Tag Archives: david-paterson

The Best Fake Rumors of 2010 [Year In Review]

Fake celebrity rumors are the id of pop culture, the place where act lecherously ( naked Miley ), think wishfully ( pregnant Aniston ), and exorcise unspeakably hideous demons ( prison raped LiLo ). Some fake rumors are better than others. Here are the best. More

Inside the David Paterson Rumor Mill [Investigations]

A while back, we filed a Freedom of Information Law request looking for e-mails between New York Gov. David Paterson ‘s flacks and a bunch of reporters. The governor’s office tried hard to keep them secret, but we finally got them. More

Buzz Break: Lindsay Lohan Gets a New Mugshot

The Eric Massa Story Is About Every Single Political Story of Our Time [Salty Tales]

“He wakes up to Massa undoing his pants trying to snorkel him.” Eric Massa ‘s Navy shipmates are speaking out. Add them to the list of people Massa’s touched, from Rahm Emanuel to David Paterson. This story has everything. In the course of his meltdown, this former New York congressman has managed to inject himself into every single major political/media story of the last year. It is uncanny. Just take a look at the list. Sex Scandals Viewed in the right light, politics is just an endless succession of sex scandals of varying magnitude. When the initial reports of “sexual harassment” surfaced, devoid of details, it was easy to place Representative Eric Massa alongside Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, and the rest of the losers who let their unchecked passions ruin their political careers. But it was not some boring consensual heterosexual affair that Massa was guilty of! Closeted Politicians The harassment allegations were apparently made by a male staffer. Massa, of course, is married to a woman—and so was Larry Craig. The news that a congressman was making unwelcome sexual advances toward male staffers immediately brought to mind the glory days of the Mark Foley affair. (The Democratic leadership, though, seemed to be handling it a little better. ) But is Massa a closet case, or is he just a guy who really, really enjoys roughhousing? He says that back in his day, the Navy was run like an English boarding school. It looks like his shipmates did not find his games to be as harmless, though. The Operatic, Paranoid Madness of Glenn Beck We are living in a world where Bill O’Reilly is practically Fox News’ voice of reason. And we have Glenn Beck to thank for it. The repulsive morning shock jock and formerly drug-addled Mormon weirdo uses his Fox platform to make conspiracy theories mainstream and to inculcate a sense of apocalyptic dread in his audiences. Chief among his tactics: constantly announcing his fear for his own safety. Glenn Beck wants you to know that shadowy, powerful forces will someday destroy Glenn Beck. And his Massa interview was one of the weirdest hours in the history of television. Glenn wanted to sit down with a guy who’d affirm, for his audience, the crazy things Glenn says about the fantastic power of the fascistic progressive movement. Instead he got tickle fights and a campaign finance reform lecture. So on his radio show today, Glenn suggests that a person or persons “got to” Massa before Beck did. What’s Wrong with New York Politicians? Spitzer! Monserrate! Paterson! Rangel! Add Massa to the list. LA is mocking us, guys. (Hey, have you met your mayor? Or your governor? ) But there’s no denying that New York politicians are publicly melting down at an alarming rate. Some of them are melting down before they even get around to running for office! The Gradual Self-Destruction of David Paterson Yes, even our beloved incompetent blind semi-corrupt accidental governor who probably abused his power and intimidated a domestic violence victim is tangentially involved in this Eric Massa mess. Because now New York has a vacant congressional seat. And it is up to David Paterson to figure out how to fill it. As of yesterday, he couldn’t decide when or if to hold a special election. But, you know, he probably will. Whatever. Who knows with this guy? Republican Internecine Warfare Before Massa went on Beck yesterday, there was some spirited debate between Glenn and fellow crazy person Michelle Malkin about the appearance of welcoming Massa into the conservative fold. Incompetent Democratic Governance Massa is also one of those incredibly incoherent Democrats who can’t figure out why they’re Democrats or what they stand for. The Progressive Caucus co-founder insisted to Glenn Beck that he’s a fiscal conservative. He voted against the House health care bill because it wasn’t liberal enough, and he complains that unions are trying to intimidate him. He was formerly a Republican until he decided to support Wesley Clark. The party has such a huge tent now that it’s just made up of people who don’t actively want to destroy the nation as hard as Republicans do. And this is one of the reasons Democrats can’t do anything with control of both houses of Congress. Health Care And, yes, this health care bill! It was passed by both houses of Congress. But now they both need to pass it again, sort of. Right now, the most incredibly nerdy sorts of political wonks are obsessively going over the House vote count . The sudden resignation of a former Democratic Nay vote is huge to these sad people. Rahm Emanuel Has Been In the News Lately How absolutely, wonderfully perfect that this should all happen during the month of never-ending Rahm Emanuel profiles. Within days of the allegations surfacing, Massa was telling wild stories about a naked Emanuel cornering him in a curtain-less shower. That’s the image that caught everyone’s attention—Letterman devoted his Top Ten List to it last night even. Even though it’s probably a fantasy, it’ll end up a part of the Rmythology, along with the fish and the knife and all that shit. Rush Limbaugh Said Something Racist! Oh, didn’t you hear? Rush Limbaugh said something racist about this whole thing. Yes, that’s right: you thought there was no way in hell this story could somehow also expand to include the Hot New Trend of constant right-wing racism, but you were wrong.

