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Dear Bossip: I Ended It & Wanted To Be Friends, But I Can’t Seem To Let Him Go

Posted on August 12, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m in love and I don’t know what to do about it. I met this guy four years ago through some mutual friends and we immediately connected. We were hanging out all the time kissing and just enjoying each other’s company, but we weren’t exclusively together until two years later. I had realized I loved him, but I didn’t say anything and to my surprise he asked me to be his girlfriend. Shortly after, I gave him my virginity. I ended up having to break up with him a month later because he had quickly changed in the relationship, and I got the feeling he didn’t want to be in it anymore. We continued a sexual relationship as well as hanging out together as friends. I tried to end the sexual part multiple times, but he always pulled me back in. We dated other people off and on, but we always came back to each other when we were single. He even tried to fool around with me while he was in a relationship. Almost every other girl he’s dated has either lied to him, cheated on him, or used him in some way. I’ve told him that I loved him and I wanted more than just friends with benefits and he’s told me things like, “I have a weakness for you,” and, “I have feelings for you,” and, “I’m glad you told me,” but nothing came of it. In June, we had a big fight and didn’t speak for a month. During this time we also moved to different states. He texted me in July asking if we could go back to the way we were. When I asked what changed his mind, he said, “his feelings for me.” I told him I loved him, but I couldn’t go back because he’s hurt me too much. He said, “Ok, I understand,” and that was that. It is now almost three months later and we still haven’t spoken. Recently, he’ll get online and ‘like’ one of my pictures and then post sad love songs right after. I still have not reached out in any way, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss our friendship. I was considering reaching out to him simply as a friend. I figured I wouldn’t have to worry about our friendship becoming about sex again since we are in two different states. My friend believes three months is not long enough for him to miss me and change. I just really want another opinion. Should I reach out and try to just be friends? – Tired and Confused Dear Ms. Tired and Confused , If he really loved you and wanted to be with you, then he would be there with you. Or, he would make a way for you to be with him. I’m sorry, ma’am, but a man who says he’s in love and really wants his woman, he will make a way to be with her no matter the distance, or obstacle. He will get to her. What I suspect is that he knows that you’re available, and will always be available for him. Yes, you allow yourself to be ready, willing, and available whenever he calls. You keep calling this relationship a ‘friendship,’ and in actuality it is a sexual relationship. You are not friends. So, please stop saying that. You want something more, and you want him to be your man. Therefore, you can’t claim you are friends when you keep sleeping with him. You want a relationship, and I’m sorry to say, but he doesn’t. Thus, he keeps you in this rollercoaster emotional game of going up and down with his charade, when in actuality he is not interested in a serious relationship with you. He likes what you and he have and that is a sexual relationship. You are convenient sex for him, and he can’t tell you that is what you are for him because you have stated to him that you want something more, and not just to be his bed buddy. You see, having sex with someone is a spiritual connection. You become spiritually connected with someone, and you have to be very careful of those you spread your legs and allow to enter you. In the sex act between men and women, men are givers, and women are receivers. Men deposit into women, and women receive a man’s energy and spirit. And, it is also vice-versa. Women give to men, and transfer their spirit and energy to men. By inviting him into you, you are welcoming him and giving yourself to him. So, when relationships end, it is necessary to cleanse and heal yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Otherwise, that person’s spirit will linger in you and it will be difficult to remove yourself from them, such as in your case. I am sure this is emotionally taxing for you, but you have to stop investing in him and in something that will never manifest. This relationship has run its course. And, please stop deceiving yourself that you and he can ever be friends. That will never happen. You can’t separate your feelings for him, and neither your emotional and physical connection from him. You are too invested, too connected, and too involved to simply be his friend. You can’t do it. Look at your past with him. You keep letting him back into your life. You won’t allow yourself to be alone, and to remove yourself from him emotionally, mentally, or physically. You’re always sleeping with him and having sex. You’re never just his friend. Now, you’re asking me if you should reach out to him after you haven’t heard from him in nearly three months since he reached out to you via text and said he wanted to go back to the way things used to be. Girl, he texted you. He didn’t call you. He didn’t come visit you. He texted you. And, when you said you couldn’t go back, he responded by saying he understood, and you haven’t heard from him since. It’s been nearly three months and you haven’t heard from him, and you’re wondering if you should reach out to rekindle a friendship. Sigh. I can’t. Ma’am, you need to let it go. Let him go. Stop waiting, hoping, and wishing that this turn into something like it was, or he will be the man that you want. He isn’t, and he won’t. Your relationship ran its course. It didn’t work. Why do you keep going back to something that ended? Why are you revisiting the past? He’s shown you who he is, and what he is about? He is unable to commit. He hasn’t made any effort to be in a relationship, nor has he made any effort to be with you faithfully. He’s moved on, and so should you. He’s living his life, and he’s keeping you in his rolodex because why would he give up some steady sex? He is no fool. But, you are. Stop allowing him to play with your heart and emotions. As a matter of fact, how about you stop being a doormat and get up from the ground. He can’t walk over you if you won’t lay down for him. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE !      

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It & Wanted To Be Friends, But I Can’t Seem To Let Him Go

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Dear Bossip: My Best Friend Is Crushing On My Man & Asking Me For His Number

