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Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: Does Katie Maloney Motorboat Crotch?

Last night on Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5, Kristen and Tom returned to work at SUR after being suspended, while Stassi was given a big opportunity by Lisa. Meanwhile, Tom Schwartz made a HUGE commitment (well, for him anyway) in hopes of appeasing Katie’s concerns, while she also faced some hard core accusations. What did those consist of, and how did everything go down (sort of literally)? Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5 Online Picking up where Episode 4 left off, Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5 saw Schwartz try to get out of the doghouse after quitting his job at PUMP spectacularly. To show he can commit to stuff, while also delaying marriage talks with Katie Maloney, he adopted a rescue dog! Which was silly looking but so, SO cute. So cute, in fact, that she envisioned the puppy as the ring bearer in the wedding Tom desperately wants to avoid thinking about! So that totes backfired! Meanwhile, if you watch Vanderpump Rules online , you know Lisa Vanderpump and Stassi Schroeder are often at odds. Well, this week things are good. In fact, Lisa hired Stassi to be her stylist for a photo shoot, a gesture she felt was generous as the youngster could put the experience on her resume. Yet Stassi didn’t see it that way, feeling Lisa treated her like an assistant and not a professional. Lisa, for her part, felt her former staffer was ungrateful. All of that took a back seat to the drama with Katie and Jax Taylor , however. According to Jax and Scheana Marie, not only is it possible to motorboat someone’s crotch, but Katie did just that, between some unidentified actor’s legs! Jax began relaying that Katie had cheated on Schwartz in this manner, a dubious claim because it’s Jax, a man who lies like he gets pointless nose jobs. Still, Scheana claimed she saw the entire incident, so the rumors spread. Sadly, the actor who supposedly had his crotch motorboated by Katie Maloney was never revealed, but Jax and the accused motorboater had words. When Tom Sandoval , Tom Schwartz and Jax joined Katie for brunch, Sandoval and Jax just grilled her on this alleged incident, while Schwartz did nothing. Seriously. He just freaking sat there while Jax tore his girlfriend a new one. Vanderpump Rules Cast Photos 1. Stassi Schroeder Sassy Stassi is the resident wit on Vanderpump Rules. She’s basically a young Lisa V. in the making. Beyond whimpering “Bubby” a few times (whatever the heck that means), he did not stick up for his girl one iota … or ask if the rumor was true for that matter. Katie eventually stormed off after getting railroaded by that douche Jax. When Tom Schwartz ran after her, did he at least defend her stance or comfort her? No, he told her that she was basically the instigator in all of this. Now there’s a standup guy. Totes future fiance and husband material.

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Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: Does Katie Maloney Motorboat Crotch?

Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: Jax Taylor NOSE How to Be a Douche

On Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 4, Jax got a nose job because he’s Jax, while Tom Schwartz found himself in a panic after an incident at the PUMP. Meanwhile, Stassi tried to reconnect with the SUR crew at a party in Hollywood, but thanks to Scheana and Kristen, the reception was less than welcoming. Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 4 Online When Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 4 got underway, Schwartz lasted about 25 minutes in the job he lobbied for years to get with Lisa’s empire. During his first shift at PUMP, Tom had a panic attack when a crush of customers swarmed in. He panicked about not knowing how to set up tabs, etc. Dude up and left on the spot. It was pretty pathetic. The most surprising (and warranted) scene when you watch Vanderpump Rules online this week is Katie, not Lisa, giving him the third degree after this. Sure, Lisa was let down, but she can just fire him. For Katie, this was incredibly disappointing, as it cast major doubt on Tom’s ability to handle anything in life. What kind of long term partner is a guy like this? Making matters worse for Schwartz? His colleague. Katie wonders why her man can’t conduct himself more like a British dude who takes Beamer selfies. We’re not even kidding, and she has a point. At least when James Kennedy gets fired for being a douche, he pens a hand-written letter to the boss, then shows up more than once to beg for his job back! Lisa did re-hire James , if only because she was in a good mood at the time and they were short bus boys. How much damage could he really do there? Tom, meanwhile, felt he couldn’t take stand the heat, so he quit PUMP for good, surrendering his pink shirts and everything. What a sad excuse for a man. Likeable guy, but so sad to watch in a way. Vanderpump Rules Cast Photos 1. Stassi Schroeder Sassy Stassi is the resident wit on Vanderpump Rules. She’s basically a young Lisa V. in the making. Speaking of painful men to watch on screen and may not actually be men, Jax Taylor got a nose job, which Stassi Schroeder says makes him a woman. Jax spent most of the episode high on painkillers and acting incredibly pathetic, which was almost endearing in that his guard was totally down at least. The drama came late in the night, at an OK! Magazine party, where the SUR staff attended and split off into two tables, a battle royale waiting to explode. Stassi, Katie, Peter, and Tom Schwartz sat together Scheana Marie , Shay, Ariana, Tom Sandoval, Kristen and James sat the another table, where Stassi was forced to go mingle for five minutes on a dare Seriously. You can’t make this stuff up. Apparently Scheana thought Stassi was being sincere, which was sad, but then Kristen Doute started asking Stassi about Jax and things just got uncomfortable. Scheana eventually caught on, everybody started beefing until Stassi got flustered and pulled a Schwartz, peacing out with her posse (which included Schwartz). Good times with the PUMPers.

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Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: Jax Taylor NOSE How to Be a Douche

Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 2: Who Got FIRED By Lisa?

Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 2 proved to us that, well, the Bravo reality show’s title is no misnomer. Lisa Vanderpump rules, and with an iron fist if need be. The boss was all kinds of fired up on  Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 2 , laying the SMACK down on SUR staffers for some of their recent shenanigans. Like what, you ask? And who got FIRED as a result? Let’s recap … As you know if you watch Vanderpump Rules online , this crew likes to party. Well, that has a downside, and we’re not just talking about Instagram wars. Tom Sandoval and his British, selfie-loving DJ foil James, who came to blows at Scheana Marie’s birthday party, sparked some changes at the restaurant. Everyone involved feared that the HBIC might drop the hammer on them after they got into yet another public melee, but would Lisa really go that far? Before we learned the staff members’ fate, other important matters had to be covered. Literally, in the case of Jax Taylor’s tattoo of Stassi Schroeder’s name. With a black rose, no less. So symbolic. Obviously, Jax also got a Carmen tattoo, because his new girlfriend totally “lives there” and is totally a perfect fit for him for life, or at least the next 20 minutes. Obviously, Jax gave Carmen the boot on a pizza date IN THE SAME EPISODE, which didn’t go over well with her. She told him to grow up, which is unlikely. Speaking of the now de-inked Stassi, she’s back in L.A. and apartment hunting with her new beau. She tells Katie she needs a two-bedroom place. Meanwhile, Sheana is banged up after the fight at the party so she decides to cut ties with James and Kristen Doute, given that they are like totally toxic. At least Tom Sandoval is in her good graces for texting her a four-minute apology video of himself crying after she cut her foot and went to the hospital. Tom also slathered on a bunch of makeup after his fight with James to conceal just how badly he got his ass whomped, and it did a really good job. He enjoyed it a little too much, though. Lisa Vanderpump is pretty pissed at all of them for this nonsense, and after much deliberation (and Tom Schwartz sweating bullets), she made her decision: Vanderpump Rules Cast Photos 1. Stassi Schroeder Sassy Stassi is the resident wit on Vanderpump Rules. She’s basically a young Lisa V. in the making. James will have lots more time to take Beamer selfies all day because he’s been fired, while both Kristen Doute and Tom were suspended from SUR. Don’t mess with the Pump. Speaking of which, Lisa interviewed a bunch of hot men for her new restaurant, PUMP. Those men will be wearing pink button down shirts that are too small. Finally, Peter Madrigal actually spoke for once and made the most of it, telling off Kristen Doute and claiming she is a detriment to the entire establishment. The truth hurts.

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Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Episode 2: Who Got FIRED By Lisa?