Her name is Kelly Cunningham…she has an IMDB page…so I guess that means she matters…at least more than we matter…since we don’t have IMDB pages…and IMDB is the Litmus test of relevance or at least the litmus test for wanting to matter…cuz after looking at her filmography…I figure she’ll do anything she can to get work…not one of her movies is even an actual fucking movie..but she’s putting in work…and I guess realizing that no matter how hard she tries…it is leading no where…leading to her doing nude shoots for fashion magazines….in hopes at least one person notices…and helps bring her to the next level…just because they will see how eager, hungry, desperate she is for this….when I prefer my nudes to happen after a bitch has already made it…but I guess as long as they’re getting naked…I shouldn’t be complaining…..especially when they have good bush… Here are the pics.
Seth MacFarlane may direct and star in the “contemporary” Western. Also in the news Tuesday, Disney is blasting Stan Lee Media’s multi-billion lawsuit over rights to Marvel characters; Guillermo del Toro eyes his next project; the Film Society of Lincoln Center will host Tom Cruise retrospective; and Lincoln may leave some in Alaska out in the cold. Seth MacFarlane Eyes Western Comedy as Ted Follow-Up MacFarlane and his Ted co-writers Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild are writing A Million Ways to Die in the West , which MacFarlane is said to star in and direct for Summer 2013. The story is described as a Blazing Saddles -stye pic, which translates into a Western with contemporary humor. The script is said to contain MacFarlane’s racy humor, but also has a romantic female lead, THR reports . Disney Blasts Stan Lee Copyright Lawsuit Regarding Marvel Superheroes Disney called Stan Lee Media’s multi-billion lawsuit “flawed beyond cure” and filed a motion for its dismissal last week. Stan Lee Media claims rights to all Marvel characters created by Stan Lee, Deadline reports . Film Society of Lincoln Center to Host Tom Cruise Cruise will take part in an onstage conversation with NY Film Festival programmer Kent Jones. The event will include a sneak preview of Cruise’s latest, Jack Reacher in which he portrays a “tough ex-military investigator out for justice.” The event will kick-off the career retrospective, “All The Right Moves: The Films of Tom Cruise” December 18 – 20. Tickets will go for $50 and $35. Guillermo del Toro Eyes Crimson Peak Del Toro will direct the haunted house thriller as his next project. Legendary and del Toro are looking to a February 2014 start for the pic, which aims to “channel the gothic haunted pictures of yore.” He is expected to shoot the pilot for The Strain , based on the books he wrote with Chuck Hogan, ahead of Crimson , THR reports . Some Alaska Venues Out in the Cold with Lincoln Disney says the Steven Spielberg-directed Oscar hopeful has had such high demand the studio is now rushing to make new prints. But the reinforcements may come too late for smaller venues in Alaska’s capital, Juneau and other towns. Copies weren’t available for some venues when they hoped to get them and may have to pass, though Oscar buzz may reignite interest, Huffington Post reports .
As beloved and popular as J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit has been in the seventy plus years since its publication, the simple adventure story has never been much more than prologue, a light and sunny rain compared to the epic hurricane force of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings , the transformative high fantasy quest narrative which C.S. Lewis once said contained “beauties which pierce like swords or burn like cold iron.” The worst thing that could be said about Peter Jackson ‘s fourth cinematic foray into Middle Earth, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey , is that it follows suit, being merely good when greatness was anticipated or expected. As with Lord of the Rings , but perhaps never more so than in The Hobbit , Jackson brings a plain earnestness to the material which matches Tolkien’s direct and straightforward narrative voice. There’s awe and wonder to be found beyond The Shire as the eponymous hobbit, Bilbo, (Martin Freeman) and a band of fierce but merry dwarves led by Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage), embark on their adventure towards the dragon Smaug’s stronghold deep within The Lonely Mountain, but never any slyness or irony, no winks at the audience behind cynical detachment. (One earnest sequence in particular, in which Bilbo takes his leave of Gollum and then talks of what home means to the dwarves, recalls Sam’s speech at the end of Two Towers and will leave viewers’ hearts aching.) Jackson’s unwillingness to embrace anything other than earnestness in his original Lord of the Rings trilogy is in part what made those films resonate so strongly with early 21st century audiences. They contain silliness and laughter, but a silliness