Dear Bossip , My daughter is 21-years old and is the apple of my eye. Don’t get me wrong I have two more kids, but I’m close to my youngest one. But, lately we have been fighting over every little thing to the point where I back away from her. Let’s start from how it started. Almost a year ago my daughter met a guy online when she was living with me and before I knew it he was living in my home, and that where the battle starts. My daughter and I have been at each other’s necks to the point where she has told me many times that she is taking my grandkids from me and leaving town. She forgets I’m the one who stopped children’s services from taking both of her babies because she didn’t let anyone know she was pregnant with the first child. She had him by herself in her room. And, the second she just made it to the hospital. It’s gotten to the point that my daughter has moved out and into her own home and welfare has cut her off for six months. So, me and my mom has been paying her bills instead of having her move back home, but I went an extra yard to make sure that she has little things she needs. But, every time I turn around she is snapping my head off for no reason whatsoever, and making me look like the bad guy every time. Then to top it off, every time I jump back at her man steps in with his 2cents. So, when I lay down the law on him he goes running back to my daughter. It’s gotten to the point where we don’t speak for weeks. Now, that I’m finally getting my life out of storage from these last three years, after being there for my daughter and her kids, and trying to find someone in my life, everything between me and my daughter has gone downward so very fast that I didn’t have time to blink or turn my neck. What should I do to fix my relationship with my daughter? – Crying Mother Dear Ms. Crying Mother , Ma’am, uhm, she is grown. She’s 21-years old, and all this babying you’re doing for her needs to stop. I wish I would extend myself to my child and they act ignorant, showing me their ass to kiss, acting ungrateful, and choosing some random man over me, and I’m the one who brought you into this world. What’s that saying, “You talk and act crazy at me, chile, I brought you in this world and I will take you out of it!” And, that’s when I commence to swinging and going upside their head! This heifer got pregnant, and didn’t tell you, or she waited to tell you at the last minute since she had the baby in her room by herself. That right there tells me that your relationship was already a strained one. How the hell you’re going to give birth in my house, in your room, and by yourself, and I don’t know about it? Chile, no ma’am. But, let’s move forward. Why didn’t you know she was pregnant? How could you miss the signs and her big ass stomach? A mother knows when something is going on with her daughter, so therefore, what was going on between you two that you didn’t pick up on something? See, right here, that’s an issue. Whatever has been going on between you and daughter is something that you’ve created. Something that you have not been on top of as your job as a mother. There is no respect, no communication, and no relationship. Perhaps you’ve been babying her, and giving her too much credit, and leniency (You did say that she was the apple of your eye, and when –ish hit the fan you stepped in and continued babying her). Instead of coddling this woman, you should have been ruling with an iron fist, and not giving her too much freedom to do what the hell she wants to do, i.e. meeting a man online and he moves into your house. Girl! Please tell me that….never mind, she did move some random man she met online into your home. That right there! See, you are the problem. You have no parental skills. None whatsoever! You know how I know, look at your daughter’s life. It’s a hotassmess!! And, if your daughter’s life is a mess, then we know where she got it from – HER MOMMA! I’m also clear that you’ve been treating her more like a friend instead of a daughter. Because all that –ish you’re doing, and how she treats you, speaks to you, and allows her man to disrespect you, uhm, Ms. Get-You-A-Backbone, you need to put your foot down and stop running to her rescue. She’s an adult, so treat her as such. She wants to show out and forget all that you’ve done for her, then cut her narrow ass off. Stop giving her money, paying her bills, and letting her run back and forth to you when she needs something. Cut that –ish off today! She’s an adult, and she has a man living with her, so they will figure out how to get money, food, clothes, and pay the bills. It’s time for her to grow the hell up, and time for you to stop treating her like she’s a damn baby. SHE IS GROWN! Give her a grown ass lesson. And, you let her know that moving forward she is going to have to learn how to respect you as a mother. You’re not her friend. You’re not her banker. You’re not an ATM. I understand that you don’t want your grandchildren to be without, so, put some limitations on things. Keep the pampers, milk, baby clothes, and other necessities for the babies at your house. So, when they come over they will be taken care of, but you can’t take care of your house, and hers. SHE NEEDS TO GET A DAMN JOB! That’s why welfare cut her ass off. And, I’ll be damned if my tax dollars keep funding trifling mofo’s like this. It’s time you start living your life, and enjoying it. Don’t let them kids run you ragged, and keep you hemmed up in the house taking care of them. Honey, you’ve done your job, now it’s time for you to live your life, and live it to the fullest! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: I Stopped Children’s Services From Taking Her Children, But My Daughter Doesn’t Respect Me
