Dear Bossip , I was happily dating this guy for about two years. I met him at a singles mixer and things were good and we were really feeling each other. One morning I was getting ready for work and my phone rang. Now, usually I don’t answer numbers I don’t know, but something told me to pick it up. It was a woman and the first words out of her mouth were, “How do you know my husband?” After I regained my composure I told her that I met him at a singles mixer about two years ago. She just said, “Oh, thanks for the information,” and she hung up. I was at work for a few hours when the guy called me. I couldn’t answer my phone at work, but he left a long voicemail letting me know how unhappy he was that I was honest with his wife when she called my phone. So, I’m guessing that she went in on him after talking to me. I called him back while on break just to let him know to lose my number and to never contact me again because married men aren’t my thing. He gave me that tired line about them being separated and on the verge of divorce because that’s always the excuse when a married man gets caught up. But, I wasn’t having any of that and he just won’t accept that it’s over. Since I blocked him he is harassing my friends and family. He even had the nerve to send flowers up to my job for me. I am trying my best to get rid of the drama, but this man is holding on and keeps telling me he will prove his love by leaving his wife. I have blocked him and told the people at my job to not let him up to my office if he shows up. I am at my wits end and don’t know what else to do. – Can’t Make A Clean Break Dear Ms. Can’t Make A Clean Break , Call his wife and tell her about her husband and what he is doing. Tell his wife that he won’t leave you alone. Every time he leaves a voice message, sends a text, flowers, gifts, or is harassing your family, forward it all to his wife. Let her know that you don’t want anything to do with him, and that your meeting him at a singles mixer led you to believe that he was single, and that he had no wife or family. He lied to you, and led you to believe that he was a single man and that you and he were in a monogamous relationship. Let her know that you are not interested in dealing with married men, and he refuses to get the answer, the hint, or the obvious – you want nothing to do with him. Next, get a restraining order. The man is crazy, a stalker, and obviously controlling. He’s attempting to control this situation, and you. His insistence on showing up at your job, harassing your family and friends is a man who is out of control, yet, wants to control the situation and you. He will stop at nothing to get your attention, to get you back, and eventually back into his drama. This man is unstable, and getting a restraining order will hopefully help him to get the hint that you want nothing to do with him. If these do not work, then get together with his wife. Invite him out and tell him to meet you in a public place and space. Then, have his wife show up and let him face the both of you. You and his wife confront him together. You demand that he leave you alone, and to stop harassing you, and your family and friends. You tell him that you want nothing to do with him, and to go on with his life, and work on his marriage. Let his wife deal with everything else. And, if you have some brothers, male cousins, or male friends, then have them show up and tell him to leave you alone as well. It’s obvious this man is not going to get the message until he is confronted, and you lay it all out for him. Don’t relent and give in to him. Don’t let him attempt to explain himself out of this mess, and this drama. He is dangerous. He is a liar. And, he is a master manipulator. He managed to maintain a two-year relationship with you…..wait, hold up….how the hell did you maintain a relationship with a man for two years and had never gone to his house, met his friends, or family members? At some point in the two years you were together you would have met some of his friends, and his family members. And, what about the holidays? You never spent any of the holidays together – Thanksgiving or Christmas? What about New Year’s Eve or Day? And, what about Valentine’s Day? This man was able to hide and keep his marriage a secret from you for two long ass years, and all these holidays in between, and not once did anything cross your mind or make you think something is not right? How did he explain his living situation? Why had you not met anyone in his family for two years? Hell, a friend? Girl, I’m starting to question you now! Major side eye. See, you should have done some investigations and gotten some answers instead of believing everything he told you. How the hell do you end up in a two year relationship with someone and not once go to their home or meet anyone significant in their life? There are so many other questions and obvious things to look at with this situation, such as, Did you notice he wasn’t texting or calling you at night, considering he was home with his wife? And, why had you never gone to his job? Yes, he is controlling because he controlled the entire relationship. He met your family and friends, and it’s obvious he knows where you work and has been to your job before. He put all the focus on you, and getting involved with your world, and life. However, you know nothing about him. You were not integral or part of his world or life. Girl, you made a big ass mistake, and now you have to learn the lesson. I guess you’ll ask better questions, and really get to know a man before you jump into a serious relationship with him. Like, how the hell can you be involved with someone for two years and never meet anyone in their family, or their friends? That boggles my mind. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Original post:
Dear Bossip: I Ended It After I Learned He Was Married, But He Won’t Leave Me Alone
