn’t be with her. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. Now, again, I don’t see why it is so hard to let him go, and why you can’t move on. He doesn’t want to be with you. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Ma’am, he’s made a choice. And, you are not the choice. Therefore, move on. Let him go. Stop this back and forth with him. But, the real reason you can’t let go is because you feel bad that you’ve invested 4 ½ years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. He didn’t marry you. He didn’t give you another child. He didn’t invest in your relationship. So, you’re wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? You’re wondering if he will marry her. You’re upset that it only took a few months for her to get what you’ve been waiting for 4 ½ years. There is no rhyme or reason. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. Take this as a lesson learned. Always follow your gut and your instincts. When you ended it you knew it was over. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. When he didn’t come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. He isn’t what is best for you. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? So, let it be over. Stop going backwards. Move forward with your life. He is not the end all and be all. At some point you have to recognize your own self-worth and value, otherwise you will keep allowing him and others to walk all over you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: We Broke Up, He Got Another Woman Pregnant, But Wanted To Get Back Together

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Cheated With My Friend & I Don’t Know If I Should Stay Or Leave

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am going through this phase no wife should ever have to go through. Eight months ago I found out my husband cheated on me. I was disgusted because the woman he was with was a friend of mine and she was the one who spilled the beans. Instead of apologizing or feeling some type remorse, she was angry! She said how I was so naive not to know what was going on and I would be stupid if I let him slide like this. I confronted my husband that night when he came from work. At first he denied it, then, he burst his emotions out. He said it only happened once and how he couldn’t tell me because he didn’t want to break-up our marriage. And, how eventually, she was after him and he kept pushing her away, which is why she told me everything. I felt so devastated and just wanted to pack my things and go. He insisted I stay and that he truly feels sorry for what he’s done. Fast forward 8 months, and this man has changed a lot. He quit his job and got a better paying one. He helps a lot in the house and we get along so well, even as to say that he has gone as far as to give me his paycheck weekly so I can run our finances and control our spending. I also have control of his phone usage, which shows me all the calls he has made and received (which he doesn’t know). Unintentionally, I found a way to track where he is through his phone – no app was used, just email. From what I see, he holds a clean record ever since. But, there are some days that my mind rewinds back to that day, and things that I see remind me of his infidelity and make me feel as it was yesterday. My wounds feel fresh and I cry alone every now and then. I have become two sides of myself, the one who wants to leave and start fresh, and the one who wants to stay and forgive. He has become a wonderful husband and a great father to our daughter. But, Terrance, how can I make these feelings go away. I was always the first to say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Or, my personal favorite, “You cheat, you’re out the door.” But, could it be possible for a marriage to survive after this, if the husband shows signs of change without pressure from the wife? – Should I Stay or Leave   Dear Ms. Should I Stay or Leave , Ma’am, I’m sorry that you are experiencing this and going through this turmoil. I know it must be difficult to deal with a cheating spouse, and especially when that spouse sleeps with a friend that you know. It’s not as if it is some random woman, but a woman who was part of your life, and someone you considered a friend. That is a stab in the heart. But, yet, here you are. I wish I could tell you that you should leave. I wish I could tell you that you should stay. But, the only one who can make that decision is you. Me, nor anyone else can tell you when to leave your marriage, especially if your husband is doing everything to make things right, and is working toward saving his marriage. He’s apologized, and he’s trying to do right and remain faithful in the marriage. But, the pain is still there. Despite your own personal feelings and ethics that if someone cheats, then it’s out the door, and they will do it again. But, you’re still there. So, you have to decide what is your limit? What is your boundary? What is your low? People say what they won’t do and what they won’t put up with, but when put into that situation or faced with that circumstance it’s not easy and nor is it cut and dry. You’re thinking about your marriage and what you’ve committed to it. You’re thinking about your child. You’re thinking about your families. You’re thinking about your finances, your home, and what you’ll have to go through in the divorce. Will it be nasty? Will it be amicable? But, more importantly, is it worth it to end it and start all over again? If you are still struggling and you find yourself crying and reliving the pain, then it’s time to get into therapy. I highly and strongly recommend that you and your husband seek couple’s therapy to work on your marriage, and to get to the bottom of what happened. You have questions and you want answers, but I don’t feel you got them from him. Why her? Why cheat? What was going on in your marriage that he couldn’t come to you and talk to you about it? Was it convenience? Was it because he could? He says she kept pursuing him after it happened, so what led her to believe that something more was going to happen? How long had they been talking, and flirting? How long had she been pursuing him, and why didn’t he tell you? There are so many questions and very little answers, and you need these in order to heal. Besides, your husband needs to know how this has affected you, and how you are feeling. In therapy you can let him know how deeply hurt you are, what this has done to you and your trust of him. How you feel betrayed. How you feel manipulated and deceived. Let him know that you the pain is still there, and you can’t stop thinking about him being with another woman, especially someone you considered a friend. You’re hurting, and until you seek proper healing and deal with the emotions and feelings, then you will continue to relive it over and over again. However, I do know one thing, that woman should not be in your life in any capacity. She is and was never your friend. She was low down and dirty, and I would consider it a lesson learned. Despite who you think is your friend, and how close you think you are, there are some people you keep at a distance, and out of your marriage, and personal life. She is one of those types of people. It’s sad that someone you considered a friend, and invited into your home would turn around and do what she did. But, it happens. Then, she had the nerve to be mad at you and accuse you of being naïve and clueless as to what happened. You should have slapped the dog -ish out of her. She would know that you are not the one, and she would think twice before she did something like this again. However, like I said, I recommend therapy, and possibly speaking with your pastor, or spiritual advisor. This is not easy, nor is it cut and dry. You mentioned that it was a one time thing, and he’s working toward being a better man, better father, and better partner. Is this enough for you? Can you forgive and move forward? Do you want to forgive? You have to decide what is your limit and your bottom. Before you make any decisions or move forward get into therapy, see if it’s something you want to work on and mend. I’m sure you will get the answers you need if you talk with a certified licensed third party who can assist you as you navigate this new terrain in your marriage. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Three The Hard Way: Amber Rose Claims THIS Is Why Her First Threesome Went Horribly Wrong

