Sorry to post this disgusting picture of Ariel Winter making out with someone who isn’t yours truly, but as long as you can ignore the loser she’s dating, there’s a whole lot of chunky booty in this picture for you sickos who are into that kind of thing. Pro tip: if you zoom in enough, it’s like the dude isn’t even there. (You’re welcome.)
Last month, Hilary Duff filed for divorce from Mike Comrie , and the world rejoiced. We’re not saying her soon-to-be-ex-husband is a douche (though those reports of Comrie trying to pay waitresses for sex make us think that might be the case), but we are saying that a single Hilary Duff is a glorious thing. If you don’t believe us that the world is a better place when the former Lizzie McGuire is unattached, check out Ms. Duff’s latest Instagram pic: Yes, Hilary is fully embracing the single life, and we couldn’t be happier about it. At first, we figured Hilary was the latest celeb to post a bikini selfie , which is a trend we think every woman should embrace. On closer inspection, however, it appears that Hilary is actually in her underwear, and it looks like she snapped this shot post-shower. The way we imagine it, Hilary got out of the shower, caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, was blown away by how hot she is, and took a pic to preserve the moment. We’re grateful that Hilary decided to post the results to her Instagram page, but she may there may be a downside to sharing this awesomeness with the world. Last we checked, Aaron Carter is still obsessed with Hilary , and pics like this are unlikely to help him move on. It’s not like the dude has a career he can focus on instead.
Vanessa Hudgens posted this picture of her sniffing flowers…and it turns out my new fetish is sniffing flowers. Not because I find Vanessa Hudgens hot, but I like any bullshit reason or excuse to get a girl face down/ass up….clothed or not…just doesn’t matter as long as it happens…and based no the guy in the background..I am going to assume I am not the only one… The highlight of Vanessa Hudgens career to date was when she leaked nude pics with a rocking’ bush. Only to pretend they were shot when she was 17, in efforts to make the internet erase them, even thought the internet never really forgets…it was a glimpse into her true colors of a Disney girl who’s mom taught at a young age, you suck dick for your dreams bitch… I’m sure she likes to think Springbreakers was the peak, you know some Ashley Benson lesbian sex with James Franco…but she was dumpy as fuck when they shot that…but this, dumpy or not is pretty good, and like the dude in the background, I’m just gonna stare, even though I don’t give a fuck about Vanessa Hudgens.
Vanessa Hudgens posted this picture of her sniffing flowers…and it turns out my new fetish is sniffing flowers. Not because I find Vanessa Hudgens hot, but I like any bullshit reason or excuse to get a girl face down/ass up….clothed or not…just doesn’t matter as long as it happens…and based no the guy in the background..I am going to assume I am not the only one… The highlight of Vanessa Hudgens career to date was when she leaked nude pics with a rocking’ bush. Only to pretend they were shot when she was 17, in efforts to make the internet erase them, even thought the internet never really forgets…it was a glimpse into her true colors of a Disney girl who’s mom taught at a young age, you suck dick for your dreams bitch… I’m sure she likes to think Springbreakers was the peak, you know some Ashley Benson lesbian sex with James Franco…but she was dumpy as fuck when they shot that…but this, dumpy or not is pretty good, and like the dude in the background, I’m just gonna stare, even though I don’t give a fuck about Vanessa Hudgens.
