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Dear Bossip: Because Of The Arguments & His Abuse We’re On Break, But I Want It For Good

Posted on January 13, 2017 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am a 21 year old college student who is in desperate need of advice. I am on a “break” with my boyfriend because our arguments began to become very heated and physical. About two weeks ago, he literally punched me in the face (mouth to be exact) whilst we were arguing. As I said, we have been together for a year, but a few months ago I started to feel tired of all the arguments and we would literally disagree on everything. I’ve tried to end it in the past, but he manipulates me every time. Now that he has been abusive to me, I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore because his anger scares me sometimes. We are now only on a break because he has threatened to commit suicide if I ever leave him. I am worried about him because he needs help and he said he doesn’t. I am also worried for the safety of myself. He apologizes and cries almost every day, and this just makes me feel as though I am hurting him more and more. I have made up my mind that I do not want to have him in my life anymore, but I am only on this ‘”break” with him because I am afraid that he does something stupid and it will be all my fault. I have no clue how to end it or what to do about all of this. I am just very tired of all of this. On another note, I met some about a month ago and we talk very often, and it is obvious that we like each other. He shows me that he likes me a lot by the things he does and says, but I am worried because he is about 8 years older than me and he does have more experience than me. I don’t want to move too fast either, but what can I do to see if he really does like me or if it is just a plan to get into my pants? – On A Relationship Break Dear Ms. On A Relationship Break , First, you need to file a police report against your boyfriend for domestic assault. He punched you in your face, in your mouth. Do not take this lightly. If he is verbally and physically abusive, then please know he will do more harm the next time, and you yourself may not live another day. It was a punch this time, and trust me, the next time you will be laid up in a hospital with tubes coming out of your body, or you won’t be alive. STAY AWAY FROM HIM AND DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE! Do not meet up with him to discuss anything, talk about anything, or work anything out. DO NOT MEET UP WITH HIIM! Second, get a restraining order from the police. I hope that you have saved all the texts, and messages of him confessing what he did. You will need this for documented proof that he is violent and has violent tendencies. Let them know that you don’t feel safe, and you fear for your life. Show them the texts where he says he will harm himself if you leave him. If he can harm himself, then please know that he will have no problem harming you. Please do not get back into a relationship with him, and end it today. Immediately! Third, block his number from your phone. Do not answer calls from blocked numbers or from numbers you don’t recognize. It will be him. Block him on social media. Block his emails. If he shows up at your home, then call the police. You will have your restraining order. He will go to jail. In regards to the new guy, please proceed with caution. But, quite honestly, I recommend that you take a break from dating and relationships at this time. You are too vulnerable, and too fragile at this moment to move into another relationship. You are in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship, and though you may not recognize it you are hurting, in pain, seeking solace, and you want someone to show you compassion, tenderness, and love, the things your boyfriend didn’t show you or could give you. So, you’re very vulnerable, and fragile. This new guy appears to be all the things you think you need, but because you emotionally and mentally hurting you won’t be able to recognize any other signs he may be exhibiting. You could attract another abusive guy and not even know it. Therefore, take this time and work on yourself. Heal your heart, mind, and soul. Lastly, find someone you can speak with on your campus, either a counselor, professor, or a therapist. Someone you can trust. You stated you are a college student. Then, I recommend seeking out your psychological campus services and speak with someone who can help you work through all of this. Make an appointment and let them know what has happened to you, and what is currently taking place. Your boyfriend is manipulative and conniving. He continues to make threats to you and against himself. That is a problem, especially if you think you feel guilty if something should happen to him if you don’t take him back. You don’t owe him anything. You are not responsible for what he does to himself, or if he harms himself. He is mentally and emotionally unstable. STAY AWAY FROM HIM! Also, if you live on campus, and if your boyfriend attends the same school, you can file a report against him. Even if he doesn’t you can still file a report. You didn’t mention if you lived on campus or commute to school. Regardless, seek out the services that are free from your school, and speak with someone. You have to report what has happened to you, and begin a paper trail just in case something critical happens to you by your boyfriend. Please review all of the above, and take the necessary steps. Save yourself. Save your own life. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: I Am Drained & Resent My Husband Because He Is Financially Irresponsible