Posted on September 8, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Amber Rose Says She Had A Threesome For Work Purposes/H2> Turns out Amber Rose isn’t as big of a freak as you may have thought. In her first Loveline podcast with Dr. Donaghue Amber revealed she just had her first threesome. Via Daily Mail reports: ‘We kinda just got together it was a guy and a girl and it was f**king horrible,’ Amber admitted to her co-host. ‘It was the worst. It was horrible. I am literally having sleepless nights,’ she said regarding the experience. ‘I felt the pressure, getting older, to experience new things and I did it against my better judgment because I talk about sex a lot,’ she said. ‘I promote that and I was like I need to have more experiences and so I did it.’ You REALLY think she just did it for the experience? Amber seems like enough of a free spirit to where she doesn’t need an excuse to use her box… But whatevs… So she did it but she says she didn’t enjoy it. ‘And I hated it. Because I feel like I am a very passionate lover and I like that one-on-one passion.’ ‘With the threesome I felt like there was no passion. there was no kissing and rolling around. ‘All those moments were not there.’ She then joked about ex Wiz Khalifa: ‘You know maybe I will call my baby daddy tonight.’ She concluded the topic by saying: ‘I won’t do it again. Maybe if it’s two guys but not with another girl.’ Wayment! Did she really say she would be down to try again with TWO men? How does that even make sense with her reasoning about one-on-one passion? Maybe it’s just she didn’t like sharing the attention with another girl? Are you surprised to hear Amber had sex she didn’t enjoy? Nothing worse than bad sex riiiiight?! AKM-GSI/SplashNews

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Dear Bossip: I Got Pregnant By Co-Worker & He’s Avoiding Me & He’s Leaving The Job