Posted on May 5, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have known my best friend since were in elementary school, and now we are both in our early 30s. So, naturally, we have been through a lot and talk to each other about everything. I met a guy on my birthday last year. We talked for like almost two months and then I moved to another city to start law school. But, in December, we started talking again and in January we became official. Recently, my friend not only told me that she has a crush on my boyfriend, but she has repeatedly asked me for his number. After that happened I have been kind of keeping my distance. I don’t know how to proceed with our friendship because I feel like she doesn’t respect my relationship and that she would try to sleep with my boyfriend if she was anywhere near him. My cousin said I should respect that she came to me instead of going behind my back. I guess she has a point, but I still feel some kind of way. I don’t want her to feel like I’m picking a man over her, but seeing how she is blatant with her attraction to my man should I just keep my life with them separate, or continue to keep my distance like I have been doing? – Confused About What To Do Dear Ms. Confused About What To Do , Well, if your best friend is crushing over your man, and she knows that you and he are together, and she’s asking you for his number and telling you that she is attracted to him, then she is not your friend. What best friend do you know will disrespect your relationship by coming right out and asking for your man’s number and telling you she has a crush on him knowing that you’re in a relationship with him? That is some bold ass –ish! Now, see, at first you may think she is joking, and punking you. “Girl, stop playing. I know he’s fine, and he’s a good catch. Glad you recognize.” But, for her to do this over and over again, the next words out of your mouth should be, “I’m going to need for you to back it up. Quit playing with me, and stay in your lane. This is my relationship, and he is off limits, and if you can’t respect this, us, and me, then, yes, I will cut you off.” And, no, you’re not picking a man over her, you’re just recognizing that your best friend doesn’t have any boundaries, and she is showing you her true colors – she will sleep with your man and feel it okay. Squash this today and put her in her place. Yeah, your cousin may have a point that you should respect that she came to you and told you instead of going behind your back, but now you know who your enemy is, and now you know that you can’t trust your friend. So, hell to the no, you don’t bring them around each other, don’t invite your friend on dates with you, or to gatherings, or anywhere or anyplace where you and your man will be. She will slip her number to him, fawn all over him, and throw herself on him and she will do this right in your face, and be unbothered by it. That’s how bold she is because she is bold enough to ask you for his number, and bold enough to tell you that she is crushing on your man. No, you don’t trust her, and quite frankly you need to confront her instead of avoiding her. Yup, confront her. Instead of avoiding her, you need to call her out and have a serious conversation with her about her inappropriate behavior, and soliciting you for your man’s number. You did state that you’ve been best friends since you were younger, and you’re now in your 30s, so I don’t understand why you can’t talk with your best friend and be frank and honest with her. Tell her how you don’t appreciate her coming to you asking for your man’s number, and that you don’t find it cute or appropriate that she is crushing on him and that she feels it okay to tell you these things and not think you will feel a way about it, or confront her about it. Girl code rule #1 is that you don’t go after your best friend’s man. You don’t flirt, ask for his number, socialize with him alone, attempt to date him or give googly eyes. And, nor do you even look at him romantically giving any indication that you are interested. He is off limits, period point blank. Now, the fact that she is violating girl code rule #1 should let you know that doesn’t respect you or your relationship. She should know better. But, obviously it doesn’t matter to her, and she is going to get what she wants, and she is going to do it regardless of whether you like it or not. So, again, confront her, have a serious conversation with her, and express how it makes you feel that your best friend is disrespecting your relationship. Tell her that she is overstepping her boundaries, and her behavior makes you uncomfortable, and quite frankly you are starting to second guess your friendship. If she can do this to her own best friend, then you can only imagine what she would do to any other woman she is not friends with. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I’m Living With A Married Man, But He’s Still Taking Care Of His Wife

Posted on March 7, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I have been living with a married man for 6 long years. I have left him TWICE and came back believing that there is nothing between him and his wife.  He visits her (their) home at least weekly to visit the dogs. And, he fixes anything that she might need, car, house, etc. When we go out he is lurching at every female he sees. He locks his damn cell phone, and takes phone numbers with an excuse why for each one. So, I left my home in Las Vegas for this clown 6 years ago – my home, my job, my family, and all the while he is sitting pretty with his life pretty much still intact, with one exception, he has ME to go places with, and to play mistress. The problem is that I really cannot afford to get out on my own. I am scared once again that I just won’t make it. He told me and I quote, “I made a promise to my wife to be her friend and help her out. If you don’t like it leave!” This dog has made my life miserable and now I am stuck once again with nowhere to go. And, I am financially struggling. All the while he pays ALL her bills. – Miserable Mistress Dear Ms. Miserable Mistress , You are throwing him under the bus and making him out to be this big bad villain who is taking care of his wife, and mistreats you and won’t make you feel as if you’re the only woman in his life. Yet, you picked up your life, gave up your home, job, and family to go live with a married man in another state, and you really think he owes you something? You really do think that things are going to be great, exciting, and wonderful because you’ve been sleeping with another woman’s husband for 6 long years? Girl, you are foolish and as dumb as your letter. You are getting exactly what you deserve. He is treating you like a side chick, well, some side chicks do get treated better. He’s treating you like a live-in hoe. He doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. You devalued yourself the moment you began sleeping with a married man. You devalued your worth the moment you felt it okay to lay up with another woman’s husband, then, pack up your entire life and give it all up to live with a man who has told you that basically he is not going to stop taking care of his wife, and you need to get on board or leave. And, you chose to get on board. So, why are you complaining? I’m curious to know why you would give up everything to go be a live-in mistress. Why? What were you hoping would change or what were you expecting? You really moved in with a married man and thought he would be faithful to only you! Really? SMDH! Women are that thirsty, and hungry for a man that they are moving in with married men now? If you’re that desperate for a man, then he will treat you any type of way because you don’t have any respect for yourself. Now, you’re acting mad because when you and he are out he is lurching after women, taking numbers and giving you excuses for each one. Why are you mad? He’s been like that, will always be like that, and won’t change for you or any other woman. How do you think he got you? The same behavior he is exhibiting now is the same behavior he used to win you over, and he’s been like this for the 6 years you’ve been with him. HE HAS NOT CHANGED. You are just noticing it and complaining about it. Hell, you signed up for this. You let him get it away with it. If you left him twice and went back, then you made the choice to go back. You didn’t have to, but you went back. So, ask yourself, why? What did you think or expect to happen? He is not going to change for you. His wife was smart enough to leave him, and she continues to take his money and gets him to come to their home and fix things, and I’m sure he’s taking care of other business too while he’s there. And, what’s sad is that he is still married, his wife knows about you and has resigned herself to this situation, and you got your bird ass living in his home and he’s told you to get on board or leave. And, you’re stewing mad because you expect him to be different, be monogamous and be a one woman man. Bwahahahahahaha! You are silly. I don’t know any woman, any smart, intelligent, career-oriented and independent woman who would give up all her things to go live with a married man in another state. That doesn’t even make sense. That sounds dumb just typing it. Now, you’re mad and complaining because he is taking care of his wife financially, and the house they had/have together, and you’re struggling financially with nowhere to go. He’s probably sleeping with other women, especially if he is lurching after them in public while he’s out with you, and he’s collecting numbers. He is using those numbers. You’re just fool enough to believe his excuses, or fool enough to think he won’t step out on you. You think it’s a competition between you and his wife, and there is no competition. He’s made that known and so has wife. That is why he comes and goes to her home as he pleases, and he will keep coming and going without any resistance from you because you don’t have any claim over him. He’s told you that you have no say, no claim, no hold, and no authority over him. He is going to do what he wants to do. Welp, I guess you’re reaping the karma that you created. Get used to it, and this life of misery. You’re in hell, and it will only get worse. You can wake up, get out, ask for forgiveness from his wife, and yourself, and move out and try to get back your life. Or, you stay, continue to let him walk all over you, and just know that one day he may get tired of you and fed up and put you out. Then what? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: I’m Living With A Married Man, But He’s Still Taking Care Of His Wife

