Tag Archives: cold mountain

We’ve got a slew of A-list nudity this week as Miramax wallows in its awards-show glory by releasing its greatest Oscar tits- er, hits- on Blu-ray. Among he skintastic titles are Frida (2002), featuring Salma Hayek nude and lesbian, The Piano (1993), starring Holly Hunter ‘s brown eye, The English Patient (1996) with nude stars Juliette Binoche and Kristin Scott-Thomas , Cold Mountain (2003), starring Nicole Kidman ‘s milky-white mountains, and Shakespeare in Love (1998), with Gwyneth Paltrow naked. Phew! Plus, they’re not Oscar winners, but you’ll still be rubbing your little bald man as Mischa Barton goes lesbo in You and I (2011) and Naoko Watanabe bares her rising suns in the bloody Japanese flick Outrage: Way of the Yakuza (2011), nude on DVD and Blu-ray: Bisexual artist Frida Kahlo liked to paint herself naked. Mr Skin doesn’t know a lot about art, but he knows what he likes. Starring as the sexy sketcher in Frida (2002) is South of the Border bombshell Salma Hayek . The story follows her life from a crippling bus crash to her volatile marriage to the Mexican muralist who couldn’t keep his paintbrush in his pants, Diego Rivera. Along the way there are a lot of girl-on-girl good times and artist’s models stripping for the carnal canvas, like Lucia Bravo . Ashley Judd nearly flops out of her flapper dress during a scene where she and Salma suck face. Overall, Frida is Salma’s exhibition, and her palette is fully exposed. She’s mute and has a tight little bod, so Holly Hunter is the perfect wife in the critically acclaimed film The Piano (1993). Too bad that she’s stuck with stodgy Sam O’Neill in an arranged marriage. The guy doesn’t even bother to carry the piano she brings all the way from Scotland. He just leaves it on the beach of his remote New Zealand home, leaving Hunter to take a long hike every time she wants to tickle the ivories. Fortunately, lecherous Harvey Keitel wants to tickle her ovaries. He makes a deal to own the piano and then blackmails the sexy gal into some sexual favors–which, in best romance novel fashion, soon leads to love and tragedy. Fast forward to the 1 hour, 3-minute mark, where T&A meets A&E as Holly decks us with her fine ass (and a bit of furburgerage) before tickling us with her titties. Ralph Fiennes plays a horribly burned man on his deathbed at the close of WWII in the critically-lauded film The English Patient (1997). But wait- don’t give up on this tear-jerker yet, because if you do you’ll miss out on a real jerk-off opportunity. While Fiennes may not be exactly attractive to the ladies as a scabby piece of human charcoal, he has a vivid memory. In flashbacks he recalls former lovers like Kristin Scott-Thomas , who does a full frontal getting into, then out of, the bath and shows breasts in a post-sex scene, and Juliette Binoche , who shows a breast in a brief, dark sex scene. Yes, be patient with this one, and you’ll be rewarded in your English royal jewels. In Cold Mountain (2003), wounded confederate soldier Inman ( Jude Law ) struggles to escape from the Civil War and return intact to his beloved belle Ada ( Nicole Kidman ). His lover girl spends her days wanting and waiting while trying to save her family’s farm with the help of “There ain’t no man better than me” ranch hand Ruby, played by ruddy-faced, plumply packed Ren