Tag Archives: rupaul’s drag race

The 11 Most Anticipated Cultural Events of 2011 — Louis’s Picks

As the year closes and I recover from yet another staggeringly bad movie we love , I’m happy to share my dreams for a brighter tomorrow. 2010 was tolerable, but 2011 is poised to give us a Neve Campbell revival, more Logo Network supremacy, and the Oprahcalypse. I’m game.

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The 11 Most Anticipated Cultural Events of 2011 — Louis’s Picks

Bristol, Bethenny and Snooki: The Top-10 Reality Shows of 2010

It’s list-listin’ time! With the end of the year approaching, Movieline is beginning its review of 2010’s finest and lamest moments. We begin on a positive slant — the 10 best reality series of the year. Some are old favorites, and others are new classics, but all are as thrilling, watchable, and cringe-inducing as any overactive toddler. But what’s #1? Join us for the countdown.

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Bristol, Bethenny and Snooki: The Top-10 Reality Shows of 2010

Hill Children

The 13 Craziest Quotes from the Reunion of RuPaul’s Drag Race

Though the second season finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race was great fun, the real action was at the after-party. In the one-hour reunion special, tears were shed, fingers were wagged, gender transitioning was tearfully discussed, and so many bizarre exchanges of dialogue occurred that they might actually benefit from being presented out of context. Thus, here are 13 of the most out-there quotes and conversations from last night’s reunion:

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The 13 Craziest Quotes from the Reunion of RuPaul’s Drag Race

Niecy Nash Is on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race?’

Filed under: We’re Just Sayin’ Here’s “Reno 911” star and “Clean House” host Niecy Nash at some event (left) — and “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Season Two contestant Tyra Sanchez (right).One of them is hysterical.We’re just sayin’. See Also Kim Zolciak Is on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’? … Permalink

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Niecy Nash Is on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race?’

