Everybody has to start somewhere, right? Right. For some of Hollywood’s best and brightest, that somewhere is on the playing field and not the movie set. Yes, it’s true. Many of our favorite stars had aspirations of becoming professional athletes when they were children, just like you probably did. (But not me. I always dreamed of being a rock star. We can all see how THAT turned out.) You might know that Justin Bieber loves to play hockey , but did you know he’s also pretty decent at basketball? And did you know that rapper 2 Chainz was a star high school hoops standout in Atlanta? Kate Upton, SI model, actress, and all around hottie used to ride horses! And then there’s Duchess Kate Middleton who is great at basically everything she does, including besting Prince William in sailing . Take a look at these 13 celebrity athletes who are probably better athletes than you. And me. (Hey, we’re all good at something, right? Right. Let’s keep telling ourselves that.) 13 Celebrities Who Are Better Athletes Than You Open Slideshow 1. Patrick Dempsey When he isn’t steaming up the screen as McDreamy on Grey’s Anatomy, Patrick Dempsey likes to heat up the pavement behind the wheel of race cars. View As List 1. Patrick Dempsey When he isn’t steaming up the screen as McDreamy on Grey’s Anatomy, Patrick Dempsey likes to heat up the pavement behind the wheel of race cars. 2. Denzel Washington Before hitting it big in Hollywood and winning two Oscars, Denzel Washington was hitting it big as a basketball player at Fordham University. 3. Mark Harmon Mark Harmon was the starting quarterback at UCLA. He’s sort of a quarterback in the NCIS office calling all the plays as Gibbs, right? 4. Justin Bieber In addition to being a singer, dancer, and general douchebag, Justin Bieber is actually quite the basketball player – his mean crossover dribble earned him NBA Celebrity All-Star Game MVP honors! 5. BONUS! Justin Bieber Justin Bieber ALSO plays hockey! He once crashed a junior hockey team’s practice in Atlanta. 6. Kate Middleton If the Spice Girls ever want to reunite, we volunteer Duchess Kate Middleton as tribute to take over the role of Sporty Spice! 7. Jason Segel Jason Segel might not have seen much time on the court, but he WAS Jason Collins’ backup in high school. That totally counts! 8. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Before becoming a professional wrestler and eventually an actor, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was leading the University of Miami football team to a National Championship title in 1991. 9. Bruce Jenner It might be hard to believe by looking at him now, but once upon a time Bruce Jenner was an Olympian. 10. Kate Upton Before she was walking the runway in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Edition, Kate Upton was a nationally ranked equestrian. So many bouncing boob jokes about barrel jumping. So little time. 11. Jessica Biel Jessica Biel’s soccer training came in handy when she played Mary Camden on Seventh Heaven. Mary was a star soccer player. Biel also took gymnastics as a child. 12. 2 Chainz Before he was 2 Chainz, he was Tauheed Epps (also Tity Boi, but we won’t talk about that.) Epps was a star high school basketball player at North Clayon High School in Georgia. 13. Emma Watson Emma Watson might look petite and unassuming, but don’t let that fool you. She’s a star field hockey player. 14. Kaley Cuoco Kaley Cuoco might have bought her boobs, but she earned those abs and arms on the tennis court!
Imagine you’re a successful actor whose appeared in Oscar nominated films and worked with some of the biggest stars in Hollywood and people barely know…
This week sees the release of Resident Evil: Retribution , the next installment in what has been dubbed the “most successful” of video game movie series, a shallow victory indeed. Considering that contemporary video games have become cinematic, employing many proven Hollywood techniques in their platforms, it means that once those properties are adapted for the screen you could end up with the proverbial serpent eating its own tail. In the case of Doom however you end up with something else; much like a document that has been photocopied from a fax of a forgery taken from a carbon-copy, what you end up with is an indecipherable mess. But first, let’s take a look at the original Resident Evil , itself an exercise in impotent storytelling. How about this for a synopsis: In Raccoon City a company known as The Umbrella Corporation owns a laboratory called The Hive, where a T-virus has been released and The Red Queen computer seals the building and kills the occupants to stop an outbreak. Uh-huh. Guess I won’t look for the words, “Adapted from the novel by Noel Coward.” The gist of that 2002 film was zombies vs. mercenaries, including Milla Jovovich, who wages battle while wearing a red cocktail dress, of course; this cheesecloth-thin plotline has somehow been stretched into a 5-picture movie arc. Just three years later came the far more shallow bout of movie making that is Doom — basically the same movie, only with Jovovich’s sexy freedom fighter replaced by the buff chunk-muscle Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Doom comes the closest to replicating the gaming experience on film. Literally little more than a chase-and-shoot action pic, you can guess exactly how this script was constructed. Imagine for a moment you are building your dream home and want to make sure to include all the elements you deem important. You begin by telling a contractor you want him to construct a fireplace. Upstairs you instruct him to install a Roman bath tub and a closet big enough to park a mini-Cooper, and then you suggest he add a walk-in humidor in the basement. You inspect the plans, and once satisfied that everything looks perfect you then tell him, “I love it! Now you can begin construction on the house.” The same type of logic is going on here; clearly they included the important elements of the game and later decided it might be cool to also come up with a script. Then decisions were made based on money. The original video games featured demon entities which could be costly to replicate — so in the film they became mutated Martian explorers, mostly filmed in the dark. But wait, how will the soldiers end up on Mars, responding to this outbreak? Before you can utter “screenplay