and laughter always carefully calibrated to service a delicate tonal balance. In those films, as in Tolkien’s original works, the story begins in Fellowship with the comical idea of an old hobbit’s birthday party, gradually elevating its register until, by the end of Return of the King , it becomes one of the greatest quest narratives ever filmed (or written). The problem with The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey as quest narrative, however, is that, for Tolkien, who wrote the story long before he ever put pen to paper on Lord of the Rings , that register never changes or elevates. Although in later years he would go back and make minor corrections to the original text to reflect updated plot points or characters, what starts with “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit” ends quite matter-of-factly in the same style, never going much beyond a simple and unpretentious adventure story for children. Jackson, taking on the task in reverse (creating his Hobbit after his Lord of the Rings ) occasionally missteps in his desire to combine the two stories into a tonally consistent whole, bringing silliness to moments that should be of great portent, and vice versa. For example: Many will point to Radagast the Brown (Sylvester McCoy), with his jackrabbit sled and bird poop-bespotted hair, as an example of comic relief that goes too far. It doesn’t, but the general dottiness of the character comes at a moment in the film of great peril, when it is revealed for the first time that the villainous Necromancer who is troubling the borders of Mirkwood might, in fact, be the villain — the evil Sauron. Tolkien could avoid the confluence, but not Jackson, who in his fierce desire to make The Hobbit as tonally consistent with Lord of the Rings as possible mixes the two and finally pushes his finely-tuned and hard-earned cart over, unbalancing the film in this and other parts as he tries too hard to align it with his earlier work. Where Jackson might occasionally misstep tonally, he takes the reigns from the episodic original and runs with generally fantastic results through several narrative additions, all of which give the characters more agency in their own affairs. After the film’s somewhat meandering first half (which includes two separate dwarf musical numbers), Bilbo and Thorin succeed in, for instance, escaping the trolls and wargs with actual actions and choices, instead of a Deus Ex Gandalf . Though hardcore fans might scoff at the blasphemy of adding anything to the source material, even those things written by Tolkien himself in the appendixes, Jackson succeeds cinematically in pulling off the Orc/Dwarf Battle of Nanduhirion and the fleshing out of Azog as a dominant and recurring adversary. Less successful are scene additions consisting of actors reprising their roles from Lord of the Rings . While the stuff with Galadriel (Cate Blanchett) and Sarumon (Christopher Lee) at the White Council works like gangbusters, an early scene where Frodo (Elijah Wood) stands around and does nothing smacks of prequel-itis. Even with all these additions, or perhaps because of them (the film clocks in at a staggering 166 minutes, or about a minute for every two pages of text in the original — and there are two films left) An Unexpected Journey feels less like a self-contained narrative and more like a partial installment, in ways the Lord of the Rings films never did. Like Bilbo reflecting on his long path from The Shire and what it means to fight for a place to call your own, however, returning to Middle Earth feels right . And if it doesn’t quite soar as high in transformative joy or ecstasy as we thought it might… it’s still home. Note : I saw the film in 3-D at 24 fps. The 3-D adds nothing to the film, and is a surcharge to be avoided. READ MORE ON THE HOBBIT (In theaters December 14): ‘Hobbit’ First Review: 48 FPS Is ‘Eye-Popping,’ But Watch Out For The Jar Jar Binks Of ‘LOTR’ WATCH: Peter Jackson’s Hobbit Video Reveals Over Ten Minutes of Behind the Scenes Footage Shawn Adler is a film writer and interviewer based out of NYC. For his in-depth writing on genre films, Shawn was once called “The Harold Bloom of superhero trailers” by the “Hollywood Reporter.” It would be a mistake to simply think that nobody cares about that now. Nobody cared about it then either. You can follow him on Twitter @Lethrup . Follow Shawn Adler on Twitter . 