Tag Archives: movies-because

Jessica ALba’s Coconut Water Hooker Tits of the Day

Jessica ALba is a bit of a scam, but is she really a scam, when she’s just allowed the public to think she’s this budding entrepreneur for a company worth 1 billion dollars that uses her star power to market themselves, while being run by a strong team…it’s like rich and successful people say “hey, we like you, let’s use you because you’re a huge star and we’ll give you 20% and you can have creative control, just promote this shit for us for free, brands pay millions for this, let’s just give you equity and make hundreds of millions”…to which she says “well, I was thinking of doing that Honey sequel because my acting career was all a lie, let’s make my business careeer a lie, and I’ll take on the good jobs that come in, like other movies because that’s my passion guys, and ZICO who paid me stupid money to pose with a bottle in the most obvious low level ay…but at least she’s got cleavage…because cleavage makes it all ok.. Totally uninteresting but this is what ZICO wasts us doing.. Here is some Alba in a sports bra… A photo posted by Jessica Alba (@jessicaalba) on Jun 8, 2015 at 3:13pm PDT The post Jessica ALba’s Coconut Water Hooker Tits of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Jessica ALba’s Coconut Water Hooker Tits of the Day

‘Jonah Hex’: Dead Man Walking, By Kurt Loder

The venerable comic-book cowboy comes to life … sort of. Josh Brolin in “Jonah Hex” Photo: Warner Bros. “Jonah Hex” is about as anti- as a hero can get. It’s not just his chewed-up cowboy hat, his bullet-riddled duster and his perma-surly disposition. It’s the melted skin running down one side of his face and the ugly hole torn in the flesh next to his mouth (which makes whiskey-drinking a messy enterprise, but not — as we see just before he shoots up a barroom full of bad guys — an impossible one). In cooking down 38 years’ worth of DC comics for “Jonah Hex,” the new movie, director Jimmy Hayward and his writers have produced a lumpy soup of western action and supernatural shenanigans, heavily spiced with narrative confusion. The story leaps back and forth in time, and while the picture is sometimes funny, possibly intentionally, at some points it’s anybody’s guess what’s going on. In playing Jonah, Josh Brolin is stuck with a character whose facial constriction reduces him to little more than a walking bad attitude — he’s like Clint Eastwood’s old Man with No Name in the Sergio Leone westerns but without the warmth. The time is just after the Civil War (at least when it’s not during the Civil War). We learn that Jonah was framed for the betrayal of his Confederate battle unit, which resulted in the death of his friend, Jeb Turnbull (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Jeb’s demented father, Quentin (John Malkovich in full cuckoo mode), retaliated by killing Jonah’s wife and son, and disfiguring his face with a red-hot branding iron. Now (or sometimes now) Jonah roams the West as a bad-ass bounty hunter, his only love connection a beautiful whore named Lilah (Megan Fox). When Ulysses S. Grant (Aidan Quinn), president of the newly reunited States, learns that Turnbull is creating a “super-weapon” that will be a “nation-killer,” he recruits Jonah to stop him. Our battered hero is well-equipped to do so. After a close call with death some years back, Jonah was left with one foot in the spirit world; and so while he spends much of the movie being shot and beaten, he appears to be unkillable. He’s attended by a pack of hellhounds (“I wouldn’t try to pet ’em if I was you”) and has the useful gift of bringing dead men back to life with a touch of his hand. (“I’m sorry I killed you,” he tells one corpse, after raising him from the grave. Says the dead guy: “I’d better be getting back under ground.”) Jonah also has a taste for esoteric weaponry — saddle-mounted Gatling guns, dynamite-firing crossbow pistols — and a talent for dodging bullets by simply leaning back a bit to let them fly by (past our madly rolling eyes). The lovely Lilah is no slouch in the slick department, either: When she and Jonah are handcuffed to an overhead rod, the cuffs suddenly snap free, and she brandishes a lock pick. “My mama didn’t raise no fool,” she says. (To which we reply, “What the hell … ?”) Despite the picture’s wall-to-wall uproar — train-jackings, bullet storms, incessant detonations — there’s little excitement to it. The action is furious from the outset and remains at that level throughout, increasingly diluting its intended effect. And the dialogue, which I take to be satirical, never quite meshes with the film’s heavy violence. Like its half-dead protagonist, the movie never comes completely alive. Check out everything we’ve got on “Jonah Hex.” For breaking news and previews of the latest comic book movies — updated around the clock — visit SplashPage.MTV.com . Related Videos Exclusive ‘Jonah Hex’ Clip MTV Rough Cut: Megan Fox In ‘Jonah Hex’ Related Photos ‘Jonah Hex’

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‘Jonah Hex’: Dead Man Walking, By Kurt Loder

Eva Mendes Shitty Workout Gear of the Day

I am one of the many people who like seeing Eva Mendes in movies because she always gets naked and has great tits while doing it, but I guess like a typical spic stripper, she likes to leave work and spend her days off in the biggest pair of sweatpants her drug dealing black boyfriend can buy her, cuz she figures she doesn’t need to sex shit up if she’s not getting paid and unlike the average girl who likes looking good, hot, or tight bodied, she gets all the in the form of men throwing 10 dollars a song at her, only in Eva Mendes’ case, she’s making a lot more than 10 dollars a song, even if that’s all her work is worth, but you can’t blame her for that…but you can blame Hollywood… There no reason she should ever think going out and working out dressed like this is appropriate…bitch needs to give us a little more…cuz I’m sure there’s a raft or empty truck container filled with immigrants ready to do her job…who may even be coming to America because they saw that she made it…and she’s letting us all down.

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Eva Mendes Shitty Workout Gear of the Day

Anna Faris Walks Her Sweater Puppies

Here’s Anna Faris taking her sweater puppies and her actual puppy for a walk the other day. She’s not exactly wearing anything sexy, but her tits look good in that tank top. I’m not sure if they’re real or fake, either way they’re not doing enough to distract us from her face.

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Anna Faris Walks Her Sweater Puppies

Amber Heard Topless Scream Queen

I don’t watch horror movies because I’m a big pussy and won’t be able to sleep for a week if I do… So, that’s probably why I don’t know much about Amber Heard . Here she is in FHM dubbed as the “Scream Queen”. Anyway, I dig the topless tease, but I’m sure if she’s in horror flicks there are some nude scenes floating around… so feel free to send them my way.

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Amber Heard Topless Scream Queen