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The Eric Massa Story Is About Every Single Political Story of Our Time [Salty Tales]

Paterson Quits Campaign, Will Remain Governor: ‘I Am Being Realistic About Politics’ [Breaking]

David Paterson press conference time! Watch it here. He is going to stop campaigning, but keep being governor. Update: It went by so quickly! Some quotes from the governor are attached. Paterson is talking about all the wonderful things he has done as a legislator and accidental governor. “We have eradicated the Rockefeller drug laws,” he says, which is not quite true. But he did do more about this than any of his predecessors! Finally, the announcement: “Today I am announcing that I am ending my campaign for Governor of the State of New York .” Because he can’t run for office and manage the state’s finances at the same time, not because of any of that other stuff. AND: “I have never abused my office. Not now, not ever.” AND: “Let me make this clear: there are 308 days left in my term and I will serve every one of them” The governor took a few questions, but not many. He looks forward to a full investigation of the thing about abusing his office, with the state police and the phone calls. Disappointingly non-crazy!

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Paterson Quits Campaign, Will Remain Governor: ‘I Am Being Realistic About Politics’ [Breaking]

Third Time’s The Charm: Latest NYT Paterson Bombshell Really Explodes [Bombshells]

Well! New York Times exposes on Gov. David Paterson are like Godfather movies: They come in threes. But unlike Copolla, The New York Times saved the best for last. Hypocrisy? violence against women? Abuse of power? It’s all here. Damn. Where to begin? How about with the brutal Halloween beating David W. Johnson , Paterson’s 6-foot-7 driver and closest confidant , allegedly gave an ex-girlfriend last year. From the Times article : According to the woman’s account, Mr. Johnson confronted her in their bedroom, choked her, tore her Halloween costume off, pushed her into the dresser and then continued to choke her with one hand. In her account, she screamed for Mr. Johnson to stop and then screamed for the help of a friend who was visiting. The woman said Mr. Johnson first took one telephone from her to prevent her from calling the police, and then chased her into another room when she went to find a second phone. Mr. Johnson then turned to the woman’s friend and told her to leave, “if you know what’s good for you,” according to the woman’s account. After this altercation, the woman says she was pressured by the State Police into not pressing charges. The State Police confirm contacting her. Oh, and not just any State Police: A member of the special detail which protects the governor—and David W. Johnson. The head of the state police told the Times “We never pressured her… we just gave her options.” Still, according to the Times the woman pressed forward with her charges against her high-profile ex. Until this February, when she got a call from Paterson himself. (Paterson claims the woman initiated the call.) She didn’t show up for her next hearing, and the case was dropped. What to make of this episode? The Times will not tell you, since they are a serious newspaper and print “just the facts.” But the article leaves exactly the right blanks to fill in with a clear case of Paterson using the State Police as his own private Statsi to make a violent problem go away for his sketchy best friend. The Times notes that the timing of Paterson’s call puts it right as the paper was digging into Johnson’s history of altercations with women for their earlier article. Hmm… And the article repeatedly points out that the State Police—Paterson’s police—visited the woman despite the assault being under NYPD’s jurisdiction. Hmmmmm…. Oh, and after the Times visited the woman’s house, Paterson got upset about it during a meeting with the editorial board. Uh huh… Whether it was intentional or not, we have to admire the way the three Times Paterson scoops build on each other to create the perfect Portrait of the Governor as a Real Asshole: In the first installment , we learn of Paterson’s girlfriend-beating trouble magnet aide, David W. Johnson. Maybe Paterson doesn’t have the best character judgment, we think with a shrug. The second article reveals that Paterson pays for his vacations with campaign cash and gives his friend’s ex-girlfriend a job. OK, so he has a little thing with using the power of his office to make things happen for himself and his buddies… uh oh. Then: Boom. Three articles full of interesting facts. Three is also the number of sides of a triangle. Let’s triangulate.