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Dear Bossip: I Don’t Love My Wife & I’m Sleeping With Her Mother & We Want To Be Together

Posted on January 19, 2016 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m about to get right to the point. I’ve been married to my wife for 10 years. Our relationship is crap and all we do is fight and cheat. It’s a constant –ish cycle. I would cheat then she would cheat to get back at me. I honestly don’t know who would cheat with her, but whatever! Then, she would forgive me, then, I would forgive her. I got her pregnant when we were both 16 years old. My family forced me to marry her even though we were only together for 3 months. They told me if I didn’t marry her then they wouldn’t support me, so I did what I had to do. I can honestly say I never truly loved her even though we have 3 kids together and have been together for 10 years. I know she doesn’t love me either because she tells me that all the time. I even got another chick pregnant 2 years ago and I was going to leave her, but she threatened to not let me see my kids, so I came back. I always felt like we were just obligated to stay together because of our son, then the other kids came along and now I’m stuck. I keep telling her let’s get a divorce, but she doesn’t want to; probably because I’m the only one with a job. We do live with her mom, though. We pretty much lived with her since we were 16 years old and never left. Her mom and I handle all the bills. My wife has never worked a day in her life and that –ish is so unattractive to me. She doesn’t drive because she never learned how. I mean what almost 27 year old woman doesn’t know how to drive? Also, she doesn’t know how to cook. She’s nasty as hell. I swear I barely see her get in the shower. She’s a dirty ass white woman, OML! She also gotten fat (300lbs) and sloppy. I’m ashamed to tell people she’s my wife. Man, I also can’t even tell you the last time I touched her. She’s always begging, but I’m not interested. Now, for the second reason I haven’t left the house besides for my kids is for her mom. I know this is wrong, but her mom is so damn fine. Her mom is 41 years old and she’s so beautiful, and fit. She cooks, cleans and knows how to take care of a man. We have been sleeping together for the last 7 ½ months. I don’t know how my wife doesn’t know because we flirt all day every day. I don’t even hide the fact that I’m doing it. We probably have sex every night and my wife will be in the next room oblivious thinking her momma and I are smoking weed. Her mom keeps telling her to leave me and that she will help her get a place and a job. But, her mom is only doing that because she wants her gone so that me and her can really be together. Her mom can’t stand how lazy and unmotivated she is. She only puts up with her because of the kids. Her mom genuinely can’t stand her. They get into so many fists fights it’s not even funny. My wife has been to jail several times because of those fights. I want to tell her it’s over, but I know she won’t let me see our kids when she finds out I’m with her momma. How do I tell her so that things can go over smoothly? – Mr. Torn Dear Mr. Torn , So, you really think things are going to go over smoothly once your wife learns that you have been sleeping with her own mother! You really think she is going to just up and leave and tell you two to have a great life and wish you the best? You really think that all hell is not going to break loose once your wife discovers what has been going on? You truly have been smoking too much damn weed! You are utterly disgusting and trifling. You’re the worst type of man, and I use the word “man” loosely. You are a grown ass man living with your wife’s mother, and have been doing so for the past 10 years. You claim you are the breadwinner in the family, and your wife doesn’t work. Yet, instead of moving your family out, you are laying up in your mother-in-law’s house. Does that sound like a responsible man to you? Does that sound like a man who is about his business or a man who is taking care of his family without living in someone else’s home? No. You’re complaining about your wife, but you’re also just as complicit. You haven’t done anything to better your situation or to help motivate your wife. You have done anything to change your housing, or to make it better for you and your kids. You are living with two women!! HELLO! Then, you complain and bish about what your wife isn’t doing, how she looks, and making her out to be this horrible person. But, bruh, you’ve stayed with her for 10 years! If it was so bad and so horrible, then why not leave when you had the chance? Oh, yeah, because you were so afraid that your parents were going to cut you off financially. You are a spoiled brat. You got her pregnant at 16 years old, and your parents forced you to marry her in order that you may continue being financially supported. So, basically your mother (parents) were taking care of you, and in order to appease them, and not be broke, you marry someone you didn’t love. Then, you sit up here and complain about living with her mother, but her mother is also taking care of you and her daughter. You went from one household to another. You found another mother to take care of you and your problems. SMDH! But, what is seriously a bigger issue is that you are sleeping with your own wife’s mother. That is sad and pathetic. You lay up in this woman’s house with her own daughter, and you are engaging in a sexual relationship with her. Do you really think anyone will accept this behavior or say to you that they don’t blame you for what you’re doing? Do you really think how this will affect your wife and children? Do you not care how this will damage your kids? No! It’s because you’re selfish, spoiled, and you think everyone owes you something. You think that you can do whatever you want and not have any consequences for your actions because someone will come in and fix them or solve them for you. You can’t even take care of your own responsibility as a father, a dad, or a man. So, I don’t expect for you to recognize or acknowledge your silly, childish, and immature behavior. You are not a man. You are a grown ass boy! You had ample amount of opportunities to leave your wife, but you keep saying how she threatens you and won’t let you see your children if you leave. Well, that’s why they have family court, dumbass! If you were to leave and divorce her and they courts see that you are working and she lives at home with her mother, and that you have been there for 10 years, then don’t you think they would give you joint custody, or some type of visitation to see your own kids? You are just as dumb and silly as you claim she is. So, instead of leaving your wife, getting the divorce, and moving on with your life to pursue and find your own happiness, you feel it’s better to sleep with her mother, and destroy everyone else’s life around you? You honestly thought this through and feel that your behavior is justified because your wife doesn’t want to do anything to advance herself, or to save your marriage, and the best solution you could think of is to sleep with her mother. You have got to be the biggest donkey ever! I hope your wife learns the truth, and she takes your children away from you and gets all the alimony and child support she will deserve. Despite what you think of her, what she isn’t doing, and how she looks, she is still the mother of your children, she is still your wife, and she is still her mother’s daughter. She is a human being with feelings and emotions. She doesn’t deserve what you and her own mother are doing to her behind her back. She doesn’t deserve to be treated no less. You are the scumbag. You are the asshole. So, sir, there is nothing I can tell that will smooth things out between you and your wife so that you and her mother can continue screwing each other and to put her own daughter out of the home so you can lay up in the house and think you will have a relationship with her mother. There is absolutely nothing I can tell you that will resolutely be moral or ethical about what you’re doing. You deserve every bit of hell and wrath you will get once your wife learns what’s going on. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: I Don’t Love My Wife & I’m Sleeping With Her Mother & We Want To Be Together