Posted on January 9, 2017 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My husband is self-employed. His income is irregular. The bizarre thing is that whenever there is a birthday, holiday or event, he suddenly doesn’t have money. For three Christmas in a row I have paid for presents so that the kids won’t be disappointed. He promises high and low that money will come into his account, but at the last moment the creditors let him down. In the past 17 years I have stood by his side rejoicing when a little bit of money comes into his account. Then, we are happy. But, most of the time there is a lot of resentment. I’m continuously improving myself. I have a Ph.D. I manage hundreds of people at work. My husband is a good father to our children. He’s a sensitive man, but I want someone to take care of me. I’m so tired of working and paying all the household bills. I even gave him some of the bills so he could take some responsibility. He failed to pay some and I had to step in as we were getting emails from those he owed. He never pays traffic fines either. Thankfully I’ve left him with those. I think they’re now in the two thousands, i.e., lots. Please advise me I don’t want a divorce, but I’m drained. – Financially Burdened Dear Ms. Financially Burdened , Your husband is going to keep draining you until there is nothing left, and you are depleted of everything including your sanity, health, well-being, mentality, emotional well-being, and your finances. Stay if you want too, but you won’t have anything to give if you keep allowing this to take place. This is destructive to you, your family, and your marriage. And, your husband doesn’t seem to care. But, ma’am, seriously, you’ve put up with this for 17 years, and now you want to complain and make your husband accountable for his financial irresponsibility? You’ve allowed this to take place for close to two decades. You’ve taken care of him all this time, and for this long without any repercussions, and now you’re tired? He hasn’t contributed financially to anything for 17 years, and you are complaining? Ma’am, all these years you have held on to resentment, bitterness, anger, disappointment, and regret and lived with it, and now you want him to change. Why would he? Why would he make any effort to do better, be better, or take care of you and his finances when you’ve done it for so long? He is living high off the hog. He is being taken care of, and you’ve allowed it, so why would he stop it? And, please tell me what grown man will sit up in the home and let his wife take care of everything for nearly two decades, and feel okay about it? And, please tell me how he is a good father to your children? He can’t even take care of them financially. He is unable to support them. He can’t feed them. He can’t clothe them. He can’t put a roof over their heads. He can’t cover medical bills and expenses. He can’t keep the lights on. He can’t pay for their school fees, books, or anything they need for their education. He doesn’t buy gifts for holidays, especially on Christmas. Then, he can’t take you out, buy you things, treat you to a vacation, or even get you or your kids anything for your birthdays, or holidays. Girl, he can’t event take care of himself. So, how is he a good father? If something were to happen to you and you couldn’t work, then what will happen? I’m sure you and your husband don’t even have enough money to last you a good six months in case of an emergency. And, if you do, I’m sure it’s the money you’ve saved. He hasn’t and can’t contribute to the emergency fund. So, please explain to me how is he a good father, husband, caretaker, and provider? He will have you all homeless and living on the streets talking about he’s waiting for one of his vendors to send the check. SMDH! You are taking care of a grown man. Basically, you have another child you are taking care of and providing for. Now, if you don’t mind being the breadwinner, and sole provider of the family, then, you and your husband need to discuss who makes the decisions in regards to your household. He can’t dictate and run things if he isn’t providing and supporting the family. Your husband is a liability. He is keeping you in the “red” and I’m sure his debt that he accrues is your debt as well. All those bills he is negligent and doesn’t pay will fall on you to pay. Sweetie, your husband can’t even pay his traffic fines which range in the thousands. He will come begging you for the money, or expect you to pay it. Watch what happens when he is stopped by the police, or his car gets towed. He is going to expect you to bail him out. SMDH! There are two reasons why many people get divorced – 1.) sex; and 2.) money problems. Based on what you have shared and your issues with your husband, I am sure your money problems are affecting your sex life. How can you sleep with and lay down with a man who is broke, has nothing to give or to support you or your family with? I’m sure you don’t find him attractive. I’m sure you are disgusted by him, and his inability to take care of you. If he is financially inept, then I’m sure he is mentally, emotionally, and physically inept. You say you don’t want a divorce, well, you better get into marriage counseling, and find a financial adviser for your husband to visit and get real about your finances. He may not be aware of how his financial irresponsibility is affecting you and your marriage. He is probably clueless, but I doubt it. I gather he is content with the way things are, otherwise, he would do something about the situation, and he would get a job that has a steady check, and one that is able to provide and support his family. Thus, marriage counseling will get to the root of his problems, such as why he feels this is okay to happen for as long as it has. Why he doesn’t contribute to the household. And, he will get to hear your complaints, concerns, resentment, bitterness, and anger towards him for not being a man who takes care of his family financially. The burden is on you, and this is a heavy burden to carry for so long especially with someone who is capable and able to work. I know that I would not put up with having someone live with me for that long and who could never contribute to any of the household bills. Nope! Not in my house. You will get a job. You will have a steady pay check. You will not forget or not have money for holidays and birthdays. You better get creative. It’s time you speak up, express your resentment and anger, let it be known what this is doing to you and the household, and how you are not going to put up with it any longer. It’s either get off the pot or piss. Meaning, your husband better get himself a job with a steady paycheck, or else the marriage will be over. No more self-employment, sitting at home, and waiting on vendors to pay sporadically. GET YOURSELF A JOB AND SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !        

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Dear Bossip: I Am Drained & Resent My Husband Because He Is Financially Irresponsible

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Cheated With My Friend & I Don’t Know If I Should Stay Or Leave

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am going through this phase no wife should ever have to go through. Eight months ago I found out my husband cheated on me. I was disgusted because the woman he was with was a friend of mine and she was the one who spilled the beans. Instead of apologizing or feeling some type remorse, she was angry! She said how I was so naive not to know what was going on and I would be stupid if I let him slide like this. I confronted my husband that night when he came from work. At first he denied it, then, he burst his emotions out. He said it only happened once and how he couldn’t tell me because he didn’t want to break-up our marriage. And, how eventually, she was after him and he kept pushing her away, which is why she told me everything. I felt so devastated and just wanted to pack my things and go. He insisted I stay and that he truly feels sorry for what he’s done. Fast forward 8 months, and this man has changed a lot. He quit his job and got a better paying one. He helps a lot in the house and we get along so well, even as to say that he has gone as far as to give me his paycheck weekly so I can run our finances and control our spending. I also have control of his phone usage, which shows me all the calls he has made and received (which he doesn’t know). Unintentionally, I found a way to track where he is through his phone – no app was used, just email. From what I see, he holds a clean record ever since. But, there are some days that my mind rewinds back to that day, and things that I see remind me of his infidelity and make me feel as it was yesterday. My wounds feel fresh and I cry alone every now and then. I have become two sides of myself, the one who wants to leave and start fresh, and the one who wants to stay and forgive. He has become a wonderful husband and a great father to our daughter. But, Terrance, how can I make these feelings go away. I was always the first to say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Or, my personal favorite, “You cheat, you’re out the door.” But, could it be possible for a marriage to survive after this, if the husband shows signs of change without pressure from the wife? – Should I Stay or Leave   Dear Ms. Should I Stay or Leave , Ma’am, I’m sorry that you are experiencing this and going through this turmoil. I know it must be difficult to deal with a cheating spouse, and especially when that spouse sleeps with a friend that you know. It’s not as if it is some random woman, but a woman who was part of your life, and someone you considered a friend. That is a stab in the heart. But, yet, here you are. I wish I could tell you that you should leave. I wish I could tell you that you should stay. But, the only one who can make that decision is you. Me, nor anyone else can tell you when to leave your marriage, especially if your husband is doing everything to make things right, and is working toward saving his marriage. He’s apologized, and he’s trying to do right and remain faithful in the marriage. But, the pain is still there. Despite your own personal feelings and ethics that if someone cheats, then it’s out the door, and they will do it again. But, you’re still there. So, you have to decide what is your limit? What is your boundary? What is your low? People say what they won’t do and what they won’t put up with, but when put into that situation or faced with that circumstance it’s not easy and nor is it cut and dry. You’re thinking about your marriage and what you’ve committed to it. You’re thinking about your child. You’re thinking about your families. You’re thinking about your finances, your home, and what you’ll have to go through in the divorce. Will it be nasty? Will it be amicable? But, more importantly, is it worth it to end it and start all over again? If you are still struggling and you find yourself crying and reliving the pain, then it’s time to get into therapy. I highly and strongly recommend that you and your husband seek couple’s therapy to work on your marriage, and to get to the bottom of what happened. You have questions and you want answers, but I don’t feel you got them from him. Why her? Why cheat? What was going on in your marriage that he couldn’t come to you and talk to you about it? Was it convenience? Was it because he could? He says she kept pursuing him after it happened, so what led her to believe that something more was going to happen? How long had they been talking, and flirting? How long had she been pursuing him, and why didn’t he tell you? There are so many questions and very little answers, and you need these in order to heal. Besides, your husband needs to know how this has affected you, and how you are feeling. In therapy you can let him know how deeply hurt you are, what this has done to you and your trust of him. How you feel betrayed. How you feel manipulated and deceived. Let him know that you the pain is still there, and you can’t stop thinking about him being with another woman, especially someone you considered a friend. You’re hurting, and until you seek proper healing and deal with the emotions and feelings, then you will continue to relive it over and over again. However, I do know one thing, that woman should not be in your life in any capacity. She is and was never your friend. She was low down and dirty, and I would consider it a lesson learned. Despite who you think is your friend, and how close you think you are, there are some people you keep at a distance, and out of your marriage, and personal life. She is one of those types of people. It’s sad that someone you considered a friend, and invited into your home would turn around and do what she did. But, it happens. Then, she had the nerve to be mad at you and accuse you of being naïve and clueless as to what happened. You should have slapped the dog -ish out of her. She would know that you are not the one, and she would think twice before she did something like this again. However, like I said, I recommend therapy, and possibly speaking with your pastor, or spiritual advisor. This is not easy, nor is it cut and dry. You mentioned that it was a one time thing, and he’s working toward being a better man, better father, and better partner. Is this enough for you? Can you forgive and move forward? Do you want to forgive? You have to decide what is your limit and your bottom. Before you make any decisions or move forward get into therapy, see if it’s something you want to work on and mend. I’m sure you will get the answers you need if you talk with a certified licensed third party who can assist you as you navigate this new terrain in your marriage. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Cheated With My Friend & I Don’t Know If I Should Stay Or Leave