Posted on September 8, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , About 5 months ago I had a one night stand with one of my co-workers of four years. That night was something special for me because I secretly felt something for him since the day I started working for the company. We (the co-workers) all got drunk and he started flirting with me that night. I didn’t think twice about being with him that night, even though I had a boyfriend at that time. I sort of felt guilty afterwards because he is married and I am friends with his wife. She was always nice to me and they have a one year old daughter together. After that night, he was nice to me but somewhat distant. Two months went by and I found out I was pregnant. I told him and it came to him like a shock. First thing he said is that I should consider abortion because he can’t be there for me due to his work schedule. I talked to my family about it and they disagreed on terminating my pregnancy. They said they would help me out even though they are not financially stable. I told him that I would still continue my pregnancy and that he would need to provide for me. He said that he will help me out but that I will have to keep quiet about the situation. As the days went by he would come by the office and we would chat for a while. Then, there was this night that I asked him to take me out to eat. A month went by and I asked if he can come to the sonogram and he agreed. During these times he has never approached me sexually or tried to touch me, but I had my hopes that he would come through. I then told my boyfriend that I couldn’t be with him because I was pregnant with someone else’s child. He tried to convince me to stay and that he would take care of the baby, but I felt bad for doing that to him. I told this to my baby’s father and all of a sudden he got upset. He said that I shouldn’t be selfish and that I should give my boyfriend an opportunity to be a full-time husband and a paternal figure to my baby. We argued and he confessed that he was secretly wishing that night had never happened. He said that he never planned on leaving his wife and child and that he regrets everything. He also said that everything he has ever done was because he felt blackmailed and afraid that I would tell his wife. I became extremely upset and that night I drove to my cousin’s house. We decided to message his wife and tell her everything. I told her that her husband kept looking for me and that he has been lying for years. I didn’t feel bad telling her this because deep down inside me I wanted her to leave him. The next day he didn’t show up for work and apparently I learned that he asked for a schedule change (so we are working different hours). I tried calling him but he won’t answer his phone. This has been two weeks now and I feel terribly lonely. One of my co-workers today told me that next week is his final week and he is quitting the job. My question is should I go after him? I was hoping his anger would diminish and he would call me, but I haven’t heard anything from him since that day with his wife. I don’t want to go through a second pregnancy alone again and I am really hoping that he would come around. Should I just continue to wait for him to call or should I go see him before he leaves the job? – Hoping He Doesn’t Leave Me Dear Ms. Hoping He Doesn’t Leave Me , Uhm, ma’am, how are you going to go after someone who doesn’t want to be followed, or chased? How are you going to make someone be a part of your life who doesn’t want to be there, or involved? You are expecting this man to drop his life, his marriage, and his family to be with you? Are you serious? You haven’t heard from him ever since you confronted and told his wife about you and he, and you are expecting him to come running to you with open arms? Ma’am, something is seriously wrong with you. No! Don’t go after him. No! Don’t wait for him to call because he isn’t. No! Don’t go see him before he leaves the job. He obviously doesn’t want anything to do with you, or to see you because he changed his work schedule, and he is quitting his job and didn’t tell you. Therefore, he is avoiding you. He is and has gotten rid of you. Running after him is not going to change anything. He is gone, been gone, and is going to stay gone. I truly feel that this was a set-up  by you from the very beginning. I feel that you had plotted and planned all of this. You even admit that you were vying for him, and secretly wanting him since the day you started working for the company. Therefore, you were waiting your moment and opportunity. And, it happened when you and some co-workers were out drinking and he flirted, and you knew that was your moment. What’s sad is that both of you were wrong, as he is married, and you were in a relationship. You’re both disgusting, and trifling. And, of course, lo and behold, you become pregnant after this one-night stand, and you want him to leave his wife and life to be with you. Instead of being rational and thinking clearly about the situation, you made this all about what you want – and deep down inside you want him. You kept this baby as a pawn to keep this man in your life. You are using the baby as a way to manipulate and maneuver yourself as his woman. Welp, that didn’t work, and it won’t work. What’s sad is that you cheated on your boyfriend, and despite you being pregnant with another man’s child he was willing to stick by your side and care for the child. He was willing to step in and be part of the child’s life. You dumped him, and told him that you didn’t want to be with him because you felt bad for what you did. Ma’am, you didn’t feel bad for what you did. If you felt bad then you wouldn’t have cheated in the beginning. You don’t feel bad because why would you end a relationship with a good man who is willing to be there for you and your child, a man who is willing to step in as a parental figure? Your goal and aim was to be with your co-worker, and to get him to leave his wife to be with you. That is what you wanted and what you are after. Then, on top of this, you claim that you and his wife are friends, and that she was and has always been nice to you. Therefore, you betrayed her, and you betrayed your friendship with his wife. You were smiling in her face while plotting on ways to sleep with her husband. You were only being nice and friendly with her because you wanted her to think you two were close and that she could trust you around her husband. SMDH! You are vicious and devious. You are conniving, and spiteful. The only thing you can do now is to put him on child support. He doesn’t want to be a part of your and his child’s life. Girl, he told you that he never planned on leaving his wife and child and that he regrets everything. He also told you that everything he ever did was because he felt blackmailed and that he was afraid you would tell his wife. He was never into you, never cared about you, never loved you, and, hell, he didn’t even like you. The both of you were drunk, and horny and he took advantage of the situation and moment, just like you did. You can’t make him, force him, or beg him to be with you, want you, or to do something he doesn’t want to do. HE DOESN’T WANT YOU! What is truly sad is that you said this is your second pregnancy that you are experiencing alone. This will be another child you have and no man is involved. Ma’am, why do these men keep walking out of your life, and what is going on that you are choosing men who are not available? Why would you sleep with a married man and expect for him to leave his wife for you? Why are you sleeping with co-workers? Why would you allow the influence of alcohol, or use alcohol as an excuse to do what you did? You are a grown woman acting like a child. You are not responsible, or have any control. You are out of control. You have unrealistic ideas of relationships, and of men. You choose men who are not available. You don’t think things through clearly, therefore, you lack rational thinking skills. You are petty and childish because you would text his wife, the woman you claim is your friend, and tell her what you did because he won’t give you what you want. Please grow up. Please get into some therapy, and counseling. Please learn how to make adult choices and decisions. Think about your children and how this will affect them as they grow older. You have a lot of growing and maturing to do. And, I hope this doesn’t become a cycle that you continue in the future, and also pass along to your children. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It After I Learned He Was Married, But He Won’t Leave Me Alone