RuPaul’s Drag Race: Tastes Like Chicken

Child, I don’t even know what to tell you about last night’s episode of the wig-wonkiest show on television. Things happened! Things didn’t happen. A big girl did splits and a Raven turned into a chicken. This week was Country Week. Because why the hell not. Plenty of drag queens are country. I mean, actually, I have no idea if any of them are country or not. But at least one of them has to be, right? There must be some sort of barn-like drag bar somewhere in the sparse hills and plains of America. Some boot-scootin’ bewigged old bitch lip-syncing to Martina McBride or some shit, rumbling home in her old GMC pickup, sitting on her cricket-chirped porch with its buzzing yellow light and drinking a can of MGD. But, you know, fabulously . I can picture it, can you? Well, the episode required that you were able to. Or not. Whatever. This show requires nothing. Literally all you need to bring to this show is a moderately functioning set of eyeballs and ears. And maybe a working voice, so you can whoop-shriek as things get progressively weirder and weirder until you don’t even know why you’re whoop-shrieking, just that you’re whoop-shrieking in the still of the night and there before you is a glowing box full of moving pictures. That’s all you need. That’s all you’ll ever need for this show. The episode began with an eating contest. The dragtestants had to play a game of Chicken, or What?!? in which they put on blindfolds and were told to eat things and then had to identify whether they were Chicken, or What?!?. Get it? Pretty much everything was What?!?!, actually. They ate bull balls and soy faux chicken and frog legs. They all shrieked and spit fried food all over the place. It was really attractive. And yes, everything was fried. Just a bunch of drag queens eating fried nasties on a grainy public access gay game show. If that doesn’t sound like something you’d want to watch, then, well… I don’t know what to tell you. Because that is what this show is about. The two winners were Mystique, because she is a large lady and could put away the food the fastest, and Morgan, because I don’t know why. Just because. As a reward for winning they were sent home on the next plane, far far away from this awful place made team captains for the big challenge. Which was: Make a commercial. Yes, a commercial! Like something they show on TV and is almost like acting, but for failed actors. It was pretty exciting. Until RuPaul showed the girlz what product they’d be shilling. It was something called Disco that looked like Crisco and, yes oh mercy mama of course, was a fake product. Aw nuts. Even worse? The Disco shortening or whatever it was supposed to be was hailed as “extra greasy.” Pandora’s bird-like eyes grew to saucer size. Only no one said “greasy.” They all, even more disgustingly, said “greezy.” Extra greezy. “Girl, I can’t put on my eyeliner, my hands are too greezy.” “Get away from me with that greezy face of yours.” “Honey, that dick is greezy.” It was HORRIBLE. Greezy. Eugh. Low-budget tranny snuff films should not incorporate a fried food ‘n cooking greez subplot, because everyone will turn it off before they get to the big important part: the snuff. You want them to see the snuff, don’t you? Otherwise you’d have snuffed in vain! And no one wants that. Greezy. Hyuuuagh. So, OK. The commercial. The commercial was sort of like a John Waters movie if when Divine died she had died inside John Waters’ head and then started to rot, seeping into his brain. It was, again, about greezy fried food and featured all the gals done up in their country bumpkin best-worst. They tried to do their best at looking their worst, is what I’m saying. They blacked out teeth, but didn’t really do it all the way, so it was like weird teeth bits floating in mottled outerspace. They also put on even sillier makeup than usual, especially that raggedy little bitch Morgan. Whooooooo boy did Morgan put on some makeup! She must have worked on plays in high school or something, because she did this really ridiculous old age makeup that made her look like Gloria Stuart, if Gloria Stuart began using methamphetamine and was then eaten by Divine. It was ridiculous. And vaguely embarrassing. Like when someone takes something too far or too literally. The most elaborate costume at the costume party that nobody else really cared about. That kind of thing. See Morgan was playing Granny in the little commercial. Basically it was a sketch about country people talking about Disco baking grease. One of them was about chicken, the other about fish. (Like really about fish