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Dear Bossip: I Don’t Feel My BFF Supports Me Or Takes Our Friendship Serious

Posted on August 29, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My closest and longest standing girlfriend of 16 years and I have recently come to an awful fallout. Our relationship was already strained considering I had bumped heads with another one of our mutual friends who did me wrong, and for five years they were cut out of my life. All that changed earlier this year when my mother died suddenly of a brain stroke. Both of my friends attended the funeral and all our beef was immediately squashed given the circumstances. I should have been more cautious, but to be honest I was really happy to have my two besties back in my life. And, at the time, I thought that any petty drama in the future would be avoided as we are mature adults. I was wrong. My initial friend and I have never fallen out before. We may have had some heated moments, but it’s never been a slanging match. Until now. It all started when my girlfriend invited me to her son’s religious confirmation. My other mutual friend is his godmother. But, she was getting married and then having her honeymoon so his event had to be postponed to assure her attendance. The date of the affair was up in the air until further notice. In the meantime, I had managed to locate my biological father. As you can imagine, at 35 years old this was a big thing for me. To celebrate I arranged a night out followed by a party at my house in which my closest friends and existing family could meet my father and new stepmother. On at least 5 separate occasions, I reminded my best friend of the date. I sent her a link to the event that we would be attending and I kept on reminding her that I wanted her and her man to be there. As my other friend was getting married and couldn’t be there, due to being on her honeymoon, to me that was acceptable. When the day arrived my best friend sent a message with my brother saying she couldn’t be there because she had to work. I did not hear from her asking how we got on. This left a bad taste in my mouth, but I did not say anything about it as I was unsure how to approach the situation given our long history of friendship. I was hurt at the fact that she didn’t have the decency to even pick up the phone to call me and let me know herself or even ask me about the DNA results that she knew I was awaiting. The following week our mutual friend returned from her honeymoon. We met up for drinks, as we both live in the same neighborhood, to catch up. Two days later, I’m on Facebook and there is all these photos on my feed of my two friends and her son- celebrating at the son’s event, which I was not told was going to be happening that day. I seriously felt a way as I had just seen the mutual friend for drinks and she did not mention anything about the fact that the event was going to be taking place a matter of days later. Still, I said nothing. The following week was my birthday. While celebrating in Barcelona, both of them messaged me to wish me a happy birthday?! I paid them dust. Fast forward to the present day. After being out of the country for a month and meeting my new family on my father’s side, my brother tells me that my mother’s ashes are to be scattered. Given the situation of how I feel about my best friend – I messaged her and told her that I did not want to see her at the grave site as I was questioning our friendship. I explained to her why I felt the way I did and that whatever condolences she would have potentially wanted to pass along would not be greeted with the best enthusiasm. Instead of righting her wrongs and apologizing- she says that she didn’t know that she was supposed to be meeting my dad and that no friends were invited to her son’s event as it was just ‘Family only.’ I told her that I was disgusted by her behavior and that real friends do not categorize real friends in such a manner. Now, I’m left wondering if I have made the right decision or if I have acted in haste? Thoughts? – A Confused Friend Dear Ms. A Confused Friend , I think you need to clarify with your friend why you have cut her off because I was confused by reading your letter. I wasn’t sure who was who – who was getting married, who was having the religious ceremony for their son. And, when you brought them up again I had to go back to the top of the letter and find out which one was the best friend, and who was the mutual friend, and why you fell out with the mutual friend, but now you all are cool again. I also didn’t follow, and wasn’t clear if you confronted your best friend and told her why you cut her off, or are you expecting her to guess why you are mad at her? Does she, or did she know that she was cut off? And, you want her to right her wrongs and apologize, but for what? Look, you are mad because you were not invited to your best friend’s son’s religious confirmation. However, your mutual friend was invited, and you’re mad because your friend told you that it was “family only.” But, isn’t the mutual friend the “godmother” of the child? So, if the mutual friend is the godmother, then, technically she is “family,” or considered “family.” And, it appears that she is much closer to your best friend than you, considering your best friend asked your mutual friend to be the godmother of her child. So, my question to you is why are you calling her your best friend when it seems that the other woman may be her best friend? (Sips tea) I think you may have given too much credit, and too much credence to your relationship with your so-called best friend. You are not on the same page, and though you may think she is your best friend, she is best friends with your mutual friend. And, before you start dismissing and chopping folks off, I think you need to have a conversation with her as a grown woman and express how you feel, and ask her about your friendship. I’m sure you may realize that you two have different interpretations of your friendship, or what your friendship is about. Now, yes, you have every right to be upset considering she bailed on your reunion and meeting of your father. You did express that you emailed, called, texted, and confirmed with her that you wanted her and her man to be there for the festivities. And, you can confront her about it and ask her what happened. Ask her why she didn’t show up and why failed to show support for an important moment in your life. Again, have a grown woman conversation with her, and find out the reason. I noticed that whenever you have a beef or issue with your friends that you tend to shut down. You don’t say anything, and you don’t confront them about it. You let it fester and then you create this whole scenario of what you think happened, why it happened, and how they did you wrong. You pretend everything is fine and things are all good, yet, you are stewing with being upset, angry, and disappointed. They have no clue that they did something to you, and that you are upset over it. And, then, you just stop speaking, and start pouting and then go to your corner and then when they ask what’s wrong you blow up and make them out to be wrong and bad for something they had no clue over what they did. I am very certain you do this a lot with all of your relationships and with other people in your life. Also, didn’t you say you fell out with both of them at one point, or at least your mutual friend for five years, and it wasn’t until the death of your mother that you and she reconciled, and came back together as friends? So, if this is the case, then if you haven’t spoken to the mutual friend for five years, it may be possible that during that time she and your best friend developed their own friendship and became close. And, your best friend probably didn’t tell you because if there was bad blood, then, I’m sure she was like why mention her if you’re going to bad mouth her when she and her are growing close, and your best friend has a friendship with her independent of you. Ma’am, it’s time to grow up and be an adult, and when someone or something bothers you, then you confront the person gently and lovingly and explain that you are upset by what they did. You talk with them to get clarification over the matter, and see how the miscommunication may have been prevented, and, or, you discuss if something wasn’t clear, or misconstrued. You can avoid a wealth of headaches, anger, upsets, and being mad if you just calm yourself and talk with the other person. I’m sure all disagreements, misunderstandings, and any other concerns can be worked out if you just ask take the time to get very clear and make sure everyone is on the same page. Because, again, you were not at her son’s religious confirmation because you are not family, and if she didn’t express that to you, then, you need to ask her why it wasn’t clear, and if your friendship as her best friend doesn’t constitute you as “family.” You need to be on the same page regarding your friendship and how you interpret best friend, and she interprets best friend, or if you are her best friend. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: I’m In Love With My Ex & Will Do Anything To Get Him Back & From His Wife