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Third Time’s The Charm: Latest NYT Paterson Bombshell Really Explodes [Bombshells]

Third Time’s The Charm: Latest NYT Patterson Bombshell Really Explodes [Bombshells]

Well! New York Times exposes on Gov. David Paterson are like Godfather movies: They come in threes. But unlike Copolla, The New York Times saved the best for last. Hypocrisy? violence against women? Abuse of power? It’s all here. Damn. Where to begin? How about with the brutal Halloween beating David W. Johnson , Paterson’s 6-foot-7 driver and closest confidant , allegedly gave an ex-girlfriend last year. From the Times article : According to the woman’s account, Mr. Johnson confronted her in their bedroom, choked her, tore her Halloween costume off, pushed her into the dresser and then continued to choke her with one hand. In her account, she screamed for Mr. Johnson to stop and then screamed for the help of a friend who was visiting. The woman said Mr. Johnson first took one telephone from her to prevent her from calling the police, and then chased her into another room when she went to find a second phone. Mr. Johnson then turned to the woman’s friend and told her to leave, “if you know what’s good for you,” according to the woman’s account. After this altercation, the woman says she was pressured by the State Police into not pressing charges. The State Police confirm contacting her. Oh, and not just any State Police: A member of the special detail which protects the governor—and David W. Johnson. The head of the state police told the Times “We never pressured her… we just gave her options.” Still, according to the Times the woman pressed forward with her charges against her high-profile ex. Until this February, when she got a call from Paterson himself. (Paterson claims the woman initiated the call.) She didn’t show up for her next hearing, and the case was dropped. What to make of this episode? The Times will not tell you, since they are a serious newspaper and print “just the facts.” But the article leaves exactly the right blanks to fill in with a clear case of Paterson using the State Police as his own private Statsi to make a violent problem go away for his sketchy best friend. For example, the Times notes the fact that the timing of Paterson’s call puts it right as the paper was preparing their earlier, less incriminating profile of Johnson and his past trouble with women and drugs. Hmmm… And the article repeatedly mentions that the State Police—Paterson’s police—visited the woman despite the assault being under NYPD’s jurisdiction. Hmmmmm…. Oh, and after the Times visited the woman’s house, Paterson got upset about it during a meeting with the editorial board. Uh huh… Whether it was intentional or not, we have to admire the way the three Times Paterson scoops build on each other to create the perfect Portrait of the Governor as a Real Asshole: In the first installment , we learn of Paterson’s girlfriend-beating trouble magnet aide, David W. Johnson. Maybe Paterson doesn’t have the best character judgment, we think with a shrug. The second article reveals that Paterson pays for his vacations with campaign cash and gives his friend’s ex-girlfriend a job. OK, so he has a little thing with using the power of his office to make things happen for himself and his buddies—paying for vacations with campaign cash and giving his friend’s ex-girlfriend a job in his administration. Small things, but still… Uh oh… Then: Boom. Three articles full of interesting facts. Three is also the number of sides of a triangle. Let’s triangulate.

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Third Time’s The Charm: Latest NYT Patterson Bombshell Really Explodes [Bombshells]

But Wait, There’s More! The Real David Paterson New York Times ‘Bombshell’

Yesterday we told you to look out for another David Paterson profile in the New York Times today . We were right: Tonight, the Times published a second David Paterson piece . And, holy crap, look at all the sexy… ZZZZZZZZZZ Do not be fooled by the big plane crash which opens the article or the impressive triple byline. Reader, this New York Times David Paterson article is boring, too! While the previous Paterson article could be summed up as “Paterson has a sketchy confidant,” tonight’s is something like: “David Paterson wastes a lot of his campaign money on fancy restaurants and gives jobs to his buddies’ ex-girlfriends.” Anyway, suppose we ought to go through the most scandalous details: Scandalous Detail 1: David Paterson eats at fancy restaurants and charges them to his campaign! There is a $304 tab at Le Cirque in Manhattan. There were two large expenditures at the Water Club – $670 and $299. And the campaign spent more than $1,000 at the Mojo restaurant in Harlem, for the governor’s birthday. And he also spent $1,800 in campaign funds on a fancy but drug-fueled-orgy-free trip to a Ritz Carlton in Sarasota, Fla. Suggested New York Post Headline: “$1,000! CAMPAIGN CASH FOR GOV BIRTHDAY BA$H” Scandalous Detail 2: Governor David Paterson is suspiciously absent from the governor’s office. For example: When a plane crashed outside Buffalo about 10:20 on a Thursday evening last year, killing 50 people, aides to Gov. David A. Paterson of New York could not find him for more than three hours, and it was nearly five hours before his office released any statement about what was the deadliest air disaster in the nation since 2001. His hours are “not long,” according to the Times : He works from 10 to about 4:30 or 5pm. And he hung out in the Hamptons for long stretches of time when he should have been campaigning. Plus, he evidently skipped out on a Columbia speaking engagement because “it was the night before his 55th birthday”. (Guy really likes birthdays!) Suggested New York Post Headline: “THE FIRST SLACKRICAN-AMERICAN GOVERNOR” Scandalous Detail 3: It appears the Times heeded John’s advice to “not for get about David Paterson’s Other Sketchy Aide” . Much ink is spilled over Clemmie Harris—especially his ex-girlfriend, Gabrielle Turner, whom Paterson gave a cush job in his administration even though for the past 15 years, her only political experience had been “a two-week stint as a volunteer on Barack Obama’s presidential campaign”. Suggested New York Post Headline: “GOV’S PARTY PAL” Obviously, none of these revelations are resignation-worthy. We do get the image of Paterson as playboy-governor, which, given his predecessor, is not helpful at all! The Times just unloaded a substantial shovelful of shit on the already heaping pile that’s probably going to bury Paterson’s reelection efforts. But that ride was fun, let’s do it again sometime. (If you hear of any impending Paterson bombshells, you know who to email.)

