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Vote For the Soilies’ Readers Choice Awards!

What is the color of democracy? Would you believe brown? At least that’s what it looks like here at Movieline, where our inaugural Soily Awards for the worst in cinema roll on today with the distinguished Brown Note — the totally free, 100-percent reader-generated prizes now open to your vote. While certain other, more over-the-hill awards want to charge you as much as $40 for the “privilege” of voting for the cinematic fails of 2011, the Soilies not only charge nothing, but also solicit write-in votes for noteworthy crap not recognized by our esteemed Brown-Ribbon Panel. The polls are open immediately and and will remain so for a week, until March 21 at midnight EDT/ 9 p.m. PDT . The first-ever Soily winners will then be announced on March 23 . Have a look back at the six voting categories and official nominees reprinted here, and vote away below that. And please spread the word! Check out the Soilies on Facebook and campaign for your Soily favorites with the #Soilies hashtag on Twitter. Thanks! The Soily for Worst Picture of 2011 The most appalling, misconceived and/or unpleasant-to-watch film of 2011. The more ambitious/pretentious, the better. Take Our Poll The Soily for Achievement in Bad Directing The director of the most appalling, misconceived and/or unpleasant-to-watch film of 2011 — or maybe just most appalling director? (NOTE: The award will be named after its inaugural winner.) Take Our Poll The Soily for Achievement in Bad Acting A unisex award recognizing the worst and/or least inspired performance by any actor in any film in 2011. Take Our Poll The Brown Paycheck Achievement in Bad Acting A unisex award recognizing the most lopsided ratio of salary to quality. Take Our Poll The Shart Prize A film that seemed like it might be bad but turned out much, much more aromatically awful than anyone could have imagined. Take Our Poll The Shit-the-Bed Award Arguably the most prestigious Soily, this honor goes to the movie that, despite its pedigree and everything it had going for it on paper, nevertheless resulted in a massive failure to move the cultural needle or achieve anything remotely resembling entertainment. Take Our Poll PREVIOUSLY: Introducing the Soily Awards, Movieline’s Inaugural Tribute to Cinema’s Worst Follow S.T. VanAirsdale on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .

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Vote For the Soilies’ Readers Choice Awards!

And Now a Final Word About Jack and Jill

Glenn Kenny didn’t quite make the cut in last week’s scathing critical responses to Jack and Jill , but his withering postscript deserves a look: “One thing I did not get into in my review of Jack and Jill for MSN Movies was just how (ostensibly) insultingly sub-pro forma is its actual filmmaking. It isn’t even just a matter of how obviously its indifferent redemption-narrative structure is the Avid-enabled equivalent of a very sloppy butter sculpture. The indifference is felt in almost every aspect [… T]his is the first time it really hit home for me just how mindful Sandler, director Dennis Dugan, and the rest of the perpetrators are with respect to keeping overhead down. Good lord.” [ Some Came Running ]

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And Now a Final Word About Jack and Jill

REVIEW: Al Pacino Devours Otherwise Humorless Jack and Jill

Despite all of the grumpy and/or gleeful speculation that arose around the internet when it got its first glimpse of Adam Sandler donning a wig and falsies to play his own awkward twin sister, Jack and Jill is not actually the worst movie of all time. Given other recent efforts from Sandler’s Happy Madison production company, most notably Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star , it’d be hard pressed to even compete for the title of worst of the year. The film, directed by longtime Sandler collaborator Dennis Dugan and written by Steve Koren, presents an at least theoretically standard mix of slapstick, celebrity cameos and not-quite-winking sentimentality. It’s sometimes funny, but more often it’s just very strange and threaded through with hostility — at one point, during a montage that involved Jill repeatedly accidentally injuring a myopic Mexican grandmother at a picnic, the colleagues on either side of me leaned in separately to whisper, ” What is happening ?”

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REVIEW: Al Pacino Devours Otherwise Humorless Jack and Jill

Johnny Depp To Cameo In Adam Sandler’s ‘Jack And Jill’

Director Dennis Dugan confirms Depp’s cameo to MTV News at ‘Just Go With It’ premiere. By Eric Ditzian Johnny Depp Photo: CBS On the absolutely frigid red carpet for Adam Sandler’s “Just Go With It” on Tuesday night, MTV News got an answer to a burning question about another upcoming Sandler comedy, “Jack and Jill.” Last month, paparazzi photos surfaced showing Johnny Depp visiting the set of “Jack and Jill,” in which Sandler plays both halves of a boy/girl set of twins, leading to speculation that the “Pirates of Caribbean” star will make a cameo in the flick. We put that question to director Dennis Dugan — who’s helmed not only “Just Go With It” and “Jack and Jill,” but five other Sandler films — and got a cameo confirmation. “There’s a secret guest star, but I can’t say who it is,” Dugan said, before admitting: “Johnny Depp.” We followed up to make sure Dugan wasn’t just messing with us. “No!” he said. So we can mark that rumor as official fact, though Dugan stopped short of letting us know the exact nature of Depp’s cameo. But the mere fact that Depp has signed on for the appearance is not only kind of great, but gives us hope that he’ll also pop up for a cameo in the big-screen adaptation of “21 Jump Street.” Goodness knows MTV News has been doing everything we can to make that happen . In non-Depp-related “Jack and Jill” news, we’ve got another scoop for you: the answer to the question of what Sandler looks like dressed up as a woman. Said Dugan, “Not Brooklyn Decker in ‘Just Go with It.’ ” Check out everything we’ve got on “Just Go With It.” For breaking news, celebrity columns, humor and more — updated around the clock — visit MTVMoviesBlog.com .

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Johnny Depp To Cameo In Adam Sandler’s ‘Jack And Jill’

Guess Which Piece of Crap Armond White Called a ‘Humanist Work of Art’?

NY Press critic Armond White and I have had our differences but not strictly due to his unfailing contrarian streak. The man who last week vilified the roundly beloved Toy Story 3 has this week managed to join the 8 percent of critics willing to stand behind Grown Ups — a film that hangs its hat on the attenuation of fart jokes, peeing in pools and 4-year-olds breastfeeding. But! It’s not that he doesn’t get it. The “humanist” joke is on you , dear reader — all the way down to the Mike Leigh and Jean Renoir comparisons. Seriously.

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Guess Which Piece of Crap Armond White Called a ‘Humanist Work of Art’?

Buzz Break: Betty White Plots Escape from You Again Poster

Heidi Montag: A Serious Actress

With The Hills’ final season coming up this spring and summer, Heidi Montag is ready to say goodbye to reality fame and move on to bigger, better things. No, not DDD breasts . “I can now become a full time motion picture actress,” the ditz says . “There is no better training [for an actor] than being in front of the cameras 24-7.” ROTFL . Although her dream of becoming a pop star was a complete joke never quite materialized, Montag says her movie career is moving full steam ahead. Barbie should be renamed Heidi Montag. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com] “After working with Oscar-winner Ron Howard on a short film project [for FunnyorDie.com] and then working for days with the comedic genius director Dennis Dugan and his team of brilliant comedy visionaries at Happy Madison on Just Go With It starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, I have been able to truly find what makes me the happiest in life,” Montag says, name-dropping like a crazy woman. One of the characters Heidi Montag says she wants to play is “a lifeguard named Summer” in a script she wrote herself. Who knew she was even literate? “I am making the first 3-D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3-D boobs,” Montag says, seriously. “I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!” Well, if it’s got a Heidi Montag nude scene, maybe adult film stores will carry it at least. Montag is sure she’ll make it in films: “I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as female mogul in Hollywood!” Don’t hold your breath, H .

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Heidi Montag: A Serious Actress