Posted on August 17, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am so in love with my ex till I cannot stop wanting him. We were together for 4 years while he was married to his wife. I used to hear how she would argue with him, so I really didn’t care about dealing with him. We took trips and hung out all the time. He even was the bomb in bed. Well, going into the 5 th  year of our relationship, he caught his wife cheating and decided to get a divorce. I helped him look for an apartment and even applied with him because I was finally his one and only. The apartment was not going to be ready for 60 days, so he was still at his wife’s house during that time, but it was all about me. Well, after we came back from our trip and returned to work, I noticed he was occasionally talking to a chic that came into the job all the time. My friend told me that after about 3 months he was dating the girl. I approached her afterward and she stated she was friends with him, but if he was her man he would claim her. I didn’t understand. Well, I continued to watch and sure enough he was taking her on dates as well as talking on the phone with her. I found out because I tracked his phone one night. He had moved in the apartment a month before I tracked him, but I didn’t know he had given her a key, as well as had her decorating his place. My friend told me everything. I was really hurt. Well, at least they weren’t living together. I popped up over to the apartment one night when I knew she was not going to be there because she was in grad school from what I knew. He let me in and things just happened. So, at this point I knew he was not over me.  But, to my surprise he told her everything. They broke up for a while, but he was running behind her and pleading her to get back together. They got back together and moved into another apartment together. I was mad as hell because he was mine. Well, his daughter moved in with them and she began to destroy their relationship and was telling me everything. The chic left him and that was my moment again. So, I moved him in my place and we were good I thought. But, his daughter told me that he was trying to work things out with girl. I continued to sleep with him trying to change his mind and show him I could be a wife.  He moved out after 2 months and I found out he was back together with her. He changed his whole life to be with her. I later found out I was pregnant. Now, it’s been 3 years since my baby was born and he won’t talk to me. He married that girl and is all about her and the family. I WANT him BACK ASAP. I text her all the time trying to make her and their relationship miserable. I even told his ex-wife that she was the one who broke their marriage up just to make him leave her, but it didn’t work. Me and his ex-wife are now besties and we’re trying to break up the marriage. I want my baby daddy back so bad I will do anything. Why didn’t he commit to me? Why did he change for her? Why couldn’t he see I had a lot to offer? – In Love With My Ex Dear Ms. In Love With My Ex , You are not in love with your ex. You are obsessed with your ex. He doesn’t want you. He never loved you. He has moved on and he is with the woman he wants to be with. He married another woman, therefore, you should move on. Nothing you can do, or say will get him to change his mind, leave his wife, and be with you. NOTHING! And, I feel sorry for you because you are in hell. A miserable lonely and pitiful hell. It’s sad because you chose this hell, and feel quite comfortable there. And, because you find it a warm and cozy place to dwell you want everyone else to be there with you. What’s even worse is that you are viciously dangerous and evil. Your heart is cold and you are filled with spite. Women like you are poisonous and dangerous. You are conniving, and you won’t stop destroying everything and everyone around you until there is nothing left. You were with a married man for four years, having an affair, and taking from him that which he should have given to his family. But, you didn’t care. You wanted what you wanted, and it didn’t matter to you that he was married, you were sleeping with another woman’s husband, and destroying a family. That meant nothing to you because your focus was him. Yet, now you’re bragging that you are besties with his ex-wife and you two are working together to destroy and end his marriage with a woman he left you for. So, you are malicious and deceptive. You lied to his ex-wife and manipulated her into your drama by telling her that his new wife is the reason he left her. You failed to reveal or share that you were part of the cause and reason his marriage ended. You were the other woman for four years while he was married. Now, you are using this woman to be part of your cruel and sadistic game. You are evil and vile. It is actually pointless and useless to write a response to you because you won’t adhere to any advice, or even listen to what I have to say. This statement you wrote says it all, “I want my baby daddy back so bad I will do anything.” And, that is exactly what you are doing, ANYTHING! You are texting his wife constantly trying to end their marriage. You have his daughter and ex-wife part of your plan and working up schemes to destroy his relationship. You are using your own child as a pawn. Ma’am, you won’t stop being destructive and malicious until everyone around you is miserable just as you. By the way, you are not in love, but you are a stalker, and are obsessed with someone who does not want to be with you. You’re so far gone that you can’t see how unhealthy your behavior is to you mentally and emotionally. Now, you’re asking me, “Why didn’t he commit to me? Why did he change for her? Why couldn’t he see I had a lot to offer?” He didn’t commit to you because he didn’t want to be with you. He used you while he was with his wife. He was never going to leave his wife to be with you. Men never leave their wives for the mistress. You are an escape from their wives, not an exit. Why is so hard for you to accept the fact he doesn’t, didn’t, and won’t be with you. NEVER! He changed for his current wife because that is the woman he wanted to be with. She wasn’t like you and wasn’t willing to play second, or be his side chick. She demanded something better from him, and for herself. So, he changed because she demanded he do so. Other than that, who knows why he changed. It can be a number of reasons. But, one reason I can bet on is that he knew he didn’t want to be with you anymore. You’re going to have to let him go, and stop harassing him and his wife. You’re obsessing over him as if he owes you something. Ma’am, he doesn’t owe you anything. You can’t make him love you, want to be with you, or marry you. And, he couldn’t see that you had a lot to offer because he was married, and then going through a divorce, and he all he could see was his drama, his mess, his own –ish and how he was destroying everything and everyone around him. You were even part of his aftermath, and you refuse to see how he used you, and even destroyed your life. He used you. Why would you want to be with a man who cheated on his wife, help to destroy his own marriage, and then while he was with you he was sleeping with another woman. What woman in her right mind would want to be with a man who is a womanizer, and a constant and consistent cheater? You. Need. Help. Seriously. You should get into counseling and work on your obsession. You are a stalker. Your behavior is not normal. Please, for your own sake and for your child’s sake, get help. Mentally, you are not all there, and you are in a dark place. What you are doing, and this “all or nothing” mentally will have you acting and doing things that will get so out of hand that it will do some serious harm to yourself and others. Stop. Get help today, and talk with someone. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It & Wanted To Be Friends, But I Can’t Seem To Let Him Go