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The biggest question surrounding Peter Jackson ‘s Lord of the Rings prequel The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey , has nothing to do with its strength of story, its Oscar chances, or whether or not Tolkien fans will embrace yet another uber-ambitious adaptation of their beloved fantasy world, but rather: How does it look? Specifically, how will Jackson’s 48 frames-per-second gamble play after months of talk and one particularly disastrous Cinema Con debut ? I’ll tell you this: The grumblings and rumblings after my screening of The Hobbit – in bold, daring, frustrating 48 frames-per-second 3-D – were decidedly not raves. And that’s a very bad sign for Jackson & Co. One colleague couldn’t believe how poor the 48 fps presentation looked, insisting – or hoping, more like it – that something must have been wrong with the projection. Jackson’s big, game-changing crusade for a frame rate that would part the heavens and open humankind’s hearts and minds and brains to a new way of watching film couldn’t possibly look so unpleasant. Could it? I was curious if, back in April when The Hobbit ‘s 48 fps preview bombed at Cinema Con, the journalists and industry folk who recoiled from the hyper-clarity of the picture onscreen were just overreacting to Jackson’s new cinematic order. “After a minute or two of adjusting,” wrote The New York Daily News’ Ethan Sacks in his embargo-skirting first review , “the higher resolution is eye-popping, similar to discovering HD television for the first time.” HD TV did look rather freaky at first, I’ll give him that, and there’s a shared quality of too much visual information that The Hobbit ‘s 48 fps shares with high-def television. But it didn’t take a few minutes of adjusting to get used to it; even two hours and 40 minutes later my brain was rejecting the look of it. It felt like watching daytime soaps in HD, terrible BBC broadcasts, or Faerie Tale Theater circa 1985, only in amazingly sharp clarity and with hobbits. Part of the problem is there’s too much detail in every frame that the magical filter of cinema that makes most 24 fps film so pleasing to the eye is gone; every prop on a set too clear, and even a performance by someone like the very fine Ian McKellen looks embarrassingly, unnaturally theatrical. Moving images, especially walking Hobbits and dwarves – not as much the CG creatures, for what it’s worth – flit at odd speeds that just never look right. With the exception of a handful of scenes, mostly enhanced by CG vs. shot on interior sets, the 48 fps had me imagining how gorgeous everything might look in 24fps. Those who’ve seen it in 24fps seem much happier with the visual presentation, even if 3-D feels superfluous. As Bilbo made his way along his adventure through Middle Earth, the look of The Hobbit and the accelerated barrage of information prompted a flurry of other films and shows to pop into mind, none of them flattering comparisons. Here, in no particular order, are some of them: Fraggle Rock Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood of Make-Believe Shining Time Station Star Trek colony planets The opening POV shot of Dinosaurs (On the plus side, The Hobbit also inspired me to Google “Galadriel-Gandalf fan fiction,” which I guarantee will be a thing after The Hobbit comes out.) As early reviews continue to hit the web, it appears that I’m not in the minority on the frame rate issue. 48 fps may be D.O.A. even before The Hobbit opens in wide release on December 14. Maybe that’s a good thing; save your dollars and see it in regular ol’ 24 fps. The future may well be 48, but it hasn’t arrived yet. READ MORE: ‘The Hobbit’ 3-D Early Review: Back Again, But Not Quite There ‘Hobbit’ First Review: 48 FPS Is ‘Eye-Popping,’ But Watch Out For The Jar Jar Binks Of ‘LOTR’ The Hobbit 48 FPS Preview Divides Audiences at CinemaCon Follow Jen Yamato on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .
As ads for pharmaceuticals go, this clip for the anti-depression drug Ablixa is textbook perfect. Wooden actors progress from sad to happy with the help of digital dark clouds, sun rays, and, presumably, the being advertised. And there’s the de rigueur reading of possible side effects. Ablixa is not an actual prescription drug, however, and the video, which I’ve posted below is actually a viral ad for Steven Soderbergh’s upcoming Side Effects , in which Rooney Mara plays a woman who turns to prescription drugs to battle her anxiety when her husband ( Channing Tatum ) is released from prison. The weird thing is that the Ablixa ad is so pitch perfect that I’m not sure why I should be watching it. As far as I can tell, the spot leaves nothing in the way of clues to the movie other than that Ablixa will probably figure into the plot and that some of the more serious side effects that the drug can cause may come into play. If you follow the prompt at the end of the ad and head to the Ablixa website , things do become more amusing. You can participate in a video analysis with Dr. Jonathan Banks, who’s played by Jude Law, and is a character in the movie. Even if you answer ‘No’ to Banks’ questions about whether you suffer from feelings of helplessness, suicidal thoughts and a lack of appetite or sex drive, the good doctor still suggests you may be a candidate for Ablixa. Somehow, I don’t think that’s a good thing, but we’ll find out when the movie opens on Feb. 8 Follow Frank DiGiacomo on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter.