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Dear Bossip: He Wants Me, But His Baby Momma Thinks They’re Getting Married

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I was seeing this guy for about a year and a couple of months. We’ve recently broken up. I was the one who broke up with him, due to personal issues. He was having financial problems and family problems, such as baby mother drama. I tried to be supportive in both cases and I stuck around. He told me the truth upfront about everything when we first started talking. I stayed anyway thinking it would get better, but at first he showed no signs of anger. When we got further into the relationship I realize she was using the child against him because she still had feelings for him. We have been broken up since the end of August, but he is just now contacting me again talking about we should work on our relationship and start over fresh. I decided to revisit his pages such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and what I saw next is why I’m contacting you. So, on his Facebook page I saw that he was flirtatious with her and nothing more. So, I check his other social network pages and saw no signs of him dating anyone or her. So, I find her on Facebook and I see him putting love emojis under her pictures and her making him here MCM, etc. I stroll down and read her statuses and I see that she’s talking about how in March she’s moving to NEW YORK, they are getting married, etc. He’s military and right now he’s in Korea. I saw a lot of things I was unhappy about on how he could move on so quickly with someone else. I love him a lot honestly. I know I may have more than he gave me. I have yet to mention any of this to him and I’m wondering if I should. Should I even give him a second chance? So badly I want to say since your rebound relationship didn’t work now you want to come back to me. NO! And, another part of me is saying take him back if you truly love him. I’m so confused right now. What advice could you give me on this situation? – Confused Dear Ms. Confused , You broke up with him for personal reasons such as financial problems and baby momma drama. Now, let’s be very very clear – if you broke up with him because of these issues, then please know that they have not changed and they will persist if you take him back. I’m curious to know why is he reaching back out to you while he is in the military in Korea. Is it because he’s lonely and needs someone to talk with, connect with, and feel something with. Folks get lonely when the holidays are approaching, and they need to feel connected to loved ones. The holiday spirit makes folk do some weird and crazy things, especially when they see others celebrating and talking about being with loved ones for the holidays, and sharing memories, calls, cards, and gifts. So, is this his attempt to make a connection with you? Also, if you went on his and his baby momma social media pages and saw the information of her talking about moving to New York and they’re getting married, and he’s leaving love emoijis, then what part of confused are you? You see it plain as day that they are communicating, or at least you saw that he is being flirtatious with her. Then, why do you want to get back with him? Why do you want to go back to your past? If you ended it then why revisit something that didn’t work before? I don’t understand you people. If you ended a relationship because of two critical things such as money and baby momma drama, then why do you think things have changed in less than 6 months? He’s communicating with her, or at the very least she feels they have something going on if she is making him her MCM, and posting that they are getting married. He’s not refuting it. So, why are you considering getting back with him? If she is talking about getting married, then where did she get this idea from? They had to have had the conversation or discussion about it. Now, unless she’s crazy and delusional, and is posting this information for kicks and giggles, but, if he’s putting love emojis on her timeline and status, then obviously she’s lead to believe something intimate is going on with them, or will happen between them. Look, he went back to his ex because she is familiar. That’s what people do when they go back and forth between persons – they resort to what’s familiar, which is why he is reaching out to you. They are on break for now, and he’s reaching out to you to reconnect. He wants something familiar, someone he knows. He knows he can always come back to you, just like he can always go back to his baby momma. Ma’am, stop giving him that option. If you remain as his option he will keep you in that position, and keep playing both you and her. NEVER BE A MAN’S OPTION. And, if you have this information then why not confront him with it? Let him know what you saw and read, and tell him you’re not a rebound woman. He can’t go back and forth between you and his baby momma, and that is exactly what he’s doing. You two women are competing for his attention, and you are allowing yourself to be a part of his game. Why? Why are you desperate to compete for a man? If you get back with him please know he will still have his baby momma drama, she is still in love with him just like you are, and they have a child so she and the child will always be a part of his life. They are not going anywhere. Why invite a headache into your life when you don’t need to? Why allow unwanted and un-needed stress when you don’t have to? Confront him. Tell him what you know. Tell him what you read. Tell him what you saw. Then, tell him to leave you alone and move on with his life. Let him go, and stop reminiscing over the past, or what you had. If it ended in August, then let it stay in August. Block him on social media. Stop stalking his social media pages. Don’t be that crazy and stalkerish ex-girlfriend who is always on her exes social media pages trying to see what he’s doing and who he’s with. Yeah, I know the holidays are here and you’re lonely. How about you exert that energy into your family, and loved ones, and pour into them all this love you have. How about you find a family who is in need and help them out with some gifts this season. Or, find a shelter or food pantry and donate your time with them, and helping to feed the homeless. The point I’m making is to redirect this energy from him and into those in need. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: He Wants Me, But His Baby Momma Thinks They’re Getting Married