Posted on August 12, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m in love and I don’t know what to do about it. I met this guy four years ago through some mutual friends and we immediately connected. We were hanging out all the time kissing and just enjoying each other’s company, but we weren’t exclusively together until two years later. I had realized I loved him, but I didn’t say anything and to my surprise he asked me to be his girlfriend. Shortly after, I gave him my virginity. I ended up having to break up with him a month later because he had quickly changed in the relationship, and I got the feeling he didn’t want to be in it anymore. We continued a sexual relationship as well as hanging out together as friends. I tried to end the sexual part multiple times, but he always pulled me back in. We dated other people off and on, but we always came back to each other when we were single. He even tried to fool around with me while he was in a relationship. Almost every other girl he’s dated has either lied to him, cheated on him, or used him in some way. I’ve told him that I loved him and I wanted more than just friends with benefits and he’s told me things like, “I have a weakness for you,” and, “I have feelings for you,” and, “I’m glad you told me,” but nothing came of it. In June, we had a big fight and didn’t speak for a month. During this time we also moved to different states. He texted me in July asking if we could go back to the way we were. When I asked what changed his mind, he said, “his feelings for me.” I told him I loved him, but I couldn’t go back because he’s hurt me too much. He said, “Ok, I understand,” and that was that. It is now almost three months later and we still haven’t spoken. Recently, he’ll get online and ‘like’ one of my pictures and then post sad love songs right after. I still have not reached out in any way, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss our friendship. I was considering reaching out to him simply as a friend. I figured I wouldn’t have to worry about our friendship becoming about sex again since we are in two different states. My friend believes three months is not long enough for him to miss me and change. I just really want another opinion. Should I reach out and try to just be friends? – Tired and Confused Dear Ms. Tired and Confused , If he really loved you and wanted to be with you, then he would be there with you. Or, he would make a way for you to be with him. I’m sorry, ma’am, but a man who says he’s in love and really wants his woman, he will make a way to be with her no matter the distance, or obstacle. He will get to her. What I suspect is that he knows that you’re available, and will always be available for him. Yes, you allow yourself to be ready, willing, and available whenever he calls. You keep calling this relationship a ‘friendship,’ and in actuality it is a sexual relationship. You are not friends. So, please stop saying that. You want something more, and you want him to be your man. Therefore, you can’t claim you are friends when you keep sleeping with him. You want a relationship, and I’m sorry to say, but he doesn’t. Thus, he keeps you in this rollercoaster emotional game of going up and down with his charade, when in actuality he is not interested in a serious relationship with you. He likes what you and he have and that is a sexual relationship. You are convenient sex for him, and he can’t tell you that is what you are for him because you have stated to him that you want something more, and not just to be his bed buddy. You see, having sex with someone is a spiritual connection. You become spiritually connected with someone, and you have to be very careful of those you spread your legs and allow to enter you. In the sex act between men and women, men are givers, and women are receivers. Men deposit into women, and women receive a man’s energy and spirit. And, it is also vice-versa. Women give to men, and transfer their spirit and energy to men. By inviting him into you, you are welcoming him and giving yourself to him. So, when relationships end, it is necessary to cleanse and heal yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Otherwise, that person’s spirit will linger in you and it will be difficult to remove yourself from them, such as in your case. I am sure this is emotionally taxing for you, but you have to stop investing in him and in something that will never manifest. This relationship has run its course. And, please stop deceiving yourself that you and he can ever be friends. That will never happen. You can’t separate your feelings for him, and neither your emotional and physical connection from him. You are too invested, too connected, and too involved to simply be his friend. You can’t do it. Look at your past with him. You keep letting him back into your life. You won’t allow yourself to be alone, and to remove yourself from him emotionally, mentally, or physically. You’re always sleeping with him and having sex. You’re never just his friend. Now, you’re asking me if you should reach out to him after you haven’t heard from him in nearly three months since he reached out to you via text and said he wanted to go back to the way things used to be. Girl, he texted you. He didn’t call you. He didn’t come visit you. He texted you. And, when you said you couldn’t go back, he responded by saying he understood, and you haven’t heard from him since. It’s been nearly three months and you haven’t heard from him, and you’re wondering if you should reach out to rekindle a friendship. Sigh. I can’t. Ma’am, you need to let it go. Let him go. Stop waiting, hoping, and wishing that this turn into something like it was, or he will be the man that you want. He isn’t, and he won’t. Your relationship ran its course. It didn’t work. Why do you keep going back to something that ended? Why are you revisiting the past? He’s shown you who he is, and what he is about? He is unable to commit. He hasn’t made any effort to be in a relationship, nor has he made any effort to be with you faithfully. He’s moved on, and so should you. He’s living his life, and he’s keeping you in his rolodex because why would he give up some steady sex? He is no fool. But, you are. Stop allowing him to play with your heart and emotions. As a matter of fact, how about you stop being a doormat and get up from the ground. He can’t walk over you if you won’t lay down for him. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It & Wanted To Be Friends, But I Can’t Seem To Let Him Go