Quentin Tarantino is one of America’s most celebrated living filmmakers and his latest film – currently due out Christmas day – is highly anticipated. But even a critically acclaimed filmmaker can have a dud, even if some fans might disagree. Tarantino himself weighed in on what he considers his least accomplished work. ” Death Proof has got to be the worst movie I ever [made],” Tarantino told THR. “And for a left-handed movie, that wasn’t so bad, all right? So if that’s the worst I ever get, I’m good. But I do think one of those out-of-touch, old, limp, flaccid-dick movies costs you three good movies as far as your rating is concerned.” Death Proof was part of Grindhouse , a double feature along with Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror . The duo didn’t exactly score at the box office either. It took in just over $25 million domestically on a budget that reportedly reached $67 million. Not all turned out dismal though, it did receive a 65 percent on Rotten Tomatoes among critics – not horrendous though certainly not gangbusters. Tarantino recently hinted to Playboy that his latest film Django Unchained may signal the sunset of his filmmaking career, saying that he wants to “stop at a certain point.” “Directors don’t get better as they get older. Usually the worst films in their filmography are those last four at the end. I am all about my filmography, and one bad film fucks up three good ones … When directors get out-of-date, it’s not pretty.” [ Sources: Huffington Post , THR , Box Office Mojo ]
Quentin Tarantino is one of America’s most celebrated living filmmakers and his latest film – currently due out Christmas day – is highly anticipated. But even a critically acclaimed filmmaker can have a dud, even if some fans might disagree. Tarantino himself weighed in on what he considers his least accomplished work. ” Death Proof has got to be the worst movie I ever [made],” Tarantino told THR. “And for a left-handed movie, that wasn’t so bad, all right? So if that’s the worst I ever get, I’m good. But I do think one of those out-of-touch, old, limp, flaccid-dick movies costs you three good movies as far as your rating is concerned.” Death Proof was part of Grindhouse , a double feature along with Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror . The duo didn’t exactly score at the box office either. It took in just over $25 million domestically on a budget that reportedly reached $67 million. Not all turned out dismal though, it did receive a 65 percent on Rotten Tomatoes among critics – not horrendous though certainly not gangbusters. Tarantino recently hinted to Playboy that his latest film Django Unchained may signal the sunset of his filmmaking career, saying that he wants to “stop at a certain point.” “Directors don’t get better as they get older. Usually the worst films in their filmography are those last four at the end. I am all about my filmography, and one bad film fucks up three good ones … When directors get out-of-date, it’s not pretty.” [ Sources: Huffington Post , THR , Box Office Mojo ]
One of the biggest days in the indie film calendar arrived Wednesday with the unveiling of the Sundance Film Festival’s U.S. Dramatic and Documentary Competition slate along with the premiere event’s World Cinema Dramatic and Documentary lineups and titles screening in the fest’s NEXT section. Hit the jump for the line-ups! Sixteen titles each will compete in the U.S. Dramatic Competition and U.S. Documentary. The festival’s NEXT section which it styles as a “new wave” of filmmaking includes 10 titles. In all, 113 features from 32 countries were selected for the 2013 Sundance, a number consistent with other years. The 11-day event will host 51 first-time filmmakers, with 27 titles in competition. Selections were then from 12,146 submissions (4,044 features and 8,102 shorts), 429 more than last year, according to Sundance. The festival will roll out its lineups in its Midnight, New Frontier, Premiere and Documentary Premieres and Short sections in the coming days. Sundance Film Festival 2013 — Director John Cooper: ‘Fearlessness’ Distinguishes This Year’s Slate “Every great film starts with an idea, and it is a testament to artists that they continually find new ideas, new stories, new points of view and new ways of sharing them, year after year,” said Sundance Institute founder Robert Redford in a statement. “We look forward to hearing from these artists not just through their words and images onscreen but also through the larger dialogue they create with audiences at our Festival and beyond.” U.S. DRAMATIC COMPETITION The world premieres of 16 American narrative feature films. Afternoon Delight / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Jill Soloway) — In this sexy, dark comedy, a lost L.A. housewife puts her idyllic hipster life in jeopardy when she tries to rescue a stripper by taking her in as a live-in nanny. Cast: Kathryn Hahn, Juno Temple, Josh Radnor, Jane Lynch. Ain’t Them Bodies Saints / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: David Lowery) — The tale of an outlaw who escapes from prison and sets out