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But Wait, There’s More! The Real David Paterson New York Times ‘Bombshell’

The New York Times David Paterson Story Is Out, and It’s Boring

So, this is it ? This is THE New York Times David Paterson ‘bombshell’? The whole thing? There’s not a second part that’s actually good? Jesus, New York Times , why didn’t you just say it was going to be so boring. If you were hoping for the big Paterson-annihilating bombshell that we, in part, led you to expect , prepare to be sorely disappointed. The Times story isn’t even about Paterson, per se: It’s about his driver and closest confidant, David W. Johnson. Granted, Johnson, who started as Paterson’s intern in 1999, has a sketchy past: The Times reports that as a teenager he was twice arrested for felony drug charges. Also, he beats women—sort of a paradox, given Pateron’s crusade against domestic abuse. The article details a slew of “incidents” including: In 2001, when Mr. Paterson was a state senator, Mr. Johnson, according to a person who was present, punched a girlfriend outside the senator’s Harlem office. But there were no sexy Paterson revelations. No drug-fueled orgies spilling into the halls of the Governor’s mansion. Tell all your friends: Paterson’s closest adviser is sort of a thug. The great phantom David Paterson scandal of 2010 ends with a whimper. (Until we read a tweet about another one.)

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The New York Times David Paterson Story Is Out, and It’s Boring

David Paterson Tries to Escape His ‘Kafkaesque Scenario’ on Larry King

When Larry King asked David Paterson tonight if his blindness made it hard for him to read the tabloid headlines about a story he claims doesn’t exist, we understood the true meaning of “Kafkaesque”. David Paterson’s appearance on Larry King Live was his most high-profile move yet to stifle the sex rumors about him that exploded last Sunday—Super Bowl Sunday no less! We were one of a number of outlets speculating about an unpublished New York Times article with sexy revelations crazy enough to force Paterson’s revelation. But it contained no such things, said Paterson’s camp . And Paterson did not resign . But since Sunday, Paterson has been a case study in just how hard it is to take away the chattering class’ delicious rumors once they start getting passed around like a lukewarm shrimp cocktail. He’s issued a number of denials, but each one seems to glance off the rumor mill and fly crazily back in his face: Fighting back against the Post’s claims of extra-marital humping prompted some more unsubstantiated rumors ; his appearance on “Imus” helped keep “keep the larger nuttiness alive by claiming the Times’s phantom story had “hypersexualized” him,” as Chris Smith wrote for New York . And still, the question hangs over everything: What the hell is in that article? Thus Paterson ended up on Larry King tonight, hoping that saying the same things he’d been saying all week to more people would fix things. And once there, Larry King asked him if he had trouble reading the real headlines about this supposedly non-existent story. It’s enough to make a guy want to call a situation “Kafkaesque!” Which he did: Someone did the reading in English class! It’s an appropriate allusion though, since Paterson is approaching this thing with as much direction as Josef K trying to grasp the charges against him. On Larry King, he claimed that addressing the rumors would only strengthen them, when he has been vehemently denying them all week. Then he went on to deny, in great detail, the Post’s best rumor: That a state trooper discovered him and a mystery woman smooching in a utility closet in the governor’s mansion: And when King asked Paterson “Who’s after you?” Paterson’s anti-speculation stance got a little muddled with his own *hint* *hint* *nudge* nudge* : For me to speculate about it would be as wrong as the speculations made about me. I can’t prove it, I don’t know who it is. Maybe those in the media could check their sources more. Maybe those in the media might investiagte why their sources are saying what they’re saying. (Cue twilight zone music!) Paterson’s flailing is a tacit admission that there really is no way to stop a tabloid machine that revved up to peak RPMs—at least not until the Times finally publishes their big expose and we can all see for ourselves if it is or is not a 3,000 word narrative of his night with two state assemblywomen in the garden shed or whatever. And Paterson once again urged the Times to come out with it, or at least “clear the air”. Also, he blamed Eliot Spitzer for making the Governor’s office so sex-rumorific: Probably the most Kafkaesque part about this whole thing is: WHERE THE SHIT IS THAT NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE!?

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David Paterson Tries to Escape His ‘Kafkaesque Scenario’ on Larry King