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Was Sexting A Co-Worker, So I’m Taking A Break

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years. He’s 32 and I’m 30 years old. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that he was always on his phone. So, a few days ago, he went to the store with a friend of his, and he left his phone, and it was unlocked. I took the chance to look through his phone, and what I found were messages between him and a co-worker of his in his DM box on Instagram. He was telling her how sexy she was, talking about make-up, sex, and just a number of sexually explicit things that he’s only supposed to say to me. Also, she showed him a video of herself dancing naked. I was soooo hurt by this, and what made it worse is that he would always talk negatively about her to me, but secretly he was talking to her on an intimate level and flirting with her while they were at work. Also, he proclaimed to be friends with her boyfriend, who also works with them. Now, let me remind you, she knows about me, yet they both continued on with this. I confronted him with pics of the messages that I took from my phone. He immediately said that it was only flirting and nothing more. I wanted to confront her as well, but I thought about her boyfriend. I thought about him feeling the same way I did so I changed my mind. Now, my husband is on his apology and sympathy tour because I told him I’m taking a break from our marriage to see if it’s what I really want. We have 2 small children together and I know that whatever decision I make is going to affect them. My trust for him is gone, and I honestly don’t know what he can do to gain my trust back. He’s been trying, but I still think about all of the things that were said between them. My question is am I being overly dramatic by leaving him or should I forgive him? – Ms. About To Cut Him Loose Dear Ms. About To Cut Him Loose , No, you are not being overly dramatic by leaving him. Your husband has been carrying on some type of inappropriate “relationship” with a co-worker, sending messages, telling her how sexy she is, and talking sexually explicit things with her, and, then she sent him a video of herself dancing naked. Ma’am, if they haven’t had sex, then they are plotting on doing it. Besides, you should have checked to see if he sent her some videos and photos of himself naked. I’m sure he has. Your husband has been cheating. He’s having an emotional affair with another woman. And, I say an emotional affair only because I’m assuming they haven’t done anything yet, so it’s not physical. Thus, they are emotionally involved. He’s already made a decision in his head to move forward and cheat on you. He’s having illicit conversations with his co-worker. He’s emotionally invested in her and the idea of sleeping with her. He’s telling her things that he would with her and these are things he should be telling you. And, lawd knows how long this has been going on. And, I don’t suspect she is the only woman. I’m sure he’s done this before with another woman, or women. So, it’s time to get to the bottom of all this. You and your husband need to have a serious conversation. Ask him how long has he been thinking of cheating on you, and why. Ask him what happened in your marriage that he feels the need to step outside of it and seek something else from another woman. Is he unhappy, unsatisfied, or miserable? Does he no longer find you attractive, or sexually enticing? What is it that he wants and need if your marriage is suffering? Did you know your marriage was suffering? Did you know he was unhappy? Then, you ask him what he was planning on doing, and if it was going to be a one time thing, or a long term thing. Ask him if he’s done this before. You have to be prepared for all the answers, and what he tells you. The truth may be harder to swallow, but you need to get everything out in the open. Don’t let him off, and he needs to be thoroughly honest with you. Also, he may throw it up that you had no right going through his phone. And, you had no right going through his phone. There have to be some trust, and some level of respect for one another in a marriage. But, where do you draw the line in your marriage over privacy? What limits do you have when you suspect something is not right, and your husband is doing things out of the norm? He brought the suspicion on himself by doing something out of routine, such as being on his phone all the time. Hiding things, doing things he shouldn’t, and looking guilty while doing it. Your instincts kicked in, and you knew something was not right. Don’t feel bad and don’t feel guilty for taking a break from your marriage. Your husband is on his sympathy and apology tour only because he got caught. Trust and believe if you had not said anything he would be proceeding with his plans to cheat. Thus, take the time to think about what it is you really need and want from him. Do you want to remain married? You say that your trust is gone for him, and if you have no trust in your relationship or marriage, then what do you have? You will always wonder, worry, and be concerned when he’s at work with the woman he’s planning on cheating with. He spends 8 hours a day with her. He’s spending equal amount of time with her that he is with you. And, lawd knows what happens when he is hanging out with his friends, or doing things without you. You’ll always wonder if he’s seeing someone else. Then, if you don’t know what he can do to gain your trust back, then don’t rush and come to some agreement or some resolve if you’re not sure just yet. You’re hurt, in pain, upset, angry, sad, and a host of emotions right now. Don’t make any decisions because you’re emotionally and mentally a wreck. Also, consider marriage counseling. Having a mediator to help you and your husband work through this will provide you with some insights into what he was planning, and why he was doing it. Hopefully in marriage counseling he will be forthright and honest with his feelings and the underlying issue he is not sharing with you. There is something deeper at the core, and he is just not telling you what it is. Regardless, stepping outside of your marriage is not a way to resolve your issues. He should have come to you first, and you and he could have worked it out, discussed it, and handled it together. I hope you take all the time you need to get the answers you need, and to find a way to get back to your happy, joy, and love. Also, take the time to heal from this. I know you are hurting and it is difficult to discover that your mate is cheating. It’s a huge blow to you as a woman, especially when you’ve been married for nearly 14 years. Talk with your husband today, and get into marriage counseling. And, continue with the break for as long as you need it. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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You Can’t Be Serious: Black Patron Sues Restaurant After Being Asked To Prepay For His Food