Lindsay Lohan apparently simulated sex with Sam Ronson, a gusher, thanks to her big penis sized clit, on Jimmy Fallon.. I couldn’t really watch the video, because I have better things to do than look at the beacon of Hope that is Lohan humiliate herself for some overrated variety show host I can’t stand watching, even though the rest of the world thinks he is sent from relevant comedy heaven… But I did see the screenshots, and from what I saw, Lohan plays a good golden showered, rebuilt face, broken down actress…it’s like she’s done it before…this is up on some Oscar winning shit.. TO SEE PICS OF HER AFTER THE SHOW CLICK HERE
I can’t really look at Miranda Kerr the same way since finding out she got fired from Victoria’s Secret for having sex with Bieber, even when I have been told by people who have had sex with Bieber, including but not limited to pornstars, that Bieber has a massive penis, because Bieber, even when jacked, looks like this hairless 12 year old, that like the dude at the stripclub who was making out with the dyke who was built and dressed like a 13 year old boy, would require a fucking weirdo to get down with… But she does have a banging body…and I mean as a panty model, that’s what matters, what she sticks in her ass or vagina, really doesn’t…even if it should… So here is what I’ve been told is a horrible fucking person, Miranda Kerr, doing some underwear campaigning…
Russia has more than just homophobes and the hottest bitches alive…thanks to ethnic cleansing that happened during the communist regime where the weak and ugly died off and the strong survived and were conditioned to win Olympic medals…and modelling contracts..it’s also got crazy motherfuckers…like the dude who rode his dirt bike through the subway for fun….and this guy pepper spraying some road rager… or this guy who threw a rock in front of some guy who fucked with him…
This turtle masturbating reminds me a lot of myself, at least last night, when trying to masturbate for 4-6 hours, until I pretty much rubbed my penis off, only no one was into videotaping me while I did it, because I guess I am not a star, and crying while humiliated is not as fun as it sounds to watch… The hick conversation, talking about cum like the dude who says “When I was 10 I could do that 3-4 times” while a woman says “That’s impressive”… I mean shit this is jokes…
Victoria’s Secret continues to disappoint, or maybe they continue to succeed, in their quest to take the most boring half naked pics of hot bitches….. I know old guys still jerk off to these catalog shots cuz they haven’t figured out the internet…. But I think Victoria’s Secret are mocking us….This is like the dude with the hot as fuck girlfriend who he doesn’t fuck her cuz he’s waiting for marriage and in that quest doesn’t even go down on her and brags about how he doesn’t savor every inch of her cunt with ever tool possible….like any normal dude would….you know, just a fucking asshole like Victoria’s Secret….saying “Hey look, I hired hot pussy that is willing to do anything for me, but I’m gonna keep it fucking Christian friendly, not caring about pissing off any non christian for producing such boring smut, while we had the opportunity to pretty much take this shoot anywhere we wanted”… Fuck you…. I approve of this message: LIKE US ON FACEBOOK EVEN IF YOU DON’T LIKE US
Here’s Eva Longoria is a modern take on the old lesbian, power suit, you know the ones you’d see bitches trying to be taken serious in the corporate world as to not allow the men they work with to be distracted by any sex appeal they may have, by covering every ince of it up….only modified to throw all that out the window and tell the world that she’s still got it….Hilary Clinton – Take notes… I give young girls way too much attention on the site and in life without remembering that older sluts were once young and deserve some love too. The reality is that they are easier to deal with. They have more sexual experience and for the most part want as little to do with you as you want to do with them and understand the concept of fucking for the sake of fucking and not for the sake of locking yourself down into some kind of annoying bullshit playing house relationship. They are the kind of people who don’t tell people that they are “seeing you” just because they are fucking you and it makes them feel like less of a whore when they put a title to it. They’ve been though it and don’t need to go down that route again. They know the lie they lived, now they just want you to make them cum while making them feel young again… You know, making up for lost time…. The only time old ladies are a problem is when they are winding down and ready to have babies and that is why you need to do everything in your power to make them know you aren’t husband material. Don’t let them know you have a job or money because that shit means stability and takes away from the fact that you just want to cum all over their big old lady vaginas. I don’t know what Eva Longoria is doing these days, I know she’s a divorcee, a middle aged lady dressed in a modern pantsuit to remind you all she still knows how to fuck and she takes it pretty seriously… PS – I like the dude she clearly paid to show up with her one “Hot Photoshoot Pic” to get signed…as if that person actually exists…