Posted on May 23, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I was happily dating this guy for about two years. I met him at a singles mixer and things were good and we were really feeling each other. One morning I was getting ready for work and my phone rang. Now, usually I don’t answer numbers I don’t know, but something told me to pick it up. It was a woman and the first words out of her mouth were, “How do you know my husband?” After I regained my composure I told her that I met him at a singles mixer about two years ago. She just said, “Oh, thanks for the information,” and she hung up. I was at work for a few hours when the guy called me. I couldn’t answer my phone at work, but he left a long voicemail letting me know how unhappy he was that I was honest with his wife when she called my phone. So, I’m guessing that she went in on him after talking to me. I called him back while on break just to let him know to lose my number and to never contact me again because married men aren’t my thing. He gave me that tired line about them being separated and on the verge of divorce because that’s always the excuse when a married man gets caught up. But, I wasn’t having any of that and he just won’t accept that it’s over. Since I blocked him he is harassing my friends and family. He even had the nerve to send flowers up to my job for me. I am trying my best to get rid of the drama, but this man is holding on and keeps telling me he will prove his love by leaving his wife. I have blocked him and told the people at my job to not let him up to my office if he shows up. I am at my wits end and don’t know what else to do. – Can’t Make A Clean Break Dear Ms. Can’t Make A Clean Break , Call his wife and tell her about her husband and what he is doing. Tell his wife that he won’t leave you alone. Every time he leaves a voice message, sends a text, flowers, gifts, or is harassing your family, forward it all to his wife. Let her know that you don’t want anything to do with him, and that your meeting him at a singles mixer led you to believe that he was single, and that he had no wife or family. He lied to you, and led you to believe that he was a single man and that you and he were in a monogamous relationship. Let her know that you are not interested in dealing with married men, and he refuses to get the answer, the hint, or the obvious – you want nothing to do with him. Next, get a restraining order. The man is crazy, a stalker, and obviously controlling. He’s attempting to control this situation, and you. His insistence on showing up at your job, harassing your family and friends is a man who is out of control, yet, wants to control the situation and you. He will stop at nothing to get your attention, to get you back, and eventually back into his drama. This man is unstable, and getting a restraining order will hopefully help him to get the hint that you want nothing to do with him. If these do not work, then get together with his wife. Invite him out and tell him to meet you in a public place and space. Then, have his wife show up and let him face the both of you. You and his wife confront him together. You demand that he leave you alone, and to stop harassing you, and your family and friends. You tell him that you want nothing to do with him, and to go on with his life, and work on his marriage. Let his wife deal with everything else. And, if you have some brothers, male cousins, or male friends, then have them show up and tell him to leave you alone as well. It’s obvious this man is not going to get the message until he is confronted, and you lay it all out for him. Don’t relent and give in to him. Don’t let him attempt to explain himself out of this mess, and this drama. He is dangerous. He is a liar. And, he is a master manipulator. He managed to maintain a two-year relationship with you…..wait, hold up….how the hell did you maintain a relationship with a man for two years and had never gone to his house, met his friends, or family members? At some point in the two years you were together you would have met some of his friends, and his family members. And, what about the holidays? You never spent any of the holidays together – Thanksgiving or Christmas? What about New Year’s Eve or Day? And, what about Valentine’s Day? This man was able to hide and keep his marriage a secret from you for two long ass years, and all these holidays in between, and not once did anything cross your mind or make you think something is not right? How did he explain his living situation? Why had you not met anyone in his family for two years? Hell, a friend? Girl, I’m starting to question you now! Major side eye. See, you should have done some investigations and gotten some answers instead of believing everything he told you. How the hell do you end up in a two year relationship with someone and not once go to their home or meet anyone significant in their life? There are so many other questions and obvious things to look at with this situation, such as, Did you notice he wasn’t texting or calling you at night, considering he was home with his wife? And, why had you never gone to his job? Yes, he is controlling because he controlled the entire relationship. He met your family and friends, and it’s obvious he knows where you work and has been to your job before. He put all the focus on you, and getting involved with your world, and life. However, you know nothing about him. You were not integral or part of his world or life. Girl, you made a big ass mistake, and now you have to learn the lesson. I guess you’ll ask better questions, and really get to know a man before you jump into a serious relationship with him. Like, how the hell can you be involved with someone for two years and never meet anyone in their family, or their friends? That boggles my mind. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It After I Learned He Was Married, But He Won’t Leave Me Alone