across the Texas hills to reunite with his wife and the daughter he has never met. Cast: Rooney Mara, Casey Affleck, Ben Foster, Nate Parker, Keith Carradine. Austenland / U.S.A., United Kingdom (Director: Jerusha Hess, Screenwriters: Jerusha Hess, Shannon Hale) — Thirtysomething, single Jane is obsessed with Mr. Darcy, as played by Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice. On a trip to an English resort, her fantasies of meeting the perfect Regency-era gentleman become more real than she ever imagined. Cast: Keri Russell, JJ Feild, Bret McKenzie, Jennifer Coolidge, Georgia King, James Callis. C.O.G. / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Kyle Patrick Alvarez) — In the first ever film adaptation of David Sedaris’ work, a cocky young man travels to Oregon to work on an apple farm. Out of his element, he finds his lifestyle and notions being picked apart by everyone who crosses his path. Cast: Jonathan Groff, Denis O’Hare, Corey Stoll, Dean Stockwell, Casey Wilson, Troian Bellisario. Concussion / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Stacie Passon) — After a blow to the head, Abby decides she can’t do it anymore. Her life just can’t be only about the house, the kids and the wife. She needs more: she needs to be Eleanor. Cast: Robin Weigert, Maggie Siff, Johnathan Tchaikovsky, Julie Fain Lawrence, Emily Kinney, Laila Robins. Emanuel and the Truth About Fishes / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Francesca Gregorini) — Emanuel, a troubled girl, becomes preoccupied with her mysterious, new neighbor, who bears a striking resemblance to her dead mother. In offering to babysit her newborn, Emanuel unwittingly enters a fragile, fictional world, of which she becomes the gatekeeper. Cast: Kaya Scodelario, Jessica Biel, Alfred Molina, Frances O’Connor, Jimmi Simpson, Aneurin Barnard. Fruitvale / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Ryan Coogler) — The true story of Oscar, a 22-year-old Bay Area resident who crosses paths with friends, enemies, family and strangers on the last day of 2008. Cast: Michael B. Jordan, Octavia Spencer, Melonie Diaz, Ahna O’Reilly, Kevin Durand, Chad Michael Murray. In a World… / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Lake Bell) — An underachieving vocal coach is motivated by her father, the king of movie-trailer voice-overs, to pursue her aspirations of becoming a voiceover star. Amidst pride, sexism and family dysfunction, she sets out to change the voice of a generation. Cast: Lake Bell, Demetri Martin, Rob Corddry, Michaela Watkins, Ken Marino, Fred Melamed. Kill Your Darlings / U.S.A. (Director: John Krokidas, Screenwriters: Austin Bunn, John Krokidas) — An untold story of murder that brought together a young Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs at Columbia University in 1944, providing the spark that led to the birth of an entire generation – their Beat revolution. Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Dane DeHaan, Ben Foster, Michael C. Hall, Jack Huston, Elizabeth Olsen. The Lifeguard / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Liz W. Garcia) — A former valedictorian quits her reporter job in New York and returns to the place she last felt happy: her childhood home in Connecticut. She gets work as a lifeguard and starts a dangerous relationship with a troubled teenager. Cast: Kristen Bell, Mamie Gummer, Martin Starr, Alex Shaffer, Amy Madigan, David Lambert. May in the Summer / U.S.A., Qatar, Jordan (Director and screenwriter: Cherien Dabis) — A bride-to-be is forced to reevaluate her life when she reunites with her family in Jordan and finds herself confronted with the aftermath of her parents’ divorce. Cast: Cherien Dabis, Hiam Abbass, Bill Pullman, Alia Shawkat, Nadine Malouf, Alexander Siddig. Mother of George / U.S.A. (Director: Andrew Dosunmu, Screenwriter: Darci Picoult) — A story about a woman willing to do anything and risk everything for her marriage. Cast: Isaach De Bankolé, Danai Gurira, Anthony Okungbowa, Yaya Alafia, Bukky Ajayi. The Spectacular Now / U.S.A. (Director: James Ponsoldt, Screenwriters: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber) — Sutter is a high school senior who lives for the moment; Aimee is the introvert he attempts to “save.” As their relationship deepens, the lines between right and wrong, friendship and love, and “saving” and corrupting become inextricably blurred. Cast: Miles Teller, Shailene Woodley, Brie Larson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kyle Chandler. Touchy Feely / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Lynn Shelton) — A massage therapist is unable to do her job when stricken with a mysterious and sudden aversion to bodily contact. Meanwhile, her uptight brother’s foundering dental practice receives new life when clients seek out his “healing touch.” Cast: Rosemarie DeWitt, Allison Janney, Ron Livingston, Scoot McNairy, Ellen Page, Josh Pais. Toy’s House / U.S.A. (Director: Jordan Vogt-Roberts, Screenwriter: Chris Galletta) — Three unhappy teenage boys flee to the wilderness where they build a makeshift house and live off the land as masters of their own destiny. Or at least that’s the plan. Cast: Nick Robinson, Gabriel Basso, Moises Arias, Nick Offerman, Megan Mullally, Alison Brie. Upstream Color / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Shane Carruth) — A man and woman are drawn together, entangled in the life cycle of an ageless organism. Identity becomes an illusion as they struggle to assemble the loose fragments of wrecked lives. Cast: Amy Seimetz, Shane Carruth, Andrew Sensenig, Thiago Martins. Next: U.S. DOCUMENTARY COMPETITION titles
