As you may have heard, Tom Brady’s balls have been in the news quite a bit this week. Sadly, the story has nothing to do with a Gisele Bundchen sex tape and everything to do with the New England Patriots possibly getting caught cheating yet again. Did some rogue equipment manager doctor Tom’s balls on his own? Does Bill Belichick’s pseudo-scientific explanation pass muster? Is Brady pouting and whining about the whole situation? The answer to that last question is a resounding “yes,” but the other two remain mysteries. Fortunately, the patron Saint of football science, Drew Brees, is here to shed some light on the situation: Drew Brees Solves DeflateGate Brees tries to be diplomatic, telling Conan O’Brien he has “no idea” if Belichick and company are guilty, but he proceeds to basically prove that: It’s easy to detect if a football has been deflated. Softer footballs are easier to throw. Some big questions remain following Brees’ demonstration: Did he intend to blow up Brady’s spot by basically suggesting that any QB can tell if a ball’s been deflated the moment he touches it? Who’s gonna pay for that light he broke? And, most importantly, when will Brees finally get that thing on his face checked out? These are the issues we’re grappling with in the days leading up to Super Bowl XLIX. Meanwhile, of course, Tom terrific is focused on what really matters: finding a store that sells Uggs in the Phoenix area. Tom Brady Defends Use of Balls 1. Don’t rub my balls! Leave that to me, please.
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Drew Brees Settles DeflateGate Debate Once and For All!