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Dear Bossip: My Best Friend Is Crushing On My Man & Asking Me For His Number

Posted on May 5, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have known my best friend since were in elementary school, and now we are both in our early 30s. So, naturally, we have been through a lot and talk to each other about everything. I met a guy on my birthday last year. We talked for like almost two months and then I moved to another city to start law school. But, in December, we started talking again and in January we became official. Recently, my friend not only told me that she has a crush on my boyfriend, but she has repeatedly asked me for his number. After that happened I have been kind of keeping my distance. I don’t know how to proceed with our friendship because I feel like she doesn’t respect my relationship and that she would try to sleep with my boyfriend if she was anywhere near him. My cousin said I should respect that she came to me instead of going behind my back. I guess she has a point, but I still feel some kind of way. I don’t want her to feel like I’m picking a man over her, but seeing how she is blatant with her attraction to my man should I just keep my life with them separate, or continue to keep my distance like I have been doing? – Confused About What To Do Dear Ms. Confused About What To Do , Well, if your best friend is crushing over your man, and she knows that you and he are together, and she’s asking you for his number and telling you that she is attracted to him, then she is not your friend. What best friend do you know will disrespect your relationship by coming right out and asking for your man’s number and telling you she has a crush on him knowing that you’re in a relationship with him? That is some bold ass –ish! Now, see, at first you may think she is joking, and punking you. “Girl, stop playing. I know he’s fine, and he’s a good catch. Glad you recognize.” But, for her to do this over and over again, the next words out of your mouth should be, “I’m going to need for you to back it up. Quit playing with me, and stay in your lane. This is my relationship, and he is off limits, and if you can’t respect this, us, and me, then, yes, I will cut you off.” And, no, you’re not picking a man over her, you’re just recognizing that your best friend doesn’t have any boundaries, and she is showing you her true colors – she will sleep with your man and feel it okay. Squash this today and put her in her place. Yeah, your cousin may have a point that you should respect that she came to you and told you instead of going behind your back, but now you know who your enemy is, and now you know that you can’t trust your friend. So, hell to the no, you don’t bring them around each other, don’t invite your friend on dates with you, or to gatherings, or anywhere or anyplace where you and your man will be. She will slip her number to him, fawn all over him, and throw herself on him and she will do this right in your face, and be unbothered by it. That’s how bold she is because she is bold enough to ask you for his number, and bold enough to tell you that she is crushing on your man. No, you don’t trust her, and quite frankly you need to confront her instead of avoiding her. Yup, confront her. Instead of avoiding her, you need to call her out and have a serious conversation with her about her inappropriate behavior, and soliciting you for your man’s number. You did state that you’ve been best friends since you were younger, and you’re now in your 30s, so I don’t understand why you can’t talk with your best friend and be frank and honest with her. Tell her how you don’t appreciate her coming to you asking for your man’s number, and that you don’t find it cute or appropriate that she is crushing on him and that she feels it okay to tell you these things and not think you will feel a way about it, or confront her about it. Girl code rule #1 is that you don’t go after your best friend’s man. You don’t flirt, ask for his number, socialize with him alone, attempt to date him or give googly eyes. And, nor do you even look at him romantically giving any indication that you are interested. He is off limits, period point blank. Now, the fact that she is violating girl code rule #1 should let you know that doesn’t respect you or your relationship. She should know better. But, obviously it doesn’t matter to her, and she is going to get what she wants, and she is going to do it regardless of whether you like it or not. So, again, confront her, have a serious conversation with her, and express how it makes you feel that your best friend is disrespecting your relationship. Tell her that she is overstepping her boundaries, and her behavior makes you uncomfortable, and quite frankly you are starting to second guess your friendship. If she can do this to her own best friend, then you can only imagine what she would do to any other woman she is not friends with. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I’m Living With A Married Man, But He’s Still Taking Care Of His Wife

