Awwww isht… Woman Alleges Affair With Married NBA Player A certain very married NBA baller might have some serious explaining to do. Not only is this woman claiming to have been romantically involved with him , but she’s also alleging to have been bustin’ it open in the bedroom behind closed doors with him for a while. This potential dirty-dog candidate is a well known athlete who plays for one of the most high-profile NBA franchises in the league, and these allegations really couldn’t have come at a worse time for he and his family, especially since the jump-off who’s itching to put him on blizzy blast even says she has proof of their affair including text messages of their freaky conversations. If this thicky-thick groupie is telling the truth, this coupled up baller should probably start spending less time with his single, schlong slaingin’ teammates and start learning how to keep his high-paid peen in his pants before he loses it all. Can you guess who he is? Hint: Nope….it’s not Kobe…. *Disclaimer: The photo above is used as an example of NBA players who are married. Photo is not implicating that all of the men pictured are associated with the blind item… Continue reading →
Lawd Jesus it’s an exorcism . Catholic Church Gives Exorcism Training According to Raw Story Catholics in and around Madrid concerned that they or their loved ones are suffering from demonic possession may be about to get some much needed assistance from the archdiocese. A spokeswoman confirmed to the Associated Press that the Church in considering training more priests in the exorcism rites to counter increasing demand for its one trained priest’s time. The spokewoman, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, told the AP, “The devil exists. That’s a fact.” News of the exorcists-in-training was first reported by the Spanish-language Catholic site Religion en libertad, which claims there are eight priests currently in training to learn how to perform exorcisms based on the De Exorcismus et supplicationibus quibusdam, approved by Pope John Paul II in 1998, which replaced the exorcism rites first published in 1614. Catholic World News described the new rite in 1999: The liturgical ritual itself is centered on supplicatory prayers, asking for God’s help, and “imperative” prayers addressed directly to the Devil, commanding him to depart. The prayers are to be said as the exorcist lays his hand on the individual, and are part of an overall ritual which includes specific blessings and sprinklings with holy water. The ritual also includes the litany of the saints, the reading of the Psalms and the Gospel, and a proclamation of faith which may be either the familiar Creed or a simple question-and-answer (“Do you renounce Satan? I do.”). The ritual concludes with the kissing of the Cross, and the final prayer, proclaiming the triumph of Christ and his Church. ReL’s Álex Rosal reports that the eight candidates are additionally studying the 1614 rites as well as the so-called Roman Ritual of 1952, which served as a bridge between the older rites and the final liturgical version issued in 1998. Candidates are also said to be reading the books of Father Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican’s chief exorcist and a controversial figure in his own right. Rosal further reports that there are eight candidates to correspond to each of the eight dioceses, and decisions may be made with the input of local psychiatrists to rule out mental illness and drug abuse before beginning an exorcism. Spanish website The Local reports that there are only 18 registered exorcists in Spain, the most famous and active of which is, according to exorcism expert and author José María Zavala, Father Salvador Hernández Ramón, who reportedly studied under Amorth in Rome. The training itself is reportedly being led by Bishop Cesar Franco. Some of these beyotches in America need an exorcism to exercise that demon they got stuck up their a**. Shutterstock Continue reading →
Jack may have slayed a giant, and even come out on top of this weekend’s box office, but he still anchored the first dud of 2013. Indeed, Jack the Giant Slayer earned $28 million on Friday and Saturday, but the big budget fantasy adventure was made for over $150 million and will not come anywhere close to recouping that investment. It was an especially weak weekend overall for Hollywood, as Ed Harris and David Duchovny anchored an historically terrible Phantom . That drama was made for $18 million and opened to $465,000 on 1,100 screens. Total. Here’s a look at the top five: Jack the Giant Slayer – $28 million Identity Thief – $9.7 million 21 and Over – $9 million The Last Exorcism Part II – $8 million Snitch – $7.7 million
Horror director speaks about the freedom of leaving found footage behind. By Kevin P. Sullivan Ashley Bell in “The Last Exorcism: Part II” Photo: CBS Films
Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man with swag to give away: Specifically, three limited-edition The Last Exorcism Part II posters — two red and one olive green — designed by artist Rich Knepprath . No need to sell your soul. All you need to do is submit an original haiku (using the 5-7-5 format) inspired by The Last Exorcism franchise, the subject of possession or…Satan. Before you attempt this, you must be a U.S. resident and at least 18 years of age. If you fulfill those stringent qualifications, leave your efforts in the comments section below and include your poster color preference so that, if you win, your prize doesn’t clash with your decor. Deadline is Noon Pacific Time on Friday, March 1, the date that The Last Exorcism Part II hits theaters. Now, fix yourself a can of pea soup, invite all the flies in the neighborhood into your home and break out your creepiest yoga move for inspiration. (You can also watch the official trailer and check out the posters below.) I want to be thrilled and chilled by your Lovecraftian genius. Follow Frank DiGiacomo on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter.