in a gross way, if you get my drift. Greezy.) But both of them featured a chicken. Yes, Raven and Jessica Wild were cast in the role of “Disco Critter,” which was a chicken for some reason. Doesn’t “Disco Critter” sound like… well, basically Animal from The Muppets if Animal was a real person. Or a sort-of real person? Some tuft-haired weirdo who speaks mostly in Jive and basically breathes cocaine and other uppers and does weird dances and sometimes sneaks up on you and says “skeeble dee dop doo woo” in your ear, but not in a funny way, in a menacing way. That sounds like a Disco Critter to me. Not a chicken. But oh well. Chicken it was. Jessica Wild can’t speak English and has a weird voice, so her Disco Chicken was resoundingly terrifying. Squawky like a chicken should be squawky, but in a frightening way. If you were to wake up in the middle of the night and see the manic eyeball glow and squawky smile of the Jessica Wild Chicken staring you in the face, I think you might die from fright right there. Raven on the other hand was just sort of a dul ice princess Disco Chicken. A laconic, quaaludesy Disco Chicken. Just a mean bitch in a chicken outfit. Why someone didn’t nominate Pandora to wear the chicken outfit is beyond me. It is a natural fit , people. Let Pandora be herself and give her the damn chicken costume. It is not that hard. Anyway, they went to film the ad and, because they are already performers of a sort, the girls didn’t do all that bad. Jujubee and Pandora were fairly funny, and even hood-lidded bored teenager Tyra sulking in the corner over there did OK. She was playing a baby, which is fitting, because she is a mean little baby. Morgan terrified as a granny, Raven just spoke in a sad monotone, and then Jessica Wild came out in her chicken suit and ate the world. Oh! Speaking of eating the world, Kathy Najimy was the guest judge and was “directing” the “commercial” and was surprisingly bitchy. I suppose drag queens just give you license to be bitchy or something. It’s sort of just how you talk to them. To policemen you are humble and polite, to waitresses you are breezy and familiar, and to drag queens you just bitchy, lady. You just plain old bitchy. They really don’t seem to mind. SO. After Najimy was done doing her talking, it was time for the girls to get all gussied up in their finest country drag and strut around the runway. Raven looked terrific as always. Tatianna actually is a lady. Sonique continues to be a promising dark horse. Pandora’s costume was deemed “pedestrian” by Santino Rice, which is like… Santino Rice calling your RuPaul’s Drag Race costume “pedestrian” doesn’t really mean anything. That word has no context or foothold in this world. It’s like a ferret presenting you with a math problem. You just sort of stare at it bemusedly, and then wander off. Who else. Oh, yes, Tyra looked good as always and BLERGH ended up winning. So, ego. Morgan looked terrifying as usual. Jujubee typically cleans up nice. And Mystique. Well, Mystique just tucked a Tello’s dress into some pantaloons and walked out there like it was no thang. But it was a thang! It was downright greezy. When questioned about her choices by a perplexed RuPaul, Mystique was all “This is country. This is what the country girls I know wear to the mall.” So that was awfully literal. And silly. I mean… I wholeheartedly believe that the country girls that Mystique knows tuck their Tello’s dresses into their black Contempo Casuals waitress pants before hitting the Dixie Crossings Galleria, but come on lady. You know that’s not what Rupes meant when she told you to get into your country finest. It was bad. Because Raven whiffed it so hard in the commercial shoot, she ended up in the bottom with ol’ Mystique. The two were told to perform a country song about men knock-knocking but not getting in the door or something, so they both spent a lot of time pointing to their boobs during the knock-knock part and their butts during the door part, so yay for that. It was greezy. Just as it went last week, Raven is a fun lip-syncer and her competitor was just flailing around on stage. After a final crotch-slamming split, Mystique went home. Ah well, oh well. What can you do. If you’re anywhere near the Gator Springs Shopping Centre in the next coupla days, shove that Delia’s dress into some Bebe capris and go console Mystique. You’ll feel good about it. OK. I think that’s it. The episode was, in a word, Greezy . So very gree— Oh God. Run. Run!!! It’s coming!!!! The Jessica Wild Chic— CHOMP. SQUAAAWWKKKK.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race: Tastes Like Chicken