Posted on March 7, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have been living with a married man for 6 long years. I have left him TWICE and came back believing that there is nothing between him and his wife.  He visits her (their) home at least weekly to visit the dogs. And, he fixes anything that she might need, car, house, etc. When we go out he is lurching at every female he sees. He locks his damn cell phone, and takes phone numbers with an excuse why for each one. So, I left my home in Las Vegas for this clown 6 years ago – my home, my job, my family, and all the while he is sitting pretty with his life pretty much still intact, with one exception, he has ME to go places with, and to play mistress. The problem is that I really cannot afford to get out on my own. I am scared once again that I just won’t make it. He told me and I quote, “I made a promise to my wife to be her friend and help her out. If you don’t like it leave!” This dog has made my life miserable and now I am stuck once again with nowhere to go. And, I am financially struggling. All the while he pays ALL her bills. – Miserable Mistress Dear Ms. Miserable Mistress , You are throwing him under the bus and making him out to be this big bad villain who is taking care of his wife, and mistreats you and won’t make you feel as if you’re the only woman in his life. Yet, you picked up your life, gave up your home, job, and family to go live with a married man in another state, and you really think he owes you something? You really do think that things are going to be great, exciting, and wonderful because you’ve been sleeping with another woman’s husband for 6 long years? Girl, you are foolish and as dumb as your letter. You are getting exactly what you deserve. He is treating you like a side chick, well, some side chicks do get treated better. He’s treating you like a live-in hoe. He doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. You devalued yourself the moment you began sleeping with a married man. You devalued your worth the moment you felt it okay to lay up with another woman’s husband, then, pack up your entire life and give it all up to live with a man who has told you that basically he is not going to stop taking care of his wife, and you need to get on board or leave. And, you chose to get on board. So, why are you complaining? I’m curious to know why you would give up everything to go be a live-in mistress. Why? What were you hoping would change or what were you expecting? You really moved in with a married man and thought he would be faithful to only you! Really? SMDH! Women are that thirsty, and hungry for a man that they are moving in with married men now? If you’re that desperate for a man, then he will treat you any type of way because you don’t have any respect for yourself. Now, you’re acting mad because when you and he are out he is lurching after women, taking numbers and giving you excuses for each one. Why are you mad? He’s been like that, will always be like that, and won’t change for you or any other woman. How do you think he got you? The same behavior he is exhibiting now is the same behavior he used to win you over, and he’s been like this for the 6 years you’ve been with him. HE HAS NOT CHANGED. You are just noticing it and complaining about it. Hell, you signed up for this. You let him get it away with it. If you left him twice and went back, then you made the choice to go back. You didn’t have to, but you went back. So, ask yourself, why? What did you think or expect to happen? He is not going to change for you. His wife was smart enough to leave him, and she continues to take his money and gets him to come to their home and fix things, and I’m sure he’s taking care of other business too while he’s there. And, what’s sad is that he is still married, his wife knows about you and has resigned herself to this situation, and you got your bird ass living in his home and he’s told you to get on board or leave. And, you’re stewing mad because you expect him to be different, be monogamous and be a one woman man. Bwahahahahahaha! You are silly. I don’t know any woman, any smart, intelligent, career-oriented and independent woman who would give up all her things to go live with a married man in another state. That doesn’t even make sense. That sounds dumb just typing it. Now, you’re mad and complaining because he is taking care of his wife financially, and the house they had/have together, and you’re struggling financially with nowhere to go. He’s probably sleeping with other women, especially if he is lurching after them in public while he’s out with you, and he’s collecting numbers. He is using those numbers. You’re just fool enough to believe his excuses, or fool enough to think he won’t step out on you. You think it’s a competition between you and his wife, and there is no competition. He’s made that known and so has wife. That is why he comes and goes to her home as he pleases, and he will keep coming and going without any resistance from you because you don’t have any claim over him. He’s told you that you have no say, no claim, no hold, and no authority over him. He is going to do what he wants to do. Welp, I guess you’re reaping the karma that you created. Get used to it, and this life of misery. You’re in hell, and it will only get worse. You can wake up, get out, ask for forgiveness from his wife, and yourself, and move out and try to get back your life. Or, you stay, continue to let him walk all over you, and just know that one day he may get tired of you and fed up and put you out. Then what? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: He’s Separated & His Wife Is Pregnant, But I Miss Him