Apparently The Last Exorcism was a misnomer because I have here a trailer for The Last Exorcism Part II. Since the movie is not subtitled (This Time We Really Mean It) , I’m going to assume that the finality of poor Ashley Bell’s possession (and the future employment actress who plays her, Nell Sweetzer) will be dependent upon box-office results and VOD earnings. I’m also going to bet that if there is a Part III, it won’t star Sofia Coppola — that’s a little Godfather joke — and the poster and trailer will feature images of an even more grotesquely contorted Sweetzer. Perhaps Producer Eli Roth has struggled with lumbar or posture problems all his life, or maybe he was just really affected by the spiderwalking Regan scene from The Exorcist — I know, it wasn’t in the original cut — but these Last Exorcism movies sure do love to show the possessee in pretzel-like poses that would make my chiropractor Dr. Alicia Klimkiewicz rub her hands with glee. First, check out the poster, which is a less bloody version of The Last Exorcism poster that got banned in Britain in 2010. Then observe the spinal torture going on in The Last Exorcism Part II trailer and tell me your L5 doesn’t hurt. Finally, for a little perspective, watch the two versions of The Exorcist spider-walk scenes I’ve posted below. For my money, William Friedkin’s 1973 horror classic was the last exorcism film I’ll ever need to see. Follow Frank DiGiacomo on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter.
Comedian-turned-director Bobcat Goldthwait has always displayed an incredibly dark sense of humor in his work behind the camera, from his 1991 alcoholic birthday party performer debut Shakes the Clown to bestiality-themed rom-com Sleeping Dogs Lie to World’s Greatest Dad , in which Robin Williams plays a high-school English teacher whose son’s death becomes a way for him to realize his unfulfilled dreams of being a writer. But no matter how black the comedy, these films had warmth to them, too, and the possibility of things getting better and characters, however painfully, changing and growing. That’s not the case in God Bless America , Goldthwait’s latest effort, an overly bleak film ready to write off the world and go down in a blaze of gunfire, both middle fingers raised. Joel Murray plays Frank, a divorced father and depressed office worker who gets laid off and diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor all in the same day, providing enough push for him to finally load up his revolver and set off on the murderous spree he’s been dreaming of for years. “I know it’s not normal to want to kill,” he muses in the opening voiceover, “but I also know that I am no longer normal.” When making his first hit, of a bratty teenage reality show star named Chloe (Maddie Hasson), he picks up a surprise sidekick named Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr), a smart, alienated high schooler who thinks that what Frank did is the best thing she’s ever seen. The two partner up and Bonnie and Clyde their way along a bloody road to nowhere while working out the logistics of who it is they’re targeting. Frank hates people who are inconsiderate, who are rude and who take pleasure in making fun of others. Roxy hates more specifically — NASCAR fans, people who high-five, Diablo Cody. As for who Goldthwait hates, you get the sense it’s all of the above and more — anyone who watches American Idol, anyone who competes on American Idol, morning show radio hosts, cable news blowhards, the Tea Party, parents who overindulge their children and people who talk during movies (the last leads to the film’s most rewarding scene). God Bless America sets these figures up to mow them down, and while there’s a minor satisfaction to be taken from seeing these bloody revenge fantasies brought to life — take that , Westboro Baptist Church! — the film’s judgments come so easily, its targets portrayed as so one-dimensional that it feels like a cheat. The world in which the film is set is so universally monstrous that it deserves to be blown up, but it’s an embittered, exaggerated take, a giant straw-man argument. When Frank flips on the television, all he sees are people making fun of a mentally disabled reality show contestant. When Frank gets the news of his illness, his doctor takes a call in the middle, from his car dealership. And when Frank tries to talk with his daughter about her upcoming weekend with him, she tries to extort a present from him in exchange for coming. It’s only Roxy to whom Frank can relate, with her kewpie doll face and ability to rant about the