Tag Archives: hardly-shocking

Ariel Winter Flaunts Butt in a Bikini, Kisses Boyfriend on Instagram

2016 has already been full of surprises (Remember when Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna were were just supporting characters who happened to be on the soap opera?), but there are two recent developments that we really should’ve seen coming: 1. Our New Year’s resolutions fell by the wayside before February, as they do every year. 2. Ariel Winter has emerged as the new barely-legal obsession of choice for millions of Instagram users, which is hardly shocking when you look at her most recent pics: Ariel in a bikini has become a familiar sight, but the photo that Ariel posted yesterday is attracting a whole new demographic of Internet pervs thanks to the revelation that the Modern Family star is in possession of a secret weapon that might help launch her to Kardashian-levels of online scrutiny. Yes, we’re talking about dat ass. Up to this point, Ariel’s huge boobs  have served as the primary preoccupation of her 1.6 million Instagram followers. The 18-year-old’s recent breast reduction surgery  ironically only augmented her popularity. Recent photos of Ariel in a low-cut dress have racked up six-figure likes in less than a day, and she’s quickly becoming one of the biggest teenage social media queens in the game. Now she’s demonstrated that she truly understands the Internet in 2016 by posting a photo that shows she’s got curves from all angles. The dude in the picture is Ariel’s boyfriend of two years, Laurent Gaudette, but no one seems too really care about him. Go figure. View Slideshow: Ariel Winter: 22 Pics of Our Favorite Modern Family Star!

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Ariel Winter Flaunts Butt in a Bikini, Kisses Boyfriend on Instagram

Amanda Bynes New Hair of the Day

I like that everyone is buying into Amanda Bynes’ cry for attention, because that is exactly what she wants you to do. No one noticed her before, now she’s a fucking internet meme that has gone viral, that everyone, the very same people who didn’t give a fuck about her before, are tracking her every move, because people, despite all their anti bullying campaigns, are instinctively bullies, and laughing at her. Even though she has the last fucking laugh, and you’re all just a bunch of idiots. You see today, she shaved half her head, which would be shocking if it was like Britney in a manic episode to get the Cocaine out of her hair follicles so she didn’t lose her kids. But when her hair cut is the same as 50 percent of girls I see in bars, from Rihanna to everyone else, it’s hardly shocking, it’s called trendy. But people are like “OMG, now that crazy bitch who wants drake to murder her vagina who talks to herself and sues everyone while paying paparazzi to follow her shaved half her head, she’s really losing it, let’s watch”…because people are fucking idiots, something they prove over and over again…. All this to say, I would love to cum on her hair, shaved or not. She’s a babe I want to violate with my load. Here are the shocking pics of her being hip-hop. All this to say, I’m on Team Amanda Bynes.

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Amanda Bynes New Hair of the Day

Amanda Bynes New Hair of the Day

I like that everyone is buying into Amanda Bynes’ cry for attention, because that is exactly what she wants you to do. No one noticed her before, now she’s a fucking internet meme that has gone viral, that everyone, the very same people who didn’t give a fuck about her before, are tracking her every move, because people, despite all their anti bullying campaigns, are instinctively bullies, and laughing at her. Even though she has the last fucking laugh, and you’re all just a bunch of idiots. You see today, she shaved half her head, which would be shocking if it was like Britney in a manic episode to get the Cocaine out of her hair follicles so she didn’t lose her kids. But when her hair cut is the same as 50 percent of girls I see in bars, from Rihanna to everyone else, it’s hardly shocking, it’s called trendy. But people are like “OMG, now that crazy bitch who wants drake to murder her vagina who talks to herself and sues everyone while paying paparazzi to follow her shaved half her head, she’s really losing it, let’s watch”…because people are fucking idiots, something they prove over and over again…. All this to say, I would love to cum on her hair, shaved or not. She’s a babe I want to violate with my load. Here are the shocking pics of her being hip-hop. All this to say, I’m on Team Amanda Bynes.

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Amanda Bynes New Hair of the Day

RIP Motherfucker the Annette Funicello Edition of the Day

Today, we lost a legend, and not I don’t mean Margaret Thatcher, I am talking about Aneette Funicello, the masturbation to a generation of kids who didn’t have access to porn, because porn just didn’t exist, and masturbating was reserved for doing secretly while your dead relatives watched to National Geographic or to babes in their bikinis in 1960s surf movies like Annette Funicello. She was also Mousketeer, chosen by Walt Disney, which means she probably had sex with him, although at 13, she was probably too old for him…and now at 70..like Roger Ebert, she’s too dead for me. But that doesn’t take away all the loads she made happen in her prime, and that is something we celebrate. RIP motherfucker.

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RIP Motherfucker the Annette Funicello Edition of the Day

Teen Mom Farrah’s Porn Announcement of the Day

I have never seen the Teen Mom show, but I think it is safe to say that the girls on it are trashy as fuck, that’s usually how teen mom’s operate, I mean classy teen girls who get pregnant get Plan B or abortions so that they can live on with their irresponsible lives. So hearing the news she had a sex tape this morning was hardly shocking, and when that news turned to it being an actual porno, I was equally not shocked, because porn is all about trashy girls, the kind of girl who would be a teen mom, all filled with daddy issues and damaged as fuck. Not to mention, She’s tried the music thing and that didn’t work out for her So the story is that she’s getting fucked by James Deen, in what is obviously her cry for attention, cuz she’s not a teen mom being exploited anymore and she needs the fame to continue cuz that shit is more addictive than heroin. Porn is mainstream, it won’t damage her career, partially cuz she doesn’t have a career, but I am sure it will make her baby proud, that is provided he doesn’t die in a bath or from neglect or when mommy decides to murder them off like that bitch in Flordia, as these trailer park families and their party slut mom’s often do. She’s garbage but her porn will probably be awesome. I’m going to work on getting exclusive footage of it, so stay tuned to the wholesome, well rounded mom, who will teach her kid the morals and values she needs to know…. It’s being put out by VIVID

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Teen Mom Farrah’s Porn Announcement of the Day

Wait’ll You See My…The Top 5 Anthony Weiner Songs

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After vehemently insisting that his Twitter account had been hacked when a lewd photo was sent to one of his female followers, Congressman Anthony Weiner has now come clean . During a press conference today he admitted that he did send the photos and that they were of him. While a politician admitting to cheating on his wife is hardly shocking we wanted to give Rep Weiner some parting songs to add to his iPod while he shops around for that apology ring. 5. “Caught Out There” By Kelis With a name like Weiner you really can’t afford to let pics like that get out there. 4. “Cheatin” by Little Brother “You was cheatin, caught you creepin…to the window to the walls skeet-skeetin…” 3. “Busted” by The Isley Brothers F/JS This is proof positive that old people should stay off of Twitter. 2. “Take A Bow” By Rihanna This man put on quite a performance and looks really dumb right now. 1. “The Whisper Song” by The Yin Yang Twinz “Wait’ll you see my ….” Pretty much says it all.

Wait’ll You See My…The Top 5 Anthony Weiner Songs