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It After I Learned He Was Married, But He Won’t Leave Me Alone

Posted on May 23, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I was happily dating this guy for about two years. I met him at a singles mixer and things were good and we were really feeling each other. One morning I was getting ready for work and my phone rang. Now, usually I don’t answer numbers I don’t know, but something told me to pick it up. It was a woman and the first words out of her mouth were, “How do you know my husband?” After I regained my composure I told her that I met him at a singles mixer about two years ago. She just said, “Oh, thanks for the information,” and she hung up. I was at work for a few hours when the guy called me. I couldn’t answer my phone at work, but he left a long voicemail letting me know how unhappy he was that I was honest with his wife when she called my phone. So, I’m guessing that she went in on him after talking to me. I called him back while on break just to let him know to lose my number and to never contact me again because married men aren’t my thing. He gave me that tired line about them being separated and on the verge of divorce because that’s always the excuse when a married man gets caught up. But, I wasn’t having any of that and he just won’t accept that it’s over. Since I blocked him he is harassing my friends and family. He even had the nerve to send flowers up to my job for me. I am trying my best to get rid of the drama, but this man is holding on and keeps telling me he will prove his love by leaving his wife. I have blocked him and told the people at my job to not let him up to my office if he shows up. I am at my wits end and don’t know what else to do. – Can’t Make A Clean Break Dear Ms. Can’t Make A Clean Break , Call his wife and tell her about her husband and what he is doing. Tell his wife that he won’t leave you alone. Every time he leaves a voice message, sends a text, flowers, gifts, or is harassing your family, forward it all to his wife. Let her know that you don’t want anything to do with him, and that your meeting him at a singles mixer led you to believe that he was single, and that he had no wife or family. He lied to you, and led you to believe that he was a single man and that you and he were in a monogamous relationship. Let her know that you are not interested in dealing with married men, and he refuses to get the answer, the hint, or the obvious – you want nothing to do with him. Next, get a restraining order. The man is crazy, a stalker, and obviously controlling. He’s attempting to control this situation, and you. His insistence on showing up at your job, harassing your family and friends is a man who is out of control, yet, wants to control the situation and you. He will stop at nothing to get your attention, to get you back, and eventually back into his drama. This man is unstable, and getting a restraining order will hopefully help him to get the hint that you want nothing to do with him. If these do not work, then get together with his wife. Invite him out and tell him to meet you in a public place and space. Then, have his wife show up and let him face the both of you. You and his wife confront him together. You demand that he leave you alone, and to stop harassing you, and your family and friends. You tell him that you want nothing to do with him, and to go on with his life, and work on his marriage. Let his wife deal with everything else. And, if you have some brothers, male cousins, or male friends, then have them show up and tell him to leave you alone as well. It’s obvious this man is not going to get the message until he is confronted, and you lay it all out for him. Don’t relent and give in to him. Don’t let him attempt to explain himself out of this mess, and this drama. He is dangerous. He is a liar. And, he is a master manipulator. He managed to maintain a two-year relationship with you…..wait, hold up….how the hell did you maintain a relationship with a man for two years and had never gone to his house, met his friends, or family members? At some point in the two years you were together you would have met some of his friends, and his family members. And, what about the holidays? You never spent any of the holidays together – Thanksgiving or Christmas? What about New Year’s Eve or Day? And, what about Valentine’s Day? This man was able to hide and keep his marriage a secret from you for two long ass years, and all these holidays in between, and not once did anything cross your mind or make you think something is not right? How did he explain his living situation? Why had you not met anyone in his family for two years? Hell, a friend? Girl, I’m starting to question you now! Major side eye. See, you should have done some investigations and gotten some answers instead of believing everything he told you. How the hell do you end up in a two year relationship with someone and not once go to their home or meet anyone significant in their life? There are so many other questions and obvious things to look at with this situation, such as, Did you notice he wasn’t texting or calling you at night, considering he was home with his wife? And, why had you never gone to his job? Yes, he is controlling because he controlled the entire relationship. He met your family and friends, and it’s obvious he knows where you work and has been to your job before. He put all the focus on you, and getting involved with your world, and life. However, you know nothing about him. You were not integral or part of his world or life. Girl, you made a big ass mistake, and now you have to learn the lesson. I guess you’ll ask better questions, and really get to know a man before you jump into a serious relationship with him. Like, how the hell can you be involved with someone for two years and never meet anyone in their family, or their friends? That boggles my mind. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It After I Learned He Was Married, But He Won’t Leave Me Alone