greatness of Alice Cooper. The scenes of Frank and Roxy hanging out are the film’s only soft spots, their relationship a gentle but precarious mix of paternal and platonically romantic. Roxy eggs Frank on and keeps him going, masterminding their murderous binge, but she’s rarely seems solid in the way that Frank does. She’s a figure of wish fulfillment, a vessel for what feel like the filmmaker’s direct complaints with the world as well as his fondnesses, a teenage girl who loves Star Trek and throws herself at our resistant protagonist, who is hypersensitive about being perceived as a pedophile. Visual inventiveness isn’t Goldthwait’s strong suit as a director, but God Bless America does represent a step forward there, with stand-out moments including an overhead shot showing just how close Frank is to his noisy neighbors or a failed attempt at walking away from an explosion, action hero-style, without looking back. Goldthwait is best and most brutal at recreating the worst of TV — an early scene in which the insomniac Frank flips through the channels includes savage and dead-on takes on Fox News, Jersey Shore -style reality clashes, energy drink commercials, Jackass and, yes, American Idol. Sure, it’s a line-up that would be enough to make you want to shoot somebody, but also those aren’t the only things on air. God Bless America only wants to see the worst in people — in fact actively seeks it out in order to be disgusted, and that feels almost as bad as the behavior the film is critiquing. One of the few characters who’s let off the hook is the boyfriend of Frank’s ex, a cheery, dumb and genuinely well-meaning cop who spots our hero waiting outside his former wife’s house and stops by to say hi. When asked by Roxy whether Frank wants to kill the man, he tells her no, “I want him to suffer.” It’s only a sucker who’d stick around to live life in this film, and that’s too bitter a pill to be swallowed. Follow Alison Willmore on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .
It’s a tough life being a Broadway standby — knowing a part backward and forward, exhibiting months, even years of patience while literally waiting in the wings for your chance to play the role you’re backing up for the star of the show. On the bright side, at least now you’d have an entire film telling your story — one for which Movieline is pleased to present a first look ahead of The Standbys world premiere this weekend in New York. Directed by Stephanie Riggs, The Standbys introduces viewers to a few of the performers who’ve made livings — and eventually, in some cases, made names — in some of the most thankless positions in all of theater: Standby and understudy. The documentary opens the Tony Awards Film Series this Saturday at the Paley Center in Manhattan; below, have quick glimpse at the film, featuring the sobering insights of Broadway icon Bebe Neuwirth. Here’s more about The Standbys and this Saturday’s screening; we’ll keep you up to date about a theatrical and/or video release as events warrant: This dramatic documentary takes a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of performers rarely glimpsed by audiences. These performers, known as “standbys,” remain backstage, prepared to go on at a moment’s notice. In this evocative behind-the-scenes documentary, the at times heartbreaking and hilarious lives of Broadway’s understudies and standbys are finally brought into the spotlight. “The Standbys” follows three undiscovered performers for several years through their ups and downs, struggles and triumphs, onstage performances and private lives. When these standbys are finally given the chance of a lifetime, anything can – and does – happen. The film features never-before-heard stories from industry insiders and celebrities who reveal the unimaginable struggles these under-appreciated performers endure as they wait in the wings for their shot at a dream that may never come true. The Standbys screening will be followed by a talk-back panel of Tony Award-winning Broadway stars who got their start as understudies or standbys. [Panelists include Tony Award Winners Katie Finneran and Cady Huffman, Merwin Foard, Ben Crawford, Alena Watters and director Stephanie Riggs.] The Standbys follows actors Ben Crawford (standby for Shrek), Merwin Foard (standby for Gomez in The Addams Family) and up and comer Aléna Watters (standby for Anita in West Side Story). Other interviewees include: Jerry Zaks, Bebe Neuwirth, Brian D’Arcy James, Cheyenne Jackson, Sutton Foster, David Hyde Pierce, Katie Finneran, Nelle Nugent, Michael Riedel, Zachary Quinto.