Posted on October 29, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Black Diner Asked Prepay For His Meal At Oregon Restaurant A black man, Brian Eason, has filed a $100,000 lawsuit against an Oregon restaurant for discriminatory practices according to OregonLive . Eason claims he was asked by his waitress to prepay for his breakfast at Elmer’s each time he placed an order while white diners were not. “I was kind of curious about it and said ‘Well, is that new?’ And she said ‘Yes, we had a few walk-aways and my boss asked me to ask for prepayment,” Eason told The Oregonian/OregonLive on Wednesday. Eason didn’t think anything of it, he said, until he later ordered another drink and the waitress again wanted prepayment. “I said ‘This is kind of odd that I have to prepay every time I order my food and drink,’” Eason recounted. “She said, ‘I think it’s discrimination and my boss is here, and she’s forcing me to have me do this.’” Eason finished his meal and left the restaurant, but returned shortly after to ask white folks if they had been asked to do the same. Of course, they were not. Eason said that after he spoke to the white customers about whether they had to prepay, he still wasn’t sure if he was going to do anything about it. But he couldn’t sleep that night and his family encouraged him to take action, he said. “My office is right down the street there,” Eason said. “It’s a constant reminder of ‘They don’t want me in there.’” The suit seeks $100,000 in damages because Eason has “suffered loss of sleep and feelings of racial stigmatization.” Get your money, brotha! F*** Elmer’s! Image via Instagram

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Dear Bossip: I’m Seeing A Co-Worker & He Has A Girlfriend, But I Want More

Posted on October 29, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I met a man at my job about a year ago. We will call him “Devon.” Devon was very persistent to get to know me. He would treat me to lunch every day and we would have conversations about everything. As time passed, we began to form a connection with one another. We had so much in common and we were definitely attracted to one another. I’m ashamed to say it, but, we were both in relationships. I can say that I wasn’t happy with my situation at home. I was more so comfortable than happy. I had someone I could depend on, but the love and sex were gone. I always asked Devon was he happy with his girlfriend and what was their relationship status, but he never would answer. I respected him for not telling me their business, but after a while it was like she didn’t exist. I ended my current situation at home and my ex had moved out. Devon would come over nearly every day. I believe with us spending so much time together, we both developed some sort of feelings. About 5 months had passed but we still hadn’t had sex. I’m an attractive woman and I don’t have any issues as far as dating, but I can honestly say I’ve never connected to ANY man like I have with him. It was really hard for me to walk away from that. Not to mention he had the qualities of a man that I always wanted. (Aside from cheating). We began to have a sexual relationship. The sex was amazing as well. Soon after that, we started telling each other we love each other. I never wanted nor expected him to end his relationship at home. Mainly because in the back of my mind I knew that wasn’t playing fair and I do believe in Karma. So, I guess I settled for becoming his “hook up chick.” After a while, I started to want more and I also wanted to know about his “girlfriend” just to see what she was like. So, I found her on social media. I saw pics of them hugged up. I realized the day the pics were taken he had asked to come spend time with me earlier that day. I was upset because he was really playing the role of the loving boyfriend. I tried blocking this woman out, but it was obvious he was “happy” with her. So, I decided it was finally time to leave him alone knowing I didn’t deserve that. I told him how I felt because I wanted him to know he hurt me and played with my emotions. He then claimed he just wanted to talk and showed up at my house. We didn’t have sex, instead he just held and kissed me. Like that was his way of saying he didn’t want me out of his life. I know he could have other women, but he still doesn’t want me to leave him alone. I’ve been avoiding seeing him. However, he has been making many attempts, along with calling and texting. I must admit, we had some great times and we connected. That’s what makes it hard to walk away. I love him but this situation has got me feeling so ashamed. Do I just change my number and move on? How do I heal from this? – Ms Ashamed Dear Ms. Ashamed , You’re messy! Point blank. You knowingly got involved with a co-worker who is already in a relationship. Mistake number one. You were also in a relationship, but you claim you were not happy, but comfortable. Regardless, you were already in a relationship and pursed another man. Mistake number two. You got involved with a co-worker. Mistake number three. You revealed intimate details about your relationship with “Devon,” yet, he never shared any details about his relationship with his girlfriend. Mistake number four. You were unhappy in your relationship and not once did you confide in your ex about your unhappiness. You didn’t address the issue at home, but went outside your relationship to seek solace. Mistake number five. Now, you are writing me a letter asking me to give you advice on helping you heal from this mess you made because you started sleeping with a man who had a girlfriend, and you knowingly and willingly became a side chick, so you want someone else to clean it up. Mistake number six. I want you to notice that you pursued a relationship with Devon because you were unhappy with your ex. You wanted Devon to save you from your mess. You wanted him to be your clean up man. (Yes, that is a pun, and yes, you want someone else to clean up behind the mess you keep creating.) Devon was never upfront with you about his relationship status with his girlfriend, and he was smart not too. He was playing you all along. He wanted one thing from you and he eventually got it. So, with his plan to make you his side chick, which you agreed to become, he listened to you whine and bish about your relationship, and he let you believe whatever you wanted to believe about him and his relationship. You both were in the wrong, and you both are trifling. The games you two are playing is how people get hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is how diseases spread because people like you and Devon cheat on their spouses, and you don’t care about your own well-being or the people you are in relationships with. You are reckless. Immature. And, silly. Therefore, what I can tell you is that, first, you should have never gotten involved with someone you work with. Never sleep with a co-worker. Never confide in your co-worker about the intimate details of your relationship. They are your co-worker, not your friend, not your partner, and not your therapist. Second, you created this mess and decided to become his side chick. So, you knew your role and your lane. You allowed this to happen, even though you always wanted more from him. If you don’t want to be a side chick, then stop being a side chick. Third, he is not going to leave his girlfriend for you. He is not going to make you his woman. He wasn’t, isn’t, and doesn’t love you. You are fooling yourself to think he has any romantic feelings for you beyond sleeping with you on the side. He likes you, and he likes having sex with you that is why he keeps texting and calling you. He doesn’t want to give up his side chick. He is having his cake and eating it, too. Other than that, love is in your imaginary. Last, grow up! Think. Stop these childish games. Quit pursuing men who are already in relationships. He is not in love with you. You’re in love with someone who is unavailable. Why don’t you learn how to love yourself? Learn to work on you first, and stop looking for others to clean up the mess you make. Own your –ish. Take responsibility for your actions. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: His Mother Doesn’t Want To Meet Me & She Hangs Out With His Ex