Gus Van Sant may go from fracking to thwacking with his next film project. At a luncheon for the director’s new film, Promised Land , which deals with fracking in a Pennsylvania town, Van Sant said that he’s in the process of writing a script to a “martial arts” film that is “a little bit of a superhero movie and a little bit of Stephen Chow ,” the director, writer and star of Kung Fu Hustle . Van Sant’s story is set in a very specific location, “Hollywood Boulevard and Gower, near the Pep Boys sign,” where, he explained, an encounter with a “very frail” looking woman with bags inspired him to write the story. “I thought, Oh my God, she’s going to get hit,” Van Sant said. “And then I thought that maybe she has more going on than I think. Maybe I should give her more credit. Maybe she could kick my ass.” That led to a story about “a small area of Hollywood that is besieged by crime” and a group of mere mortals who “get together to clean it up.” Van Sant said the story is nowhere near being ready to go before the cameras. “I have to keep writing it,” he said, but perhaps it bodes well that the idea has led to other forms of creative expressions for the filmmaker. Van Sant said that he’s also been creating watercolor paintings of fictional “characters on Hollywood Boulevard” that, he acknowledged, were connected to his idea for the martial-arts movie. I hope it becomes a movie. Van Sant took part in roundtable discussions with the media at a luncheon at the midtown Manhattan restaurant Aquavit. The event was also attended by Matt Damon and John Krasinski , who co-star in the movie and co-wrote the script, which is based on a story by Dave Eggers. Damon said that Promised Land was not a political movie but rather one about the democratic process. Regardless of the issue, he said, “if you don’t engage, the decision will be made for you.” On the subject of engaging, Damon said that he and director David. O. Russell talked after the actor and director separately declared from the podium of the IFP Gotham Awards that they’d like to work with each other. The Bourne star was coy, however, about whether the meeting yielded anything more than mutual admiration. “I’m a huge, huge, huge fan of his,” Damon said, adding: “I would love to work with him.” Follow Frank DiGiacomo on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter.
I’m starting to think the execs over at Syfy may be a bunch of secret geniuses. When I first read Forbes ‘ report that the NBC Universal -owned cable network is considering giving the lifeguard’s kiss to Waterworld as either a film for its new theatrical division or, more likely, a TV series for its prime-time schedule, I almost choked on my coffee. Just hearing the title of the $235-million 1995 stink bomb — until Titanic , reportedly the most expensive movie made — makes me simultaneously think of mildew and bacon. The first, because of the movie’s stagnant, waterlogged plot; the second, because Dennis Hopper’s performance is so damn hammy. The late actor, who played Deacon, the leader of the pirates known as Smokers, actually says at one point in the movie: “Dry land is not just our destination, it is our destiny!” And the more I think about it, a Waterworld reboot is Syfy’s destiny. As the Forbes post notes, the movie does well every time it runs on the network, but with a little Syfy-style goosing, a TV series could become destination programming for B-movie nerds everywhere. Waterworld is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the polar icecaps have melted and land is sparse. First of all, in a post-Katrina-Irene-Sandy world, the concept doesn’t seem all that farfetched anymore. Better yet, that extremely moist setting makes an ideal universe for Syfy to populate with all of the mutated monsters that have starred in its cheese-tastic original TV movies. The movie’s protagonist, the Mariner — who was played by Kevin Costner — is, after all, a mutant, too. He sports gills and webbed feet. So, as long as we’re suspending disbelief for him, why not have him face down such inspired Syfy abominations as Sharktopus , Mega-Python, Mega-Piranha, Piranhaconda — and, from above, Mansquito! — on a weekly basis. I see parts for Barry Williams, Tiffany , Debbie Gibson and Kevin Sorbo. And if Universal hasn’t settled its suit with mockbuster production house The Asylum , which produced some of the most successful and preposterous creature films to air on Syfy, maybe they can make nice and make waves. (Ba-dum-bump!) Follow Frank DiGiacomo on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter.