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Dear Bossip: I Want To Get Married & I Said No More Pre-Marital Sex & He Said Why Not

Posted on May 9, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , Me and my boyfriend are both in our 20s, and have been together for almost 3 years. We recently just had a child together (his fourth and my first). We have been discussing marriage for almost 2 of the 3 years we’ve been together, but we haven’t actually did it yet. We are both college students and are working on our future. Being raised a Christian I have recently decided to strengthen my relationship with the Lord and want to stop having pre-marital sex. He doesn’t agree since we have already been having sex and he’s used to it. We have compromised on giving up sex for 6 months to strengthen our relationship. He says that he wants to attend graduate school and be more stable before getting married, which is another year from now. But, I don’t see the need to wait since we have already been playing house. He also thinks I need to mature more before fully committing, which I don’t disagree with. Our main problem is that he wants me to do things I feel a wife only does for her husband (like to follow his lead, and to be more submissive, including other things). Some of the other things I don’t mind doing, like cooking and cleaning, since I would be doing them if he wasn’t there anyhow. I just don’t want to completely give myself to him without marriage and then we never get married and I’ve given all my youthful years to him along with husband perks for nothing. We have been working on our differences and we really want to work things out if for nothing else then for the sake of our child. But, I don’t want to wait forever. So, my question is should I give him a sample of what I can be as a wife and then just wait until he’s ready to get married? He said that he wouldn’t mind setting a date and getting rings, but I’m just not sure if we are moving in that direction. – Playing House Dear Ms. Playing House , This is a huge problem, and unfortunately you’ve already committed yourself to playing house and acting like a married couple, yet, now you want to do it officially. This is really ass backwards. But, my first concern is having a child with a man who already has three children. Though, you didn’t state if the other three children were with one woman or multiple women, I am still concerned that you had a child with a man in his 20s, and he’s producing multiple children with different women. That is a problem. Is he paying child support for his other children? Is he actively involved in their lives? How is relationship with his children’s mother/s? What arrangements does he have in regards to custody of his children? Are you involved in their lives as well? Marrying him means you inherit his children and you become a blended family. His children have a brother/sister, and do they know one another, and how are you going to move forward in building a relationship with multiple children? You didn’t discuss this as a concern in your letter, but that is something very serious to think about. I am not sure if you and he are ready for marriage. You are clearly putting the cart before the horse, especially by living together, playing house, and he wants you to cook, clean, and you follow him and he is the lead, including being submissive to him. Huh? So, he wants you to start acting like a wife and then he will marry you. But, how is he going to gauge this assessment of your behavior and what is the barometer of measurement in knowing if you’re doing things right or wrong? Who is keeping tabs? How long will this go on before he decides it is “okay,” or he approves of the changes and will move forward with marriage? And, I don’t understand that you and this man have been dating for 3 years, have produced a child, and now that you have a renewed sense of your Christian faith you want to stop engaging in pre-marital sex because of what? Sweetie, all you’re doing is withholding sex from him. That’s what you’re really doing. You’ve had a change of heart and mind regarding your situation, and relationship, and you’re re-evaluating where it’s going. You’re having second thoughts, and doubting if it really is going to turn into a marriage, and you don’t want to invest all this time and energy into something and don’t want to feel as if you won’t get anything for your investment. Technically, all you want to do is to stop what you’ve already started. Well, ma’am, all of this should have been done in the beginning when you first started dating. You shouldn’t have been engaging in pre-marital sex, and living together, and giving him the cow and the milk. Now, you’re trying to reverse what you should have already begun three years ago. Sorry, but, he’s won. He’s giving you ultimatums to your ultimatum. In order for him to change and consider marriage he wants you to change and make some adjustments and then he will consider marriage. He wants you to start acting more like a wife because in effect you’re withholding sex in order to get what you want. And, for him to get what he wants, he told you that you are not ready, and not mature enough, and you have to wait another year because he wants to attend graduate school and become more stable in his life. Hmmm, was he all of these things before he decided to help procreate four children? He’s laying with women and having unprotected sex, and producing children, then, is he financially capable and able to be taking care of his four children? Is he actively involved with all his children, or just your child? He’s talking about maturity, but his immaturity in creating children and I am assuming he’s not taking care of all them shows that he isn’t father of the year. How mature can he be that in his 20s he already has four children, and we can deduce that he has at least two baby mommas. And, if you’re living together, and you’re both in school, then is he working? Did he move in with you? Is his name on the lease? What bills is he paying in the home? Do you split the rent, or are you covering the rent? He wants you to cook and clean, but how is he contributing to the household? And, what if things don’t work out between you and him, and he dates another woman, and they produce children before marriage? Ma’am, my point is that he’s not mature either. You and he have not discussed pre-marital counseling. Yes, before you get married you should seek counsel from your pastor, or a counselor. And, since you’ve had a change of heart and want to reconnect with your Christian values, then, is he attending church with you? Is he making changes and recommitting himself to his Christian values, or he never had any? What good is it if you’re recommitting yourself, and he is not? If you’re going to start fresh and anew with your Christian faith, and he is not, yet, he wants you to submit yourself to him, and follow his lead, then who and what is he following? You’ll be a fool to follow a man with no spiritual or religious guidance. He’s already led you astray and have you playing house, telling you that he is not going to marry you until at least he has a graduate degree and is stable in his life, and he doesn’t see why you’re withholding sex because you’ve already been spreading it wide for him so why stop now. He can’t keep his d**k in his pants and already has four children, but he wants you to follow him and be submissive to him. Uhm, no! If you’re going to really recommit yourself to your renewed faith and make these adjustments before marriage, then consult a spiritual advisor, or your pastor. Seek pre-marital counsel and see if you and he are on the same page, and if this is someone you really want to commit yourself to. You’re making all these changes to your life to prove your marriage and wife material, but what changes is he making in his life to prove he is marriage and husband material? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Want To Get Married & I Said No More Pre-Marital Sex & He Said Why Not