Los Angeles traffic is famous for getting rotten when big happenings hit town, but George Clooney ‘s fundraising bash for President Obama promises to make the Friday commute even more dreadful. And so, in the grand tradition of traffic-paralyzing presidential visits of the past (or: Obama-jams!) and 2011’s infamous “Carmageddon” (remember that?), POTUS’s social visit tomorrow to Clooney’s canyon pad — for a $40,000-a-plate shindig expected to raise $15 million for the Obama re-election campaign — has a name: Starmageddon . “Obama at George Clooney’s house: Neighbors brace for starmageddon” screamed a headline yesterday in the Los Angeles Daily News/Silicon Valley Mercury News ), kicking off a catchword frenzy. The visit to Clooney’s Studio City home marks the president’s first non-studio trip to the Valley, notes the paper. As for the traffic madness that may or may not ensue, Los Angelenos with places to be should avoid the following places on Friday evening: LAX, where Obama lands around 6pm; Studio City/Laurel Canyon north of Ventura Blvd., where Clooney’s party will have street closures in effect from 5pm to 8pm; and Beverly Hills later that night, where the President is reportedly staying. And if you’re lucky enough to live close to Clooney, be prepared to show I.D. to access your own home from 8pm to 10pm that night. “Starmageddon” is a fitting name for the star-studded Hollywood-meets-Washington affair — Clooney and Obama, joining forces for the future of America. If there was an asteroid hurtling toward earth, is there any question that these two could save us all? I mean, obviously. Then again: I can’t be the only one imagining Clooney dancing animal crackers up and down Obama’s belly as the plaintive wailing of Steven Tyler fills the air. (Do you think it’s possible that anyone else in the world will be doing this very same thing at the very same moment tomorrow night?)
It’s really easy to be cynical about horror movie posters. Most of them are garish, Photoshop nightmares unworthy of a second look. But we really owe it to ourselves to bask in the sublime surrealism of the one-sheet for The Possession . A poster like this one, for a low-budget horror film with a decent pedigree (Sam Raimi is among the producers) that will play as late-summer counterprogramming in multiplexes around the country, comes around, oh, never. I’ll grant you that it is of questionable construction. It’s flat and nearly monochromatic, the Photoshop is sloppy in spots (especially where the wrist meets the mouth), and it feels like a detail from the poster for another Raimi film, Drag Me to Hell : Still, there’s beauty in the simplicity. Take away the title, taglines, and credit block and you instantly know this is a person-possessed movie. No weird upside-down people , no impossible-for-even-the-most-elastic-yogi posing , no one stuck to the ceiling — just a person being mauled from the inside out by a demon clawing its way out of that person’s maw. Any other image meant to illustrate “possessed” looks like unicorns and rainbows in comparison. And why not? Reality is always stranger — and scarier — than fiction, and, my God, this really happened! Somewhere, out in the world, someone is telling the story about that time a girl they knew vomited up a gnarled ghoul hand that then ripped her face off. That’s the takeaway, anyhow, when “Based on a True Story” is placed above the poster’s horrific, inspired image. It’s an audacious juxtaposition. For nearly a decade, horror movies brandishing their ripped-from-reality bonafides have hewed to relatively realistic depictions of their content. The Exorcism of Emily Rose , for example, is atmospheric and unsettling in its depiction of a girl lost in foggy desolation. Similarly, the remake of The Amityville Horror exists in a scuzzy, off-balance suburbia, but it’s one that feels relatively in-step with our world. Even the ridiculous, porny poster for The Devil Inside feels grounded in some perversion of reality. Not so for The Possession . It’s a true story spewed forth from the interior worlds of Lovecraft and Dalí. Our first instinct is to laugh at the absurdity of selling a movie using this image as “based on a true story.” But disbelief quickly gives way to something like awe. On one hand it’s a complete inversion of how to market a real-person-possessed movie. Instead of people contorted by unseen supernatural forces — that is, something we can go in believing actually happened — we’re getting a person brutally face-hugged by a tangible hellspawn, a practical and realistic impossibility that subverts the scare power of these sorts of movies. It’s not frightening, after all, if we know it can’t really happen. (Shock cuts only go so far.) On the other hand, it’s a deft commentary on these kinds of films. We all know they’re ridiculous. But you’d never know it to look at their posters. From the images to the copy, they’re humorless voids of self-righteousness, like an ad for a sanctimonious documentary or a foreign art-house film. Except these are ads for movies about a kid puking, what, smoke? A scarf? Oil? Liquid gold? Or being suspended upside down, against one’s control . And on and on. The Possession one-sheet, in the grand Raimi tradition, is self-aware and calls attention to how ridiculous it all is while simultaneously giving us a good, solid modern horror movie image. I’d be surprised if the image on this poster is ever brought to life in The Possession (but here’s hoping!), and time will tell how grossly it misrepresents the tone and content of the film. But all that seems beside the point when you have a poster of such sly wit and artistry. PREVIOUSLY IN ONE-SHEET WONDER The Simple, Fan-Driven Pleasures of Moonrise Kingdom ‘s First Poster Dante A. Ciampaglia is a writer, editor and photographer in New York. You can find him on Twitter , Tumblr , and, occasionally, his blog .
Breaking Sports Video