Posted on October 1, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , We have been together for a little over a year, but his mother still doesn’t want to meet me. He had an ex of 5 years, and she became best friends with his mom. After they broke up, the ex still calls her, has lunch with her, goes out with her and invites her to trips. When we started seeing each other I asked him to meet his mother. So, he tried to set up lunch or dinner between the three of us so she could get to know me. But, she refused to go. She told him that the reason she didn’t want to meet me was because she did not approve of the fact that he was already dating and that he had not waited an appropriate length of time before seeing other people (according to her, he shouldn’t date for at least a year out of respect for the ex). She said he was hurting his ex for no reason by dating me. To sum up, she told him that she respected his choice (of dating me), but didn’t agree with what he was doing, so she wanted nothing to do with me. I let it go at that point, because things were getting tense and I didn’t want to meet someone who already hated me without even knowing me. To make things worse, she even told him not to bring me home without notice, either he comes alone or she won’t receive anyone in her house (Just to be clear, my boyfriend doesn’t live with her, since he split up with his ex he lives with his dad, so he visits his mother once over the weekend). It’s already been more than a year since we got together. And, his mother is still friends with the ex. They go to church together, have lunch, and his mother still invites him to join them for lunch (knowing we are together), but he refuses. He told me that, in the beginning, whenever he told her anything about me she snapped and didn’t want to listen to him, hear my name, or any comment regarding me. So, he couldn’t tell her anything about us, what we did, where we went or anything related to us. Recently, he’s told me that she isn’t reacting as badly as before. He gets to make comments that involve me without her snapping and yelling about how much of a horrible person I am. But, it only gets to be a very short conversation because she doesn’t show much interest. – What should I do? Should I just expect to never meet her? – His Mom Doesn’t Like Me Dear Ms. His Mom Doesn’t Like Me , His mother is never going to like you. And, instead of trying to win her over, and get her approval, just let it go that you will probably never meet her, and if you do she still will not like you or approve of your relationship. Therefore, as much as I understand you want to meet his mother, and you want to develop some type of relationship with her, be the bigger person, and don’t force the issue. Besides, she’s being silly and immature. And, why is she hanging out with his ex? They are going to church, having lunch dates, and going on trips together. Hell, maybe they are dating! And, in all honesty, I don’t see why you are in a relationship with him. He’s a momma’s boy. He’s a grown ass man still seeking his mother’s approval of his girlfriends. He is so busy trying to get her to like you that he is letting her run his life, and relationships. And, she is running your relationship. He can’t bring you to her home. She doesn’t want to have lunch or dinner with you. He can’t talk about you or your relationship with her because she gets upset and angry at the mention of your name. SHE IS DICTATING HIM AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP! Why are you with him? Another thing, how old are you and he? You sound like you’re teenagers. He lives with his father, and he’s still afraid of his mother? He ran from his mother’s house and to his father’s house? You’re dating someone who is dependent on his parents? He has no backbone to stand up to his mother, and he will never be man enough for you because he’s still a boy letting his mother tell him what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. How the hell can his mother fix her mouth to tell him that he is hurting his ex by dating you? HUH?!? And, then she said told him that he had not waited an appropriate amount of time before dating someone else! According to her he was supposed to wait at least a year. Girl, kick him and his momma to the curb. He isn’t a man. He’s a boy. He’s still wet behind the ears. His momma is deciding for him who he can and cannot date. She is hanging out with his ex with the hopes of getting them back together. She has too much say in his life, and she has way too much control over him. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone and their mother is too much in their business, relationships, and life. You will find yourself competing with her for his time, love, attention, and affection. And, trust, he will always choose his mother. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is dating you just to spite his mother. I wouldn’t recommend you staying in this relationship. It is unhealthy, and creepy. What grown ass woman hangs out with her son’s ex going on lunch dates, church, and other outings? She has a serious problem, and you’ll be better off dumping him and not getting caught up in their weird relationship. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Married My Nigerian Husband & Now He’s Living In Another State