RuPaul’s Drag Race: Miss Tyra If You Nasty

Girrrrrrrrrl. Episode two of RuPaul’s beautiful gift from the thin slip of heaven that still remains has come and gone, and we still don’t know just what the hell we’re watching. But it’s OK. We’ll watch it anyway. No offense meant to the Logo network or anything, but is this the lowest-budget television show in the history of television shows? I think Robyn Bird has more to spend each week than this program does. There is a lady on public access in Newton, MA who literally puts kittens on an electric lazy Susan and talks about them as they spin around and around, and I’m pretty sure her budget is slightly higher than the few tarnished shekels that Ru is given every week to put her little carnival together. But maybe that’s kind of intentional? I mean, part of the extremely odd charm of the show — which is equal parts charm and strange sexual menace — is that it looks like it was filmed in some drag queen’s basement. Mostly because it was. And you just have like a heap of wigs in the corner and an old Sanyo boombox tinnily playing some old ’90s standards (En Vogue! Crystal Waters! Late/Mid-Career Annie Lennox!) and then RuPaul’s mom comes down with some laundry and is like “Oh, don’t mind me boys. Do you need anything? Ya hungry?” And all the drag queens say, in unison “No thank you, Mrs. Paul.” And then a few people smoke some meth and that’s the episode. It’s all pretty cute. Pretty strange, but pretty cute. Anyway! This episode was all about hooking. Hooking and stripping. Really! These drag queens adore the working girl, be she diva or disheveled. So in came RuPaul on one of those mechanized stair-chairs (I wish) and she told all them queens that it was time to do a makeover… on a Barbie doll! Well, OK, I don’t think it was actually a Mattel product, but it was some sort Barbie-esque figure modeled after RuPaul. There was a sad little pile of fabric and, in teams of two, the girls were to construct a ho outfit for this doll that was created for a very specific subset of adult males. There was a mad scramble of claws and fists and elbows as everyone lunged for the cloth, and then a feverish bout of very serious designing. With hot glue guns and glitter and I think some elbow macaroni and not but a few popsicle sticks. Seriously guys. One of the challenges on a reality show on television was to just do a doll makeover. A makeover, on a doll. My sister and I used to do that when we were eight and six years old. Chop off the doll’s hair and then regret it terribly, because it will never grow back. One time we had one of the black Barbies, Christy I think her name was, and my sister cut her hair sooo well. It looked like Oprah’s hair. We were very happy with that. But usually? It comes out gross and sad, and those mangled short-haired dolls become the scorned rejects in whatever story you’re imagining for them that day. (But none so scorned as the one we just called Legless, who had, in addition to a terrible haircut, one leg missing. A few years later, her hand was chewed off by the dog and a couple hours later, my mother tells me, there was a lone, grotesque doll hand poking up out of his poop, like someone trying to escape hell.) Anyway. The point is: This was on a television show last night. Doll makeovers. It’s wonderful! But it’s also sort of terrible. In the end only one team could emerge victorious and that was Pandora Boxx and Sahara Davenport (I think?) Though many of the dolls were bashed up, missing teeth and the like, theirs was the worst. They broke that poor plastic bitch’s heels and everything. I guess RuPaul appreciates a bashed-up ho. So, good for them. They then got to be team captains for the next big challenge, which involved stripper poles and burlesque and selling cherry pie coupons on the street. Yes, selling coupons like those kids who’d sign up for those ads in the back of Archie comics or something similar about how to sell oven mitts and steak knives door-to-door in order to win cash or points toward a new Huffy or Nintendo home entertainment system. Except these girls were just selling coupons for cherry pies at some random cafe down the corner. The girls were straight up yelling at people walking down the sidewalk, wrapping themselves unsexily around lampposts, and doing awkward splits. I don’t think they sold much cherry pie. While one team was hoofing it in full drag gear down on the strip, the other ladies were performing an afternoon “burlesque” show at a club. Earlier they’d learned how to do the stripper pole from two “burlesque” performers. Oh and the best part about the stripper poles? They had a sponsor. Ru was like “two poles, courtesy of Paul’s Pole Palace” or some shit. Logo, girl, you need to reassess your portfolio if you need a sponsor to pay for two raggedy stripper poles. But anyway. Everyone was pretty into this challenge, because it’s fun to pretend to be a hooker or stripper if you’re not actually a hooker or stripper, except for one person. Tyra is one of the prettiest queens, but, lady, she is also so nasty . Not like gross nasty. Plain old mean nasty. And lazy. She just stood there while things were sewn for her, choreographed for her, and, uh, poled for her. She wouldn’t even take a single lesson from the nice stripper, excuse me burlesque , ladies! Tyra was also snippy to all the other contestants. I mean, all the contestants are terribly snippy to each other, but Tyra is the worst by far. She know she pretty, she know she young , and that’s all that matters I suppose. But I do not like her attitude. She probably won’t get voted off any time soon, even though she’s mean and lazy (Ru caught her napping!), because she’s pretty and, I suppose, provides necessary entertainment value. But if I ever meet her in a dark alley… Well, I’ll probably run scared in the other direction. So after the girls had done their pole routines — writhing and jiggling and stretching and, I’ll admit, looking surprisingly competent for the most part — it was time for judgment. I do so love the judging parts because I’m pretty sure the girls are getting made up by professionals, or at least they have better lighting, so they all look wayyy better than they do in the challenges. Plus we get to hear Ru’s gonzo color commentary as the girls come strutting down the runway. I can’t remember any specifics, but her puns just get weirder and weirder, with stranger and more delightfully strained references. She’s like “Oohhh girl! Pandora Boxx is bringin’ tulips to Amsterdam tonight, honey!” Or, “Ohhh lawwwd no! Tatianna just signed the Treaty of Ver sigh with that number!” “The dingo sure didn’t eat Raven’s baby today, chile!” It’s just so weird and terrific. RuPaul should be the voice for so very many things. “Oh heavens girl, put in your damn pin number!” “Your balance is a raggedy three hundred dollars!” “Baby, I think this is 8th Street/NYU, but lady I don’t know for sure. Next stop is Prince Street. Heyyyyyyy. Watch them doors, girl!” My two favorites this week were: 1. Raven. Even though she is a straight up mean old crab, she looks so striking with her eagle-eye makeup and stern, chopped wigcuts. 2. Sonique! I was so surprised by Sonique this… wique. Last episode she didn’t stand out at all, but this go around she looked pretty and terrific. All cool beauty and pursed lips. Plus she’s definitely the best looking out of drag, so that doesn’t hurt. Alas because she had the second-lowest tips, Raven was forced to Lip-Sync for Her Life, alongside the kind of painfully sad Nicole Paige Brooks. Something about Nicole tells me that she was maybe something of a big, old fish in a small, also old pond? But out in the bigger world, matched up against some 21-year-old thang in a big bubble wig, her skinny minimalism just doesn’t do the trick. Plus she barely even seemed to try during the lip-sync. Raven was busting around with funny little bits and moves, while Nicole just sorta stood there and… lip-synced. Snoozer. Understandably, she went home. Which is good. She seemed nice, but her presence was just increasingly awkward. She seemed a little desperate in an unpleasant way. Who knows. At least now she can go back to her son. Yes, son. Again with another son on this show. Curiousssss! Girl, I think that’s it? Huh? What’s that Ru? “Fool, if you wanna make a call, please hang UP the damn phone and try that shit again. And don’t fuck it up!” Thanks, Ru.

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RuPaul’s Drag Race: Miss Tyra If You Nasty