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am undergoing an emotional struggle and I hope maybe your insights might able to give me some peace in mind. I do apologize for the long email, I think you would judge me if I wasn’t clear about this situation. Recently, I met a guy on Tinder, who I thought was 27 years old and single, and he happened to visit my neck of town for a new job. I went on a few dates with him and then he flew back to wherever he’s from. When he went home I was sad because he was a great company and I’ve never met someone I am so in-tune with…and I date a lot of men. It was the first time I am enjoying the experience without expecting any reciprocation of commitment from the other party. Though, I was sad, I thought it was just a one-time thing, so I decided to be friends with him. I thought we could be just friends, if anything, since it could be a good thing knowing more people around the states. As I continued my communication with him, he then confessed to me that he was separated with kids and was wondering what are my thoughts of his baggage? He then asked me if I would be his girl. LOL! And, the next thing he told me was that he was flying back to my town that coming weekend and it was going to be a one way ticket for him, since he doesn’t think it was working out for his wife and him. Mind you, I thought this guy was crazy and that he was joking. Who the heck would book a one way ticket to live somewhere where he knows no one to be with a girl he just met and hung out with for one week? I even told him that what he’s experiencing with me is just an infatuation so he should go home and work things out with his wife. He then called me on that weekend and said he was at the airport. You should have seen my face, I was in shock. Of course, I picked him up and let him stay at my place over the weekend and then I told him that he needs to find his own place to stay because I have never let anyone reside over my place for more than 2 days. He spent 2 weeks here. He was hotel hoping since he hadn’t found the perfect place to stay. I even helped him with the search, but part of me felt like he wasn’t really invested in finding a permanent place to stay here. I still felt like he was just acting based on his feelings of infatuation, and he would leave very soon. And, I didn’t ask him about his situation because I didn’t want to be involved in the drama, and, that he would tell me on his own if he trusted me. After 2 weeks passed, he told me he was thinking of going back home. I knew this day would come, but I wasn’t angry or anything, even though I should have been considering he tried to lead me on with all his crazy stuff. I told him that it was nice knowing him and that he shouldn’t continue talking to me anymore since what he’s doing is hurtful. He agreed and asked if I wanted to meet up and spend some time together before he left. I said yes, and upon meeting him, he showed me pictures with his kids. He shared that things with his wife was very strained, but was still complicated since he got her pregnant with the 3 rd child 6 months ago. To be honest with you, after learning that piece of information, I told him to don’t come back and he should focus on his kids and his pregnant wife as I never thought he should have left his family for someone he barely knew, and that he shouldn’t cheat on his wife again. He asked me to be his life-long friend and I said that as much as I would want to be in his life, I can’t. We just have too much chemistry together to be just friends. And, that having any type of relationship with me will only hinder his reconciliation process with his wife. Despite how sad I felt, I have never expected such a man to leave his family. I have yet to tell you how I felt about this man, I feel like he was my soul-mate, someone who finishes my sentences and knows exactly what I am thinking. It just feels right and I was really one hundred percent of myself when I was with this guy. So, he left and all I’ve done is cry my heart out. Three days later, he contacted me out of the blue via text and I told him not to talk to me since we promised each other that. The next day, he called me and when I got home from work, he was walking up to my house. You should have seen my face. It was like I saw a ghost. He told me that he spent the four days flying to a random place to do some soul searching, and that after talking to his wife about their situation he doesn’t want to work things out with her, and that he came back and he was going to be here indefinitely. He said that their marriage isn’t working out, not because I was the reason. Selfishly, I was happy that he came back once again, but morally speaking, I couldn’t let him do that (leaving his family behind to be with me). And, I know he was pretty serious this time around. We’ve spent some times together and I was able to collect more information about his situation. I’ve learned that he loves his wife, but he’s not in love with her and that his love is more based on the moral obligation. He doesn’t want to try hard to work out their relationship despite the fact that she is willing. He said he felt like he was suffocating since he hadn’t had time to be himself ever since they had kids. In response to his situation, I told him that I feel deeply for him very much, but he’s a selfish douche-bag for leaving his pregnant wife alone with 2 small children. Blah, blah, blah. All the moral stuff you can think of, and I told him all this doesn’t benefit me in anyway. A few days later, he left. I knew that he was leaving because he asked me if I was going to hold it against him if he went back. But, I didn’t expect him to vanish like the wind. This time he left me with only a text message instead of seeing me in person. His message said. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve been saying the last couple of days. I really don’t want to be a “selfish douche.” I mean, when you’re the one telling me to go back and work things out for my kids, it really means something. I hate to leave, but I’m going to listen to you. If this was just a dream, it’s going to be one I really f***ing miss. Like you said, if it’s meant to be, I’ll meet you again. I’ll miss you.” Then, follows all the pictures of us together. Terrance, I love this man very much, but I want him to be a better person and a responsible man who should be there for his kids, hence, I encouraged him to go back and take responsibility for whatever situation he got himself in. Maybe you see it differently, but I’m in love with this man unconditionally, and I am having a hard time coping with all these strong emotions since I have never experienced anything like this before. I am baffled because my head is telling me to move on, but I just can’t seem to move anywhere. A part of me have hopes that he would come back, but rationally speaking, I think I could be crazy because the guy obviously just has too much baggage to handle for him to even consider coming back. – Missing Him Dear Ms. Missing Him , So, you decide his baggage is not too much for you, and you pick it up and help him carry it? Bag lady, you gon’ miss your bus. Carrying all them bags like that! He’s married. He has a family, and a pregnant wife. He doesn’t love you. He led you on. He used you, deceived you, and misled you into believing you and he could be friends, more than friends, and at one time he offered for you to be his girlfriend. He’s a liar. He’s not to be trusted. He’s deceptive. You have fallen in love with someone you don’t really know. What I don’t understand is after you initially met him on Tinder and spent time with him in your hometown, he flew home and decided he should confess to you that he was married with a family, but he was separated. Now, this is where it should have ended. No more conversation. No more texting. No more anything. Goodbye! Click! But, this fool told you he was buying a one-ticket and he flew back to your hometown, and you went to pick him up at the airport. Why? You knew he was married. You knew he had a family. And, in all your moral rationalizing of this situation throughout the letter, you allow him to stay at your home during the weekend, and then proceeded to help him during the two weeks he was in your city. You are complicit in his behavior. You are complicit in aiding him in this foolishness. This man was trying to start a relationship with you after only meeting you one time online. This fool bought a one-way ticket to your hometown and was planning on staying until you confronted him about his situation. He left his family, and was roaming across the country attempting to start up a relationship with any woman he met on Tinder. Yes, you were the one who responded, and the one who fell for his bull-ish. You were the naïve one who listened to his dramatic story and decided to be his fixer. You gave him an ear, and a shoulder to cry on. He was, and is, unstable. He’s mentally touched. Something is wrong with this man. Yet, you don’t see it, and you continue to engage with him, and allow yourself to be involved with him. Why? What are you getting out of this? You notice he continued to use you and show up in your life even when you told him not to. And, it’s because you always welcomed him back into your life as if he was your lover, your man. A man shows up to your home unexpected, and you were shocked, and excited to see him. Really? You should have called the police. He’s crazy! You don’t know this man. You don’t know what he is capable of. Hell, he up and left his family and pregnant wife. So, who are you in love with? What do you know about him to justify this love you profess to have? You need to really assess your mental and emotional state of being. You allow a complete stranger into your home, into your bed, and into your life. Then, he lies and deceives as you find out more and more about him. He shows up unexpectedly at your home. Who allows someone like this into their life? You should really take a long look at yourself, and evaluate your mental and emotional well-being. You are not in love. You can’t be. You don’t know him. You only know what he has told you. Let him go and stop answering his calls and texts. The next time he shows up in your home town and at your doors step, then you need to call the police. Who knows what this man is dealing with, and what type of mental and emotional issues he is dealing with. Girl, he is flying from state to state, and leaving his wife and family behind, obviously he is dealing with something. And, he’s probably meeting other random women online and doing the same thing with them. Get your head out of the clouds and come back to reality. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: He’s Separated & His Wife Is Pregnant, But I Miss Him

