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The Real Housewives of New Jersey brought us “Everything Is Coming Up Rosie” but is an intervention led by the hot headed cousin really what they need? We recap both the good advice and the asinine in our THG +/- review. Joe Gorga drives home from the gym still muttering curses at Teresa under his breath. I’m not sure what he’s more upset about, being told he’s pussy whipped or finding out that Melissa tweeted something unkind about his sister. Maybe Melissa isn’t the angel he thinks she is.   Melissa’s still working on her book, because who doesn’t need advice on marriage from a Real Housewife? Plus 10 for talking to her family beforehand about putting her father’s philandering past in the book but I wonder if she would have done it anyway even if they objected. Teresa and Joe Giudice head out to watch Milania play soccer and Plus 12 because there is nothing cuter than a little kid soccer game. Of course the other parents can probably do without Joe’s colorful description of sister-in-law Melissa. “She definitely straps one on and sticks it in his ***.”  Minus 20 . You can always count on Joe Giudice to keep it classy, even at a children’s event. I’m not sure what was funnier…or more painful. Watching Teresa hunt and peck on her keyboard trying to write her blog, hearing her husband try and explain to her who Napoleon was, or listening to her rendition of people who live in glass houses should throw stones. In Teresa-speak it comes out, “When you throw dust, dust comes back in. Something about stones.” Plus 30 because without Teresa this show wouldn’t be nearly as comical. And what’s up with the holistic healing and meditation retreat? Who stuck that idea in Teresa’s head? I certainly don’t see her coming up with it on her own but Plus 15 because it’s bound to be either hysterical, an epic failure, or both. The rest of the cast can’t seem to stop talking about Teresa who calls Caroline to let her know about the debacle with Joe at the gym. Caroline decides it’s time to take a step back…which lasts not even five minutes when she blabs all to Kathy and Jacqueline and tries once again to encourage a reconciliation. Minus 13. Jacqueline’s not thrilled and the second Caroline brings up Teresa’s name she huffs, “You killed my boner.” Really Caroline, just leave it alone already. Of course Caroline still has her own grown children to fuss over.   Apparently Lauren’s still keeping CafFace afloat. Plus 11. She’s focusing on her business and not nearly as interested in marrying Vito. Albie and Chris are still excited about their restaurant venture. When momma Caroline pushes the marriage issue, Albie says he’s just got to find a woman who’s willing to never see him because he’ll be working all the time.  Good luck with that. And Chris, oh he’s got some interesting views on starting a family. He says he never wants a girl because from ages 0 to 10 he just needs to “keep the thing alive” and from 10 to 25 he needs to make sure “it’s not a whore.”  That’s just too much pressure for him. Oh, he’s a keeper ladies. Don’t all rush at him at once… Minus 35! But wait, he’s not done. Apparently he also believes that, “Fat girls are blow job queens.” Well, except for his sister. Mom must be so proud. Speaking of men who are idiots, we’ll move on to Kathy and Rich. Rich whose wardrobe is straight out of 1991, is telling Kathy what the packaging of her cannoli should look like. Minus 27 . Kathy’s opinion can’t possibly be right because Rich, “married a housewife, not an entrepreneur.” Can you put husband is a jackass as a reason for divorce proceedings in New Jersey?  As Kathy tries to assert a little independence, Rich puts her down and steamrolls her decisions. He really has little respect for his wife outside of the kitchen. Things aren’t looking good for these two.   Finally we get to Rosie’s intervention. The loud mouthed, hot head decides to intervene with Teresa. First off, Teresa asks for a wine and Rosie brings a drink she’s certain she’ll like more. Isn’t that typical arrogant male behavior? No wonder Rosie hasn’t had sex in six years. Then within five minutes Rosie is screaming and pounding on the table. That didn’t take long. Minus 14. The funny thing is, for a little while Rosie actually makes Teresa look rational. Rosie reminds me of having a conversation with a drunk. They’re fine one minute, the next their screaming, then they’re apologizing before the cycle starts all over again. Just watching is exhausting. But Rosie offers to head to a holistic healing retreat…and suggests inviting the rest of the clan as welll. What could possibly go wrong? Episode total = -31!                Season total = -197!

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: A Rosie Intervention