shorthand,” a portal is placed in the Nevada desert where the mercenaries can enter and arrive on Mars as quickly as they are needed. Voila ! Amazingly this is all goofier than it sounds, yet told with a straight face, telling us this is as it should be. We start with a hard-opening as scientists run down futuristic corridors, fleeing from something unseen. When they try to get through a closing hatch a female has her arm severed by the door. This is not mindless vivisection, mind you; later The Rock will use the severed limb to gain access via bio-verification locks! Subtle intro in place, roll credits. The year is 2046, and during the colonization of Mars there has been an experiment where a 24th chromosome has been developed which will grant humans incredible physical gifts and the ability to regenerate quickly from wounds — unless you happen to mutate into a hideous homicidal creature. (There are some glitches, understand.) The facility is sealed up and a few scientists remain, so a group of Marines are located for the mission. “The Rock” plays Sarge, and he guides a team of clichés named Reaper, Goat, Duke, The Kid, and others. Once there Reaper is reintroduced to his estranged scientist sister who works at the facility, which creates some sibling tension but is also convenient as she can guide the Marines around the joint. Director Andrezj Bartkowiak (his actual name — I did not nod off and type that with my forehead) uses his skills to hide the less-than-impressive appearance of the creatures. Even though this takes place almost entirely on the Fourth Planet you would never know it, because the whole time is spent in labs and the steam tunnels of the facility with zero exterior shots. It’s like watching someone’s vacation movies spent at a beach house and everything takes place in the basement. What we do see of the creatures is a biological illogicality, since the beings tower over the humans, rather immense in size. Their caloric and protein intake would have to be far greater than the limited food source a couple dozen scientists would provide. (Why not clear everyone out and let them cannibalize to extinction? Because that would leave us with a very short film experience.) It is far more entertaining to send anonymous soldiers to a grisly end while also vividly destroying some monstrous Martians in gory detail. During this melee Sarge eventually discovers a trademark weapon from the game, the B-F-G (Big F-ing Gun.) This weapon provides plenty of psychological material to analyze; many N.O.W. members opposed to the N.R.A. will tell you the B.F.G. is only a representation of the male organ. To be honest, those ladies have a valid argument — this gun shoots a plasma-like substance, meaning the ammunition is not actually fired as much as it is… ejaculated . You have to be very secure in your masculinity to wield this particular phallic weapon. As the Marines are systematically dispatched by the zombie goliaths we eventually get treated to the centerpiece scene of the movie where we watch all the action from the POV of star (and future Judge Dredd) Karl Urban, with his weapon in view of the camera just like in the game. It’s a decent representation filled with flashy camera tricks and computer wizardry, like seeing the game on screen with much better graphic simulators delivering the visuals. Ultimately there is a visceral feeling to Doom — you want to be in the action, and then you want to partake. With all the viscera flying on screen you’ll check your shoes for plasma, and then you’ll check eBay for older gaming systems that will allow you to play a vintage version of Doom . Why let The Rock have all the fun shooting his load?! Read more Bad Movies We Love. Brad Slager has written about movies and entertainment for Film Threat, Mediaite, and is a columnist at CHUD.com . His less insightful impressions on entertainment can be found on Twitter .
The Rock Celebrates 40th Birthday If you smelllllalalalaaaaaaa! Today is a special day for thirst-target himself, Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock aka The People’s Champ aka whatever you want to call him. Today marks his 40th birthday! He doesn’t look nearly that old as he keeps himself right and tight at all times. Hell, he just went out there and wrestled a main event at WrestleMania. But that’s not what you ladies came to see. You came to see Rock’s bod. So we won’t disappoint! Here goes…
G.I. Joe: Retaliation director Jon M. Chu and star Dwayne Johnson popped up to unveil a new trailer for the exhibition pros Monday night at CinemaCon, where The Rock was dubbed the CinemaCon Action Star of the Decade and described with a nickname that’s been floating around here and there for months: “Franchise Viagra.” The new Rock-centric trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation seems to agree with that sentiment. So watch it below and discuss: Could Johnson’s muscle-bound box office draw enhance just any limp franchise’s potential? Johnson earned the moniker by helping Fast Five to a box office bonanza last year, but he also notably made the Journey to the Center of the Earth sequel a hit (and let’s not forget his film career beginnings, turning an appearance in the Mummy franchise into his own starring spin-off). With Chu behind the camera ramping up the cool factor on G.I. Joe 2 — Bees that turn into bombers! Rappelling mountainside ninja fights! Bruce Willis! — this new trailer makes it known that the sequel is Johnson’s film. His Roadblock is the solid wall of man meat who leads the Joes on a quest to clear their names and avenge their fallen brethren after Cobra Commander infiltrates the government and turns their own country against them. The whole “betrayed agent avenging comrades to clear their name” thing has been done to death recently ( Salt , Haywire , The A-Team , The Losers , Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol , ugh make it stop), but halfway through the trailer I realized that yes, I will watch just about anything The Rock is in. Especially if he’s all bronzed and sweaty, which is just about always. Verdict: G.I. Joe 2 was more enticing when it was all mountain ninjas and Channing Tatum and Bruce Willis in the back of that El Camino before all this silly plot reveal business, but on the other hand it has The Rock, and therefore I am in.
Breaking Sports Video