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Round 2: The Game Comes For Crunchy Karrueche’s Cakes On Instagram…AGAIN

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

No Chill! The Game Trolls Karrueche’s Crunchy Azz Cakes Just last month The Game got reprimanded by Chris Brown and his crew for instal-stalking and trolling his known ex, Karrueche Tran.  It doesn’t look like The Game took Chris’s words to mean a damn thing though, because he’s back at it this morning for round 2.  In an effort to promote his new music, Game posted a photo of Kae on Instagram.  Buuuuut, it doesn’t end there. He tagged her in the photo, but was sure to land the tag right on her lady parts.  Yep, he tagged her crotch.  Do you guys think he being a petty patty or was that placement just a coincidence??  We’d love to hear what Breezy’s got to say about all of this…  

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Round 2: The Game Comes For Crunchy Karrueche’s Cakes On Instagram…AGAIN

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Dear Bossip: I Married My Nigerian Husband & Now He’s Living In Another State

Posted on September 29, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , Me and my husband have been married for five years, and all those years I always have done everything. My husband is from Nigeria. I even put up all the money and fees to get him here. We have three children, two adopted by me before we got together, and our 2 year old that we have together. We were best friends for 8 years before even getting together, so naturally, I thought all would be great. I was wrong. Two weeks after having our son my husband arrived. It seemed once he arrived things would change. I was off from work after having our son and things were limited and stressful. You know when you start learning to live with someone full-time things change, such as arguments and problems. Many of the issues revolve around him wanting his name being added to my home. I had I thought gladly, but learning from my past mistakes something told me be careful. So, I told him that I would and I’d even sign an agreement if I knew he was contributing. I would be glad to add his name, and then I offered we could buy a new home. But, in the meantime, let’s learn each other and adjust to being a family first and get things worked out with so many changes happening. However, when our son turned six months old he left to go to another state saying he was only going to be gone three months because he wanted to get some job training. I told him it really wasn’t a good time to leave and he went anyway. By this time, I was thinking of quitting my job, but I returned to work and was taking our son to daycare, even though he agreed we would work different shifts to care for him because of the expense of daycare. All of this was happening, and I was about to tell him about quitting my job and possibly putting his name on the house. As this point I was still paying everything and I just did not want anymore issues. But, his approach stopped me in my tracks. His three month had turned in to almost three years with every little excuse of why he hasn’t moved back. Now, he’s in Atlanta, and he only comes home every three to five month for only a week. I pay all the bills in the home, and all the childcare for our children, including all the insurance. He asked me on several occasions to get loans ranging from $1,500 to $4,000 dollars. He said it was to help get his business started so that he can help take care of his family. I got the loans and still nothing has come of it other than my credit being ruin. I ended up being stuck paying the loans after he said, “Baby, no, I am going to pay the monthly bill.” I try to help every time he calls asking for money because he’s my husband and I want him to succeed. But, I told him that I have dreams, too, but I still have to take care of the family while pursuing them. I don’t think it’s fair to leave me hanging and putting everything on me. Also, every time I bring up that he is never here for our anniversary, birthday, or Valentine’s Day it’s a problem with him. The two times we did do something it was on our anniversary. I paid for everything just so that he would spend time with me on that day. I keep telling him that this is a problem and he says that I need to be patient, and that he has a dream and it’s going to take time. Yet, when I try to talk to him about the issue he likes to blame me for everything going wrong in our marriage. He even asked for a DNA test on our son once when he got mad at me. I finally got tired of him using that so I paid for it myself to get it done and of course our son is his. But, I’m tired of it. My family said I should get out of this marriage. I asked my brothers about putting his name on the house and they said that it’s crazy, and they find it funny that he is not contributing anything but he wants his name on the house. Why is it such a big deal? Why not buy another home together? I told him that if he didn’t want to be married to me, or if I’m such a bad wife, then let me know so I can give up and move on. But, he says no, I love you still and he’s trying to build things for our family and that he wants things. I told my brothers that a lot of men when they get married would want their name on the home, and I can understand that it is only fair. But, they said, “Yeah, but most men would also help pay the bills and take care of their family.” They also said that this man is up to something. He’s already shown me that when things get tough, he will leave. He even calls me names when he is angry. Yet, I have been helping him and doing what he asks of me. This makes me hesitant with putting his name on my home. I even put my only car up and almost lost my home trying to get money for him. But, he gets mad and doesn’t understand why I will not put his name on the house, or file income taxes with him. I have seen what he can do and it’s not good. So, I stopped getting loans and I refuse to put his name on the house unless something changes for the better. Even when he moved to Atlanta, I did not know until I was talking to him and he said he moved to there. I was a little thrown off.  I am supposed to be your wife, and there wasn’t even a discussion about him moving. I don’t want to fail at marriage, again. I love him, but I am starting to hate him. I am so tired as I work full-time, go to school, raise the children, and I help him because he won’t get a regular job. And, I pay for everything. But, I can’t even get a call from him or even get him to take me out for a special occasion. I can’t even get a text on Valentine’s Day or on my birthday. I guess I am not even worth a phone call. I know people are thinking why would I have a baby with him knowing I wasn’t ready and we hadn’t lived together.  I was told I could not have children, but after adopting my two older children I found I was pregnant after I got back from Nigeria. I was pregnant so I figure it was God’s will. I am sorry this email is so long, but I am lost and I don’t know if it is wrong of me to feel this way. Should I do what all my family and friends say, as they tell me that I need to divorce him? – Married But Alone Dear Ms. Married But Alone , Please get the divorce from your husband, TODAY! You are not in a marriage. He is using you. He has used you to get him to the United States, and he’s been using you for your money. And, now he wants you to put his name on your home so that he can take that from you. Don’t do it! Follow your instincts and do not put his name on your home. You will end up homeless, destitute, and even more in loan debt. RUN FROM THIS MAN! I really don’t understand how you went to Nigeria, met this man, got pregnant, then, got married and decided to bring him to the U.S. Why? For what purposes? He has been nothing but a burden. He hasn’t done anything to show you that he is interested in marriage, or that he even loves you. I swear as soon as you got off the plane in Nigeria they all saw you coming. You had boo-boo the fool stamped on your forehead. Did you even notice that as soon as he gets to the U.S. he leaves you and tells you that he is going to another state for some job training. Uhm, sweetie, really? He was able to find a job that took him to another state, even when you asked him not to go. And, then, he calls you and tells you that he’s moved to Atlanta. But, hold up, he’s been there for nearly three years!!!! How the hell does that work? Girl, there ain’t no amount of love, sex, or holding out for things to get better with this man. Open your eyes and see what is going on. He is using you. He’s manipulated you. Chile, that fool is in another state with another woman. He is running game on you and all the women he’s probably met. Yes, he is probably slanging that Nigeria peen to any woman willing to believe his lies. And, in the process he is getting money out of all of you, and what’s sad is that you all are giving it to him! You are taking out loans up to $4,000 to give him for some pipe dream he is selling you. I can’t! Get you a divorce lawyer and put him on child support. Yup, teach his ass a lesson. He wants to play and manipulate and deceive you into some lie that he wants to build a marriage and family with you, but he’s not even home, not living with you, and, this fool is another state living another life. Girl, bye! He doesn’t spend time with you or his son. He doesn’t call or text you on your birthday or holidays. Hell, he doesn’t even show up. GET THE DIVORCE and save yourself and your family. This marriage was a bust before it even began. The moment he asked you to pay the fees and provide all the financial resources to get him to the U.S., you should have known it was a red flag. Then, when he gets here he wants you to put his name on your home. HELL NAW! He is out of his rabbit ass mind. He doesn’t have a job. He can’t contribute financially to the household. He is a liability. And, ever since he’s gotten here he has gone missing in action. But, ma’am, you should have gotten a clue and saw all of this from the very beginning. It’s damn near three years later, and he is still using the same bull-ish lines on you and you’re falling for it. Let this marriage go. You’re not married. You got a man from Nigeria to the U.S. This is a lesson learned. Don’t ever do this again. Never. Ever. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Married My Nigerian Husband & Now He’s Living In Another State

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