Posted on September 29, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , Me and my husband have been married for five years, and all those years I always have done everything. My husband is from Nigeria. I even put up all the money and fees to get him here. We have three children, two adopted by me before we got together, and our 2 year old that we have together. We were best friends for 8 years before even getting together, so naturally, I thought all would be great. I was wrong. Two weeks after having our son my husband arrived. It seemed once he arrived things would change. I was off from work after having our son and things were limited and stressful. You know when you start learning to live with someone full-time things change, such as arguments and problems. Many of the issues revolve around him wanting his name being added to my home. I had I thought gladly, but learning from my past mistakes something told me be careful. So, I told him that I would and I’d even sign an agreement if I knew he was contributing. I would be glad to add his name, and then I offered we could buy a new home. But, in the meantime, let’s learn each other and adjust to being a family first and get things worked out with so many changes happening. However, when our son turned six months old he left to go to another state saying he was only going to be gone three months because he wanted to get some job training. I told him it really wasn’t a good time to leave and he went anyway. By this time, I was thinking of quitting my job, but I returned to work and was taking our son to daycare, even though he agreed we would work different shifts to care for him because of the expense of daycare. All of this was happening, and I was about to tell him about quitting my job and possibly putting his name on the house. As this point I was still paying everything and I just did not want anymore issues. But, his approach stopped me in my tracks. His three month had turned in to almost three years with every little excuse of why he hasn’t moved back. Now, he’s in Atlanta, and he only comes home every three to five month for only a week. I pay all the bills in the home, and all the childcare for our children, including all the insurance. He asked me on several occasions to get loans ranging from $1,500 to $4,000 dollars. He said it was to help get his business started so that he can help take care of his family. I got the loans and still nothing has come of it other than my credit being ruin. I ended up being stuck paying the loans after he said, “Baby, no, I am going to pay the monthly bill.” I try to help every time he calls asking for money because he’s my husband and I want him to succeed. But, I told him that I have dreams, too, but I still have to take care of the family while pursuing them. I don’t think it’s fair to leave me hanging and putting everything on me. Also, every time I bring up that he is never here for our anniversary, birthday, or Valentine’s Day it’s a problem with him. The two times we did do something it was on our anniversary. I paid for everything just so that he would spend time with me on that day. I keep telling him that this is a problem and he says that I need to be patient, and that he has a dream and it’s going to take time. Yet, when I try to talk to him about the issue he likes to blame me for everything going wrong in our marriage. He even asked for a DNA test on our son once when he got mad at me. I finally got tired of him using that so I paid for it myself to get it done and of course our son is his. But, I’m tired of it. My family said I should get out of this marriage. I asked my brothers about putting his name on the house and they said that it’s crazy, and they find it funny that he is not contributing anything but he wants his name on the house. Why is it such a big deal? Why not buy another home together? I told him that if he didn’t want to be married to me, or if I’m such a bad wife, then let me know so I can give up and move on. But, he says no, I love you still and he’s trying to build things for our family and that he wants things. I told my brothers that a lot of men when they get married would want their name on the home, and I can understand that it is only fair. But, they said, “Yeah, but most men would also help pay the bills and take care of their family.” They also said that this man is up to something. He’s already shown me that when things get tough, he will leave. He even calls me names when he is angry. Yet, I have been helping him and doing what he asks of me. This makes me hesitant with putting his name on my home. I even put my only car up and almost lost my home trying to get money for him. But, he gets mad and doesn’t understand why I will not put his name on the house, or file income taxes with him. I have seen what he can do and it’s not good. So, I stopped getting loans and I refuse to put his name on the house unless something changes for the better. Even when he moved to Atlanta, I did not know until I was talking to him and he said he moved to there. I was a little thrown off.  I am supposed to be your wife, and there wasn’t even a discussion about him moving. I don’t want to fail at marriage, again. I love him, but I am starting to hate him. I am so tired as I work full-time, go to school, raise the children, and I help him because he won’t get a regular job. And, I pay for everything. But, I can’t even get a call from him or even get him to take me out for a special occasion. I can’t even get a text on Valentine’s Day or on my birthday. I guess I am not even worth a phone call. I know people are thinking why would I have a baby with him knowing I wasn’t ready and we hadn’t lived together.  I was told I could not have children, but after adopting my two older children I found I was pregnant after I got back from Nigeria. I was pregnant so I figure it was God’s will. I am sorry this email is so long, but I am lost and I don’t know if it is wrong of me to feel this way. Should I do what all my family and friends say, as they tell me that I need to divorce him? – Married But Alone Dear Ms. Married But Alone , Please get the divorce from your husband, TODAY! You are not in a marriage. He is using you. He has used you to get him to the United States, and he’s been using you for your money. And, now he wants you to put his name on your home so that he can take that from you. Don’t do it! Follow your instincts and do not put his name on your home. You will end up homeless, destitute, and even more in loan debt. RUN FROM THIS MAN! I really don’t understand how you went to Nigeria, met this man, got pregnant, then, got married and decided to bring him to the U.S. Why? For what purposes? He has been nothing but a burden. He hasn’t done anything to show you that he is interested in marriage, or that he even loves you. I swear as soon as you got off the plane in Nigeria they all saw you coming. You had boo-boo the fool stamped on your forehead. Did you even notice that as soon as he gets to the U.S. he leaves you and tells you that he is going to another state for some job training. Uhm, sweetie, really? He was able to find a job that took him to another state, even when you asked him not to go. And, then, he calls you and tells you that he’s moved to Atlanta. But, hold up, he’s been there for nearly three years!!!! How the hell does that work? Girl, there ain’t no amount of love, sex, or holding out for things to get better with this man. Open your eyes and see what is going on. He is using you. He’s manipulated you. Chile, that fool is in another state with another woman. He is running game on you and all the women he’s probably met. Yes, he is probably slanging that Nigeria peen to any woman willing to believe his lies. And, in the process he is getting money out of all of you, and what’s sad is that you all are giving it to him! You are taking out loans up to $4,000 to give him for some pipe dream he is selling you. I can’t! Get you a divorce lawyer and put him on child support. Yup, teach his ass a lesson. He wants to play and manipulate and deceive you into some lie that he wants to build a marriage and family with you, but he’s not even home, not living with you, and, this fool is another state living another life. Girl, bye! He doesn’t spend time with you or his son. He doesn’t call or text you on your birthday or holidays. Hell, he doesn’t even show up. GET THE DIVORCE and save yourself and your family. This marriage was a bust before it even began. The moment he asked you to pay the fees and provide all the financial resources to get him to the U.S., you should have known it was a red flag. Then, when he gets here he wants you to put his name on your home. HELL NAW! He is out of his rabbit ass mind. He doesn’t have a job. He can’t contribute financially to the household. He is a liability. And, ever since he’s gotten here he has gone missing in action. But, ma’am, you should have gotten a clue and saw all of this from the very beginning. It’s damn near three years later, and he is still using the same bull-ish lines on you and you’re falling for it. Let this marriage go. You’re not married. You got a man from Nigeria to the U.S. This is a lesson learned. Don’t ever do this again. Never. Ever. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria    Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Married My Nigerian Husband & Now He’s Living In Another State

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