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Political Pigs: Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani Says He’s Voting For Donald Trump In Presidential Republican Primary

Posted on April 7, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Rudy Giuliani Says He’s Voting For Donald Trump Ex-Mayor Rudy Giuliani said he’s voting for political pig Donald Trump for president in the April 19 Republican primary according to NY Post reports: “I support Trump. I’m gonna vote for Trump,” Giuliani told The Post Thursday. Giuliani said he expects Trump will get more than 50 percent of the statewide vote and amass a lion’s share of New York’s 95 delegates. “It’s a question of how much he gets over 50 percent. If he wins 70 to 80 delegates, Donald has a good shot of securing the 1,237 delegates to secure the nomination before the convention,” Giuliani said. Giuliani said he met with Ted Cruz a few months ago, before the Texas senator blasted “New York values.” He said Cruz’s dumping on New York “values” to score political points rankled him. “It’s New York City. We’re family. I can make fun of New York. But you can’t!” he said. “I know he was attacking liberal Democratic values … I know. I fought to change those policies in areas like welfare reform and policing, as did Mike Bloomberg. … There was a better way to say it.” Giuliani said he was concerned about the personal attacks in the GOP primary and urged both Trump and Cruz to stop fighting over their spouses. America is really effed! Andrew Savulich/NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images

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Political Pigs: Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani Says He’s Voting For Donald Trump In Presidential Republican Primary

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Dear Bossip: I’m Living With A Married Man, But He’s Still Taking Care Of His Wife

Posted on March 7, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have been living with a married man for 6 long years. I have left him TWICE and came back believing that there is nothing between him and his wife.  He visits her (their) home at least weekly to visit the dogs. And, he fixes anything that she might need, car, house, etc. When we go out he is lurching at every female he sees. He locks his damn cell phone, and takes phone numbers with an excuse why for each one. So, I left my home in Las Vegas for this clown 6 years ago – my home, my job, my family, and all the while he is sitting pretty with his life pretty much still intact, with one exception, he has ME to go places with, and to play mistress. The problem is that I really cannot afford to get out on my own. I am scared once again that I just won’t make it. He told me and I quote, “I made a promise to my wife to be her friend and help her out. If you don’t like it leave!” This dog has made my life miserable and now I am stuck once again with nowhere to go. And, I am financially struggling. All the while he pays ALL her bills. – Miserable Mistress Dear Ms. Miserable Mistress , You are throwing him under the bus and making him out to be this big bad villain who is taking care of his wife, and mistreats you and won’t make you feel as if you’re the only woman in his life. Yet, you picked up your life, gave up your home, job, and family to go live with a married man in another state, and you really think he owes you something? You really do think that things are going to be great, exciting, and wonderful because you’ve been sleeping with another woman’s husband for 6 long years? Girl, you are foolish and as dumb as your letter. You are getting exactly what you deserve. He is treating you like a side chick, well, some side chicks do get treated better. He’s treating you like a live-in hoe. He doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. You devalued yourself the moment you began sleeping with a married man. You devalued your worth the moment you felt it okay to lay up with another woman’s husband, then, pack up your entire life and give it all up to live with a man who has told you that basically he is not going to stop taking care of his wife, and you need to get on board or leave. And, you chose to get on board. So, why are you complaining? I’m curious to know why you would give up everything to go be a live-in mistress. Why? What were you hoping would change or what were you expecting? You really moved in with a married man and thought he would be faithful to only you! Really? SMDH! Women are that thirsty, and hungry for a man that they are moving in with married men now? If you’re that desperate for a man, then he will treat you any type of way because you don’t have any respect for yourself. Now, you’re acting mad because when you and he are out he is lurching after women, taking numbers and giving you excuses for each one. Why are you mad? He’s been like that, will always be like that, and won’t change for you or any other woman. How do you think he got you? The same behavior he is exhibiting now is the same behavior he used to win you over, and he’s been like this for the 6 years you’ve been with him. HE HAS NOT CHANGED. You are just noticing it and complaining about it. Hell, you signed up for this. You let him get it away with it. If you left him twice and went back, then you made the choice to go back. You didn’t have to, but you went back. So, ask yourself, why? What did you think or expect to happen? He is not going to change for you. His wife was smart enough to leave him, and she continues to take his money and gets him to come to their home and fix things, and I’m sure he’s taking care of other business too while he’s there. And, what’s sad is that he is still married, his wife knows about you and has resigned herself to this situation, and you got your bird ass living in his home and he’s told you to get on board or leave. And, you’re stewing mad because you expect him to be different, be monogamous and be a one woman man. Bwahahahahahaha! You are silly. I don’t know any woman, any smart, intelligent, career-oriented and independent woman who would give up all her things to go live with a married man in another state. That doesn’t even make sense. That sounds dumb just typing it. Now, you’re mad and complaining because he is taking care of his wife financially, and the house they had/have together, and you’re struggling financially with nowhere to go. He’s probably sleeping with other women, especially if he is lurching after them in public while he’s out with you, and he’s collecting numbers. He is using those numbers. You’re just fool enough to believe his excuses, or fool enough to think he won’t step out on you. You think it’s a competition between you and his wife, and there is no competition. He’s made that known and so has wife. That is why he comes and goes to her home as he pleases, and he will keep coming and going without any resistance from you because you don’t have any claim over him. He’s told you that you have no say, no claim, no hold, and no authority over him. He is going to do what he wants to do. Welp, I guess you’re reaping the karma that you created. Get used to it, and this life of misery. You’re in hell, and it will only get worse. You can wake up, get out, ask for forgiveness from his wife, and yourself, and move out and try to get back your life. Or, you stay, continue to let him walk all over you, and just know that one day he may get tired of you and fed up and put you out. Then what? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: I’m Living With A Married Man, But He’s Still Taking Care Of His Wife

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