Dear Bossip , I need help with my situation. I was engaged with my boyfriend of 5 years, and with 2 months left until our wedding I found out he’d been cheating on me for the past 3 years. I obviously broke things off. After a few months I moved to a new, and bigger city. On my third day at my new job I met “A.” We hit it off from there, and started talking on the phone for hours, texting every day, and going out on dates. It has been almost 3 months that we’ve been talking, and I’m ready for a relationship with him. He takes such good care of me, and I get the legit sense that he has feelings for me. However, he won’t be in a relationship with me because of two things: We work together, and I quit smoking shortly after meeting him, which makes him think I did it for him. We had a sit down talk and we decided we’d be friends and friends only. On the following days he started flirting with me again, and he started kissing and hugging me all over again. So, I just went with it and refused to let myself ask him where this is all going, since he only wants to be friends. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up hooking up the other day. It was the best sex of my life. We had such a wonderful connection, and he even held me close and tight, and kissed me until he fell asleep. But, he still won’t date me. I don’t know what to make of this situation. I am completely in love with him, and all of his actions show that he feels the same. What can I do? – What Now Dear Ms. What Now , He has that disease that most men have when they break up with a woman. It’s called, “I can still hit that if I want to.” And, you fell for it. You went right back into the same web of games he’d been playing with you since you arrived as the “new” girl in the office. His mission was to get you in the bed before any of the other men. Look, you’re the new girl in the big city from a small town. He played on your naivety, sized you up, and made you feel special. I’m sure he wanted to show you around the city, and introduce you to different places. You were so enamored by this man and his chivalry, and because you’d just come out of a painful situation, he played on your weakness and he started plotting. He knew that no other man had been with you since you moved to the city, and you were “new” cootie kat. All men want the new cootie kat when it lands in the city. They can smell it as soon as you step into the room. They are equipped with special sensors which lets them know when a new woman is in town, and she has not been touched, held, or plucked yet. So, they start the hound, and the hunt on how to make you their new bedpost notch. And, ma’am, let’s be real about the lame excuse he gave you for not wanting to pursue a relationship with you. He didn’t want to get involved with you because he felt you gave up smoking for him. Really? That’s a sorry a** excuse. He could have come up with a better one than that. And, he did. He said he didn’t want to date someone he worked with. I’m an advocate for folks not sleeping and dating with their co-workers. It’s a no-no for office politics and romances. DO NOT –ISH WHERE YOU WORK! So, he was clever and he pulled out (pun intended) before things got to serious. He let you down, ended your hopes and desires for something serious, and he got you where he wanted you. Now, you are the, I-Can-Hit-That-When-I-Want-To-Girl. He never wanted anything serious with you. He never wanted you to be his girl, his woman, or to have any type of future with you other than someone to kick it with every now and then. You are his new side chick, his freak buddy. He will lay with you, give you good sex, make you feel as if he is really into you, and will cuddle, hold you, and kiss you. But, he does not want anything more than what he is getting in the bed with you. You are nothing more to him but some a**! Therefore, you have to decide what you want and if this is something you wish to continue. Can you handle being his freak buddy? Can you handle emotionally disconnecting yourself from the idea that he will make you his woman, and you will have some future together? Can you handle going to work and knowing he is only using you for sex, and that he could meet another woman and start a new relationship with her? I don’t think you are built for that type of relationship, and I don’t think you are that type of woman. You deserve more, and something better. You deserve greater and a man who will commit to you, love you, and not treat you like a game, or some piece of a**. End this relationship before it goes any further, and you become too attached to him emotionally, mentally, and physically. It will get worse if you don’t. Don’t disrupt your work environment and employment for a man who will have no problem leaving you to save his own job and sanity. He’s made it clear he won’t date a co-worker, so make it clear to him that you won’t continue to sleep with one. Spend the next few months working on you, empowering you, and building yourself. You need time to heal yourself, and get to know you. Don’t allow any distractions to come along and play on your weakness, or vulnerability. Go out, have fun, enjoy the new city, and make new friends. Take it slow, and the man for you will eventually show up and make himself known to you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/954035/dear-bossip-my-husband-spends-an-enormous-amount-of-time-with-his-mother-i-cant-stand-it-or-her/#sthash.TWkSjr3K.dpuf Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/963740/dear-bossip-my-man-obsesses-over-other-womens-assets-he-told-me-i-should-conisder-butt-augmentation/#sthash.nfCH8hBk.dpuf
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Dear Bossip: I Ended My Engagement, Moved To A New City & At My New Job I Started Dating A Co-Worker, But He Won’t Commit
